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mamas who wanted one then decided to have two instead... - Page 2  

post #21 of 37
1/31/05 at 11:34pm
pioneermama...I hope I didn't come across as if the only reason we had #2 was to give dd1 a sibling. CERTAINLY it was not the deciding factor but one that we weighed along with many other factors.

My best friend is an only child and has decided that she doesn't want a second and is absolutely happy with that.

For us, it was the right decision when looking at all of the factors. And if it makes you feel any better...my dd1 was a total surprise(that's a whole other story) and sometimes I think that was such a blessing. Deciding about #2 was sooooooo hard .....up until the moment we decided YES!

I wish you the best in your decision.
post #22 of 37
1/31/05 at 11:46pm
Thread Starter 
inthesnow...oh no not at all - I did not interpret your post to mean that your choice to have dd2 was for your dd1. I was mentioning that aspect in my post simply because that issue does seem to come up for many people who are conflicted about whether or not to do it, kwim?

Thank you for your kindess.
post #23 of 37
2/1/05 at 5:44am
Quote:
Originally Posted by pioneermama

Huggerwocky, you asked how old my dd is - she is 3 1/2 now. The age span would be closer to five years if we decided to have another child.
So, just curious, why wait another six or so months?


Perhaps this is not PC, but:

I'm going to have to argue that having a sibling for your child IS enough of a reason to have another one, because obviously you fall head over heels in love with that "sibling" when he/she gets here!

When people told me my dd needed a sibling, my standard joke was, "We will get her a pony."

However, now that my dd has her brother, I can see how much that relationship means to her. When she comes home from school, her first question usually is, "Did brother miss me?"

But, dh just had the big V, so two is DEFINITELY "it" for us!!
post #24 of 37
2/1/05 at 5:45am
PS. You might also want to inquire of people who thought about having two but then decided to stay with one after all, and see how they feel about things.

Obviously I'm biased toward going through with having the second.
post #25 of 37
2/1/05 at 12:42pm
Thread Starter 
A&A good points about asking people who thought about having two but then decided to stay with one after all to see how they feel. I'll start that thread.... now

Oh, part of the reason to wait another six months is one, we are moving out of state in a couple of months (I remember the fatigue of the first three months and not sure I'm up for that and packing, unpacking and getting us all settled) and two, I'd like to be a little more ah, how shall we say it... fit than I am at present (and I'm working hard on it!).
post #26 of 37
2/1/05 at 1:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by pioneermama
Thanks for posting Huggerwocky, thismama and A&A again (I PM'd you back

Huggerwocky, you asked how old my dd is - she is 3 1/2 now. The age span would be closer to five years if we decided to have another child.
I thinkt hat's a great age difference

Big enough so the older child can understand enough but not too big. If I ever want 3 children all together I'd aim for 3-4 years of age difference.
post #27 of 37
2/1/05 at 1:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by pioneermama
A&A good points about asking people who thought about having two but then decided to stay with one after all to see how they feel. I'll start that thread.... now

Oh, part of the reason to wait another six months is one, we are moving out of state in a couple of months (I remember the fatigue of the first three months and not sure I'm up for that and packing, unpacking and getting us all settled) and two, I'd like to be a little more ah, how shall we say it... fit than I am at present (and I'm working hard on it!).
Where are you moving to?
post #28 of 37
2/1/05 at 8:57pm
Thread Starter 
Huggerwocky,

I Pmd you
post #29 of 37
2/2/05 at 1:49am
Hi,

I'm glad to find this thread. I've been reading the posts, and thinking they could have come from me . DD will be 4 next week, and after deciding when she was 2 to only have one, I have realized that I really want another little person in our lives . DD is a very spirited red-head w/lots of allergies (I've heard that about red-heads, and am wondering if the momma w/3 sees any of that?) Anyway, I really want to get pregnant, but DH says "Are you nuts!" He does have lapses though, a friend sent us recent newborn pics and he got all mushy and misty-eyed. He also has not opted for the big V yet, so I am hopeful. Has anyone else been through the one ready and the other not?
post #30 of 37
2/2/05 at 6:16pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks lllmomma for your post. It's a quandary (sp?) I think when one partner would like another and the other partner does not.

Anyone else with this sort of experience where dp doesn't want another chid and you do?
post #31 of 37
2/2/05 at 6:47pm

I wanted NONE!

I got pregnant with Maddie by accident (though I admit at 27 and married I was getting biological clock pangs). I never thought I wanted kids, and now I want at LEAST one more. I have found that being a mom fulfills me in a way nothing else has. I feel like a better person as a mother. I just love it.

Laura
www.sublimebirth.com
post #32 of 37
2/2/05 at 6:56pm
Thread Starter 
Mom2Madeline, what a wonderful way to put it - "I feel like a better person as a mother". That is pretty neat.
post #33 of 37
2/3/05 at 1:10am

none to two?

Quote:
Has anyone else been through the one ready and the other not?
Yes. Both ways!
I am the eldest of 6 (2 step) and grew up as the eldest of 4. My parents started leaving me to babysit at 9 (to a 7, 4 and 2 yo) and travelling to other continents for 3 weeks at a time when I was 13. I like my sisters but this amount of responsibility rather killed the 'I want a baby rabies' for me.
I did not want any babies. Before meeting DH I planned to foster older children and then hopefully find one that could be/wanted to be adopted. I really like 5 to 11 years best - most fun. My friends had kids but I saw (and remembered!) how hard it was. I enjoyed playing with them but really enjoyed going back to my life at the end of the day and SLEEPING when I wanted etc.
DH was not interested in adoption at all (had not worked out well for his father). He really wanted a baby. Eventually he talked me into it. Mostly I thought that a kid with his good qualities would be so sweet (and he is). It was a big leap in trust for me. Because I wasn't so keen I tended to heap a great deal of the responsibility for ds1 onto DH. It ended up in a strong relationship for them but stress for us though I would say our bond (DH & I) is much stronger now. It took probably about 5 months for me to bond to ds1.
Fast forward almost 2 years and I did get the baby rabies and finally understood what it is like. DH, given the work with ds1, was not keen. I said that was fine but he was completely in charge of bc. Suffice to say we have two kids. :LOL
In all honesty though, I feel that I put the power in his corner and negated resentment from me. If he didn't want a child, he could prevent it. I figured if he really did not want another one he'd probably get a vasectomy. Also I did not want to be put in the position of preventing something I wanted as that was likely to cause temptation to be less than vigilant.
He has been slow to warm up to ds2 (more than 5 months) though he likes him now whereas I felt attached to ds2 right away, even in the womb (compared to ds1).
My personal experience was that if you talk someone into something as major as having a kid, they aren't likely to be as enthusiastic as you about it, especially in the beginning (true for both DH and then me).

CJ
post #34 of 37
2/3/05 at 9:18am
Quote:
Originally Posted by lllmomma
Hi,

I'm glad to find this thread. I've been reading the posts, and thinking they could have come from me . DD will be 4 next week, and after deciding when she was 2 to only have one, I have realized that I really want another little person in our lives . DD is a very spirited red-head w/lots of allergies (I've heard that about red-heads, and am wondering if the momma w/3 sees any of that?) Anyway, I really want to get pregnant, but DH says "Are you nuts!" He does have lapses though, a friend sent us recent newborn pics and he got all mushy and misty-eyed. He also has not opted for the big V yet, so I am hopeful. Has anyone else been through the one ready and the other not?


First of all, I have red hair and I was a VERY mellow child. FWIW.


Also, I changed my mind first about having #2, and it took awhile to convince dh. Eventually he came around, though.

And, commenting on what FancyPants said, I couldn't say that my dh was really "enthusiastic" about the IDEA, but he's very much in love with this little PERSON that the idea brought about!
post #35 of 37
2/3/05 at 3:58pm
Thanks to all for your input. It is good to hear about other people's experiences with all of this. I have a feeling that DH is close... I like what Fancypants said about not being in charge of birth-control for the same reasons.

Oh, and for A&A, I am also a red-head w/3 read-headed sisters and a dad, so I wasn't trying to pick on red-heads (I hope it didn't come across that way!). 3 of us were not mellow : , while the last one is. We all have allergies, though.
post #36 of 37
2/3/05 at 5:51pm
Thread Starter 
Wow FancyPants yours is an interesting story! I'm glad this thread keeps rolling.
post #37 of 37
2/12/05 at 2:23pm
Thread Starter 
a little bumpahloopah dupee de doo
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