Seriously Starting to Crack

[mommyofshmoo]

I don't know what's wrong with me, but in the past few days I've become a terrible mother to my 2.5 yo dd. I actually said the f word to her today. I can't beleive myself.

I just feel like I'm cracking under the pressure. My dh is out of town and I just returned from a trip with dd yesterday, plus i have a cold. Oh, and I'm 12 weeks Pg.

I feel resentful, grumpy, tired and miserable. I knew I was overextending myself going on a 3 day trip to see some of my family-of-origin, but I let myself be bullied into going, not once but twice! (I decided not to go after I'd agreed, the caved when i got yelled at about it.)

I'm tired of being a single mom all the time my husband travels, I'm tired of my frickin' family wanting me to fly all over the place to visit them all the time. I'm sick of the fued between my mom and my dh that means I'm travelling alone most of the time and I'm sick of morning sickness.

And of course I'm taking this all out on my poor kid. I'm a terrible, terrible, terrible mother.

Oh, and now I have to get back to work to make up the hours I missed during my "vacation."

I can't beleive that I'm acting just like my mom- letting people walk all over her, then comming home and screaming at her kids.

Anyway, I suppose writing this and having a good cry has helped a bit.

I think we'll go to a freind's house this afternoon.

Jennifer

[Linda KS]

It will get better. Get some rest and try to take care of yourself.

I've gotten better at telling my family no, though it still gets under my skin that that don't understand my life and they never will. I can totally relate to the feeling like a single parent thing.

[moss]

well, the first step to solving a problem is recognizing that it's there in the first place. i'm sure you're a wonderful mama because you're here looking for a different way of dealing. we ALL have bad days when we wish we had done things differently. this would be a really good time to sit down and figure out what you want to do differently next time you're feeling stressed out and overextended so that you have a plan of action and so that you wont take it out on your kiddo. and i dont think that 2 1/2 is too young to sit down with your child and have a talk about what happened and how you're going to do things differently in the future. it's important to break out of destructive cycles like this, and by modelling positive behaviours to your child, you'll help her be able to grow out of the same cycle that you learned from your family of origin

ps, journalling can be VERY therapeutic.

[mommyofshmoo]

I spoke to a friend for a bit and feel better. Also, i explained to dd that I was sorry for being so grumpy and for yelling. She then pouted and went for a walk around the house- I think it gave her permission to process her angry feelings at me.

I think the take home message I'm getting from this experience is that I need more support. When dh gets home I need to talk to him about deciding on a nanny or au pair or mother's helper situation for the end of my pregnancy and the first year of the new baby's life.

As for my family- that's a work on progress. I do think, however, that I'll have an easier time saying no and sheilding myself from energy if I'm better supported at home.

Thanks for the support!

[meowee]

Stop travelling to see your family. My family used to pull this same cr*p with me until I learned how to say

~N~O~

what a beautiful word! If they want to see you, let them come to you. If you don't want to see them, stop answering the phone. I can't remember the last time I answered the phone.

As far as your DH being away, try to get yourself in the midset that you ARE a single mother. Just pretend for a while. I know that sounds crazy. If you can lurk on a military wives forum that might be helpful too.

[mommyofshmoo]

Originally Posted by meowee

If they want to see you, let them come to you. If you don't want to see them, stop answering the phone. I can't remember the last time I answered the phone.

As far as your DH being away, try to get yourself in the midset that you ARE a single mother. Just pretend for a while. I know that sounds crazy. If you can lurk on a military wives forum that might be helpful too.

I laughed out loud about not answering the phone. I've done that a lot in the past year. Time to reinstate that habit.

And you're right about imagining being a single mom. The problem is that I set my life up to work for me when dd is home, then when he is away things fall apart. I need to set things up so that I can be an effective mother and a sane human being either way.

Thanks for the advice!

[mistymama]

Well I *am* a single Mom to a 2 year old, so I feel ya! :LOL It's tough, very tough. I am recently divorced and although my x was not a huge help, he was some help. It's difficult to do things all on your own, work, etc. What I've learned is this ... you've got to set limits for your own sanity. You HAVE to say no sometimes. I see it this way ... if my family wants to see me so badly, they can come to US!

I think you've taken the first step in realizing there is a problem ... now do some things to make yourself feel better and make your life less stressful. What's the saying? If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy. There is much truth in that statement. :LOL