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A new dating thread

1K views 40 replies 16 participants last post by  L.J. 
#1 ·
Ok Mamas, dish about what's going on in the dating arena! Soul-O I think it's definately time for an update on 'W' ... or at least lets hear some good stories!


As for me, well, I'm online waiting for Jeremy to get here tonight. We are going to do our usual watch a movie deal at my house ... not many other options when I have a toddler asleep in his bed. :LOL Things are going great, we've both said the
word and deeply mean it. I was freaked out for a good month before I was able to admit to myself that's how I really felt ... but now that I have opened myself up ... WOW, it feels good.

Jeremy is super sweet and thoughtful ... like just the other day he said he picked me up a little gift ... said he saw it and thought of me. Guess what it was? A Mr. Clean Magic Eraser! :LOL Alex has done a bit of artwork on my hallway with a crayon and I thought that was such a cute gift!!

Anyway, dish mamas, let's get a new dating thread going!
 
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#2 ·
I'm happy all is well with you
I *thought* I was in a good situation until this weekend...now I'm second guessing the whole thing. Advice needed. I was single for about a year, started meeting people online. 2 were *ok* then I met R. I REALLY like him. We've been dating since October, we talk on the phone every day, he usually comes over for the movie thing after DS is asleep, or we go out if I have a sitter. A few weeks ago we decided to get our sons together and introduce everyone. This was a HUGE step for me, but it went really well, his DS is 10, mine is 6 and they got a long great. Everything was fine after that...fastforward to this week. R's birthday is today. He mentioned several times he spends the day with his son every year (he's an awesome father, and has joint custody...) SO, I suggested we go out to eat on Friday since I had a sitter, OR we could go out with our DS's on Saturday as an early bday dinner. Friday didn't work...I emailed him and spoke to him twice Fri night, asking about dinner Sat. He said YES and to call when he got home from work Sat (4:30). DS and I left a bday party early to rush home, got ready (I had even splurged and bought a new shirt lol). Call R and he's on the phone, will call back in 5 mins. Wait an HOUR and call him back, oh, he completely forgot, he's babysitting his nephews over night and can't go. He's VERY sorry, can't believe he did that, will make it up to me, whatever....I was ok with this, he has a lot going on etc...So I call today to say Happy Bday, ask what he and his son are doing to celebrate...well, he went to play basketball, and now his sister and his SON"S MOTHER offered to take them bowling, so they're going there?!?! I was kind of quiet, and then he followed up quickly with "Oh I told DS's mother to bring her boyfriend too..there's nothing between us, we haven't been together since he was born, she's just friends with my sister.." I'm just feeling awful now
I *thought* they had some sacred father son deal on his bday so that's why we couldn't do anything?!? Am I over reacting? I'm not possessive or anything normally, but this is making me feel really jealous and I don't like it.....opinions?
 
#3 ·
Mama, sounds like he is just hanging out with friends. No need to worry. I would not be jealous. Sounds like he likes you


Candace, as usual, I am jealous :LOL I am sooo excited for you, mama, that rocks. It sounds so wonderful, and you are blessed with a great man it sounds like.

Me, you ask...well, nothing still. I have reconnected with an old HS friend, but who knows if that will go anywhere. He goes to law school 45 or so away from Manhattan, and I sent him an email tonight suggesting we get together. We will see.

I have all but forgotten about the other old friend. He and I are in 2 different places right now literally and figuratively. Like the saying goes--if you love something, set it free if it comes back it was meant to be (or something). If it is meant to be, it will happen. No sense it dwelling on it now


Other than that, I have nothing :LOL Not even the inkling of a date!
 
#4 ·
Well.... here's my update. Things are going well with "W", but I'm freaking out, as usual. He is going out of town to a firefighter convention tomorrow and will be back on Friday, then he is moving out of his local apartment into that house he bought that is an hour away (not sure if any of you remember that story from the last dating thread - he bought the house, didn't want to move in to it, tried to rent it out, couldn't leave it vacant etc.). He's being a typical guy in some ways - pulls back now and then when I get too close because he needs to move slowly. I know he is my boyfriend and we are exclusive and all, but I'm feeling so insecure. I think it has more to do with his moving than anything. Adam and I were sick with influenza over the weekend, so he brought the acetaminophen suppositories Adam needed along with 7-up for us. He also gave me $200 to purchase a shelving unit and have it built by a handyman because he told me he'd help me build it then ran out of time. He's also been dealing with a very sneaky ex situation and chronically ill DD. He hasn't been all that great about returning calls over the past few days, but is doing so when he can. I think I just need to give it a break - step back and reassess where things are going and how I want the relationship to progress. He told me Thursday night (after we'd made dinner together and then went to see "Meet the Fockers") that he "likes me a lot and is happy with the way things are going". Don't mess with success, eh
?

Candace: So glad to hear that all is well with you and Jeremy! Keep us posted
.

Saiahmama: Sorry to hear about the birthday plans being screwed up
. I don't think there was any ill will involved, but I do think he was probably trying to establish a bit of a boundary between you two. Things are progressing nicely, it sounds like, but sometimes men feel the need to move back a bit (see my above post) after taking a step like introducing the children to each other. I'd hang back a bit myself and see where the relationship goes from here. Good luck to you!
 
#5 ·
Saiahmama:
I agree that it sounds like he was creating a bit of space or boundaries. I would pull back a little and see how he responds. If he's really into you and the relationship, he'll call & get interested. If he's not, you'll find that out too.

Soul-O:
It's hard to not get caught up in feeling insecure in a relationship at this stage of our lives. It's like we know there's hurt & crap out there & it's tough to not get caught up in it all. He sounds like he's really there for you and really interested. With what he's gone through, I'm sure he would not ever do that to someone else & he needs to heal his wounds before he can totally give himself to you and your relationship. If you're exclusive & it's still working for both of you, relax. Remind yourself that you are truly okay alone, that you have come through lots of struggles & that someone is truly deserving of a wonderful relationship with you. If that's W, it will work. If not, there would be someone even more amazing out there for you. From everything you've posted, it sounds like he just needs some time to heal & he will come around. He definitely sounds like he's "into you" so remind yourself that YOU are a "good catch" here too and he's lucky to be with you too!

As for me, no new dating stories. I'll grab more popcorn & lurk for awhile & who knows?!?!?!?
 
#6 ·
Saiahma, I know it's hard but I agree with everyone else, he's setting boundries. I don't know why guys seem to do that just when you feel like you are getting good and close, but they do. I agree to give him a little space, as hard as that is.

Soul-O, I feel ya on the freaking out, as usual.
We've been hurt and it's just so damn hard not to get "scared" that it's going to happen again. Jeremy has been excellent for me only because he's scared of the very same thing, so he's very attentive and does not play any games with backing off, etc. That's helped me a TON. I'm freaking out (on occasion) because we seem so right for eachother I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Like we talked about before, we've got to try and let our past hurt go, and be thankful and repsectful that we are with kind, honest men now. Men that wont lie or hurt us. Hang in there, and keep us updated on his move and how things go. Jeremy lives an hour away from me, so I know how hard that can be to coordinate ... and Jeremy does not have any kids.

LJ ... sometimes not dating can be a good thing! :LOL How are things going otherwise, is your new year starting off well?

And finally, as some of you probably noticed ... there was a mama who complained on another board that the only thing we talk about here is dating and that we all seem very young.
Well, at 28 I sure don't feel too young (some days I wish I did!!) but I'm sure not ready to feel old and NOT talk about dating. Sorry, but I happened to find someone awesome and I like to be able to talk about it here, keeps me from boring all my married friends to death. :LOL

Anyway, I think most of us here all go through the same things ... depression, being lonely, feeling the loss of our relationship, co-parenting (or lack thereof!) issues, etc ... AND dating on occasion as well. I hope everyone feels welcome to talk about anything and everything here, as we all have been through something similar. I'm at the point where I no longer feel the need to start threads about my x or how bad I'm feeling, but I sure can still relate to that. I also hope that the thought of eventually meeting someone awesome, who accepts your child and respects your AP parenting style gives some mamas hope ... I know I wondered if I would ever meet anyone who accepted how centered my life is around Alex. It's possible, and I think that's a very positive message.
 
#7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mistymama
And finally, as some of you probably noticed ... there was a mama who complained on another board that the only thing we talk about here is dating and that we all seem very young.

I have only been lurking in this thread, and the last dating thread but wanted to comment on HOW RUDE of that person. I have no idea where this board is you are speaking about but that is silly to say all we do here is talk about dating. Ummm.... take a look at just the first page and I think you will find that is terribly wrong.


Anyway, since I am here..... nothing new with me and dating. Not trying to find a date, just working through a lot of feelings I have and trying to sort out in my mind a lot of what has happened the past 4 or so years. I am happy being single at this time in my life
 
#8 ·
Good for you Steph! Being single can be wonderful, and I can definately see an advantage to working through your issues ALONE before starting anything new.


I probably need to take a closer look at the last 10 years with my x ... but then again, it might make me want to drive up to NY and kill him.
:LOL
 
#9 ·
I'm still on my little "break from dating" but I do have a few updates.

I haven't talked to Joe much, in fact I was just starting to get over him. Last night I talked to a mutual friend of ours and he mentioned how Joe thinks that he made a huge mistake by letting me go and really misses me and dreams about me once a week, and wants to get back with me. I found this strange because Joe hasn't really said anything to me about this. But I have noticed that I've been "bumping into him" more often in places that we used to go together. My sister also metnioned how he said that he still cared about me and he asked if I was seeing anyone. For some reason this all made me really mad. I had just gotten to the point where I considered being friends with him again, then this. What bothers me even more is that he hasn't said anything to me. He's scared of me for some reason, scared to tell me how he feels.

To further complicate things, a very very close friend of mine recently told me that he's had feelings for me for a long time. I was shocked. He's a great guy and we have so much fun together but I've never looked at him like that. He asked why I have never given him a chance, and told me that he thinks of me often. He said how it broke his heart to see me so sad over Joe and that if he was ever given the chance that he'd cherish me. Very sweet, but I didn't know what to say. It caught me off guard. So I've been spending a lot of time with him lately, but still just as friends. I've done nothing more than hug him.

I'm not sure what to do mamas. Part of me still really likes Joe. But I don't want to deal with any more drama from him. He REALLY hurt my feelings when he distanced himself like that. I'm not sure I could trust him not to hurt me again. But I'm not so sure that I'm attracted to the friend (Brian). Even though Brian treats me great and we have a great time together.

So confused. Maybe I should just remain on my "vacation from dating."

Oh, and I left another thing out. My ex husband is on a serious campaign to get me back too. I'm so confused these days.
 
#11 ·
AidenMatthewsMom
Wow! You're on a roll! It's so true that when we decide to "take a break" suddenly men are everywhere!

As for the post from another board....
We're not all that young and I definitely don't think this board is all about dating. Although I do think it's great that some of us singles are getting out there & it is alot of fun to share! And, I think for many of us, dating is a part of single-hood that we're all testing out again. Not many other women can relate to the whole dating thing again....or dating after marriage & kids, so it can be helpful to discuss it amongst ourselves.

Mistymama
I am having a pretty good start to the new year. I've been quite busy & have been enjoying some really fun times with my kids. I did find January to be a little lonely. The cold, being in the house more & coming back from spending two weeks with my mom was a little tough.....but I seem to be back in my groove & enjoying all the joys of my time alone & time with the kids too, so things are looking up!
 
#12 ·
I just wanted to add that I think it is wonderful that we have each other to discuss dating with. Where else can you go and find 10 other women who are divorced, with children, dealing with the dramas of dating? I love having someone whom I can relate with. Why would anyone look down upon that? We're just supporting each other. Offering a shoulder to cry on or sharing a laugh or two.

I have found that usually when people talk meanly about others it is out of jealousy.
 
#13 ·
hi mamas,

i'm new to MDC, and i actually was attracted to the discussion from the main mothering website b/c the single parent forum was highlighted. it is a HUGE deal to find oneself single again, after years of marriage (ten in my case...i'm not all that young!), and to be faced with the idea of being "out there" in the dating world while balancing what is best for your child(ren).

the whole kids element makes it so much more complicated, as does having had a marriage *not* work....you proceed with so much more caution and from such a different place.

it is wonderful to have other AP moms...people who put their children first...with whom to discuss these changes and events. i look forward to sharing and getting to know you all better.

i am recently divorced, separated since summer. i am dating someone, and he is really just a super-nice person. there aren't major sparks, though, and i can't decide if that's because....

a. i'm not really ready for anything too major
b. he's so unlike anyone i would normally be attracted to, and that's a *good* thing b/c they are usually dysfunctional and in need of rescuing....do i need to rescue to feel passionately? god, i hope not!
c. this is what grown-up romance looks like....responsible, sensible, bearing the kids in mind....not really *being* swept off one's feet.

i'm trying not to overanalyze and just enjoy this for now. i spent way too long in a relationship i knew was wrong on so many levels.....i am feeling good about being free from that and am feeling hopeful about whatever the future holds.

jen

mom to sam, 2-24-01
 
#14 ·
I got to go out on my first date he a week or so ago and I ahd a blast I went out with the Marine that Iwas telling you about. He had to leave the next day but I am thining that ismy life story. bUt I would it again. We went out to est and then we went to a little hole in the wall bar and had some drinks ad shot some pool. I was having a blast. But then you know that every night has to come to a end. And my did. I look back on eveythingn taht happened hat night and I wouldnt have traded it for anything. But now i am lonely again LOL
 
#15 ·
I have encountered on more then one occassion judgement for datng because I am a single mom. Not here ironically, on another board and "IRL". I say screw em. You know what, we are all well rounded people not just mothers.
I actually had someone tell me that it was quite unhealthy for a child to see their parent as a sexual being so it was inappropraite for me to date until me kids were out of the house. My answer to that is that all the married people in the world should then take seperate rooms till the kids are out of the house? What the heck! Its not like I have man after man parading through my home.
OK off my soap box on that one...
Its fun to read everyones adventures out there.
My update on the Blue's Guitarist. We have serious progress ladies and talk of co-habitation. We have been together since May. We are discussing living together after this July when my lease is up. Its a desire and practicality choice. We are both frustrated with the lack of time we are getting together. Between my work/ children schedual and his music ( which is his work) it leave about 10 hours a weekend oh every other weekend free for us. He was actually taking weeks off here and there to come out and be with the boys and I but he just got signed to a new band and they play like crazy and his guitar students load went up again so thats just not gonna happen again soon. Also he really wants to see me go back to school and if I try to add that to the load I have now while still living over and hour away from him and the commute to school and his place and my work ect it would exhaust me. It makes way more sense for me to move to Seattle because thats where my school is and where he lives. But I can't afford to move to a decent school district for my boys on my own and then we will both be paying rent on seperate places when we know in the future we want to build a life together and a home together. So we just feel like the timing is right and everything is falling into place. 2 days after we made this big decision I ran into someone I hadn't seen in months and he offered me a job when I move in July. To me a big sign from the universe.
I'm VERY happy about this. But also nervous. I'm used to living with just the boys and I. There are a lot of things I'm going to have to adjust to!
 
#16 ·
OK, so i just made out with the first new guy since my x.... wow, it was so lovely!
He's actually someone i used to date years ago and we've stayed great friends. He just dropped by this evening to help with my car and he ended up staying to spoil me (great back rub, kisses-- no more). It's been a long time since I've been treated with such respect, kindness and gentleness.
YUM! and YIPPIE!
 
#17 ·
Here's my latest.....

I had an, ahem, "unusual" development in my relationship with "W" over the past week. I had been taking the progestin-only pill and was worried that I had become pregnant because of some symptoms I was having (sensitive nipples, extreme fatigue, hormonal feelings etc.). Turns out that I was pregnant - had a barely positive test on Sunday, but I waited until Monday to tell "W". I almost immediately started bleeding heavily, however, and am in the process of having a miscarriage. "W" is out of town at a Firefighters convention. We did talk several times over the course of Monday and Tuesday, and I know he is trying to process everything that is going on, but he was a bit brusque with me when I talked to him this morning (called him while he was in the middle of setting up his real estate booth). Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? I told him I understood he was busy and that I was holding up OK, so I wouldn't call unless I needed anything and that I'd check in with him on Friday when the convention is over. Thoughts? I'll be honest - my feelings are super hurt and I'm very emotional right now.
 
#18 ·
Oh Tabitha,


I'm so sorry.


You have every right to be emotional right now AND every right to want 'W' to be there for you emotionally while you process what is happening yourself. I'm sure he's shocked, maybe even a little freaked out (as I'm sure you are as well) and I hope he calls to check in before Friday. I don't care how busy he is, it would only take a few mins to call and see how you are holding up. I have the feeling he will do the right thing and call.

I'm very sorry you are having to experience a M/C ... I've had one before when I was trying to get pregnant with Alex and it was very difficult for me. If you need to talk, I'm here.
 
#19 ·
Chilipepper ... I agree. There is nothing wrong with your kids seeing you as sexual ... we are all human and sexuality is a healthy part of who we ALL are.

I've received some lip about having Jeremy around Alex, mainly online because my real-life friends are able to see how serious the relationship is, and how awesome Jeremy is. But I'm only 28, and not ready to seal the coffin on my eternal singleness ... I'd like to remarry, have more children, etc. That means dating. Big deal. If I wasn't serious about someone, I wouldn't have them around Alex and I certainly wouldn't have a revolving door of men in his life. But what's wrong with dating?

Don't let anyone make you feel bad. It's so hard being a single Mom, I hate when people throw extra guilt into the mix ... totally unnecessary.
 
#20 ·
Ah well.... I got fired from my job this a.m., on top of everything else. Too much absenteeism, and the time off (Dr's note or not) yesterday was icing on the cake
. I called "W" to tell him, and he was very sympathetic and helpful. He said he could give me some back office work at the R.E. firm until I find another job and would help me work on my resume when I see him on Saturday. I know he is doing the best that he can at this point, and now it's up to me to put the pieces of my life back together.
 
#21 ·
Tabitha, I'm so sorry.

Mistymama said it beautifully:

Quote:
You have every right to be emotional right now AND every right to want 'W' to be there for you emotionally while you process what is happening yourself.
I hope that W rises above his own issues to support you now. Sometimes guys need it made explicit -- "please call me tonight and listen for a long time while I vent and cry, that's what I need -- but I suspect you are communicating well already.

I'm so, so sorry.
 
#22 ·
Oh.my.God. When it rains, it pours. I'm so sorry Tabitha.


I really don't know what to say ... are you doing ok? This is a lot for anyone to handle all at once ... please don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it.
 
#25 ·
Tabitha, I'm so sorry mama.
I'm sorry that W is not there right now to be with you during this tough time. I wish there were something I could do to help. If you need a shoulder to lean on, know that I'm here. I had a very early m/c right before my seperation. I know how awful it feels, weather the pregnancy was planned or not.

As for W, I'm guessing that he is feeling somewhat like you are. Scared, shocked, hurt, and sad. Usually guys don't know how to handle this sort of situation. Be honest with him and let him know that you need him, if that is what you need right now.

Take good care of yourself in these next few weeks. I'll be sending lots of comforting vibes your way and keeping you in my thoughts. Big hugs mama.
 
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