post #41 of 41
2/7/05 at 2:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul-O
For the third time this week, he told me that he was concerned that I'd seemed emotionally "unstable" over the past few weeks. I reassured him that it was mostly because of overwhelming life circumstances: ex decides to stop paying c/s altogether, have to quit school and find a full-time job, then the m/c and job loss on top of it all. Good gracious - I think anyone would be "unstable" under those circumstances! I also mentioned that I was trying not to hold in my feelings - just let them out and be done with it. He seemed satisfied with that response, but my sneaking suspicion is that he is thinking I'm going to have another anxiety episode and wig out on him again. Any suggestions on how I can communicate to him that I'm dealing with everything in a healthy fashion?
Usually when people mention things like this over & over it's because it brings up some fear or something inside of them. Maybe he's secretly afraid that he feels insecure himself and scared that could lose it one day too (this can be really scary for men especially). Maybe he's scared that if you do have trouble, he may be left alone or he may not know what to do to help you (most men like to be "problem solvers" and if he can't "solve your problems, he may feel insecure or inadequate in some way). Maybe his ex got depressed or anxious out about things & that led to an affair. It could be anything, but I'm guessing it's more about him than you.

But, having said that. I think the best thing you can do is just keep showing him that you are handling things well. Most people need "proof". Your language & behavior will soon show him and reinforce to him that you are handling things well.

You've had a lot of stress thrown at you in a short time. If you do get depressed or anxious or something else, it's perfectly okay too. We all go through troubled times in life & in relationships. You will both have to figure out how to get through it together.

Take care of yourself & each other. I believe that relationships offer the opportunity to learn and grow as much as offering love & support. All of these things are happening right now and if you can figure out your way through them, it will certainly create a stronger bond between the two of you.