oldest is 10, am I craZy to want another baby? - Page 2

[LizD]

As long as you're sure it's a baby you want and not just the babylust from having the older ones get older, I think a wide age gap can be great fun. It definitely has its disadvantages though so think it through.

[ombra*luna]

My kids were those exact ages (10 and 7) when our little guy was born and it's been great. They each get along much better with youngest ds than they do with each other (I say this as they sit on opposite couches gesturing as if they were throwing stuff at each other) and it's very nice to have him.

Btw I was 43 and dh was 40 when he was born.

[Anglyn]

My oldest was 11 when I had my second. He is a great help, it was like my second child was also an only child, my son being old enough to count as an grown up in her eyes!

[fourangels]

I don't have time to read all the responses, but I wanted to share. I have 4 children. Their ages are 14, 8, 3 and 3 mos. Quite the gap. My oldest is a boy and is so in love with his baby sister. I am really glad that he is having this experience. I really feel it is going to help him to be a wonderful Daddy! My 8yo is a girl and is a mother hen so is a wonderful help with the littles. I say, if everyone in the family has positive feelings about adding another little one then go for it! Letting the boys witness the birth will add greatly to the bonding process!

[threeforme2005]

I say go for it too! My oldest DD is 11 years old and she was 10 when I gave birth to her little brother She was a huge help when the baby was born. I have just recently (11 days ago) given her a little sister too and it's nice to have such an age gap between the oldest and youngest.

[2boys2girls]

If both you and your husband desire another child, then go for it! I have 4, and I had 12 years between the oldest and the youngest. Was it hard, at times, yes! Would I do it all over again, YES!! I had the last two only two years apart, so they had each other. It has sort of been like raising two sets. But I managed better, having the older ones be independant, while the little ones were young, for me that helped. Even though I spent many a day nursing a baby at the baseball field, driving to 3 different schools each morning. You need to know that it's not easy, but it's well worth it. I'm glad I started out young, because you definetely do NOT have the same energy level as you go past 40. I'm also glad that I'm not finished parenting, had I had them all close together, I would be done, and I know that I would not be ready for that. For me, spacing made for a more enjoyable experience. But I might also add, there were very hard times when I had a difficult teen (who was a really good kid before that time), and a toddler who was also testing the boundaries. All in all, I wouldn't change a thing! You've got to look at the big picture.

[Itlbokay]

It is so nice that all of you took the time to share.

I don't think DH is willing to go for it

[foreverinbluejeans]

My boys are 25, 22, and 16. The oldest was 8 when the youngest was born. There are times that I am just plain tired of being a mom. However, my situation is unusual. My husband left us while I was pregnant with the youngest. I decided not to date and have been a single mom 24/7. We homeschool and it feels like I have been doing that forever.

Until last fall we all lived together and I helped my two oldest with whatever they needed help with while they were going to college. Last fall we moved for me to finish my doctorate. The 22 year old is working full-time as a nurse and is a part-time student. He has his own university apartment. My youngest and I also live in a university apartment but a different complex.

There is nowhere to park on campus and I drive him to his classes and sometimes his girlfriend. My 16 year old works and doesn't want to get his driver's license. People drive crazy and we see all kinds of accidents in this university town. I drive him back and forth to work at Subway. I am a full-time doctoral student. I do work for my courses while my son is working. He usually works 4-5 hours a day. He has bipolar disorder and it is a lot easier now that we aren't together ALL the time. No one should have to be around a bipolar teen 24/7. He does do well on medication and is well like at work.

I think it is as important to be a as close to a full-time mom as possible for teen-agers as it is for babies and young children. My kids have really appreciated me being a full-time mom, homeschooling them, and being there to help them as college students. My 16 year old is home alone while I am gone to classes 2-3 nights a week and he misses me. I will have my regular classes done this semester and then will work on my dissertation at home. The plan is for me to get my EdD about the same time my middle son gets married and my youngest passes the GED. I will also celebrate my 50th birthday.

[Marlet]

I'd say go for it!!!! There are 7y kids in my family. The oldest is 23 and the youngest is 2!!!!!! There are five years between me and the oldest and me and my youngest brothers. In my husband's family the oldest is 34 and the youngest is 19. They get along great!!!!! They are constantly doing things. As long as you think you could handle it I'd say go for it. Age is never a big deal between siblings in my opinion.

[cresorchid]

No real issue

If it's truly what you want, great! I am pregnant with my 2nd now and my 1st will be turning 17 next week (the largest age dif on this list so far). I'm not at all sorry. I wanted another for a long time, but as I'm single, everybody kept trying to talk me out of it, and being a single parent already I knew how important support it.

I finally approached my 40th birthday and realized, it's now or never. It took me a year to get pregnant, but I have never been happier.

My only concern in your situation is that your husband obviously doesn't share this desire. At least not yet. Unless he comes around wholeheartedly, you will probably either not have that child or have a good likelihood of becoming a single parent down the road some.

[threeforme2005]

Originally Posted by cresorchid

If it's truly what you want, great! I am pregnant with my 2nd now and my 1st will be turning 17 next week (the largest age dif on this list so far). I'm not at all sorry. I wanted another for a long time, but as I'm single, everybody kept trying to talk me out of it, and being a single parent already I knew how important support it.

I finally approached my 40th birthday and realized, it's now or never. It took me a year to get pregnant, but I have never been happier.

My only concern in your situation is that your husband obviously doesn't share this desire. At least not yet. Unless he comes around wholeheartedly, you will probably either not have that child or have a good likelihood of becoming a single parent down the road some.

Wow! I just had to comment and tell you congratulations! That's truly wonderful!!! :

[Itlbokay]

Originally Posted by cresorchid

I am pregnant with my 2nd now and my 1st will be turning 17 next week

That's great! Congratulations.

[zjande]

My dd is 13.5 & my ds is almost 7 & I'm just barely pregnant. I've LOVED the spacing between my kids, and it's been amazing parenting them during such different stages of my life. I'm so excited to be having another one. My dd may even be at the birth. What's weird is that I'm only 16 years younger than my mom, & my dd will be only 14 years younger than her own sibling, and there's a chance we may have one more! It'll be interesting when I have one child potty training while another is learning to drive & dating. But I love a busy life full of childrearing.

Your family sounds wonderful just the way it is, good luck with whatever decision you guys come to!!

[johub]

My dd1 was ten when her brother was born! It was wonderful! They love each other so much and now she has two little brothers and a little sister, and she had been an only child for 10 years!
It is a challenge for instance to be dealing with 2 year old tantrums at the same time as the 12 year old tantrums that seem pretty much the same. But there are benefits too.
When my ds was born I thought all babies should come with 10 year olds! She could help put him in his carseat. She could watch him while I used the bathroom or took a shower. She could keep him happy while I made dinner.
She never really got into the whole diaper thing. But my dd has become more sensitive to other's needs as a result of having babies in the house.
Sure, dealing with an adolescent might be easier without the distractions of three babies, however at a time when kids start leaning away from the family, the littlest members really act like a little magnet keeping the older ones involved.
Joline

[velcromom]

johub, I so agree with how you described having the two kids further apart... ds1 is proud of his abilities with ds2 and really is helpful. He'd be a great daddy someday. He even voluntarily changes a wet diaper now and then, lol. It has been very positive for both of them.

[CluckyInAZ]

my husband is 23, his sister is 20, then there is an 11 year difference between her and the next oldest daughter. There are four girls in the second "set" of children, the youngest being 2. The 20 year old lives with the other four daughters sometimes and helps with taking care of them. My mil told me she doesn't really like having an 11 year difference between them (she was trying to help me plan her grandchildrens' spacing LOL so I think she just wants me to keep the grandkids coming without a big wait!) but I don't think she would have done it any other way. The last four are with a different husband.

[Indea88]

My boys are 11 and 2. My little one was a big surprise at 42!. Im really tired this time and realize how different it is to be a mom to more than an ONLY!! It is all together different and takes some juggling to make sure the older one receives the time and attention he needs. He has been a tremendous help to me since the baby has been born - I was sick for well over a year after his birth. To see them together and witness the joy my 11 year old has knowing he finally has a brother is the most precious gift.

[Itlbokay]

Originally Posted by Indea88

To see them together and witness the joy my 11 year old has knowing he finally has a brother is the most precious gift.

That's sweet

[beatgirl]

When I had my third babe, my dd was 14 and my ds 10. Now dd2 is 20 months and I have so much more help than I ever did when they were babies! I knew I wasnt done at 2 kids...it just took me awhile to have the third!

[HoneyBear]

Go for it!

I am the mother of two boys, age 22 and 20 and a little girl, age 18 months. I also have two stepsons, ages 17 and 13. So we have a 12-year gap in the line-up and I have a 19 -year gap between babies.

It has been a great joy to see how one so little can do her work in the world. She has brought great joy to many - to our sometimes surly teenagers, to our friends whose children are grown, to older kids who need to see how much they were loved and cuddled when they were little. She has been a unifying force in our blended family and brought about several epiphanies to its members.

It will be different this time around - you're older and a little more used to your routine, etc. But you also are wiser and know what's important and how fleeting the time is when they are little.

My baby called to me for 19 years. Maybe a little one is calling to you!


P.S. Now we are expecting again and our little ones will be 22 months apart.