My first witnessing of CIO - Page 2

[whateverdidiwants]

Originally Posted by LunaMom

I
"Putting the baby down for a nap" and "bedtime" are not necessarily bad things. I feel that a couple of previous posters who put these things in quotes have a problem with these two practices, or assume that such things only happen with CIO involved.

If you're referring to my post, I think you're putting words/thoughts into my mouth. My problem isn't with people whose children are on a regular schedule, it's with those who insist on keeping their child on a rigid schedule when the child is *clearly* not tired and/or there is something out of the ordinary going on. In the situtaion I was in, what kid is going to go to bed when they're all hyped up because their grandparents and other extended family is there (whom they rarely see), and they *know* that everyone is at a table, laughing and having a good time less than twenty feet away? IMO, that calls for a change in routine, not a stubborn adherence to the routine.

FTR I put bedtime in quotes because I think people - children and adults alike - should sleep when they're tired, not go lay down just because the clock strikes a certain time. I know too many people who lay in bed for hours at a time because they think they *should* be in bed. People have forgotten how to listen to their bodies.

[naturalmother]

Oh that is so, so sad. This may be out of line for some, but I would of completely ignored my friend and picked up the baby. I wouldn't be able to stand it. I don't know how these babies can cry-it-out multiple times a day, every day for so long, and still have the heart to smile at thier parents. Those poor little souls.

[awnja]

I pick up other people's crying babies a lot. Then they stop crying. Never gave much thought to it. It was a real privilage when I didn't have my own (like yeah, crying - an excuse to hold the baby!) and now I just feel like a mom helping another mom... but now that I am reflecting... there were some weird situations where mom would be right there and I'd go pick up the screaming kid and make him/her happy and the prarents would say "oh, thanks." or look with wonder like, "huh, now how'd she do that?" Weird.

No its never black and white. (I didn't get that vibe from any posts though.) When dd cries at night a LOT of times I will wait a minute to see if the crying increases or fades to a sleepy groan. If she wakes, moans and falls back to sleep, I rejoice. There's some CIO influence there; a faint dream of less need for nightime parenting. Other nights, especially after she's in the "family bed," she makes a peep and I put my breast in her mouth so I can keep sleeping. I don't see either of these things as wrong. My kid also needs a bedtime as do I. My husband does not. Naptimes change monthly so I need to be flexible.. which can be hard when I have my own agenda.

About CIO.. I get sick to my stomach if baby screams all the way home from the store, which is maybe 5-10 minutes. I've even pulled over halfway home when she was very tiny. I've no idea what CIO is like for the baby... but why do that to yourself?! Just can't relate to unresponsive parenting. I'm really comforting MYSELF with AP and it seems to suit dd just fine. Makes for a peaceful house at 8:30 PM too.

Julie

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by naturalmother

This may be out of line for some, but I would of completely ignored my friend and picked up the baby.

This would have been way out of line for her. She had already snapped at me once for giving her dd a toy that she didn't want her to have because she needed to learn to share. Normally, I do pick up other people's crying babies if the parents have their hands full or don't seem to know what to do. Additionally, I had my own baby to take care of. (BTW, I don't consider her a friend, just an acquaintance.)

Lunamom, I don't think you sounded defensive at all. I don't have a problem with putting baby down to sleep if they don't mind. What I have a problem with is parents who decide baby must be on such and such a schedule and leave baby alone during the hour or two naptime whether they nap or not. This person has told me that she has left her baby alone and crying in her crib crying for the entire naptime because she has to learn to follow her schedule.

[MarineWife]

Totally confused now

I had a conversation with my friend after this incident that has gotten me totally confused. She was talking about the book she used to sleep train her dd. The book gives 3 basic ways of dealing with sleep depending on your own preference. You can choose the CIO method, or the sleep cue (my own name) method or the nursing mom method. She went on and on about how she could never do CIO. She thought it was cruel. She always followed her dd's cues about being tired and then just helped her to sleep. Then she went on to say that when her dd was about 10 months old she did put her in her crib to take a nap at a certain time and left her there to cry because she knew that her dd was just throwing a fit or being difficult or stubborn so the crying wasn't the same. What I witnessed was mom deciding that baby must need a nap and putting her in a crib and leaving the room so she couldn't hear her fuss. I don't think the child slept even half the time she was in the crib. When her dh got back from scuba diving and tried to get in the room he couldn't because the crib was blocking the door and he could hear his dd playing with the doorknob. Who knows how long she had been awake? How is that not CIO?

[BlueMoonTime]

This is all so disturbing... I've always run to both of my babies' every cry at night, and they were sleeping 6-7 hours at a time at night by 1 month old!!!

I mean, seriously, but where's the logic in this CIO stuff?? I'm curious...