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40+ and TTC right over here!! - Page 5

post #81 of 433
when was your B-day Velveteen ??
post #82 of 433
GM--Hugs to you. I wish I could offer something more--but my fingers will be crossed for you next month.

Velveteen, I feel for you. I'll be 43 this year and we've been ttc for a loooong time. (2 1/2 years before I got preg. and miscarried last year.) I go through periods where I wonder if I should keep trying or not--what hopeful said,

"Sometimes I feel that I'm letting time slip by even faster by obsessing about a baby and not just relaxing and enjoying my forties and the independance that I have."

is EXACTLY how I've felt. But then I try and figure out exactly HOW I'd go about not trying...how do you ignore the signs your body gives that O is imminent? How do you stop being hopeful? Or disappointed? I'm not sure...I guess the only way, for me, would be to start using birth control, which seems laughable, considering, yk?

So, I have no answers...I sometimes think it would be easier to give up hope, but I'm not sure how that's done. Mostly, I find I'm in the "giving up" mood when I'm pmsing, then once my next cycle starts, I'm full of renewed hope.

Anyone else find their optimism/despair fluctuates with their hormones?
post #83 of 433
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joan
GM--Hugs to you. I wish I could offer something more--but my fingers will be crossed for you next month.

Velveteen, I feel for you. I'll be 43 this year and we've been ttc for a loooong time. (2 1/2 years before I got preg. and miscarried last year.) I go through periods where I wonder if I should keep trying or not--what hopeful said,

"Sometimes I feel that I'm letting time slip by even faster by obsessing about a baby and not just relaxing and enjoying my forties and the independance that I have."

is EXACTLY how I've felt. But then I try and figure out exactly HOW I'd go about not trying...how do you ignore the signs your body gives that O is imminent? How do you stop being hopeful? Or disappointed? I'm not sure...I guess the only way, for me, would be to start using birth control, which seems laughable, considering, yk?

So, I have no answers...I sometimes think it would be easier to give up hope, but I'm not sure how that's done. Mostly, I find I'm in the "giving up" mood when I'm pmsing, then once my next cycle starts, I'm full of renewed hope.

Anyone else find their optimism/despair fluctuates with their hormones?

greenmansions

I feel exactly this way. I will be 43 in April. I have no idea how to stop trying, or how to stop wanting. In some ways, I wish I could stop and just resign myself to where we are now..and I imagine that will happen in time if we do not conceive. It is sometimes a daily reminder to myself, to live in the now. It is definitely cyclical with me, also.
post #84 of 433
Hello

This is my first post so please excuse me if I get something wrong. I have been lurking on and off for a few weeks now but I had to jump in now. The last few messages could have been me talking. I'm 42 - will be 43 later this year. Been ttc number 2 since about last August. We have a lovely little boy who has just turned 13 months. We had to wait a while for him and had an early m/c about 13 months before I fell pg with him. I would love another baby but as the months go by I wonder if I'm chasing a foolish dream. Shouldn't I be happy with one child ? Is it greedy to want another one ? A friend from work brought her 8 week old boy into the office last week. It was lovely to see them both but all I could think about was I want another one.

Cd 1 for me so you can probably hear the hormones talking !

Just wanted to say that you all seem so strong and wise and supportive. So glad I have found this forum. Great to feel that I am not the only 40+ woman with a dream about babies. Maybe I should try charting. Any suggestions for a newbee ?
post #85 of 433
Priddy - welcome to the forum. Great place to hang out. This forum is so informative and full of some amazingly intelligent people. Hope you enjoy it.
I feel so much like all of you feel. The optomism at the beginning of every cycle. Then the dreaded 2ww when the obsession really takes off. Then the gradual slide of my positive feelings to the inevitable let down once the pms symptoms hit.
This is such a great discussion because the question certainly is "how does one give up?" Do we just stop trying, forget about it happening. When I feel myself ovulating what do I do. I can't ignore it. None of us can - that's why we are here. I guess we just have to try not to obsess about it. But then we obsess about not obsessing. Wow - whatever shall we do.
Guess you just really have to want to give up. You have to be determined and stubborn that you've had enough. Do you want to give up? Have you really had enough. I think thats the only way.
post #86 of 433
AF arrived this morning. I spoke with the RE and she referred me onto the fertility clinic - they have a luteal phase defect specialist there who I will see. Can't get an appt til May 9, though am waitlisted if anything comes open. Would have a find a babysitter for DS at the last minute tho, and that will not be easy. I will keep taking progesterone in the mean time per my current regimen.

Regarding giving up, I know of more than one instance where once the couple finally gives up or takes a break, they get pregnant. I think it's because the pressure's off. Another friend got PG naturally after several failed IVFs. She had decided to take a break and was on Valium for stress relief.

TTC is a high stress activity and it seems to affect us all negatively at some point.

For those of you who are struggling the emotional wear and tear, maybe a few months off would be worth a try - just two or three. Then reevaluate with your partners at the end of the agreed upon "holiday". See how you both feel at that point. For me, I seem to hit a wall where I can't deal with the big stuff anymore (not just TTC) and then a break brings clarity to the choices I am making and whether they are still right for me. But I sure know that while that clock is ticking a break is hard to justify... We did do it the first time 'round and this time, our reevaluation point will be in December.
post #87 of 433

cd 19 & 4 dpo

Green - (((((((((((((((((big HUGS)))))))))))))

WELCOME Priddy - hope your stay here is short. I'm fairly new to this bunch & I think you'll like it here. Great bunch here
post #88 of 433
Hi all,
I have been lurking and reading the posts. I am almost 40 (a few more months) and ttc #2 so I (almost) fit right in here!

I'm wondering if anyone could recommend some resources in trying to get pregnant? First steps? books to read? MY ob/gyn is all gung ho to start clomid and I don't want to go that route just yet.
I also was wondering if anyone else is around my age and also nursing their little ones. Sometimes I wonder if this might be inhibiting my ability to get pregnant.

My husband and I haven't really used any birth control since ds was born almost 2 years ago. But I honestly haven't charted anything, or checked to see when I am ovulating. Also, to be honest, much of the time, dh and I are too tired to have sex LOL. It took us over a year to get pregnant with our wonderful son, but again, I didn't keep track of ovulation, temperatures or even having sex around the appropriate days in the cycle.

My periods are very regular.
I had an OB/GYN tell me, "don't you think it's time you stopped nursing ds and had yourself another baby?" (in other words, she seemed to think that my nursing ds was to keep him a baby or some such nonsense.) I just said I know of many moms who are still nursing and able to conceive. But ever since she said that to me, I have been doubting.

I would prefer to keep nursing ds, since I have had regular periods since last June. He enjoys it, and to be honest, so do I. But I am interested in hearing whether anyone else TTC is also nursing.

Also, what do some of the abbreviations mean? cd 1???
post #89 of 433
Thread Starter 
thank you all for your amazing support.

Greenmansions, hugs to you. I wanted it for you~ it won't be long. If you conceived this cycle, it will happen again.

Welcome Priddy, I am so glad you are here!!

Danielsmom, welcome!!!! I did nurse my ds while TTC and at the time didn't think much of it. Now, looking back, I wonder if it didn't inhibit my chances quite a lot. Now I am second guessing myself, because I nursed for about 8 or 9 more months while ttc and over 40 too. I guess I didn't think I would have trouble conceiving, and I surely didn't want to give up the nursing relationship.
CD 1 means 'cycle date 1' or the first day of your cycle. Generally a day we all hate. Hope is down and the disappointment is at a peak!!

I read somewhere about a women struggling with infertility, and she said she gave up a little at a time. Stopped examining her charts religiously, stopped pouring over her records of tests, stopped doing exhaustive research into her problem. But I am not ready to give up, but the little nagging doubt of 'will it ever happen for me' comes a little more often. I don't think of myself as infertile, just sub-fertile because of age only. My cycles are perfect, I have all the right signs at all the right times. We have great timing. I just don't know WHY I am not getting pregnant. I should have a 9 month old baby by now! Or, at the very least, a 6 month old baby because of the chemical pg I had.
Part of my problem is that I took dinner to a friend that just had a baby girl last week. I wanted to do it for her, after all, she is not out to get me or anything. But I look at her relative youth with jealousy as obviously she is going to be more fertile than I. Plus, her baby is gorgeous.

So, all in all I am not ready to quit by degrees, the wanting is still the same. How can you stop wanting? I wanted ds to have a sibling closer in age that what will happen even if I am pg this very cycle. He is 4.5 now! Waaay to long a spread, but yet it would be better than not at all.

Danielsmom, books I can heartily reccomend if you don't have them already.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility~ Toni Weschler. Absolute must have book.

Inconceivable~ Julia Indichova. You must read this book. This is the personal story of a 40+ woman in her quest for a baby that was ultimately successful.

Staying Fertile Longer~ The best book I have read on the helpful things to do for fertility. After reading every book on the shelf at the library, this one takes the cake (aside from TCOYF)

Wise womens herbal for the Childbearing years~ great book but the author doesn't come to mind.

The infertility cure~ Randine Lewis

Websites:
www.adellpress.com This is Julia Indichova's website. Great for the older mom who is ttc. Holistic approach

www.asmallwwweb.com Women overy 40 forget the 'speech'

www.tryingtoconceive.com Herbal approach with different packages for different needs

Hope this helps!!
w
post #90 of 433
welcome priddy and danielsmom! Baby dust to you both!

I can't speak much to charting since i don't do it myself to date (there are others on this board who are pretty expert about it), so far I use the ovulation predictor kits and note when I am "sliming" and we act based on those things - usually BD when the slime starts, at least every other day til the LH surge, then make sure to again on the surge day. If we are still into it, we do again on the day after the surge. We have had 4 pregnancies this way, but only one went to term because I have other issues.

You can always "save" the clomid for a little later - give it a go for awhile without it and when you are starting to feel like things are moving too slowly, then start it.

CD1 = cycle day 1 or first day of your period.
OPK = ovulation predictor kit
BFP/BFN = big fat positive/negative (re pregnancy test)
LH = hormone that induces ovulation
HCG = pregnancy hormone
HPK = home pregnancy test
RE = reproductive endocrinologist
BD = baby dance (actually, physically TTC )

I can't comment at all on the nursing while TTC thing, except to say that if you want #2 badly enough and that might be a hindrance, then you will have an unpleasant choice to make, but think about what has the longer term consequences for your life. Regret is a nasty emotion. Don't like to put myself in the position to feel it if I can help it.

So DH and I had a nice dinner tonight and he made me cosmopolitans - at least for the moment I feel better about things! I am very lucky to have a wonderful DH.

thank you everyone again for the hugs and good wishes. I am just glad this didn't drag on - I mc'd the first time at 10 weeks so that was a big drag partly because it was unexpected. (Even bigger drag because it was apparently solely due to the luteal phase defect - no genetic abnormalities were found.) This one just sets me a week behind. I am figuring out what I will try next month with my progesterone pills to optimize the dosage - I may go back to using them vaginally which sucked. But the RE wouldn't prescribe me the cream I wanted (procheive) since she was not familiar enough with it. I may have mentioned in a previous post that she mostly deals with menopause and more simple fertility issues like giving clomid. Until I have my fertility doc appt I have to wing it a bit, based on what my old doctor had me do. Luckily I have enough pills to play around with for the next few cycles til my appt.

Velveteen, you are a strong strong woman and you will get through this and emerge in a better place - one that works for you.

I notice sometimes while I am so carefully composing my posts others are posted that I am not aware of, so sorry if I miss something in the meantime...

And sorry for the long post!! Is it me or DH's cosmos? :LOL
post #91 of 433
Quote:
I don't think of myself as infertile, just sub-fertile because of age only. My cycles are perfect, I have all the right signs at all the right times. We have great timing. I just don't know WHY I am not getting pregnant.
This is me.

Welcome, Danielsmom and Priddy--I hope your stay here is short.

Quote:
Wise womens herbal for the Childbearing years~ great book but the author doesn't come to mind.
Susun Weed?

Danielsmom, I'm nursing, but only once or twice a day. Nursing *can* prevent ovulation, but it's not by any means a definate thing. As you know, many woman nurse through their pregnancies and then tandem nurse. I got pregnant while nursing last year. If you're concerned about nursing preventing ovulation, you could have your hormone levels checked. OR if you begin charting, you'll be able to tell if (or when) you're ovulating. (Taking Charge of Your Fertility has details about charting.)
post #92 of 433
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome and thanks Velveteen for the links and book suggestions. I'll wander off for a surf later on (sooo glad hubby pursuaded me that we needed broadband).

I picked up a book the other day that gave me giggle or two about ttc. It's a novel but I think it must be based on personal experience. It is Inconceivable by Ben Elton. The language is a bit earthy in places (as you can imagine, it you know his stand-up act) but it is very funny and in places very moving. I like the way that it is written as twin diaries by Sam, the main character, and his wife Lucy so you hear the man's views on babies and ttc as well as the woman's. It was made into a film - can't remember the name- but I think the book is much better (as always). My favourate scene in the book is when Sam and Lucy decide to bd on a leyline in a park but end up getting arrested.

Not sure how to identify a leyline (not that I'd want to bd in a public area anyway !) I never realised how many old wives tales there are about getting pg. Do you know the one about sitting on the bed when you visit a new mum ? On a more scientific note, did you see the interesting discussion about Green Tea over on the main ttc threads ? I went out at lunch time and bought a box of Green Teabags so watch this space....
post #93 of 433
Hi all,
Thanks for the warm welcome! I hope I can keep up with this thread.
Joan, Greenmansions and velveteen, thank you for the helpful information and the books.
I have heard of some of those books and am looking forward to reading them.
I honestly think the first step I need to take is to see if I am ovulating. Then, if I am, work on bd around that time of the month.
Thanks again, ladies.
post #94 of 433

Sigh

My temps are dropping.
post #95 of 433
Thread Starter 
Joan I care
post #96 of 433

cd 22 & 7 dpo

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joan
My temps are dropping.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs Joan)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
post #97 of 433

Happy St. Paddys Day

: : : : : :nana: :nana: :nana: :nana: : : : : : : : : :
post #98 of 433
Sorry Joan. Big hugs.

Let's hope this next month is the one for you. With Easter coming and the days getting longer and everything starting to grow, maybe it will be the right time for you.
post #99 of 433
sorry to hear that Joan.
post #100 of 433
Oh, Joan Just seeing this, I'm sorry. I like the idea of Spring bring us good luck and new life.
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