I just took away DS toys in his bedroom. All of them. - Page 2

[Ruthla]

I don't see this as "punishment." The toys didn't get cleaned up, and the natural consequence is that the toys have been removed.

I need to do some major decluttering in my house too- I've already done a lot, but not enough!! My biggest problem isn't the "I might need this someday." If I'm done with it, I'll give it away, if I need it again, I'll search for it on Freecycle. My biggest dilemma is with toys that a certain person bought and will be insulted if I give it away. Mostly it's stuff my parents bought. I should probably move all those toys to their part of the house so THEY can deal with the clutter!!!

We have a similar problem with outgrown books that have been autographed by the author.

[lilyka]

I have np problem with asking a 3 year old to clean up and expecting them to do it.

however

Your child was in a room with the means to make a mess he was too small to reasonably clean up by himself. You are the mom. Goal one should be to prevent that from happening. Reduce the toys he is allowed to play with and give more supervision at all times. You said in your OP that you were busy with other things. A better option may be to have him pick one or two things to play with in your office near you. Then you can help him put it away when he is ready for somehting else. Thismay make work take a little longer but you will be building a good foundation and since he is playing contentedly by your feet he is getting more attention from you and you are avoiding struggles so its Ok if work takes a little longer becuase it is no longer taking away from his day.

Ok but he did the make the mess and you told him to clean up which isn't unreasonable to expect he would make an effort without whining. But he didn't. If he can't at least be cheerful and willing to co-operate he obviously has more toys than he can handle. so I don't think it was wrong at all to take away his toys. you gave him a choice to clean up or get rid of toys. he chose toys. My dd has made this choice numerous times and has always been happier for it. She really would rather I just put some stuff away than her have to clean up every day. seriously. your con could very well be the same way. So no I don't think you were mean or unreasonab;e in your expectations. I wouldn't expect a 3 year old to kow how to clean up by himself. That would be totally overwhelming to clean up a wholemess of toys without some serious guidence but I do expect a cooperative attitude when I say "now bring me al the red blocks . . "

[velcromom]

While I think 3 year olds need you to be supervising and guiding and keeping them on task, they can definitely clean up. I see the point about it being a consequence to lose the toys, but I'll tell you, my mom used to do the same thing and it set a precedence that if you leave it on the floor long enough, mom will pick it up. We would leave stuff around til she either took it (why did we care, we had ignored it for weeks anyway) or piled it on our bed (which made it a lot easier to organize since it was then all in one place!) I think it's worth the work of being at their side while they clean, a little at a time, and doing it often so that they get into a habit, if it will help them develop a self-motivating ability to tidy up.

[spatulagirl]

Thank you so much for the very very nice responses. I was feeling bad and guilty and doubting myself and thought for sure I was going to get flamed. So thank you for being very nice and supportive.

I have realized that yes, he has WAY too many toys. And he does just spread them out and then we have to clean them up and man... it overwhelms me! So I really shouldn't expect him to be cool with it.

We have no problem with him keeping his downstairs toys clean because we reduced the amount of toys there significantly.

But we put them all in his room :

Add to the fact that we put some of DD's baby toys in there so they can play together while I work. Yeah, it makes for a big jumble of toys.

I also caught on to something else in your post. You mentioned that he often screams and crys, or complains that he is tired, and that you almost always help him clean up. Is he screaming to get you to help? Are you consistent about when you help and when you tell him you expect him to do it himself? I believe that at this age, many children are researching everything, nonstop, and he might be looking for what the limits are, which rules apply in the morning vs. the end of the day, while you are working vs. on a weekend etc.

The screaming and crying and complaining he is tired is sort of a general thing :LOL He is very very spirited and high needs and emotional. We are working on it though. He is getting better slowly but in times when I am obviously in a hurry trying to clean the house while the baby sleeps and in between work, it drives me batty. So I have to admit I mostly took them away in anger though I didn't show the anger. I did asked him what he wanted to do and he told me to take them away. But really... it is my fault he has too many toys. I can see that now.

Less it more, right?

[sparklemom]

I'm sorry I don't have time to catch up on all the replies, but I did want to respond to the op.
Yes, I think you were too hard on the little fella. As a mom I can totally relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed by stuff, especially toys, scattered about and constantly having to put them up to the point of my back aching.
But the thing is, children are usually naturally NOT bothered by messes and that's okay, even quite healthy. I sometimes wish I weren't bothered by messes. It would free up my life a lot.
When I was a child messes did not bother me at all. I remember my mom stressing about it, always harping, always making me clean some how some way. I hated it and it in no way helped me appreciate the process of picking up.
Your son is just a babe, with a younger sibling which is stressful and a mom who also works from home. Give him a break.
What I've found especially helpful is to DECLUTTER. My dds hardly ever notice what I've given away and I find the new organization much much easier to maintain. It lightens the stress load a lot.
Even though you feel at your wit's end, your ds really isn't doing anything wrong by not minding a messy room. And since it's been turned into an issue it's no wonder he does not enjoy helping to clean it up.
I think we moms are on our own on this one. Keeping things decluttered, and it's a non-stop effort, is key in maintaining the load.