Getting out of debt -GOOD- feb thread - Page 4

[its_our_family]

kerc- CONGRATS!!

Part of my work will be when dh is home. Part will be in the office after hours. Then the kids can be there and not hassle anyone. Dh works late 3 nights a week so we can tke turns with the kids. Plus, I"ll do some before they wake. THey usually get up aroun 9 and I try to get up at 7...maybe earlier if I need to. Plus, we have a basement that is totally playroom adn computer. So, the entire area is kid proof.

We get our return today!!! We're splitting it between bills but keeping out part for the downpayment on our house :LOL

[USAmma]

I have some good news! I was worried about Nitara's formula that she's going to have to need very soon. It has more calories in it than baby formula/breastmilk so it can sustain her for years if necessary, as long as she's tube-fed. She can't take dairy proteins/lactose so Pediasure which is about $8/day to feed her, is out. The only alternative was a special formula that is hypoallergenic called Peptamen Jr. and it's $19/day to use that. It's used a lot for kids who have irritable bowel syndrome and other major health problems.

I tried blenderized diet and she vomited most of it back up again, so scrap that idea. I was so stressed about that since insurance may not cover it and we don't qualify for public aid at this point in time and I was not sure how we could pay out $600/month to feed our daughter. Well I just learned that Wal-Mart (which I normally boycott) has a new generic formula, Bright Beginnings pediatric drink, that is like Pediasure but it's soy-based. It's less than Pediasure. It would still be expensive to feed Nitara (about $7/day) but we could manage it if insurance won't pay for it.

Whew! What a huge relief!!!

Also dh works p/t at Target and was able to use that to pay more off the card this month. We are not in a huge amt. of dept but sometimes we don't have the extra cushion to pay off the debt.

There's a lot of stress on this thread so I wanted to share something positive.

Darshani

[bikruca]

Hi I am going to join this thread after many months of avioding it and denying I have to get this all under control!

I am wondering...

I just paid all my monthly bills and I paid my visa bill so that I owe only 200 more dollars on it. Should I use our savings to pay it off now so we can start fresh? I have about 800 dollars in savings. at 2.5% interest whereas the Visa is 28.8 percent interest. Also I owe the furnature store $618 but it is 0 percent for 1 year if I make equal payments. Should I pay it all off or just do the equal payments?

I am confused. I just want to get these debts out of the way so we can start concentrating on saving and living and paying off our big debts (our car!)

thanks in advance!

[westernskies]

Well finances hit the fan in our marriage this week. My DH is not very responsible when it comes to paying the bills or knowing where his paycheck is going if he is in control. About a year ago, he started giving me his paycheck and I became responsible for the bills. In November I requested that he sit down with me and look over the budget I had come up with and at least *know* and support where the money was going each month. We had some squabbles about money- but nothing major. I knew if he knew what was going on that he would hopefully be more at peace and supportive. I don't mind doing the bills and figuring out a budget. It is fun to me and I enjoy the feeling of paying towards a debt, knowing that we are not incurring any more debt in the meantime and hopefully ever! BUT... our talk about the budget never happened. I did ask him at least 3-4 times since AGAIN to sit down with me, it was very important to me, etc... Nicely, not nagging. In January I revamped the budget to the Dave Ramsey method of snowballing- and I was STOKED! Our bill to his exwife was getting paid off at a rapid pace, we had a $1000 emergency fund, something we have never had before, everything was paid in full on time, and we still had money left over for other wants and to pay off debt. I dove head first 100% into this system, requested that he sit down with me AGAIN to learn what was going on, and you can guess what happened. The talk never happened, but Boy oh boy did the mega fight break out- in the middle of Walmart- no less! Long story short, he was questioning me in a very MEAN way about where did his bonus go this month, why should he get excited about the DVD player I showed him since we don't have money in our budget, blah blah blah. Now all of these were valid points and questions- but the way he approached it and the fact that I have been practically begging him to sit down and look at the budget WITH me and go over it so he KNOWS what is going on- well it torked me off BIG TIME. I left for 3 days, came back home and he is working out of state and will be home tonight. He and I talked on the phone, lovingly, gave apologizes, etc... and agreed that this SUNDAY is our day to talk about the budget and hash this out so we both can agree on something. Phew, deep breath. I am pretty nervous about this talk- I want so badly to present my ideas and what I have been doing in a way that he will get as excited as me about seeing the light of NO DEBT in 3 years including our mortgage! Yes, we can't do the spontaneous go blow the extra paycheck in town like we used to do- but not doing that for a few years in order to do what we WANT later- is awesome to me. Has anyone else had to present a plan or been in a similar situation that might have some tips for me? I don't think he wants to "control" the money, I really just hope that him knowing and having the floor to suggest his feelings and ideas will give him peace of mind and then he will butt out again. LOL I think I am just nervous about him disagreeing with my ideas and what I have been paying extra on etc... and having this budget all uprooted and then who knows what.....


Wow, sorry I didn't mean to write a novel! LOL

[bikruca]

westernskies- I just had 'the talk' with Dh about our finances as I am re-taking control of it. (you can see my thread in the forum somewhere)

He even agreed to turn off TV, the thing that had him really stoked was not paying off the debt, but that I budgeted a 20 dollar allowence that he didn't have to accout for at all every week. Even though he had been blowing probably more than that on random stuff, the fact that I could ask him about it made it as though it wasn't his money. SO I would strongly suggest this. I budgeted an equal amount for myself too..

I am no expert by any means but thats what got my DH excited lol

btw- thats awesome that you will have everything paid off in 3 years, you must be so excited. I tried a snowball calculator thing too.. but I don't really *get* it. I am going to do some more research!

good luck with 'the talk'.. just remember to smile! (always helps to sell a new idea!)

[bamboogrrrl]

Bikruca - If I were you, I would pay off the credit card, and not use it again. That interest rate is soooo high! I would then save $1k in an emergency fund, and then pay off the furniture bills.

Western - That is so hard with your dh. Like you, I wanted my DH to be more involved with our journey toward debt-free-dom. But he's just not interested, while I am fascinated by financial issues, by the problem-solving part of getting out of debt. At least he's handed the financial responsibilities over to me, and I don't mind handling it. Once in a while, he'll sit down with me and do bills, so he can see where the $$ goes. Even if your DH is not 100% on board with your ideas, you can still pursue them. It took my DH a while to get on board, but now he's really impressed with how far we've come. They DO come around, they really do. I've heard it suggested that when you have a couples' money summit, to do it over something fun like dinner (sounds counterintuitive to savings $$$, I know), on neutral ground. Whether he joins you or not, don't let him "unstoke" on digging out of debt. It's a totally valiant goal, even if he's not ready to join you.

Money is such an explosive, taboo issue - I always stare in wonder at how open people are about things like sex, while money makes everyone clam up. Could you imagine this country if people were more open about money issues? There would be no more "keeping up with the Joneses" because everyone could see that the Joneses were mortgaged to the hilt and in debt up to their eyeballs.

[Peppermint]

Originally Posted by bamboogrrrl

Bikruca - If I were you, I would pay off the credit card, and not use it again. That interest rate is soooo high! I would then save $1k in an emergency fund, and then pay off the furniture bills.

That is what I would do too!

[kerc]

Originally Posted by Peppermint

That is what I would do too!

me three!



on meeting with the hubby re: finances. several ideas:
1. after the first big meeting meet more regularly for checkups. say weekly over coffee or something. that way it isn't a big hurdle and if something happens to you (sickness or whatever) you can say "hey honey. here's the checkbook write a check to x this month."

2. print your plan out onto paper. Some people (like me) really like to have something to look at every day....put it up on the fridge.

3. I'd institute a "wish list" policy. We have a wish list printed on the fridge most of the time. Every now and again it doesn't help to devote a little extra $$ to one of the wish list items -- for instance for christmas we received 200 bucks. I was all for spending 100 and putting 100 to debt. But dh has really wanted a bigger tv for about, oh, 5 years. So he agreed to put some birthday money (50 bucks) into the investment and we now have a bigger tv. we had to put in something like 20 bucks from common $$ to pay the sales tax. DH really likes to watch sports and occasionally to get together with his friends to watch sports. My wish list items are generally smaller, but it helps every now and again to give in to an item that's been on the list for a looong time.

4. I'd also suggest a 24 hr wait rule -- it eliminates the discussion in the middle of walmart. Any purchase over x dollars you have to wait a specified period of time....24 hrs, 48 hrs...whatever. It slows down the process and makes it less stress for both of you while actually in the store.

[westernskies]

THANK YOU for the great suggestions! I am feeling a little better about our upcoming "talk..." I am going to print out the budget I have been doing and present it to him, and also suggest a slight tweak to the amount of personal money we are both getting=increasing it. In June after our new baby is born- we will have an additional $600 to put towards something too- which will help out. Right now that is the amount I am saving for our midwife, baby stuff, and travel to midwife appts. each month. I can see his viewpoint of, "Where is all the money going?" but I guess it really hurt me because all the money has been going to bills. I don't blow it on stuff or activities. I consider myself to be fairly frugal! I feed our family of 4 1/2 on $55 a week! And I give him credit- he does compliment me on my frugality at times, so hopefully if we can just stay on track and put the hurt aside- this meeting will be a turning point.

Thanks for letting me blabber in here! I feel better and I hope to have a positive post come Sunday evening

[newmainer]

westernskies... you have really made some great progress! start your talk with the positive. show him what you have done and where you are headed before you even bust out the budget. if he's impressed, then he'll want to see how you got there and be more on board. always coat the medicine with honey, right? so the positive things first will reel him in.

mamas, i need some help with money tracking. i have tried so many different ways and i really want just one whole month where we really track every penny. the notebook thing doesn't work. we've tried putting reciepts in an envelope, but its hard to get receipts for everything. i'm thinking about a chart on the fridge with space for each day... anyone have any brilliant suggestions? (or, not so brilliant, but useful!)

thanks...

[kerc]

suggestions: how about printing a paper calendar onto which you can write each transaction? We do quicken, but we don't track cash that way. I need a paper visual reminder so I write everything out onto a printed calendar I printed from ms word or something. I wrote out first the budgeted bills in pencil and change them as the $ amt slightly changes. I subtotal at the bottom --- food, mortgage, child care, care related, etc.

"Where is all the money going?" but I guess it really hurt me because all the money has been going to bills

This is where I think having some kinda weekly check in makes it all less painful for everyone. Knowing how much $$ is coming and going can really make a difference. I mean dh would have been po'ed if I had sent all the tax return to something and he had no idea where i had spent it.

[newmainer]

So, kerc, you just have a blank calendar up and then write in each day what was spent? do you then write next to it what it was for, like food, bills, etc...? that could work for us maybe.... it would be interesting to see what our daily totals are.

well, dh just called me on an impulse purchase. I was about to get dd a hanna andersson snowsuit onsale for the rest of this year and next. but, he's right. we dont' know how big she'll be next year, and tho we may get a lot more snow still this year, she isnt' out in it much and we have some great fleece patagonia bibs (that i bought resale for $10!) that are working fine. Instead, I satisfied my itch by getting her something she actually needs: new diapers. I bought some new, and 2 used and a new nighttime cover that will hopefully get us off the nighttime disposable use. ugh. sometimes its easy (to resist) and sometimes its hard....

[kerc]

Originally Posted by newmainer

So, kerc, you just have a blank calendar up and then write in each day what was spent? do you then write next to it what it was for, like food, bills, etc...? that could work for us maybe.... it would be interesting to see what our daily totals are.

yeah. but I only total it weekly (and so I basically use the whole week to write stuff down). I write the store ("mt royal fine foods" (MRFF) is our grocery. I could that as 100% food. I buy stuff like cleaners at target so that's household. It is not a perfect system, but the computer and/or notebook systems didn't work for me. I also find that except for buying food at work I generally only spend money 1-2 days per week. Bills obviously I pay as they are due, but I only make purchases at stores 1-2 days per week.

[westernskies]

Well I survived the big talk... It got a bit hairy in spots, but we managed to bring it back to topic and talk about the future, rather than what happened in the past. We have added some new categories to the budget, erased some, increased personal spending money, and allotted percentages to where extra money and bonus's go each month. He was pretty antisnowball at first (paying all extra money to 1 debt, then rolling that payment into the next debt) but I told him a story his mom had told me about when she and his dad were married and had to both dig out of their baggage 1st marriage debt. I didn't tell him that to make him change his mind, I actually suggested maybe he ask his parents what they did for advice to help us, but he told me it is the one thing that opened him up to the idea! (Thank you MIL!) We will try this new and improved budget for a few months and see how it works.

[bamboogrrrl]

Westernskies: You go grrrl! It can take a while for spendy dhs to come around, but yours will, especially when he sees the fruits of this labor. Congrats!

[boingo82]

Just have to say, we have been in the red for a few months, getting behind on everything...we just sold my car, that eliminates a $240/ month payment, eliminates $70/month insurance too. We are using the money from that to get caught up, and then our tax refund will be our "buffer". Not having a buffer is what got us in trouble in the 1st place.
So...I love that car and will miss it terribly...but HOORAY~!!

[mountain mom]

Hi Everyone,
I have a question that y'all may be able to help me with.

Dh and I have a bit of debt, mostly incurred while he was at school this past four years. He is done now and making a decent income, I am a WAHM, and my business is only 1 year old.

So, we want to purchase about 5 acres of land in the area we will move to in the next 24 months.

Do you think the bank will mortgage the land and add on the debt we owe?

The land won't be much of a mortgage...less than 40,000.

We rent here is the city.

Is anyone familiar with this?

[kerc]

Originally Posted by boingo82

Just have to say, we have been in the red for a few months, getting behind on everything...we just sold my car, that eliminates a $240/ month payment, eliminates $70/month insurance too. We are using the money from that to get caught up, and then our tax refund will be our "buffer". Not having a buffer is what got us in trouble in the 1st place.
So...I love that car and will miss it terribly...but HOORAY~!!

the key is....will you really miss it $310 + gas and repairs each month?

[kerc]

Originally Posted by mountain mom

Do you think the bank will mortgage the land and add on the debt we owe?

it is possible, depends on the bank and your credit. You could also chat with the lender about refinancing some of the debt...our lender was willing to refinance our car if he needed to for the numbers to work. We didn't end up doing that but at the time it was a real possibility.

[boingo82]

Originally Posted by kerc

the key is....will you really miss it $310 + gas and repairs each month?

No I won't. However it took a LONG time to get to the point where the money looked better than the car...see, it would've been paid off in April, and my brothers had built me these custom LED taillights, they were *so* awesome. It was just a good little car...the Infiniti motto, "Own one, you'll understand." I had a whole online community of people with the same car, we shared tips and info and whatnot...I was the first one to figure out how to put custom cupholders in and everyone copied mine, we compared gas mileage and had meetups, etc.

At the same time, as much as I love that car, it did not fit into our lifestyle right now. I found it a good home with a young man who has lots of time and money (still lives with his parents) to do all the things (tint, wheels, etc.) that I never had the money to. I know he'll take good care of it.