How would you handle this?

[mistymama]

My son is almost 27 months and has SID, so on occasion when he gets very upset he's next to impossible to get to calm down, and when he gets like that he's really unable to calm himself.

I'm a very kicked back mama, and usually we have no problems. I've been successfully doing GD and feel like it's working very well. But we've had something similar happen 3 times now and I'm in need of advice to see if there is something I can do differently.

When we get ready to leave somewhere he does not want to leave ... the train table at Barnes and Noble, the ride on toys at Walmart, whatever, he throws a fit. Now usually, I can just ignore the fit and distract him, or he'll get over it by the time we get to the car. Not lately. He works himself up into a frenzy, kicking, screaming, headbutting me, you name it. By the time we get to the car, he's really worked up. There is no way he's going into his carseat without a fight. So I've tried swinging him in circles (which usually calms him), playing a game or just about any kind of distraction you can think of. Does not work AT ALL. When he's this upset, you can't talk to him, he's at no point to be able to listen at all. So I usually end up forcing him into the carseat, at which point he's crying real tears and very worked up. He is usually able to calm himself by the time we drive home.

I just really, really hate how negative this feels, and I'm wondering if there is something I am overlooking, something else I could try to make this easier. It's getting to where I'm DREADING doing some of our fun activities, because I know when it's over, the fit is going to occur.

I do give him warnings that it's becomming time to leave, and I know he understands me, but once the time comes, the huge fit starts.

Does anyone have any suggestions on some more positive things I can do to help get us through this stage?

[Ruthla]

One technique we've used with my son (actually, my Mom used this with him when she took him to story hour at B&N) is to keep something in the car that he wants- usually a snack. Then, when he started getting hungry, she could say "let's go to the car for a snack" and he'd have something to look forward to in the car. He'd still have to go through the whole routine of saying goodbye to the toys (sometimes to each individual train on the table) but it got him motivated to leave.

Other ways I've gotten him to leave somewhere "Let's go to the car now." "I don't want to go to the car." "OK, let's take a walk instead." (the walk ends when we arrive at the car :LOL)

Since my ds loves cars, school busses, and basically anything with wheels, offering to go outside to look for vehicles often motivates him as well (he can look for busses and trucks from the carseat as we drive around.)

When we get to the car, I give him the choice of climbing into the carseat himself or letting Mommy put him in. If he's not cooperating, then he's choosing to let Mommy put him in, and I explain that to him. I often let him get out of the carseat after I put him in (but before strapping) just so he can climb back in by himself- it takes a little longer but then I have a calm child in the car so its worth it!!

There are still times when I have to pick him up and force him into the carseat, but they're getting to be less and less often.

[LoveBeads]

My DD also has SID and difficult transitioning is a hallmark for this syndrome. I have established about a million tricks to get from A to B. I thought Ruthla had some really good ideas.

Is your son in OT? If not, you may want to consider putting him in. Also, you might want to come over to the Special Needs board. The mamas there have a lot to offer you and you will find things that work.

Okay, when counting down the time it is best to involve the child. Show him your watch and show him where the hand is going to be when it is time to go. Ask him to come and look at your watch and tell you if it is time to go yet. Try to use concrete examples for time passing - looking at the hands on a watch, four more pushes on the swing, three more slides - you get the idea. It is not always easy for kids to understand the 5-3-1 countdown.

The most important concept in transitioning a SID child is to give them as much control over the situation as possible.

When it's time to leave, let him decide how he wants to leave. ASk him if he wants to skip, run, or fly (this was always my dd's favorite). Let him push the door opener thing on your keychain (if you have one). Ask him if he wants to climb in himself or have you help him. Ask him to help you buckle the carseat. Ask him what kind of music he wants to hear. In other words, distract him with questions that give him power.

I know how difficult it is to bring a SID child "back" from a tantrum - ooh boy do I know!

Hope this helps.

[lilyka]

The thing that has helped us the most is routien, routien, routien and avoiding things that set her off.

the only other hting I have to offer is you may want to try OT. He seems more, intense than my dd was. But then again I didn't have a problem carrying her out anf forcing her into her carseat. I figured standing around talking to her wasn't going to make it better but I knew as soon as we were out of ther eit would be better. and then I didn'tknow she had SID.

If it makes you feel any better she rarely has trouble transitioning now Now that she is eight. So maybe it is somehting he will grow out of fter a while.

[FreeRangeMama]

Once the count-down transitions stopped working for my ds we switched to "what 2 things do you want to do before we go?". He then felt like he had a chance to finish what it was he wanted to do and had some closure (which he really needs). Then I could say, "well, we finished thing a and thing b, would you like to press the button to open the door? Shall we take this route home? Would you like some water in the van?" etc. He responded well to this most of the time, but even now we still have our days.