Is this to controlling RE:Food

[hipumpkins]

My DD 27mos would drink OJ all day long if I let her. So I limit OJ to breakfast/lunch and I have her take at least 2 bites of food beofre she can drnk b/c she will literally chug the entire cup and become too full to eat food.
My daughter is also VERY chatty. She literaly talks all day along and even contiues on in her sleep. I think sometimes at meal times she is so busy talking that she doesn't take time to eat. So I will hold a forkful of food in front of her and let her choose to eat it. I am however, feeding her .I don't make her open her mouth or anything but rather just hold the fork and she almost always takes a bite. The reason this started is b/c in lettting DD choose to eat or not she wouldn't eat dinner or at least not enough of it to keep her asleep. She was waking up around 2 or 3 am and asking for food. I would give it to her and she would sometimes eat 2 bowls of cereal so she was really hungry.
Do you think either of these 2 scenarios is being too controlling? I really want her to grow up and know her own hunger and be able to take care of it but I also want a good night's sleep :

[velcromom]

I think I would simply give water at mealtimes, and offer the juice afterwards. Counting bites is for me a negative focus on food, and too nitpicky. I know both my boys would fill up on liquids to the exclusion of the meal, if I didn't put some limits on them. There are GD ways to say, sorry, but juice is not for dinnertime. And to deal with the tantrum that follows if that happens...I'd treat it the same as if my ds asked for candy for dinner. If it's going to interfere with healthy eating, it's not going to be offered at mealtime.

I don't have any idea how you could get her to stop talking and eat... I usually just let ds eat or not, give him a healthy snack before the bedtime routine, and he will nurse at night if he is hungry - he has never asked for food other than mama's milk at night.

[Charles Baudelaire]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

My DD 27mos would drink OJ all day long if I let her. So I limit OJ to breakfast/lunch and I have her take at least 2 bites of food beofre she can drnk b/c she will literally chug the entire cup and become too full to eat food.

I'm probably telling you something you already know, but I'm going to anyway on the slim, teeny chance you don't. Sorry if I'm giving you old news! OJ is not good for kids -- it's very acidic, for one, and the sugar is a chief contributor to diseases doctors are seeing on the rise in toddler/child populations such as hypoglycemia, diabetes, overweight, and so on. OJ has vitamin C, but so what? So does broccoli.

Personally, if it were me, the OJ would not be bought any more. If my dd asked for it, I would say we were out (the truth) and give her water instead.

My daughter is also VERY chatty. She literaly talks all day along and even contiues on in her sleep. I think sometimes at meal times she is so busy talking that she doesn't take time to eat. So I will hold a forkful of food in front of her and let her choose to eat it. I am however, feeding her .I don't make her open her mouth or anything but rather just hold the fork and she almost always takes a bite. The reason this started is b/c in lettting DD choose to eat or not she wouldn't eat dinner or at least not enough of it to keep her asleep. She was waking up around 2 or 3 am and asking for food. I would give it to her and she would sometimes eat 2 bowls of cereal so she was really hungry.

I'm sorry, but I think this is an unwinnable situation you're presenting for yourself. I hope this comes out sounding the right way, but in my opinion, our job as parents is to give children as much responsibility for themselves, their surroundings, and their world as would be prudent for them. I think you need to allow your daughter to decide when and what she will eat.

I realize what you're saying -- that you don't want her to be hungry -- but by feeding her in the middle of the night, you're not allowing any natural consequence to occur, namely that she's hungry. I don't know -- I might give her something like a glass of milk (somewhat filling, to tide her over) but I really wouldn't "enable" her by giving the cereal, especially since it was her decision not to eat. I think she needs to learn that if she doesn't eat dinner, she's going to be hungry until breakfast. That's reasonable.

Do you think either of these 2 scenarios is being too controlling? I really want her to grow up and know her own hunger and be able to take care of it but I also want a good night's sleep :

Sure, you do, and that's reasonable. Yeah, I think the approaches are too controlling and you need to let your dd figure out things for herself within safe limits. You sound like a caring mom who loves her very much.

Edited to add: I just checked her age. At 27 months, I think it's fair to give her a really, really clear warning before you clear off the dinner plates, something like, "Hon, I'm clearing off dinner in five minutes. I sure hope you're done by then. I hope you won't be hungry later on at night." Also, I didn't get much of a sense of how mature your daughter is yet, or to what degree she really gets cause and effect -- that's one skill that seems to really vary widely from kid to kid. If she doesn't get cause and effect super-well right this moment, I'd try a before-bed yogurt drink to tide her over until the AM.
Good luck.

[bluey]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

My daughter is also VERY chatty. She literaly talks all day along and even contiues on in her sleep. I think sometimes at meal times she is so busy talking that she doesn't take time to eat.

:LOL I have a chatty girl too I've taken to gentle reminders while we are eating.. Usually in the form of "don't forget to eat some dinner" She almost always says "oops! I forgot" has a bite and carries on chatting. There is generally an evening snack in the form of a piece of fruit, or yogurt. She sleeps for 10-12 hours a night which would mean at least 15 hours between dinner and breakfast which I feel is too long for no sustenance. Also a carry over from when I was pregnant and had GD, I got used to small meals spread through the day and have never really stopped doing it.

[LunaMom]

I think limiting the orange juice is fine. Too much juice is not good for children, period. Not allowing a child to "binge" on a particular food is not too controlling in my opinion.

As far as the talking instead of eating, I hear you! My 6 y.o. daughter is the same way and always has been. But I do think that feeding her yourself, even if she is taking the bites willingly, is a bad idea. She should not be dependent upon you to feed her, and it will be hard for her to learn to listen to her own body and read her hubger signals if she gets used to you doing that.

Here's a suggestion of a couple of things that have helped my daughter remember to eat and not just talk:

First, just give gentle reminders as another poster suggested. I simply say, "Sweetie, dinner will be over soon and I want you to make sure you eat what you want so you aren't hungry at bedtime."

Second, if your husband or other children (you don't describe your family in a sig line so I'm not sure who else might be eating dinner with you!) are at the table, make sure they are doing some of the talking, too, so she can't be talking nonstop!

Last, how about playing music at dinnertime, maybe some good children's music with lyrics she likes? Then she can listen as she eats - of course, if she chooses to sing, that defeats the purpose. I told my daughter that we can do this as long as she doesn't sing instead of eat! It's really cute to watch her bopping her head to the music as she chews...

[IdentityCrisisMama]

DC sounds like she could be like your child. We don’t really have juice around or we ‘run out’ when it’s getting to be too much of something.

Regarding the talking, what would help my DC is waiting to eat a little longer. I find meals to be very frustrating if she’s not that hungry.

DC also wanted food in the night at your child’s age. What helped us was talking to her about limiting that. She still gets hungry in the night from time to time (so do I) but it isn’t a habit like before.

Good luck!

[Bippity]

My DD was getting pretty demanding about juice (apple) at all hours of the day & night for awhile, too, so I just stopped buying it. It took a few days, but she rarely asks for it anymore. I too am really concerned about being controlling w/food since I have food issues myself, and it's so hard to just let it go sometimes and let her be in charge of her food.

Now it's milk or water and she can eat fruit - she loves almost all fruit, so it's not a problem & I don't limit her fruit intake & thankfully she has no allergies. I have to keep it simple, so I just keep stuff like orange segments (clementines), grapes, teeny tomatoes, apple slices, kiwi, etc. cut up & ready to go in the fridge (along with cheese cubes, broccoli-with yogurt or something to dip, carrots w/hummus, and edamame or frozen peas (yup, she likes those peas frozen for some reason!). The apples need a bit of lemon juice, but otherwise it works out pretty well with little fuss. If it's something too tart/sour for her taste I will add a light sprinkle of sugar to it.

Then if she doesn't eat at mealtime, I don't worry about it and don't push her to eat at all - ever in any way as much as I can resist the occasional urge to do so. But I will offer her some yogurt before bed and anything from her snack bowl, too. So if she wakes up hungry at night I keep a sippy cup of ice water ready & she can choose that or I'll warm some milk (sadly, she's not nursing anymore) which I will bring back to bed for her. If that doesn't work she can then get up and graze from her snack bowl, but in a dim light only. I really believe that turning on the lights at night wakes her up too much & then makes it harder to go back to sleep, so I have those tiny touch lamps around for getting up at night and we whisper and I keep reminding her that it's nite-nite time and she has to go back to sleep when she's had enough snacks. That seems to help it not become a several hour ordeal.

(I have this tupperware appetizer thing that just gets filled up every other day or so with some healthy choices-it holds 7 different things in one container and is truly a lifesaver at those picky times. And, if she doesn't eat up the most perishable stuff after a few days I just use it at dinner.)

Hope that helps!

[warriorprincess]

I think it's a good idea to limit drinks. Too much of anything but water (unless it's a nursing baby) is unhealty. It can be bad for their teeth and I found with #1 it (juice) made him have accidents and made it harder to potty train. I never buy juice anymore; the kids have a cup of milk w/ breakfast and water the rest of the day.

[hipumpkins]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am going to use as lot of those good suggestions.
Charles thanks for the reminder about juice. She actaully got hooked on OJ b/c when she weaned the ped recommended fortified OJ with calcium. We do water it down and she is not allowed to drink it all day long. (Hence the controlling )
Thanks again everyone!

[morgainesmama]

re: juice .... my son is almost 3, and he LOVES juice. I seldom buy it -- however, I must say, that even at almost 3, I can still get away with adding a splash (like a tablespoon) of jiuce to a cup of water when he askes for juice. At parties I can do this with other drinks, too ... if he really wants, say, soda, usually he wants some flavor, so I give him sparkling water with a tiny splash of brown or orange soda (or even plain water) and he's happy.

In this way, when he's really fixated on juice I can give him "juice" all day long.

BTW the AAP (not that they're the final say by any means of course) recommends no more than 7 oz. juice daily for little children.

Re: talking, if talking is interfering with eating I just tell my daughter (who is like this) that I would like a few minutes of quiet time and explain that the sounds of chewing can be restful to my mind, and we just take a few moments of peaceful eating. She's older -- 5.5 years -- but we've done this for a while. It's ok to need quiet sometimes. Likewise I respect her need for quiet (like if she asks me to turn off the radio or whatever). It gives space for eating.

At 27 months, your child may simply not eat. And that just needs to be ok, as long as she's not losing weight. My 2yo often chooses not to eat, and I offer a healthy bedtime snack, which he also refuses sometimes, and then the next morning I cook him extra breakfast. Food is one of the only areas a child of this age can control -- making it an issue, only makes it a bigger issue, if that makes sense?

[mpeel]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

is b/c in lettting DD choose to eat or not she wouldn't eat dinner or at least not enough of it to keep her asleep. She was waking up around 2 or 3 am and asking for food. I would give it to her and she would sometimes eat 2 bowls of cereal so she was really hungry.

We had problems with our first not eating supper for a variety of reasons. We enacted a rule that you get nothing to eat from the time you are excused from the supper table until breakfast is served. Even at 2, she learned quickly that she needed to eat supper. Our problem was not night waking but starving at bedtime. But, it ended when she ate instead of playing, talking, etc. Rare exceptions are made. Like if they ate a full supper but wind up hungry again later. Kids hit growth spurts and need to eat often.

I also agree that OJ is terrible for children, as is most juice. Water is the best thing. We have to limit even that. The girls get 2 ounce glasses and get a refill only after food is eaten. I do encourage more drinking between meals as guzzling their drink early in a meal indicates to me they are not getting enough at other times.

[terrarose]

Hi

I would stop buying the OJ.

We do not have liquid with our meals as it's hard on digestion. The general rule of thumb is at least 15 mins before or at least 30mins after eating.

My ds ( almost 3 and a half) is usually too busy during the day to eat much. We just have snacks beside the bed for in the night. He usually wakes up 2x to eat.

Good luck to you.

[Messac888]

my 28 month son sounds like your girl. We offer water (juice is for snacktime only) and wilk, although sometimes we'll add strawberry or chocolate powder to keep it appealing. He's been on a dinner strike lately, and when he wakes up hungry we remind him he didn't eat dinner and will have to wait for bkft. However, we just recently started eating at the table instead of in front of the tv and now he's eating more of his dinner again. I dunno where you eat, but it's an idea. We usually eat a well-sized bkft, snack, lunch is usually only a sandwich or pasta or something, then we snack a couple times, have a good sized dinner, and snack before bedtime. Our meals aren't usually too large, we tend to graze throughout the day but emphasize bkft as our "big" meal. (Cereal and fruit and milk, or waffles w/peanut butter and milk, or cheese on toast, fruit and milk, etc- you get the idea!)

Good luck!