1y.o. throwing tantrums...please help!

[Still_Snarky]

I have shamelessly bragged about having "the easiest baby in the world." : Uh-oh, here comes payback...

My quiet, docile toddler has recently started throwing temper tantrums (defined as "a loss of mental balance or composure, esp. by an outburst of anger or irritation" )...a lot! Generally, it is over things that she has no choice about. In other words they are things that are enforced for her safety like not walking on the back of the sofa, being buckled into her carseat, etc. She screams and arches/goes limp and throws herself on the ground. It is really hard for me to deal with.

So, my question is, how should we respond? At this point we've been looking her in the eyes (if we can get her to stop writhing around long enough) and saying: "Parker, I can see that you didn't want to ____. I'm sorry that that makes you angry." BTW...distraction does NOT work with her; only further p*sses her off.

In the past, we had a problem with her sticking her fingers down her throat and gagging herself (sometimes to the point of throwing up). When we finally realized she was doing it to get a reaction out of us, we started ignoring her. Sure enough she stopped within a few days and hasn't done it since. Should we take the same approach?

I'm at the end of my rope here.

[Still_Snarky]

Tell me I'm not the only one going through this...?

[diane1969]

Ah! You just reminded me that my DD used to stick her fingers down her throat at that age, just the same way!! We did the same thing, ignore it, and it did go away. I totally forgot about that...

No other advice about the tantrums, other than the redirecting - but she's not into that. With the car seat, do you have kids CDs loaded up? My DD would do that when she was young, I'd get the music going right away and start singing and bouncing around to The Wiggles.

Oh, and just make sure the house or room that she's in is a *yes* friendly as possible.

Other than that, I'm right there with ya, I sometimes feel I'm dangling from my very thin, last nerve.

[Still_Snarky]

Originally Posted by diane1969

With the car seat, do you have kids CDs loaded up?

We always have her CD's loaded up and they do help for the ride in the car. If she is feeling hysterical, it takes her a few minutes to realize that there's music even on.

Originally Posted by diane1969

Oh, and just make sure the house or room that she's in is a *yes* friendly as possible.

This has been key for us...The living room is our "yes" room. The only thing she can't do it is walk on the back of the sofa and of course, this is her *favorite activity!

Thanks for your input!

[cocogoddess]

1 yr old Temper Tantrums

I definitely can relate to what you are going through.
My daughter is now 17 months and still has temper tantrums. She has gone limp, screamed at the top of her lungs... and done the very same thing that your child is doing right now.

What I learned to do that has worked is....just walk away.
When we are at home and Hailey has a fit over things she can't have/do...like walking on the sofa..trying to dig in the trash etc....

I found that once I do walk away and she realizes that no one is paying attention to her ..she stops.

Good luck.

[yogamama]

My 19 month old is having a hard time lately with handling frustration and she has hysterical tantrums too. The worst times are getting in the car and coming down the stairs (she wants to play on the stairs from the bedrooms to the first floor of our house and they are long wooden stairs).

Distraction works a little bit, but I am exhausted from trying to avoid the instances of hysteria and trying to ward it off before it comes. And of course I'm tired of the hysteria too.

I have a 5 year old and they are both spirited kids, but he was never quite this intense. I swear I don't think I can have another spirited child - I think I may be done having babies!

[Piglet68]

It sounds like you are already doing a great job. I wouldn't try to ignore the tantrum though. This isn't the same thing as the fingers issue.

I encourage you to continue to validate her feelings. Giving names to what she is feeling is SO important. It will be her first step in learning how to deal with emotions. But also recognize that the tantrum is simply pure, unrestrained emotions. It's how we would all react if we hadn't learned over time what is considered acceptable and sociable ways of expressing ourselves. So long as you don't change your mind about the "rule" halfway through a tantrum (like "okay, okay you can walk on the sofa!!") then you will not have to worry about her using tantrums as a tool in the future.

Also, know that your child will struggle with emotions for some time. Don't be discouraged when they are still tantruming at 2.5 (although it will be over different things and in different ways). And, by the way, another important thing is not to feel like you have to STOP a tantrum. Just let it run it's course, be there for your child (or sitting close by if they don't wish to be touched). Don't try to distract if it doesn't work. Just be there until it's over. I know it's hard to watch, but it is important that she experience frustration and "see it through to the end", learning that she can get through these "tough times". And with your loving comfort beside her, she'll do so with increasing confidence.