10 month old and GD..please help!

[boricuaqueen327]

My dd is almost 10 months. She's a super sweet baby and super smart too. lately however she's been doing things that make my dh angry, such as hitting him in the face, scratching him, or turning the tv and computer on and off. The last she hit him he smacked her on the leg. I wasn't in the room to see but when he told me I was very upset. I've been trying to teach her that hitting is not ok by distracting her or taking her hand and showing what a soft touch and telling her that we love mommy or daddy (whomever she hit) and that they get gentle touches (of course that is probably too hard for a baby to understand but hey, it distracts her for a second anyway). DH says that by not hitting her when she hits us we're reinforcing her behavior. But I am trying to show him that he has it backward. if we tell her she can't hit us and then go and hith er, we're not only being hypocritical, we're teaching her that hitting is an OK way to show your feelings. And I know that its not ok! The TV and computer thing i think is just wanting to see how things work so I dont think i need to discipline her for that. Can you guys give me suggestions on things I can teach my dh to do with her when he gets upset? I really dont want our child to be spanked. I was spanked as a child and I would have appreciated and cooperated more if other methods were used. ANyway, thanks in advanced, I know you guys have really good ideas and I cant wait to read some.

[bec]

With this age, redirection and baby-proofing are your biggest discipline tools. I think it is totally inappropriate to be striking a 10 month old baby, regardless of how smart she is!

Get a tv guard or a computer guard to keep her from turning those on and off. Maybe get her a toy that she can push the buttons on and see an effect (that's what she's after with the button pushing).

As for the hitting (my second did this, btw), she is getting a fabulous reaction when she is doing it. The most effective thing that I have done with my second is to not react at all, and just put her down on the ground for a few moments, firmly tell her that, "We don't hit," then I model the gentle touches I want her to use, and pick her back up asking her if she's ready to try again.

Slapping her on the leg (or anywhere else) is only going to teach her that the response for something she doesn't like is to hit. That and she is going to learn that she must do what you want her to because she is smaller than you and you can physically dominate her. Also, she will learn to behave as you expect her to because she is afraid of being hit. None of these are good messages. These don't teach love or trust or compassion.


Bec

[TiredX2]

As for the hitting (my second did this, btw), she is getting a fabulous reaction when she is doing it. The most effective thing that I have done with my second is to not react at all, and just put her down on the ground for a few moments, firmly tell her that, "We don't hit," then I model the gentle touches I want her to use, and pick her back up asking her if she's ready to try again.

Additionally, unless your DD is some 200 lb super baby, it is really disturbing to me that DH is actually getting *angry.* Annoyed, I can understand, but he might want to consider the root of his anger (feeling out of control? feeling not listened to?...) and try to address that.

[boricuaqueen327]

Thanks! I told my dh all your suggestions and he agrees with most of them. He is not sure where his anger is coming from though but I've asked him to please really think about it so we can work through that instead of teaching our baby taht hitting is an ok way to express yourself. She's been doing really good with the gentle touches, whenver I tell her gentle touches she strokes my face or my tummy softly and laughs. Hopefully with all these suggestions my dh can learn to not hit and to use GD.

[bec]

Maybe suggest some ways for him to deal with his anger when it comes up. If he gets the urge to discipline her this way, ask him to set her down or pass her off to you and he should take a time out himself for a few minutes, in order to regain his temper.

It honestly sounds as if he is the one that has the problem, not you baby. If she is getting under his skin so much at 10 months that he feels the need to spank her, imagine how he's going to feel when she is 2 or 3 and deliberately trying to get a rise out of him, because she's in the throws of toddler rebellion?

His temper is something he needs to get a grip on before that happens.


Bec

[boricuaqueen327]

I'm bringing my dh to read all of your suggestions. Thank you!

[Piglet68]

I just wanted to say ITA with bec. Also, the anger your dh feels is normal. He needs to know that. When we get hit, that immediately triggers our "fight or flight" instinct. In a millisecond our brain has gone on the defensive, calculated the odds of our winning the battle (and with a 10 month old it's not a tough calculation, lol) and told us what to do - in this case the obvious response is to hit back. We ALL experience this feeling, though what exactly sets it off can vary from person to person. I have even felt it myself and I'm about as anti-spanking as you can get. I think once we recognize this feeling for what it is, it's easier to get past it. Also, rehearsing scenes in your head where you respond the way you hope to, that is also really helpful for me. He can imagine his daugher hitting him, then rehearse how he wants to react. He sounds like a cool guy for listening to you and wanting to address his anger.

[LoveBeads]

Originally Posted by bec

It honestly sounds as if he is the one that has the problem, not you baby. If she is getting under his skin so much at 10 months that he feels the need to spank her, imagine how he's going to feel when she is 2 or 3 and deliberately trying to get a rise out of him, because she's in the throws of toddler rebellion?

His temper is something he needs to get a grip on before that happens.

I completely agree. I think that you would get some great suggestions if you post a thread about how we convinced our DHs that GD is the way to go and what type of success stories we have from it.

When your little sweetie is 2 and having regular rebellion issues, 10-months is going to look like a cakewalk. Good luck to you and DH!