You tell me why I should continue being an ap parent... - Page 5

[Mona]

hypatia-
i'm not going to address the whole argument of helping him deal w/ pain.
what is more disturbing to me is the routine use of motrin, for reasons you don't even know. there have been countless studies showing the damaging effects of motrin on adults, let alone children. it really messes w/ their system. your kid doesn't have a chance from the get go to develop a strong system if you are adament about pill popping.

[mommyofshmoo]

Teething pain is tough because one is never sure what is causing the fussiness/lack of sleep. I can't really blame somebody for administering painkillers if they are not sure. What are they to do- get an MRI of the kid's head to see if there's gum inflammation before using a painkiller?

Plenty of babies don't like cold chew toys or ambesol (and that natural alternative to ambesol stuff is disgusting tasting.)

Any study that shows damage from OTC drugs tends to focus on those who use them every day, or most days. These studies are not looking at people who take a half dose once a month.

But I'm not sure why I'm arguing this. People are either against off label use of OTC drugs, or OK with it. I don't think either side's feelings are "rational", but they are based on general feelings towards medicine, drugs, pharmaceutical companies, "the man", etc.

[mommyofshmoo]

Magnesium?

Hey Edamommy-

If you are still reading with all the non-sequitors,

Icame across something on the nightime parenting section than I realized i hadn't seenmentioned. Have you tried giving your son magnesium before bed?

Magnesium relaxes muscles and calms. this is especially true in people eho are deficienct, but many people are. Plus, children's multis don't generally have minerals in them.

For dosage and more info- check out the sleep section.

[CryPixie83]

Originally Posted by edamommy

So, my quandry is how do I night wean him without enduring the crying.... which he does at the drop of a freaking hat?

Just curious, does he take a pacifier? That has helped to save my sanity at times, so I thought I'd ask. .
btw, I can't imagine constant crying for as long as you endured, you have my admiration (for not losing your marbles). Your son is blessed to have you as a mama.

[edamommy]

an update...

Baylor has been sleeping like a dream. I got the idea from another Mothering thread that he may have a magnesium deficiency (or other minerals) and have been giving him trace amounts of magnesium before bed... ahhhh ... the boy is sleeping like a dream. Waking only around 5am for a long nursing marathon (normally he never nurses more then 5 minutes at a sitting...off and on off and on).

btw- he doesn't take a pacifier. I despise them! :

[CryPixie83]

Originally Posted by edamommy

btw- he doesn't take a pacifier. I despise them! :

So glad to hear he's sleeping well!

Hehe, I have a love/hate relationship with pacis... I hate the idea of them, the look of them, the possible attachment BUT they keep dd from screaming in the car and they allow me to leave the room for more than five minutes (shower!!!) I literally cried when dd took her first binky w/ no problem (at around 4 months), but have discovered they have their place at times

[Mona]

nak

kimberley- in what form did you give your dc magnesium?
glad it worked!!!
that reminds me that i need to start taking them agian!!!

[edamommy]

Originally Posted by Mona

nak

kimberley- in what form did you give your dc magnesium?
glad it worked!!!
that reminds me that i need to start taking them agian!!!

It's Hylands Homeopathic tabs.

[bamamom]

Glad to hear things are improving!!!!!!!

[momea]

Hi edamommy,

know this is kinda old but just wanted to say that I finally got to a point when I realized feeling like failure was preferable to disliking/resenting my child.

sleep has been a real issue for me too - especially with my second now that i don't have any nighttime help and it seems as if one or the other is keeping me up for a considerable part of *every* night.

when i get sleep things look a lot better to me - in fact I'm such a better mommy I don't feel like such a failure! I mean if you're exhausted it gets pretty hard to be the patient loving parent we all want to be - so you're bound to feel like a failure. The exhaustion thing creates this negative spiral I think. Not being very clear but - am really tired

so my failure was that I didn't nightwean real gentle. i read so many wonderful posts - people writing little books that they read over and over with their toddlers, you know - all the patience and creativity in the world kind of stuff. I just simply needed to be done and didn't have the energy or whatever I needed to DO that. And we're okay. I wish it had been gentle and she had gone along with my idea but she hated it and hated any cut back in nursing. I nightweaned her at about 2 1/2. It was ugly. She cried. I cried. I yelled. I was not ap wonderful mama at all. But when I finallly got some sleep I tell you I was a different person. Mind you - she wasn't sleeping through the night or anything but the difference was I felt rested. Big difference.

So I guess I'm saying that even if you have to "compromise" your ap standards on this issue it might be worth it ... because becoming an exhaustion monster will definitely make you compromise your ap standards.

Here's to some sleep for you ...

Eve

[dharmamama]

Edamommy, I have only read your initial post in this thread. I have not read anything else, but I want to reply because I don't know if or when I will have the time to read the whole thing.

If your son is 22 months old and you are chronically exhausted from nursing all night and feel like you are at the edge of sanity, stop nursing your son all night. Your son is not an infant who needs to nurse frequently for nutrition. He is a toddler who is nursing for pleasure and comfort. There is nothing wrong with that ... unless it's unhinging you, which it sounds like it is. Your son is old enough to be shown new ways to gain the comfort he needs at night.

I think of AP as family-centered more than child-centered. The best thing for a child is to have happy parents who don't feel like they are martyrs. I think that a lot of the moms who get AP-burnout do so because it's hard to make the switch from meeting baby's every need/want to more of a balance between meeting the child's needs/wants and meeting the mothers needs/wants. I know I struggled with that a lot, and I continue to work on that adjustment even as my daughter turns 3 this month. Just because you are a mom doesn't mean you are no longer a person with needs and desires, a person who deserves to have those needs and desires attended to. You are as important as your child is.

The happiest families are those in which everyone's needs and wants are in balance and nobody is getting shorted because someone else's needs and wants are considered automatically more important.

It's ok to help your little guy start the transition from baby to child. It's ok for you to determine what you need to be a sane, functioning momma and take steps to get that.

Being in tune with your child, which is the essence of AP, does not mean that you no longer matter.

I hope that I have been able to give you some support. If you would like to talk more, please feel free to PM me.

Namaste!

[Mona]

FWIW, my 22 mo old ate very little solids, and really did depend on night nursings for nutrition. even at 25 months, she eats much better, but w/ a sensitive system, she and her immune system rely on my breastmilk.

[dharmamama]

Edamommy, I did manage to wade through this thread. I am glad to hear that Baylor is sleeping better and that the magnesium seems to be working.

My biggest suggestion would be that, if the sleeping/night nursing/exhaustion thing becomes a problem again, let your husband start handling more nighttime parenting.

My husband struggled long and hard to convince my daughter that "Daddies are just as good as Mommies," as he puts it. I supported him in this even when my daughter clearly wanted (not needed) Daddy to get the heck out of the way so that she could get to Momma because 1) I needed some breaks and 2) I do believe that, for older babies and toddlers, Daddies are just as good as Mommies, and although my daughter might have a preference for Momma, she was not being harmed by having Daddy.

I think we need to allow our kids to have preferences (for example, nursing all night) and to express anger (for example, screaming) when they don't get their preference, but I also think that we needn't be controlled by a child's desires.

Namaste!

[kchoffmann]

I stopped reading at, like, post 50. But I did manage to read that Baylor's sleeping better. That's wonderful news.

I just wanted to add: a possible mistake in the AP-level of paying attention to our children's needs is to think that just because a toddler is crying at night for nursies every hour, that he *needs* those nursies. Our lives got a lot better when I admitted that my toddler didn't need nursies every hour. What he really needed was sleep. This led to our own version of sleep learning, which included nightweaning. Now it's not just me who feels better. He's so much happier now that he's not so sleep deprived. This, in my opinion, is filling his needs better than continuing to nurse him constantly at night.

[edamommy]

Just an update from me....
this week (so far) in a nutshell...

I've started giving baylor a magnesium supplement (homeopathic). In the last 4 days he's slept TWO NIGHTS without waking until 5ish or 6ish AM!!! He has NEVER NEVER NEVER ever slept thru the night. He didn't even stir to nurse. It's like a freeeeeeeeekin' miracle. He has still had a few dreams, but not enough to wake him up. It's really nice. I cannot believe that he has slept two full nights. cannot believe it!

[michelle1k]

Edamommy, which magnesium homeopathic Rx did you give him?

Warmly,
Michelle - thinking that she could use this info for her little night-waking monster too!

[edamommy]

Originally Posted by michelle1k

Edamommy, which magnesium homeopathic Rx did you give him?

Warmly,
Michelle - thinking that she could use this info for her little night-waking monster too!

Hylands Nerve Tonic. It says to give 2 tabs for child so I called them and they advised 1-2 tabs is fine for 2 year old weighing 24lbs.

[DandelionBouquet]

I haven't read all the responses, but have you thought about food allergies at all, dairy, gluten, food dye, etc.? I mean, perhaps it's just personality, maybe even some kind of disorder, like sensory issues or something, but it just seems a little excessive for just a high-needs child, KWIM?

Sorry if this wasn't helpful.

Maggie

ETA: I just saw your update and I'm so happy for you guys!!!

[edamommy]

Originally Posted by DandelionBouquet

I haven't read all the responses, but have you thought about food allergies at all, dairy, gluten, food dye, etc.? I mean, perhaps it's just personality, maybe even some kind of disorder, like sensory issues or something, but it just seems a little excessive for just a high-needs child, KWIM?

Sorry if this wasn't helpful.

Maggie

ETA: I just saw your update and I'm so happy for you guys!!!

HMMM--- do you know any hn babes? Because he's pretty textbook! And, it's 3am, after him waking every hour to fuss or nurse or just kicking me and NOT being awake... I've given up on the sleep. :

[DandelionBouquet]

No, my girl is not hn, but I've heard a lot of women describe their hn babies and I just don't see a two-year-old waking up every hour as normal hn. Sorry the magnesium doesn't seem to be working anymore. I think it would at least be worth checking into allergies if you haven't already.