June '04 Mamas - is it really February? - Page 4

[3girlsmommy]

Originally Posted by Kathryn

I was using disposable, but after the last bloody rash (got it at thanksgiving, finally healed up at christmas) I'm now using cloth wipes with just plain water. I've tried using different detergents, I've tried cutting out certain foods from my diet. Nothing really helps. I think she's just really sensitive to anything with dyes or scents. I don't know what to do.

Is she theething???? My girls all have had nasty rashes that have bleed when they were theething. I "think" it has something to do w/ all the drool and acid. ANyway I just thought I would throw that out there.

[dharmama]

just popping in with a quick lots of chat today. i've only gotten to skim so far.

welcome to the new mamas!

ya know i was thinking about the fact that many of us have expressed a feeeling of only being safe to express ourselves within our group. i can relate and i think that's pretty normal (and they beauty of long-term friendships). we all kind of know each other...i mean some of us have been talking online since our a year and a half ago!

so we know that we are all gentle, loving mamas with our babies best intentions in our heart. so when one of vents or says i feel like cio or i'm tired of babywearing or night-nursing or whatever...we all instinctively respond gently, offering support and encouraging each other to do what's best.

out on the rest of mdc people don't really know us and i think some people tend to jump to conclusions without really listening to what the other person is saying.

i'd like to write more but i'm on a mission to clean up my house while my mother's helper is here with lil (which is working out GREAT, btw...i highly recommend it if you can find one).

[Smithie]

Hey, Julie, I finally remembered to peruse the thread in Nighttime Parenting that you started.

Good grief. What a pack of jackals. And that half-assed (hmm, is that a curse?) apology just made it worse IMHO. The original responder CERTAINLY DID intend to "sound judgemental." She intended to publicly shame you. Own your mistake, lady.

[seedling]

Erin, that was a very articulate post. I think you are right ... it's easy for us to assume the best of each other because we know each other. And that's just not the case out in the larger MDC community ... and that's just the way it's going to be b/c there is no way to feel known outside of groups like this one. The policy I try to adopt is to tread lightly and carefully elsewhere. I would certainly not feel comfortable venting my frustrations about mothering so openly elsewhere b/c the folks reading wouldn't know that I was just having a rotten day. It's a delicate line.

I'm so happy it's Friday night. It's been a hard week with Isabel not feeling well. Thankfully the rest of us are healthy. Hugs to you and your family Donna...hope everyone is feeling better soon. And to anyone else feeling under the weather too!

Flora is such a sweetie. She's really enjoying straws recently ... just playing with them for long stretches. It's amazing what they prefer to play with.

I've got goals for the weekend...I want to do my taxes, finish my project for work, and clean the floors. I'll probably get just one of those things done but even that will be an accomplishment!

[Kathryn]

Originally Posted by 3girlsmommy

Is she theething???? My girls all have had nasty rashes that have bleed when they were theething. I "think" it has something to do w/ all the drool and acid. ANyway I just thought I would throw that out there.

I wish it was that. She is teething, but this has been an ongoing battle since she was born. It started with a thrush rash when she was 1 week old and it's just gone downhill from there.

[Doodlebugsmom]

Erin, you are so right about us knowing each other and feeling comfortable in our own little thread! I've been an MDC member for 2 1/2 years and I feel like nobody has a clue who I am! Well, except for all of you and some others on my one other regular thread. Ugh. My heart almost stopped when you mentioned how long we've all "known" each other! It makes me sad! Wouldn't it be fun if we could all meet in real life? That would just be the coolest! Ok, is it obvious that I don't really have many real life friends?

Kathryn, poor little dd! I hope she feels better soon! That must be miserable.

Seedling, my kids have both enjoyed playing with straws. Dh bends them into little squares so they don't put them too far into their mouths. He calls them "fantastic plastic tubular toys".

[eilonwy]

Julie-- thanks! Your little guys are so sweet! I especially like the one of your three guys all asleep together. Such a love!

Knitting-- I love knitting. It's so relaxing, and I can do it when I'm nursing, even when I'm tandeming. I can do it while I'm doing almost anything else, except for driving (unless, of course, I'm stuck in traffic... :LOL). It's so cool, and at the end of it you feel like you've accomplished something because you have a finished project... I've been knitting for so long that I don't even have to look at it or think about it anymore, once I have the pattern in my mind I can just go. I'm teaching ChibiChibi how to knit. She loves it, but I don't know if it's because she enjoys knitting or because she likes having a special activity with me. I can hardly wait to teach BeanBean and BooBah.

BooBah seems to prefer food to nursing. I'm not sure how I feel about that; on one hand, I'd like to nurse her until she's at least two but on the other, I've already got a child who's completely addicted to his nursies. Anyway, I don't think she's weaning, but she shows a definite preference for food, especially when she's given the choice. She'd rather have some cheerios and a sippy cup of diluted juice than a nursie a lot of the time, unless she's not feeling well or she's tired.

Have any of you seen those Glade Wisp commercials? That air freshener with the smoke that comes out, so you can "see that it's working?" Am I the only one who finds that a bit disturbing? I mean, it's literally spewing particulate matter into the air, "smelling clean" but actually making things dirtier... I dunno, maybe I'm thinking about it too much. :LOL

[Queen of Cups]

Rynna - I totally agree with you about the Glade Wisp! I also worry that Killy prefers food to nursing. Like I mentioned yesterday - he eats 2-3 meals per day already. I wasn't planning on him eating that much by this point, but he cries and wails if we're eating something and he's not. I also firmly believe that kids know exactly how much food their bodies need (there's been tons of research/studies to prove that) and you should offer then healthy food choices and let them choose the quantities. I feel so conflicted because Killy cleans his plate about 5 of out 6 times! Part of me feels I should be offering more food, but I want him to be sure and get lots of mommy-milk so I try not to fill him up too much on solids. He hasn't been nursing as much the last couple of weeks, and while on one hand I'm hopeful that that will lead to the return of my fertility, on the other hand I'm starting to worry that he'll wean before he's two years old.

Crawling is getting way better here! And cruising! He was really moving around tonight in the living room. Earlier in the day we were out window shopping and then went to the library and I had at least a dozen people stop me to coo over Killy. He just smiled and cooed back at them. I was breastfeeding him at the library (sitting in the kids section) and a security guard came up to me and I was all ready to quote him the Missouri law giving me the right to bf in public, and he said, "You have such a well behaved baby! He must be so happy! [at this point Killy popped off the breast and looked at the guard] Oh! He's good looking, too!" Ha! It was such a nice affirmation!

[Smithie]

I totally forgot to tell my Breastfeeding Oppression Story!

(Yes, I know there's a curse in it, but since I am QUOTING the person who tried to publicly shame me about bfing, I think I'll leave it in there...)

So, Scott and I and James went out to an Italian restaurant last night. It was an appropriate family place, they had a high chair and the waiters were cooing over him etc. When he got tired of sitting in the high chair eating finger food, I took him out and started to nurse him.

Now, just to give you a mental picture: we were in a high-backed booth in a dark dining room. Across the aisle from us was a bar with large high-backed spinning stools. By spinning around in their chairs, the drunk old ladies across from me at the bar could see what I was up to.

Lady 1: I think I'm going to throw up.
Lady 2: Tell me about it. Baring her tit to feed her fucking kid.
(At this point I realize they are talking about me. I look up and see that Lady 2 is looking at me. I smile sweetly and give her the finger. We have just finished signing our credit card slip, so we get up to leave.)
Lady 2: (louder) Get a babysitter and leave the damn kid at home.

On the way out, I reported the incident to the manager and explained that public breastfeeding in the state of Washington is allowed, and that I would appreciate it if he would explain to the drunk women that their behavior was not something his establishment would tolerate. He agreed to, and asked where they were sitting. Then we left.

So, I finally got my chance to be an advocate for breastfeeding. Yay me.

[Greaseball]

Smithie: You could say, truthfully, that those people were making you uncomfortable, so therefore they should have to eat in the bathroom.

Andrea won't let me feed her in her chair. She lets dh feed her in the chair, but she will only let me feed her solids on the kitchen floor! So the floor literally has to be clean enough to eat off of. :LOL

[seedling]

Way to keep your head about you Smithie! I really would love to tell off some of the idiots I've heard about but worry that if it actually happened to me I might get too flustered to react appropriately.

Okay, so I've been stressed about money in the past few months for lots of reasons...no paycheck during the summer when I wasn't working, buying my Mom's van which was a stretch for us financially, computer repair, being out of work again, blah, blah, blah. Things are tight. We've been cleaning out the freezer and I actually called my Mom and asked her to come visit and bring me some food : . (Mom is a compulsive food shopper and has SO much food at her house ... she always brings me stuff when she comes to visit). Anyway, I have been trying to really keep things in perspective and not freak out, telling myself we'll get back on track, pay down some of the credit debt we've racked up the past 8 months, etc. Well....I just did a rough draft of my taxes and I am SO THRILLED! I can't believe how much it looks like we are going to get back. I'm a little worried I messed something up. I'm going to re-check them tomorrow and just make sure. I've got one more thing to hunt down but that will only make the outcome better, not worse. Still have to do the state taxes. But can I just proclaim, right here, right now, THANK YOU GOD! It's just such a relief to know that we're gonna have a breather soon.

[Smithie]

Yay seedling! This is what I always tell dh when he kvetches about how much money money comes out of his check - if you NEED it back, then you GET it back. If you don't need it, then no fair whining about it!

[dharmama]

Wouldn't it be fun if we could all meet in real life? That would just be the coolest!

Hmmmm....maybe we could find a festival this summer in the New York area and meet up....there's at least a few of us in the Notheast/mid-Atlantic right?

And then the West Coast mamas could hook up.

Or we could all just meet in the middle at Julie's house!! :LOL

Of course that doesn't help Mummouth and Kia.

Smithie ~ OMG!!! I LOVE your reaction!!!

That's all for now. DH can't find the keys to the truck and needs to go to the dump before I leave for yoga.

[Kia]

I am happy to find a thread at MDC that I can post on without fear of being flamed. I haven't been here very long but I subscribed to mothering magazine for a long time. I really enjoyed Peggy's editorials on non-violent social interaction and the articles about teaching our children compassion etc. I figured the boards would be equally warm and fuzzy. I was actually saddened to see how unkind and disrespectful some posters are. We are all quite a lot alike here so why pick on each other because of the tiny differences. We don't all want to be in a big boring consensus forever and ever anyway, do we?

A little mini-vent.

Someone here mentioned Petit Bateau clothes. They are French and I can get them relatively inexpensively if anyone wants.

Better get back to my (yawn) translation.

and thank you all for the warm welcome

how many are we in all here and when are the babies' birthdays.

Alina was meant to be a 4th of July baby but was born on June 25th. What about yours?

[Balancin1]

Smithie--how cool you took it to the restaurant manager! My best breastfeeding story isn't that long, one time I was nursing R in the lobby of a hotel and a woman was talking to me about her for at least 5 minutes before she realized we were nursing.

R likes to sit in the highchair and have me lean over and nurse her.

Let's all go visit Kia for a get-together!!

Julie, I love your pictures. Tain looks like a live wire to me (a very beautiful one, of course!) and I don't know if it is because I know of his personality from what you tell us or because it is shining out from your photographs.

I am still foggy-headed. We're skipping swim class today which bums me out a bit, but R went right down for a nap and I couldn't stand the thought of her not getting sleep right now.

[mattjule]

Susan-I was just thinking the same thing about meeting up a few days ago! I don't have many IRL friends either.

Ro is about half and half with food and nursies. he'll take either as long as it's food. but if I haven't given him solids all day, he'll nurse continually and be disgruntled, like it doesn't stick with him as long as he wants it to. I don't think we'll make it to 2 either. I was holding him in my arms and he had a sippy cup and my breats just started to tingle and ache thinking about how this is the start of weaning-(anyone else feel emotions in their boobs or am I totally freakish?)

Smithie-OMG! I can't believe someone could be so rude! The worst I ever got were some strange or uncomfortable looks. Good for you, I didn't know such foul ppl existed.

Kia-My Rowan was born on the 26th, I can't believe this, but I can't remember his due date! Rynna, what was BoohBah's edd since ours were the same?

Kathryn, I forgot to welcome you last time I posted so !!!

gotta go, I've been found on the laptop in the bedroom...

[Mummoth]

Originally Posted by dharmama

Of course that doesn't help Mummouth and Kia.

I'm right on the border to Washington State. Seriously, I could be there in a little over an hour... you know, barring any vehicle or cavity searches

Smithie, thats incredible! I've never had anyone acually say something outloud before! The worst I've had in a restaurant was a woman desperately trying to get my eye contact, and then frantically moving her arms to try & signal to me to cover up with a blanket. I just played dumb and went about my business (a little less discreetly ) Roland was over 1 then, he wouldn't have allowed me to cover up his head. Why didn't she just cover her head.... ? Im sure the restaurant had a paper bag she could cut a mouth-hole into!

Caitlin came to bed with us at 3am or so, and Roland slept in this morning! He didn't hop in with us until about 6 :15 - 6:30!! Caitlin was awake by then, gurgling & smooshing my face in her hands (she can grab hard!!)We all got us shortly after 7... it's weeeeiiiird getting up when it's light out

Silly kid... he always wants his acidophilus capsule opened up. He eats the powder & gives me the gelatin casing

Glade Wisp... it reminds me of these things that grew where I grew up as a kid. They were grey hollow balls witha hole in the top. When you squeezed them, this powder would puff put of them (spores, I guess) I don't understand any of those Glade things or the can-o-stinks. If I want my house to smell fresh, I clean it! Vinegar stinks while your using it, but once you're done, the house just smells crisp. I've got a lilac bush, so for about 3 weeks in spring, my house smells nice & flowery. I occasionally buy flowers, too... but fresh cut out of the yard always smell best. Maybe those products ar emore useful for people with pets... ?

Caitlin was supposed to be the 22nd of June but she was the 14th, with a little help from the midwives. I had high blood pressure, so I drank a potion for several days in a row to help ripen things up.

Kevin came up with a fitting acronym for Roland... he's a little SHIT (Super High Intensity Toddler)

[seedling]

Okay, little vent ahead. My DH is in grad school part-time. Back in the summer I told him I wasn't going to be able to fill out his financial aid paperwork, that he'd have to take care of it. Put all the notices in a little folder, told him about it multiple times. Well, he finished an incomplete last semseter so there were no fees. This semester I kept asking him "have you paid for your classes yet? when's the money due?". I mean several times I've mentioned it. Well, today he gets home at 10:00 am. His instructor made him go home b/c he was dropped for not paying for his class. Supposedly the window in which to pay is over. He might have to drop out for the semester. Most likely he will unless he can convince someone over at the registrar's office to take his credit card (and that I'm pissed about too b/c I'd rather pay interest to the government on a school loan than on a credit card). He is in a HORRIBLE mood, feeling all sorry for himself, mad at the school for not sending a bill (I'll give him that), but I don't know if he is taking any responsiblity for this. This is really his fault. I mean, sometimes I feel like his parent about stuff. I remind, remind, remind, nag, nag, do. This time I was a lot more hands off b/c, really, it's HIS deal. This is his logical consequence.

So then he sits here and says "I want to take a year off work, get a stipend, and do school full-time". Woah doggie! He's the one who didn't have the motivation to go to grad school in the years before children when there was plenty of time and money. Now when we can barely makes ends meet he wants to take out a big loan and reduce our income even more so he can go to school full time. Not to mention who's gonna pick up insurance for the family. And he's not going to be making more than just a couple a thousand more a year once he gets his degree. The answer is a big N*O*! I told him his timing was off and that he just couldn't do that until Flora was in school and I could go back to work full-time. That his best bet was to continue doing what he was doing and he'd be done in a couple of years (if he fills out the paperwork on time next semester!)

I didn't rub any of this in his face. That's why I came here, to folks who don't know him, to vent about it a little. I know he feels like crap.

Then he says to me, "my stomach has been hurting, I think we aren't eating well enough, we need some fruit". Ladies, I have been grocery shopping on a shoe string the past couple of weeks, cleaning out my freezer. But we've had a home cooked meal every night he's been home and it has not been unhealthy food. Right now there are apples, oranges, and banannas in the kitchen. There were strawberries up until last night. He may be eating a fried egg sandwich in the morning before going to work (not my doing) and sneaking and eating junk here and there, but that ain't my fault! Our meals this week have been: homemade vegi/chicken soup with a salad, beans/greens on toast, and scrambled eggs w/home made hashbrowns and a salad. Two nights he had sandwiches and/or leftovers b/c he had class/commitments. I mean, I've been making stuff from scratch with wholesome ingridents all week. I feel like he blames me b/c he has gained weight when the reality is, he comes home and sits on his butt in front of the computer or the tv. He drinks too much beer and too much coffee and not enough water. How is that MY fault?

Oh, AND, I took my oldest in the shower with me this morning and when he came and got her out he was supposed to help her get dressed while I finished my shower. I get out of the shower and he had the tv on with both kids sitting on the couch. One of our sacred and agreed upon rules in this house is the adults do not watch tv during the oldest's waking hours unless it is a sporting event or if we are trying to catch the weather forcast. I came out and I was like "Umm, hello? What are you doing?".

I just kicked him out of the house with oldest in tow. Sent them to the park. He looked like his dog had died. I'm hoping the fresh air and the happy kid will help him wake up. I'm so tired of having to kick him in the arse all the time.

Alright, now that I have that off my chest, I'm going to try to get a little work done.

[eilonwy]

Julie-- They were due on the 30th.

Kia-- Even though it's supposed to be long gone, the Due Date Club for our group is still up, if not quite running. I made an adorable sticky list of everyone's due dates, actual birth dates, and some quick stats. Can you tell I'm a bit geeky? :LOL I've looked at some of the other roll calls, and been told by other members of different DDC's that ours was the best organized. We've always been a chatty group, too, and I know for a fact that at least three people who were in other DDC's regularly lurked in ours, because we're a lot of fun and we never shut up. :LOL

Seedling-- It's rough having to be a parent to kids *and* your husband. But congrats on the tax money; ain't life grand sometimes? :LOL

Smithie-- Rock on! I have never done anything so quiet as to give the finger, I tend to make loud, obnoxious comments.

I've decided that, since we'll have a little extra money to spend on it, I'd like to get a Cosco Alpha Omega Elite for BeanBean and move BooBah into the Evenflo Titan that he's in now. The AOE is good rearfacing for another five pounds, and then forward facing until 100 pounds. Since BeanBean is petite, he's probably not going to be 35 pounds until he's 40 months old so we'll get plenty more rear-facing time for him. I'm a little paranoid about turning him, can you tell? :LOL

[LizD]

seedling

It's cool and overcast here and dh is out motorcycle riding for the day. Things like that make me wonder why I wanted another baby?! I don't really wonder, but I do stop short sometimes, like, oh, yes, that's another freedom I was really enjoying that I didn't realize I now have to do without for a while.

My friend's daughter is in the hospital- she has ulcers and lesions in her stomach and then got some flu-like illness, so her mom took her in yesterday afternoon. I spoke with the dad at 10:30 and he didn't know what hospital they were at, even, said they were going to do a CAT scan, and that he was going to bed (read: please don't call again)! Out of my friend's mother, husband, brother, and sister-in-law, no one went to be with her while she sat in the ER with her 17 yo daughter. And she has no cell phone (her husband seems to contrive always to get hers cut off while his is kept in service). So I called until I found which hospital she was at, but their phones were down last night. This morning I saw their car wasn't back yet, so I got through and she was given a room at 3 am. Her husband still hasn't gone in there or anything! Her mother got on a plane to go home to CA! The children are in the charge of the 15 year old! I am the only person who has called or offered to go in so she can get some food - she has had a bowl of cereal, like one of those tiny cornflakes boxes, from the nasty hospital cafeteria! They thought her daughter had appendicitis, but she doesn't, so they're doing cultures and she's had 4 IV bags to rehydrate but hasn't passed urine yet. What the ^(&%(&@!%& kind of family is this, that the mother is all alone dealing with this? She even said, "I guess I should go home and take care of the others, but I don't want to miss the doctor when he comes in." ?!?!?!? Unbelievable! I have been hearing too many stories this week from friends who have real loser husbands- which in itself who cares- who are also real loser dads. I can't imagine - even if dh and I weren't on speaking terms he'd be there for his kids, and far from leaving town, my MIL would be on a plane down here within the hour if dd was in the hospital- when dd had a concussion at 3 yo MIL was already on the phone to the airlines. So everyone be grateful for your good families! I am stunned!