Mamas who wanted TWO but then decided ONE was great... - Page 2

[Ruby Pearl]

Tammy, I had the same problem. I planned a homebirth and ended up with a c-section for breech at 41 1/2 weeks and another c-section for GD at 39 weeks with my second child. That is why I find myself wanting a third child that I NEVER wanted before, just because I still want that perfect birth (thankfully DH had a vasectomy in August, so I can't trap myself into it).

[whateverdidiwants]

I don't feel the need to have another shot at birth, I feel the need to have son just so I can *show* people that an intact penis is NORMAL and *not* hard to care for. (can you tell it's a sore subject for me?) Now THAT"S a bad reason to have another baby.

[pioneermama]

Thanks Ruby Pearl, nimamom, onlyzombiecat, yoopervegan and tammylc for your posts. Everyone has such great perpectives

And whateverdidiwants"I feel the need to have son just so I can *show* people that an intact penis is NORMAL and *not* hard to care for. (can you tell it's a sore subject for me?) Now THAT"S a bad reason to have another baby" :LOL

[Arduinna]

hey I can relate to that. I really wanted a boy, intact penis! and a home birth, a chance to make different choices since I now have different options. But I don't think those are acceptable reasons for me to have another child. I can't bring a child into the world to raise and care for because I want to make a statement, even if it is a positive statement.

[pioneermama]

I totally agree Arduinna.

[dido1]

DH and I are talking about this right now, even though DS is only 8.5 mos. We were together 12 years before deciding to have a child and it took us 13 months to concieve. I loved my pregnancy and most of my labour and delivery (labour stalled afer 4 hours of pushing, ended up with forceps delivery and every drug known to man - ugh!). DS is a very good natured and easy baby who is just now showing his Taurean stubborn streak I thought I wanted two, but am now beginning to feel that one is enough. DH would be happy to leave it at one as well, but we are reluctant to make any decision just yet.

My reasons for wanting only one are selfish. I love DS to pieces and am happily making financial sacrifices to stay home with him for two years. But, I am a very solitary person and really miss my private time. I miss being able to just up and go out by myself when I feel like it. I miss baths alone. I miss slow, uninterrupted intimacy with my husband. Also, if I ever want a "career" that I enjoy, I will need to reeducate, which is difficult with several babies in tow. DH and I feel we can offer DS better schooling, travel opportunities, etc if we just have him in our lives.

However, if I found myself pregnant again, I'd feel blessed and make it work. Also, I think if our financial situation were different, we'd both feel differently about having more children.

[LunaMom]

This is such a sensitive issue for me. DH and I originally planned on two kids, but at the time when we might have been trying for another (we wanted them about four years apart), we were having serious problems in our marriage and now here we are with one six-year-old, delightful daughter and a whole lot of ambivalent feelings about a second child.

I would love to have another, but I do worry about how that would change my life. Part of me misses working and also enjoys the freedom that having one child allows. And then there are those secret "bad reasons" to have another baby, such as wanting another shot at slinging - I had no good info the first time and failed with that awful Nojo sling! Anyway, I'd be willing, I think, to postpone my return to work and to give up some freedom to have another, though. My daughter would love a sibling and asks for one all the time - maybe not the best reason in the world, but it counts.

My husband is so worried that another child will stretch him too thin - financially and emotionally. He hates how limited his time is withour daughter now due to his work schedule, and he worries excessively about money and feels very pressured by being the only provider, even though he makes a really good living. He's worried that having another will cause him to feel even more pressured and that he won't be able to spend any time with the baby, and that I'll have a hard time dealing with it. He is trying really hard to change his situation, though.

It is a real possibility that we may just decide not to have any more, though, and I'm trying to find a way to come to terms with that. It isn't easy, but this thread is helping!

[pioneermama]

Thanks dido1 and LunaMom.

LunaMom, your dh and my dh sound similar in their perspectives about another child. It is stressful and not an easy decision.

[witchbaby]

this is a subject that is very hot in our house right now.
i've always wanted 3 kids. i'm an only child and am a very quiet, shy, loner-type person. for some reason i've always attributed this to being an only, but i'm not so sure anymore.
soon into our marriage, dh annouces he doesn't think he wants kids AT ALL. this struck me pretty badly, of course, as we'd gotten married with the idea we'd be having kids.
we ended up OOPS'd before we'd been married a year. while we were shocked, it quickly turned to delight. when we discovered i'd miscarried, we were crushed.
we decided to ttc again, but encountered fertility issues (probably due to my elevated prolactin levels after the miscarriage). we got pregnant a year later and lost that one just days later. 2 weeks later we concieved dd.
the last part of my pregnancy was terrible: i went into preterm labor at 33 weeks and had consistant, STRONG contractions for the remainder. my cervix barely changed throughout this and my midwife, concerned, decided to induce at 39w2d. k's heartrate started dropping badly and i was rushed into c-section. i'd wanted an all natural birth and i had the exact oppisite. nothing went as planned, we had trouble breastfeeding at the start, etc. i felt/feel horribly left out of all birth discussions, since no one wants to hear about a c-section and i get brushed off with a "well, you have a healthy baby and that's what matters."
recently, i've been pestering dh to make a descion regarding future babies (i'm a crazy obsessive planner). he told me doesn't think he even wants more children.
i was pissed, at first, because i've always expressed to him how much i hated being an only child. but i've been thinking more and more about it and am wondering if it's some of the things my parents did in their raising of me that i hated and not being an only itself.
i'm beginning to think i don't want anymore children. i love k with all my heart, but she is high needs and i am not a patient person (i'm working on it!!). i have a bad temper and am trying my best to work through my issues so i don't use my misplaced anger and frustration on my daughter. i don't think this would be possible with more than one. (and, to be frank, i have a terrible fear of ending up with another high-needs kid!)
as a pp said, i think i'm coming to terms with the fact that we can't handle another child physically, emotionally, mentally or financially. we're poor and have a lot of things we want to do for k, which just wouldn't be possible with 2. i'm hoping we make more money down the line, so our dreams come true, but i'm not willing to take a gamble and end up with 2 kids we can't do anything for instead of 1 we can do SOME things for, kwim?
part of me just wants another kid so i can right the wrongs that happened with k-- parts of pregnancy (woah, that was a lot of u/s!) and of course her birth. but, as tammylc said, that's a pretty stupid reason to have a kid. it's not like you can return it to the mall when you're done.
this all said, i'm still struggling with making the final descion. dh will get the snip if we decide to stop with k, so we need to get this completely agreed upon (we definitly don't have the money for a reversal!). i really need to talk to some people who have moved all the way to the other side, who have cemented their desicion to only have one. i hope i get that in this thread (i've already started! thank you, ladies!)...

[pioneermama]

Thanks for your story witchbaby

[pioneermama]

little bumparoony