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"To Train Up a Child"...

post #1 of 207
Thread Starter 
A well meaning person just gave me this book...her sister actually sent it to her from Arkansas because she told her that her new boyfriend (my dad) has a granddaughter and I guess she thought I should read it since her sisters kids behave PERFECTLY...they dont even have tantrums...only when there parents tell them too!!

With in the first few pages I felt like I was going to throw up or cry or both...has anyone else heard of this book...I believe he says this is an Amish way of training children...when he wrote about teaching the 10-12 month old to come when his/her name is called by hitting them on the leg with the switch, I just about cried! He talks about children as if they are little monsters that need there wills broken so they will obey and submit...sick!

I'm going to finish reading this book (if I can get through it) and tell the people that gave it to me exactly what I think of it!


blessings
post #2 of 207
There is no way to exaggerate the damage this book can do in the wrong hands. This book is the exat opposite to the gentle parenting methods advocated here at Mothering.

There is no Biblical justification for the abuse advocated in TTUAC.

Oh, by the way, the *reason* these kids are "so well behaved" is because they're so afraid of their parents they behave or the consequences for even minor misbehavior is too much to bear.

Yes, this book is as bad as you imagine.

Debra Baker
post #3 of 207
I really need to stop reading these threads about child abuse-encouraging books. Especially since I'm trying to clean up my language.

What, oh what is the future of this country? People are talking child-rearing advice from sadists who have such a loose grasp of the english language that they can't even name a book correctly.

I suddenly feel the need to head out and do a little book burning.
post #4 of 207
someone gave you this book : there was a thread about it in activism a while ago and i read the first chapter online. it's amazing that it's legal to publish such a book, let alon to hit a baby. whatever you do with it, don't give it away to a used bookstore or thrift shop. just destroy it.
post #5 of 207
There is a wonderful quote by Thomas Jefferson that I think applies here:

"I tremble for my species when I reflect that God is just."
post #6 of 207
BURN IT!!!!!
post #7 of 207
Quote:
Originally Posted by atomicmama
BURN IT!!!!!


Definatly! and don't give it back to those people!! : that is horrible!!
post #8 of 207
I've read that too. That book is horrible, absolutely horrible. Note that they have a section on their website about dealing with Child Protective Services. I wonder why?
post #9 of 207
Thread Starter 
My df gf was telling me about the way her sister's children behave so wonderfully and they are so happy, this was the second or third time I met her she also told me about the switch and how they only gently tapped them with it...sure...something sounded wrong to me about all that right when she started to tell me about it...in fact, something has been telling me ever since I got to know her a bit that my Dad has no idea what he has gotten himself into...but thats a whole other issue...at first I thought I would return the book out of respect but after reading what I did, that book is going to BURN!!!!

thx mamas
post #10 of 207
For those who haven't encountered this before... This is the Pearls at their worst. They have a whole website of this ... garbage... and it is utterly poisen. You are right, their premise is that children are, at birth, utterly displeasing to God and must be broken to obey parents and God with unquestioning and instant obediance. They base their arguements on some very twisted readings of scriptures and claim their way is the only way to raise children and be Christian. For those of us in the GD world, this is about as sickening as it gets.

THIS IS NOT THE WAY ALL CHRISTIANS THINK!!!! Please, this stuff always starts a backlash against all of us who call ourselves Christians. Really, these people are not the norm and the vast majority of Christians do not believe or act this way.
post #11 of 207
Thread Starter 
I still have the book...I'm actually not sure whether she is just loaning me the book or if she actually gave it to me...she didnt really say. My dad has asked me not to burn it because of this...he also said he is Done with the woman!
post #12 of 207
I would ask your df to read the book and then read one by Dr. Sears.
post #13 of 207
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

THIS IS NOT THE WAY ALL CHRISTIANS THINK!!!! Please, this stuff always starts a backlash against all of us who call ourselves Christians. Really, these people are not the norm and the vast majority of Christians do not believe or act this way.
I think we all know it's not.

I've been known to go off on "Christians" when I hear about extremists, and when "releigious groups" attack things that are important to me.

I know that most religious people are not like this, though.

A good friend of mine knows a lot about sociology and told me, when we were discussing issues such as this book, that the USA experiences a puritan revival/backlash every 50 years or so. (Placing the last one in the early 1950's.) He beleives we're at the tip of the iceberg. The horror!

I was a kid in the Free-to-be-You-and-Me seventies and came of age during the Clinton era. Sometimes I wonder what the heck country I've found myself living in!
post #14 of 207
If we feel this bad about that book just imagine how Jesus feels
With all that done in HIs Name. If I was the Pearls I'd want to : and : Because I and can find no place where it says we're to hit our kids in the But Jesus told us to our children and He is called the Prince of and I can only imagine He's and perhaps even :Puke

I will : : and verbally : these people at every opportunity.

DB
post #15 of 207
This infuriates me too. Especially that some parents may read it and actually think God wants them to do this.......

I once was given copies of the Ezzo books, anmd we had fun burning them.
post #16 of 207
post #17 of 207
Quote:
their premise is that children are, at birth, utterly displeasing to God and must be broken to obey parents and God with unquestioning and instant obediance. They base their arguements on some very twisted readings of scriptures and claim their way is the only way to raise children and be Christian.
Since "Christians" are so named because we try to be like Christ, I believe Jesus's own words are sufficient to show how wrong and un-Christian the Pearls' ideas are:

"Permit the children to come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truely I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all." --Jesus (Luke 18:17)

Doesn't sound like they were "utterly displeasing" to him. Quite the opposite. I'm sure the Pearls twist this verse and many others to justify their sick and abusive methods. It makes me ill and sad and angry all at the same time. I imagine they must have pretty low opinions of themselves as well, if they see their relationship to God as analagous to the parent-child relationship they espouse. Sorry -- getting off into theology a bit. Can't help myself when it comes to stuff like this.
post #18 of 207
I know you'll probably kill me for this...

My parents LOVE the Pearls, and are raising my sisters (unborn to 10 yrs) using these methods. I've read the book, and while I agree that it could be very dangerous in some hands, as a PP said, I think that I've seen only good things come of it with my sisters. I can say this only b/c I see my parents' methods, and know that they are loving and never discipline in anger.

Also, I like the creative parenting ideas in there for the actual training (as opposed to disciplining), such as having quarreling siblings stand nose-to-nose for 5 minutes, b/c by the end they are giggling and enjoying each other. Or, to teach a kid to close the door when coming inside, have him do it 10 times in a row, as a game, so he'll never forget it. Make it fun.

Anyways, I know that it's been ok for my family, and that my sisters adore my parents, are not afraid of them at all, and the whole family is really joyful. I can also say that I thoroughly enjoyed bringing all 5 girls to the zoo by myself. They were easier and more fun than the 1 girl I nanny for. Oh, and also, they rarely, if ever, need to be disciplined. I think they are disciplined maybe once a year, if that.

Anyways, sorry about going off. While I understand where everyone here is coming from, and I know this forum is for GD, I just wanted to put in my experience with TTUAC/Pearls. And to let you know that you are right, not all Christians believe this stuff, but also that not all that do subscribe to the Pearls' theology are abusers.

Just to clarify: I am not, by any means, trying to convince anyone to change their GD methods.
post #19 of 207
please destroy it after you are done.

It is pure crap :Puke
post #20 of 207
Kateana,

No disrepect but maybe you could offer other suggestions to them. I cannot believe people actually follow it.


And as for making learning fun, why not read "Playful Parenting" or some other great book. No one needs to reasd a book by the baby whipping Pearls to learn this stuff.
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