UC support #14, February 05 - Page 8

[heveasoul]

Kate - thanks for the photos!! What a cutie, and what a beautiful shot of you on the day of Finn's birth! congrats again, and ENJOY!

[Aurora]

Kate! Congratulations and welcome sweet baby Finn! I love that name too! The pictures are wonderful. Finn is adorable.

[Hayliesmom]

Wonderful pictures Kate! What a beautiful family!

Stacey

[TRIBE]

Kate you are gorgeous!! That Finn is such a cutie, I just wanna squeeze him lol

Hope you are enjoying your babymoon

[sprinkle pocket]

ahhh, kate!
you did it!! dh and i read your post together and then looked at each other and laughed at each other b/c we were both crying with joy for you 3. your pictures are wonderful, what a beautiful family. finn is sooo cute!

congratulations and thanks for sharing with us.

[KateSt.]

Oh, you ladies make me feel so loved! Finn and I have read through your congrats many times and smiled and cried. Thank you SO much for your wonderful support!!!!

Sprinkle -- can't wait to hear all about your birth story!!!

[sprinkle pocket]

me too!! i'm chompin' at the bit now. i always figured, 'well kate still has to birth, i have a ways to go.' same thing with a friend of mine here who was a month ahead of me, but she birthed 2 weeks early. so now everytime we go into the co-op here, i get asked when it's happening and where's the baby. everyone is so ready and excited to meet the babe.

we got our carseat in the mail today, and although i'm going to have to wash it a bunch to get the nasty detergent smell out of it, we have it. that was the final needed thing on our list. well, bendy straws, but we don't want 1000 of them. we're hoping to find a couple somewhere rather than buy a whole big pack.

on sunday, i'll have made it 36 weeks. i definitely have felt a shift in the babe's energy. before, it kind of swirled safe inside me, but now it feels like the energy is moving down my yoni. i can't have sex with dh even b/c it feels like it's going against the tide of the energy flow (much to his chagrine!)

ahhh, little finn, hi buddy! you made it! i'm still so tickled that you're here.

[TRIBE]

Sprinkle--Ive had that change as well where it seems all the babys energy is moving down. Sooo much pressure there now, I don't think i want t oeven attempt having sex :LOL

--Ok I have a long post coming so warning mini-vent inside---
Y'all can ignore this post I just need to vent a little. And since you guys know that i wanted to have this baby without midwives I feel "safe" saying it all here.

I did not want to go to midwives, I can take care of myself just like i did last time and how I have this time too. I don't need someone here to catch my baby or anything else like that. Birth happens and IMO for me happens without the medical ppl around.

But Nate felt we needed a midwife this time because of his cmmand. Of course my thinking is that what they don;t know doesn;t hurt anyone and wtf business is it of theirs anyways HOW the hell we have our baby. Its not their business and none of their concern. But whatever, it made him feel better so I gave in.

We were told at the intial consult our out of pocket fee would be $500, which includes the sterile tray fee used at the birth and the assistant fee. Ok I was fine with that. But today we just got the bill for what the insurance isn't covering (we had to drop to standard for me to be able to use this practice as they are out-of-network). So anyways with us having to pay 20% lus the deductible for me and the baby it comes out to $1053 PLUS the $500! Thats half of what their actual fees are for a non-insured patient.

I am upset b/c we will be paying them for the next friggin year. I was fully prepared for $500 but not $1500. Not to mention this information was supposed to have been given to us in the beginning of the pregnancy, not in the last 4 weeks so that leaves us even more unprepared. This just irks me. I don't fault them because I know they need t obe paid for doing their job, that really doesn't bother me since this is the line of work I would love to go in.

What bothers me is having to pay for something I didn't want and don't need. I still don't want them here, as much as I like both the midwives. I feel like I have lost a part of my pregnancy by having to have it monitored by outside sources. I know y'all probably don't understand that feeling of loss of power but its bugged me this entire pregnancy. I have felt very threatened and I can't really explain why. I am just rambling now sorry

[KateSt.]

Oh Jennie -- if anyone can understand that loss of power it's me!! I know exactly how you feel! We paid them $1100 (we're self-employed, so we have no insurance) and that was for 4 visits. I, too, hated paying for something I didn't want. I'm so sorry you were sticker-shocked!!! Big (((HUGS)))) to you!!!!

[TRIBE]

Gee I just realized some of that didn't apply to this forum lol it was posted to some military friends on a small lil email list we have for gossiping

i can't imagine 1100 for 4 visits *ouch* i don't fault them the money, obviously. I know its their livliehood. It just irks me to no end that we didn't receive thi smonths ago like we should have and the feelinsg it yanks up by having to pay for something that I simply do not need.

I guess now would be a bad time to say something snarky to my dh like...gee happy we have midwives now? As much as I like V & S they are still under the medical role and they will be invading my space. I wonder how long I can keep dh from calling them when I am in labor. I'm just a grumpy very pregnant mama bear!

[Kiki Runs]

First of all, congrats Kate!!! And Welcome, Finn!!!


We're still waiting.... I've decided that this babe won't be born until March, and that's okay with me. Ctx have pretty much quit, and I'm just not feeling that desparate "done" feeling yet.

Very glad we decided to go UC - the OB I interviewed put my due date at Feb 13 (I flat out refused that), and the midwife I saw briefly agreed to leave it somewhere between the 15th and 20th. So either way, I'd be "overdue", which I don't agree with. I KNEW there was a reason I pushed so hard early on to have my "due date" be later.... I must have known this babe would be a slow-cooker, lol!

So this waiting is just confirming my faith in my body's knowledge (over the medical model).... baby's still moving around - not much room for kicking anymore, lol - and I feel good!



Jennie - DH is military, too, and after we decided to go UC, I went to the clinic on-base for something non-pregnancy-related. The nurse practitioner and I were chatting (she knew I wanted a home birth, as I had asked her earlier if she knew of any midwives who would fly in for one in our area). Anyway, she asked if we had decided what to do about the birth yet.... I sort of hedged around (I don't want to lie about our UC plans, but didn't want to announce it to a medical person, yk?) but when she figured it out and asked me straight out if we were "doing it ourselves", I said yes. We talked a bit about it and she didn't seem freaked out - I left feeling okay, wishing she hadn't asked flat out, but feeling like she understood why and respected my choice.

Anyway, the next time I was into the clinic, the nurse practitioner gave us a "heads up" that she had told the supervising doc about our plans and that the doc was very upset and was planning to call DH's command and make sure we didn't UC. Which, after DH and I talked about it, I said "screw 'em - if they want to come drag a laboring woman into the hospital, good luck". *I* didn't enlist in the military, they have no right to tell me what to do with my body, yk? Plus, we weren't really too concerned about the doc actually making the call b/c it had already been a couple of months since she had threatened to, and DH hadn't heard a word about it from his command. So we figured either she didn't ever call, or she did and the command ignored her (which is possible - she's a crazy person, and DH's command HATES her guts). Either way, nothing has been said to DH....

As soon as I have this baby, I will be filing a formal complaint about the nurse practitioner telling the doc - I was not at the clinic for pre-natal care, I have never asked them to provide pre-natal care, we were making chit-chat that has now been entered into my medical record. How PO'd am I?? That's pretty much like her asking me what color my underwear was that day and then telling the doc.... we were not discussing my pregnancy or the birth in the form of a care provider/patient relationship. Grrrr.......


So from now on, we will be seeing a civilian family practitioner for ANY reason. Which I will also be including in my complaint when I file it.



Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I was in a similar situation, and I honestly don't know what would have happened had DH's command pushed it. I do feel that it's my body, my baby, my birth, and therefore none of the command's business, but I understand that they could probably make things miserable for DH if they chose to do so. WHY do people think that birth is public domain?!?!!

And good for you if you manage to refrain from snarking at your DH, lol. I would be uber-pissed, particularly about the huge bill. Can you talk to the midwives about it? I understand that they need to be paid for their work, but like you said, this is something that should have been addressed MUCH earlier in the pregnancy. MUCH earlier. Good luck.


I've just been lurking around here lately, but my mind is pretty scattered so I don't reply too much (I forget people and sometimes forget what I was going to say, lol!). I sure hope I regain some brain function after the baby gets here!

Kinsey

[TRIBE]

Kinsey--I hate to tell you this but it only gets worse after you have the baby. i swear the ysuck our brains out :LOL

I definetly do not want things to go bad for DH with his command and that is why I have given in with the midwives up to this point. But again, what can they do if they don;t make it in time? Nothing! And no one has to know we purposely waited until it was too late to call. Hello 4th baby, by this time they tend to just slip on out *giggle*

I have managed to not get snarky with DH but he is going to hear me out on not calling them until *I* am ready for them to be here, even if that measn the baby is crowing when I am ready. Thankfully the one friend i have invited here for the birth is super supportive of this and said even if we do call the mw's before the birth that she will do her best to keep them out of my space.

One of the midwives will be here on Wed for the hom visit and I am going to bring up this bill and let her know we will pay what we can each month. I knew we would be paying a portion other than the $500 since Tricare will only cover 80% but the sticker shock of the $1053 just threw me for a loop. I coul dhave been budgeting and setting that aside for months now had we known when we should have.

[Kiki Runs]

Jennie - I was thinking about your midwives' fees.... If you owe a thousand bucks and that's 20%, that means the total fee is $5000??? So Tricare will be paying $4000??? I don't know how much the "going rate" in your area is, but wow! $5000 seems really high! And if that is their usual fee, why in the world weren't you told that right upfront? Something seems off, to me. It just seems odd.....



DH and I had decided that if his command put up a fuss, we would just do it "accidentally", too. lol

Gotta run, DS is awake.

Kinsey

[Crystal_clear]

Originally Posted by kinsey43

As soon as I have this baby, I will be filing a formal complaint about the nurse practitioner telling the doc - I was not at the clinic for pre-natal care, I have never asked them to provide pre-natal care, we were making chit-chat that has now been entered into my medical record.

De-lurking to say this sounds like a police interrogation! She was playing "good cop". What a shame that we can't trust most people with our plans. They honestly think they are trying to save us (and our babies) from ourselves. If only they could see.............

[TRIBE]

Kinsey
There fee is $3500 which doesn't include lab work nor the $500 birth fee (for the sterile tray and birth attendant). I haven't had much lab work, no ultrasounds or anything else. But I also have not seen them the normal amount of visits either. No we knew upfrnt about the $500 but it was never discussed what their actual fee was and that it didn't include the lab work and other things. Now Tricare has covered part of the lab work that I di dhave done but of course not alll of it, and we have the deductible to pay as well ($150 for me and $150 for the baby). So actually what we owe the midwives of the 20 is $753, then we owe for the $300 deduct and then of course the $500 fee for them to be here for the birth.

I am really irked we were not told of all of this in th ebeginning or given the financial information as we should have been. This paper even says that a 4200-$300 dp is recquired at the initial exam, which we obviously didn't make! It also says pymt is to be made in full before delivery or there is a 10% late fee charged every quarter that the balance is not paid. All I can say is they better waive that 10% late fee since it was not our fault we wre not given this info until i was 36 weeks along. My godness we are military we don't make a lot of money and now I have this huge stress hanging on me about paying them $1500.

I seriously wish I could turn back time and either A) have really put my foot down about no midwives or medical care like I did with my last UP/UC or B) gone with an inetwork providor just so Dh felt "safe" and then "oops baby came to fast to make it to the hospital".

[Kiki Runs]

Have you signed a contract? What would happen if you DID "forget" to call them, or baby "came too fast"? Are you stuck paying them anyway? Generally, I would feel like it's sort of shammy to not call just to avoid paying someone, particularly if they were under the impression that you were going to call, yk? But in this case, it feels sort of scammy to me that they've waited so long to make clear what your costs will be.

The midwife I saw was VERY clear about costs upfront with us... we knew from the very first visit what each pre-natal would cost, and what the delivery fee would be. So I was able to call Tricare and find out how much they'll pay for, so we could start saving. Everything upfront, no surprises. I *believe* we had to sign that we understood the charges and that we would be responsible for them - actually, we were SUPPOSED to sign that, but the office was slack about our paperwork, so we never did.


Ummmm..... will Tricare cover 80% of that $500 birth fee? I know that often there is a "physician's fee" for hospital births, that sometimes just gets rolled into an insurance payment (but I don't know about Tricare - this is the first pregnancy we've had with them, and we're Prime Remote, so things are a bit different for us). I had to call and call and call Tricare until I spoke with someone who told me what I wanted to hear about the fees, lol - and I got that person's name, so that if later I was told differently, I could say "well, Joe Schmoe told me this, so that's what we've been planning on". If you haven't already called and called Tricare, I'd recommend doing so - a lot of the people I spoke with didn't know what they were talking about, so I'd just call back later and talk with a different person.


I don't know what Standard pays for though, so that $500 fee may NOT be covered - but it's worth a shot at getting it taken care of, right? I know, just what you want to be doing at this stage of the pregnancy, huh?


I hope things get sorted out for you without too much more stress.

Kinsey

[TRIBE]

If they didn't attend the birth I dont believe we would be charged the $500 fee but still responsible for the $1053 for the appts and lab work. I don't really have an issue with paying them, its te fact that we didn't know these fees upfront as we should have and having to pay for something I didn't want to begin with. Tricare won't pay for any of the $500 fee, even if we were prime. Its the only part of the homebirth/midwife fees they won't pay.

I am feeling so down. That's not the right word but my brain isn't thinking very well right now. DH told me last night that his mother and brother will be here visiting the weekend of the 18th. I am hoping and praying to every Goddess that I either have the baby before then or the bbay waits and comes after they leave. I do not need my MIL fear of homebirth to be in my space right now.

I feel my UC slipping further and further away, and al lbecause I made the decision to appease my husband, give up some of my power and see midwifes for prenatal care. That one decision....*sigh* I had a good cry about this last night and a long chat with the baby. Now I nee to have that same chat with DH. I need to know his real reason behind not wanting to UC again. I really feel his command is a cope out. If he can't be honest with me about why, I don't know how i will deal with that, honestly.

I feel like such a drag on this thread

[MamaGaia]

Originally Posted by Jenniebug

Ok so this is how my last 2 went....what moon phase do you predict my new bug?

DS#2 conceived under new moon
born under 1st quarter moon

DD#1 conceived under new moon
born under 1st quarter moon

This one
conceived under full moon and Im due under the full moon in march

Looking at that im guessing either the 1st week of march or the 1st week of april, depending on which moon cycle i go into labor?

Hmmm......I shall say the 1st week in March? Maybe???

I'm trying to guess our Baby Moon too.
I ovulate on the New Moon,bleed with the full...
My grandmother,mother and I were all born during a new moon and so were all three of my girls. my son was born during a Full Moon. The next new moon is March 7th (which is my birthday) ...and the Full moon is March 23rd...my "due date" is the 27th.

Given all that...I'm still clueless

[Kiki Runs]

Originally Posted by Jenniebug

I am feeling so down. That's not the right word but my brain isn't thinking very well right now. DH told me last night that his mother and brother will be here visiting the weekend of the 18th. I am hoping and praying to every Goddess that I either have the baby before then or the bbay waits and comes after they leave. I do not need my MIL fear of homebirth to be in my space right now.

I feel my UC slipping further and further away, and al lbecause I made the decision to appease my husband, give up some of my power and see midwifes for prenatal care. That one decision....*sigh* I had a good cry about this last night and a long chat with the baby. Now I nee to have that same chat with DH. I need to know his real reason behind not wanting to UC again. I really feel his command is a cope out. If he can't be honest with me about why, I don't know how i will deal with that, honestly.

I feel like such a drag on this thread

(((Jennie))) I can completely sympathize with that "one decision" impacting EVERYTHING else afterwards.... My wrong decision with DS was not having a homebirth - I had a hospital birth, and ended up having an unnecessary, unwanted c/s that I'm still trying to mentally recover from. I constantly think "what if", or "if only I had....". Just one decision makes a HUGE impact on everything that follows. B/c of MY wrong decision, I have been able to say that I don't care what DH wants this round (I wanted a homebirth with DS, but DH was wary b/c it was our first child - so I caved). He got his hospital birth last time, and it has had VERY negative effects for me (and therefore our relationship). So, while I would like for him to be happy with my choices about childbirth this round, they are MY choices to make. Luckily, after enough discussions about this, he agreed that they are my choices and he is being supportive.

I hope you can have a productive discussion with your DH (I would feel that the "command" issue is a cop-out, too, BTW) and can pinpoint exactly why he is unwilling to UC again.


And wow! you are a much more kind soul than I for allowing your in-laws anywhere near you while you're waiting for this baby, lol! I don't even want to talk to mine on the phone, let alone have them in my house.... Is there any possibility you can push that visit back? Don't they want to wait until the baby is here so they can spend time with the new little one (much more fun than spending time with a hugely pregnant, grumpy - in my case, anyway -woman)? What a strain to have to play hostess and be worried about the baby's arrival, too.....


Maybe they'll come to their senses and realize that's not a fair burden on you....


Kinsey

[TRIBE]

Originally Posted by MamaGaia

Hmmm......I shall say the 1st week in March? Maybe???

l

Yea I was thinking it will either be this coming weekend or the 1st week of April. Part of me thinks this weekend would be it since I have already started osme of my prelabor activities but then there is this other part that says you have NEVER gone before 40 weeks, why would you now? lol