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UC support #14, February 05 - Page 2

post #21 of 164
I have finally put together my birth story. I posted it in my EDD thread but I will try to put the link here:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...68#post2625268

I hope this works! Enjoy! I know I got so much out of all the birthstories I read!

Mar
post #22 of 164
Great story, Mar! I got so much out of it -- thanks so much for sharing. And your precious Ribh is sooooo delicious! Enjoy your baby moon.
post #23 of 164
Kate what a beautiful story!! I bought a sage stick a few weeks ago to smudge the house and we still have not done it. I think I may wait until after the 1st of March, closer to the time baby is due.
I saw Saras yesterday and she relayed to me the birth story she called you about. I love how supportive she is of UC. I did find out she may not be bale to be here for the birth, which I would much rather her than Vicki just because I feel saras is much more intune with my desire to be alone. Saras is supposed to be going to Argentine March 26 and Im due 23. I dont expect this baby on time, but then again i dont expect anything lol
I did have a very odd dream last night. I was in a futuristic type of hospital, no beds at all. But the sOB said I coul dnot deliver vaginally and they would have to slice the baby out of me. Had something to do with my birth canal but the details on that are fuzzy. Anyways my baby and I had a heart to heart and decided we would show him and out she came, 36 weeks gestation and nearly 9lbs! I don't know what to take from that but it was again another painless labor and fast panless delivery, as in my first dream. Only much colder since I was in this stark white hospital.

Sprinkle--I totally forgot about the equinox myself, I dont know how! And I even told you when the full moon is lol I have never delivered near a full moon, it seems to have no effect on me. Strange huh? But I have heard that when you deliver has more to d owith your own monthly cycles than it does with the moon. I dont recall the details on al lof that at the moment tho.

Congrats to our new mamas, welcome earthside new babes!!
post #24 of 164
Great story Mar! Loved the get this "blessed event" over with part

Well still no baby. And not much going on today as compared to yesterday. I think yesterday could have been it if the older kids had an extra few hours at school. I was having uncomfortable contractions and was a little worried about even leaving to go pick them up. But then they got in the car loud and full of excitement about the day and Peyton decided he would just stay put...lol. By the time they were in bed nothing at all was happening. I think I need to go run away. Maybe I can talk dh into taking them to the Mardi Gras parade tomorrow. I am very irritable today. Ugh!

Stacey
post #25 of 164
in case it hasn't been addressed ~ for fundal height, i laid on my back + counted the number of fingerwidths from my pubic bone to the top of the uterus (which was always easy for me to feel but i don't know how universal this is)... the # should more or less coincide w/ your # of weeks ~ BUT your water / fluid intake totally influences this! hth
post #26 of 164
I started seeing a midwife when I first became pregnant and thought that I wanted to deliver in a birth center. The more I have learned about everything (prenatal tests, labor, birth etc.) the less I have wanted to deal with going to the midwife and anything that it is related to.

After our appointment last month I told dh that our midwife doesn't remember us at all from our previous appointments and could care less. He didn't believe me and said that he thought she did remember us. Well we went again today and she made it completely appearent that she had no idea who we are at all. She started asking me questions about if I am feeling better after going to the hospital and other stuff that had appearently happened to some other person. Then she had my gestation wrong (she has it wrong every appointment) and couldn't find me in her palm pilot of due dates and wondered why I wasn't in there (she also does this every appointment). And she tried to use the doppler on me again even though she has it written and highlighted in neon yellow in my chart NO DOPPLER and I have to stop her every appointment.

My husband and I are completely committed to an UC at this point. Dh is all for firing the midwife at this point and continuing with UP. I am currently feeling weird about not going to her anymore, I am not exactly sure why. I definitely feel that she doesn't offer me anything in terms of care. I am not "high risk" and I have declined all tests and will continue to do so. All she does is measure my uterus and ask me if the baby is kicking a lot when we do go, it takes like 2 minutes. She has pressured me into taking the GTT in two weeks, and I am very unhappy about doing it.

I guess most of my fears are about not understanding what I have to do to get birth certificate paper work completed and maybe getting a newborn exam (I haven't decided yet whether I want that done).

Does anyone have any advice about stopping prenatal care, or any reasons why I might want to continue it? I am at 26 weeks gestation now. This is my first pregnancy.
post #27 of 164
Clucky - I stopped seeing my mw at 28 weeks. DH and I had already agreed we would UC, and *I* felt that the appts were a waste of time (and just more opportunity for the mw to pressure me into things I didn't want), but DH had been getting reassurance each visit that things were "okay". Like you and your DH, my DH didn't seem to see what I did from the mw (I felt fairly early on that she wasn't hearing me, didn't respect my wishes, etc, and DH sort of blew me off and thought I was overreacting/exaggerating). Well, at my 28ish week visit, the mw told us that she could no longer see us if I refused a) Doppler at EVERY visit and during labor and b) u/s at 37/38 weeks. Both of which I had been VERY clear about from our very first visit, that I would not be doing. So we just didn't go back, since it was clear that our wishes were not respected (nor was our time, since she had known for so long my standing on those points, and it was pretty clear that she thought she could just wait until it was "too late" for us to find other care and pressure me into it - guess not).


Anyway, I was VERY pleased that DH was finally able to see what I had been saying about the mw not respecting my wishes, and DH was glad that she had made it so clear. DH had been thinking that we could UC, but have the mw/birth center as a backup in case we (he, lol) thought things weren't quite right. He was glad that the mw outed herself before we got to that point (not that *I* was going along with his plan, but I'm glad that b/c of the mw's actions, the birth center is no longer in DH's head as a backup).



I must say that since we stopped the prenatal appts, *I* have been so much more at peace - in general! Going to the prenatals was causing me a lot of stress, some of which I realized, but some of which was sort of behind the scenes. It was hard for me b/c I didn't want to be going, but DH wanted to and I wanted to do everything I could to make him comfortable with UC, but yet I felt like I was lying to the mw (in the end, I don't care about that, b/c SHE was lying to us, but anyway) - I wasn't, I avoided talking about specific plans for the delivery b/c I knew I wouldn't be involving her in that.

I'm glad we're not doing prenatals anymore - I've looked at it as an opportunity to tune in to my intuition rather than depend on an outsider to tell me the baby's fine, or my fundus is XXX. I don't need someone else to tell me that my baby's growing - I can feel the kicks and see my belly expanding. I can be surprised when baby kicks a little higher than he/she has before, and know that he/she is growing just fine. If I really need to know, I can measure my fundus myself - but I've found that recently I'm not too concerned about it (when you feel like you're choking on baby feet, you don't really tend to believe that baby's not growing, yk? lol).


We have felt nothing but positive results from stopping the prenatal visits - remember, though, *I* was not loving my mw anyway. Someone who really liked her mw might feel differently - the visits might not be a stress, she might not feel she had to gear up to defend her wishes every month, she might be able to just relax and enjoy an hour of chit-chat about her pregnancy. That wasn't my experience, though, so quitting the prenatals was something we really should have done earlier.



As far as getting a birth certificate, well, *I* don't know what *I* have to do, either. I'm not letting that stop me. I've just told myself that I won't worry about it until I need to (after the baby's here) - I have to remind myself that babies are born UC all the time by accident - they still manage to get bcs, right. And we are doing a newborn exam, but I don't really see why that would be a hold-up to you - have you interviewed peds/family practitioners yet? Have someone in mind? Just give him/her a call after baby's here (whenever YOU decide) and set up that newborn appt. That is, if you want. We will do the PKU test about a week after birth, so we will have a newborn appt sometime before then. Our family practitioner wants us to call him as soon as the baby's born, but if we don't feel that's necessary, then we'll just wait a couple days and give us all a chance to adjust to the new one first. It'll still be a newborn exam, yk?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------


Whew! A bunch of us are getting close! I've finally let myself acknowledge that the baby will be here sometime this month. I've not wanted to think it could be too soon, for fear I would start getting antsy if baby didn't appear when *I* thought it should..... but realistically, baby *should* get here sometime in February. My mom will be getting here the 16th, so anytime after that will be fine with me (there is a tiny part of me that wonders if that's cutting it too close, but I'm still feeling pretty spry - for as pregnant as I am, lol - and not as miserable as I think I would if baby's arrival were very imminent). I think I'll plan on going out to eat with either DH or my mom that next weekend, and either I'll have a nice evening out, or our plans will be interrupted by baby - either way will be fine by me, lol.


I need to sit down and find some time to read all the birthstories - maybe this weekend I can do that. DS tends to interrupt me when I try to read them, and I really want to give them my full attention. Congratulations to everyone, anyway!


Gotta go, DS is fussing around. I'm hoping to sit down with a nice cup of tea over the weekend and soak in the beauty of the birth stories.

Kinsey
post #28 of 164
Clucky
Call your local birth regsitrars office and find out exactly what you need to obtain a birth certificate. It can be a totally anonymous call and you can inform them you had/are having a baby at home. For the most part I think they just want proof of pregnancy and a witness to the birth other than youself.

If you do not want to take the GTT then dont! IMO opinion its one of those unnecessary tests that sgiven to everyone rather than just th eones at risk or having symptoms. If you feel the need you can buy a glucometer and test your fasting and after eating blood sugars. I did this with my last UP just as a precaution since it was never fully determined if I had had GD with the pregnancy before that.

Newborn exam can be done by any pediatricians office. I had one done with a midwife after my last birth, but she was helping me to obtain the birth certificate. The exam was the first time she had ever met me and I never saw her again after that. Its not necesary but if its something you want to do you can find a midiwfe or ped to do it.

There is a woman on here Kate St who is about in the same position as you are (fist pregnancy, first UP/UC) who can offer you some good advice

Do YOU feel you need to continue with prenatal care? What can't you do at home that a midwife or OB can? My answer to that is nothing! You can monitor your own weight gain, fundal height, BP. You are at the stage were you shoul dbe feeling regular fetal movements. If you need to hear the heartbeat you can get a fetoscope (or doppler altho many UCers are against the doppler use). Good luck in whatever decision you make!
post #29 of 164
Gotta second everything the other mamas said,Clucky!

I'm a little hung up on the birth certificate issue,too but it's because the registrar's office is 45 minutes away and I have no car LOL and I *think* I have to actually go there to file it.At least that's my understanding.

I skipped the GTT with all but one previous pregnancy,as well as all other testing. I also didn't see the point of the GTT since I felt it just didn't apply to me.

I am still debating on whether or not to call the pediatrician's office to talk to them about how soon after birth they like to see homebirthed babies or wait until after the birth and just call them when WE are ready to have the baby be seen. But then again, we have the whole fear issue going on of someone calling CPS or some such nonsense . It is just so hard in my little world for me to gauge whether or not people are going to flip out and see UP/UC as being neglectful. I feel a little paranoid lately about that sort of thing :
post #30 of 164
Hi all,

Typically just lurk on the list... love the stories!! But Kinsey, I think I'll have to share your last post with my dh, if you don't mind! I was thinking initially "maybe I could find a mw or doc who would totally mislead us, then dh would be mad, and then he'd see the wisdom in UP/UC"

Then I thought, NO... he just needs to understand the stress a pg mama goes through when she has to constantly restate her intentions, convictions, etc. to someone who clearly thinks she's out to lunch. And he doesn't want me to be stressed out, does he?

I'm still amazed that the man that was quite comfortable with me in his Kenworth until I was 26 wks with our first baby - typically nowhere near any medical aid of any kind - is now acting nervous about just having the baby right here at home, with all the medical intervention he could ever want (and I would never want) just around the corner. Don't always get him, but I do always love him...

lizzie
post #31 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by lizzie
Then I thought, NO... he just needs to understand the stress a pg mama goes through when she has to constantly restate her intentions, convictions, etc. to someone who clearly thinks she's out to lunch. And he doesn't want me to be stressed out, does he?
I wish I did this the first time around. I wanted my first baby unassisted, but my DP was not into the idea, and I admit, because he didn't really support the idea, and it was my first birth, it was an easy decision. We ended up with a MW-assisted birth which resulted in my DP realizing that we could have done it unassisted. She wouldn't let me birth how I wanted, popped the amniotic sac, gave the baby unneccessary O2, caught the baby... not want I wanted, but it showed DP, I guess, and since I've had my second baby unassisted, he totally believes in me. The MW also thought I was a nutcase (didn't say that, but she forgot her file on me at the house after H was born[hehe] stating that I was considering going unassisted).
post #32 of 164
I just wrote a long post and then I accidentally clicked in a wrong place and lost it...

Well here it goes again!

Thank you so much Kinsey, Jenniebug and MamaGaia. Reading your posts has really helped me condense the thoughts in my mind.

I feel like the only "service" my midwife would be able to give to me would be telling me which position my baby is in, but I don't care about that because I think that the baby's position will either resolve itself or be just fine however it is when the time comes.

I have definitely been experiencing the stress before each visit, Kinsey. At first I was worried about meeting a new person and being comfortable enough to ask her the questions I wanted answers to. Then I was stressed about the answers she had given me and how she no longer represented my wishes and has no idea who I am.

In addition to those stresses, she also makes offhand comments that are very negative and keep replaying in my mind. When I first declined doppler, at 12 weeks or whenever they start that, and told her that I would not do any ultrasounds either she said something about hoping I would change my mind if I suddenly started bleeding. That was not an idea that I needed in my head! At our last appointment I inquired if she worked at any closer hospitals (in case I were to transfer to a hospital, but I didn't tell her that) and she said no, but that it didn't matter how far away my hospital was because this is my first pregnancy so I could "drive to LA and back before the baby is born." I felt like she was trying to hex me with a long labor, in addition to not caring about my concern for comfort by wanting a shorter car ride (which was the reason I had told her for wanting a closer hospital)

I have decided to cancel my next appointment with the GTT, and to not go to any more after that either.

Thank you so much for all of the support!
post #33 of 164
Thanks for the story Mar!I am due in the next few weeks and needed the inspiration.I read MamaJaza's story again and that released some tension for me as well.I am going to have a cranial sacral therapist/friend/doula (isn't she an all in one!) at my birthing to help me along and hearing how your adjustments help during labor makes me feel more at peace.All three of my other children were posterior and i am so looking forward to having a non posterior baby!
post #34 of 164
Ravenmoon
I have had 3 posteior births too! This baby is actually anterior with her back to my right side, unlike the last 3. Its amazing how different each child can be.
It does make me think that I may actually go early and have a very quik labor...which means my midwife may not make and I will get my full UC ( ) I am very much looking forward to not having a posterior baby. I can only imagine that the pushing stage goes much faster, not that my posterioor babes took long in the pushing department. I just had long 1st stage labors and then pretty quik active/transition labors.
post #35 of 164
Clucky- I think I could have written your post myself a little over a year ago..I so wish I had followed my intuition and went UC with my 1st baby! to you.

btw for the BC here in az I think all you need is proof of pg.
post #36 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by CluckyInAZ
I feel like the only "service" my midwife would be able to give to me would be telling me which position my baby is in, but I don't care about that because I think that the baby's position will either resolve itself or be just fine however it is when the time comes.
This was/is exactly how I feel as well. I occasionally poke around on my belly and try to figure out if baby's jabbing me with a knee or an elbow, but generally I am very content to just wait and trust. I've been doing some positioning exercises throughout the pregnancy (DS was posterior and I would prefer to avoid a repeat, lol), but other than that, I figure baby knows what he/she needs to do, and whatever position that ends up being will be best.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CluckyInAZ
In addition to those stresses, she also makes offhand comments that are very negative and keep replaying in my mind.
My mw did that, too, as did my sister. I finally had to tell my sister (I figured the mw was a lost cause) that I did NOT want to hear the things she was saying, and that I really needed the energy around me to be positive. She got the picture and has quit making those comments.


I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well - I can say that mine has been MUCH more enjoyable since we quit seeing the mw!



Lizzie - if my post helps you and your DH, go for it!! I want to put a disclaimer, though lol.... it took my DH nearly two years of hearing me talking about how the medical model was not right before he even remotely "got it". He still doesn't buy into my philosophy whole-heartedly, but he did at least see that that particular mw was not playing it straight.

He still doesn't quite "get" why it was so stressful to me, but at least he can acknowledge that it was - he sees the difference in me daily!


Gotta go - DS is wanting breakfast.

Kinsey
post #37 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinsey43
Lizzie - if my post helps you and your DH, go for it!! I want to put a disclaimer, though lol.... it took my DH nearly two years of hearing me talking about how the medical model was not right before he even remotely "got it". He still doesn't buy into my philosophy whole-heartedly, but he did at least see that that particular mw was not playing it straight.

He still doesn't quite "get" why it was so stressful to me, but at least he can acknowledge that it was - he sees the difference in me daily!
Thank you! I will!

And I've been on his case for a homebirth since late 2001!! We actually had one planned for my ds until we moved (to a different state.. sadly, he stayed in the same *mental* state! ) in my 7th month, and ended up in my parents house for a couple of months... since a peaceful relaxed happy birth of any kind just didn't seem possible in their home, I caved in and went to the hospital. By the grace of God, that went stunningly well, but how many times can lightning strike, yk? *IF ONLY* I'd known about UC then!! Can you imagine? It just never dawned on me that I could just do this myself!! And wouldn't you know, we moved to our own place about a week before ds was born! AAARGH. But we're still just ttc, and I've been talking up UC for at least six months now... I've got him up to a mw in the next room.. Now I'm working on getting him up to a mw in the next town!

I just need to really throw down, show him the scientific reality of the safety of UC. And I don't know if I'll tell anyone about our UC now, any one I mention the concept to is like "But you'll have a mw, right?" Ummm NO, thanks though.. No one has been able to get their brains around that concept yet.

Except, of course, all you wild women!

lizzie
post #38 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenmoon
I am due in the next few weeks and needed the inspiration.I read MamaJaza's story again and that released some tension for me as well.
glad I could be of some help
post #39 of 164
There's so much I want to reply to -- I hope I remember everything!
Clucky -- You've already received such great advice and I just wanted to add that I saw my mw 4 times and then stopped going (after some long discussions with her). I could really relate to Kinsey's post, and I really LIKED my mw. Even though I liked her, I still found myself getting stressed before each appt. and having to get my energy levels back up after each visit (even though they were positive). I just felt like everything is okay -- so why did I need the mw to tell me that? It felt like with each visit I was giving up a piece of my own power and intuition (didn't Kinsey say the same thing?).
Once I stopped going, I felt like I owned my pregnancy again and it's been wonderful. I feel fully tuned in to my baby and *he* keeps giving me constant reassurances that everything is alright.

Like you, I thought I might go see my mw "one last time" to see what position the baby is in, but I've decided to fully trust and have faith that my baby is in the best position for his birth experience. (As an aside, the night before I saw my mw for the last time I was able to *see* my baby head down in my belly during a meditation, and my mw confirmed it the next day. But instead of feeling validated, I felt...I don't know...a bit undermined?)

So, for me -- going up has been the best decision I've made for my peace of mind. I don't monitor anything (not even my weight). I just eat well and do yoga/meditation 4 times a week and communicate with my baby on a daily basis.

As far as the birth certificate -- I went down to the town hall and asked the town clerk for a home birth certificate package. After her initial shock, she was very helpful. The packet itself is a bit maddening and I haven't filled it out yet, but I do have it.

Kinsey -- I could have written so much of your past 2 posts! I, too, know that my baby will be here sometime this month and am trying not to get too fixated on when because I don't want to get impatient. This is easier at some times than others!

Lizzie -- I'm sure many of us can relate to your reluctant dh woes. Mine finally came around full force in the beginning of December, but it was a hard road until then. We both grew a lot and learned so much, so I know it was a productive process, but it can be very hard. I do hope your dh comes around soon!

Jennie -- Saras is going to be gone during my "due date," too -- so I definitely hope I don't need any back-up!

Stacey -- thinking of you!

Hope all you mamas are doing well....
post #40 of 164
just hopping onboard
WOW! Lots of UC mamas and stories-
Are we on the cusp of a movement here?
Lots of warm fuzzy feelings out to you mamas to be...
Lots of huggies (not disposables either) to the new mamas, too!
Feeling kinda ee and
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