need suggestions on disapline

[KathyS]

I need some creative suggestions...
here is the senerio..

My 10 year old son CONSTANTLY sneaks Goodies from the kitchen. .. Not just one ..but say several bags of "fruit snacks" at a time. I always find out..weather the treats are missing or I find the wrappers in his room.

WE have talked to him nicely about this till we are blue in the face. We have strictly with him..my husband using a stern voice and getting down right angry about it...This has been going on for a couple years.
We have punished him..trying to make the punishment fit the crime..such as you will have no desert tonight with the rest of the family since you already had yours..etc. ( didn't bother him as much as I thought it would)
We would delibrately take the children out for ice cream and he would watch us eat it...hoping that maybe it would bother him enough to stop taking the treats without asking first or being given to him. He has said that he would stop..Its like he can't help himself...can he be addicted to sweets? He loves coffee( we let him have decafe) and I can't believe the amount of sugar he likes to put it in. I have thought that I would just quit buying all these things..but I hate to deprive the rest of the family. I have also hidden things..but then I forget where I have hidden them and its also really inconvient for me.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what we can try to get him to stop sneaking treats and goodies??? TIA & Blessings

[khrisday]

I think you do need to quit buying these things. You will be improving the entire families health and teaching the children about healthy eating habits. I would hold a family meeting discussing your eating habits and plan what changes you want to make. Make a trip to a healthy grocery store and see if you can find some healthier alternatives for snacks that you would not have to monitor with your son.

[KathyS]

..

You will be improving the entire families health and teaching the children about healthy eating habits.

Actually ..my family has excellent eating habits. The sweets we have around are reserved ... A special after school snack or reward, or when company comes. I do buy from a local food coop..its cheaper then the health food store.

I like to have somethings on hand because we farm and on a weekly basis I have to cook a large meal for hired help/men. I like to serve them desert because they work hard and I feel its a treat for them as well. And I don't see anything wrong with having something once in awhile.

I should also mention that my son sneaks other foods as well..anything starchy..cinnamon raisen bread, crackers...fruit spritzers...I don't feel the need to monitor him with these things..but I do feel that he shouldn't just "pig out" on them either. He is not obese either

[mamaduck]

My little one has a real sweet tooth too, and sometimes it can be a real battle to get him to eat well. What I do is keep the sweets completely out of sight and reach, and I take complete control of when and how much will be given out to my kids.

Healthier snacks, OTOH, are available all the time without question. If my kids want fruit, yogurt, crackers, even dinner leftovers, all they need to do is wash their hands first. They both ask for permission only if they need my help getting it out. There is no such thing as "sneaking" or "stealing" food because the food is free and available.

It irritates me slightly when one of them fills up on yogurt 10 minutes before I serve dinner, but I've decided that I need to let go of my agenda about what they eat. So what if they eat yogurt for dinner? The food I prep. does not go to waste. Chances are, pasta or rice will sound good to them for a bedtime snack or lunch the next day.

[mamaduck]

Oh -- I wanted to add that I felt so sad for your ds when I read that you all deliberately ate ice cream in front of him as a "consequence." That is just too rough, IMO, though I can sort of understand your reasoning. I'm afraid though, that the lesson you intended him to learn is not what will stick in his mind -- I'm afraid what may stick in his mind is the feelings of being left out and deprived -- and that sense of emptiness and sadness might drive him to sweets even more. I'm not sure it is worth it.

Family treats should be seen as a chance to celebrate love together, and enjoy life together. Not as a reward for anything. If your child associates success, love, or good performance with sweet tastes, then he is just going to hit the sweets that much harder.

I'm sorry if I'm coming down hard on you. I KNOW how frustrating it can be to feed kids properly, and I COMPLETELY believe that you are doing the best you can, with only his best interests in mind. Truly. I just wanted to present another perspective.

[KathyS]

I'm sorry if I'm coming down hard on you. I KNOW how frustrating it can be to feed kids properly, and I COMPLETELY believe that you are doing the best you can, with only his best interests in mind. Truly. I just wanted to present another perspective.

I am not offended in anyway...believe me ..it was very hard to discipline him in that way..(its always hard to discipline). We just don't know what else to do to get him to stop this.

I too keep yogurt around..apples , cheese, cereal - they are just a few of things we allow them to eat without permission and anytime that they feel hunger.

I have special snacks for the babies diaper bag ( especially since he can't eat alot of the other foods that the bigger kids can eat) I keep these up and out of the way..he ALWAYS digs till he finds them. I made 2 loafs of cinnamon raisen bread- 1 to eat and 1 to put in the freezer for another day. He ate almost the entire loaf himself ( he must do this when I am outside doing chores, or hanging out laundry..in the bathroom or something ..because I never see him)

I just don't think this is good for him to eat like that..and its defiantly not fair to the other kids because they didn't get ANY.

Thank you for the perspective..it always helps )

Blessings

[mamaduck]

Your problem has been weighing on my mind all afternoon! It seems so important to find a happy solution for your ds, but I don't know what it could be. I asked my husband what he thought (I hope that is okay with you) and he wondered if your son is healthy, active, and not-overweight?

Assuming he is, my dh says that can be impossible to understand how much food a 10 year old needs! He told me during the time between 5th and 8th grade, he gained 70 pounds and grew 6 inches!!! He said that every morning he got up and ate four packets of instant oatmeal, then scrounged around the house for loose change so that he could buy 1/2 dozen doughnuts on his walk to school and eat them in minutes!!! His parents had no idea about that. His Dad would try to prep food for dinner ahead of time, and my dh would come in from school, pull an entire cassserole out of the fridge and eat it in one sitting!!! They would yell at him until they were blue in the face, but he said he just couldn't help himself. He remembers feeling frustrated that he was limited to 4 glasses of milk at each meal, because his parents couldn't keep up with him and they would run out too quickly otherwise.

Anyway, I don't know whether your ds could actually be hungry all the time, or whether he just has a sweet tooth. But as to eating a loaf of bread in one sitting -- it sounds like that might not be abnormal (though I can see why it would be unfair to you all.)

Have you tried asking him to solve the problem? Putting the situation in his hands, and asking him to brainstorm about what he thinks he needs?

Maybe if he had his own designated cubboard and could shop for his own snacks, with some healthy guidelines about it?

[Kirsten]

You say he is not obese. Is he a healthy weight for his height and age? I do not consider myself obese (need to lose 15 or 20 pounds) but I am also not at my healthy weight. If he is at a good weight for him, how does he eat at each of the three main meals? Do you dish him up or does he do that himself? Do you have rules or restrictions on how much he may eat at meals? I mean, do you think he is really full when dinner is over? Sounds like you already do this - having fruit, cheese sticks/crackers/pretzels, yogurt, etc. around for snacks in between meals is good. I remember dh telling me how much he could eat as a teenager.
I know with our two girls (only 6 and 2 now) they go through phases where they don't eat enough to keep a bird alive (although this is pretty rare), usually eat what I consider "normally" for their ages, but when in growth spurts, they eat all day long! Meals as much or bigger than mine! When I am dieting, dd1 definitely eats more than I do.
Has he ALWAYS eaten this way or just recently? Is there any big changes in his life (school, friends, family, health) that could be triggering this? I know I eat more when I am mad or stressed.
As far as eating the entire loaf of cinnamon bread before the other kids could have any, that is unfair to them and IMO would need to be addressed. I would make him bake another loaf for the siblings and pay the ingredients out of his own money. Not because he ate too much but because his actions kept the other kids from having their share.
I like the idea of talking to him about what he thinks of the situation and what ideas he has to solve it.
Good luck!
Kirsten

[khrisday]

Why not have a family meeting to discuss it?

[KathyS]

MaMaDuck...THanks for talking to you husband. It sounds like my son is normally ( defiantly has a sweet tooth) but normal

HE is VERY Healthy and strong and lean. He is very active and loves to work on the farm. He works harder them most 18 year olds I know. .... He does have a few more cavities then I would like but we are working on good brushing habits.
Perhaps he is like your husband and just very hungry.


Kirsten- He has the since he has gotten older (hes almost 11) started eating more sweets. He loves coffee..and he puts alot of cream/sugar in it. I try and moderate him but he puts more in when my back is turned.

I usually dish up his food- or make sure he puts a variety of food on his plate....I pack his school lunches. At supper time I usually make him eat a little of everything I fix. He is a picky eater and doesn't always like what we are having. But I at least expect him to try a few bites and then he can fix himself a sandwich if he is still hungry.

We have sat down and discussed things with him and I really think he wants to Stop sneaking things..sometimes I wonder if he can't help himself like Mamaducks husband.

Thanks for all the feedback..I appreciate it!