I have to go with dharmamama on this one - I believe money in a marriage (or long-term partnership) should be "our" money. Not his and mine. For a while my DH earned almost all our money, then for a while I did while he finished school. Now we contribute fairly equally to our household income, though certainly not exactly 50/50. Regardless, there is no money that is mine or his. It's all ours. This works really well for us, as we're pretty even on our beliefs about spending and saving, so neither of us is likely to go overboard and do something excessive with money when the other wouldn't approve. We discuss major expenditures and make those decisions together.
I understand that not every couple is lucky enough to have both partners share views as equally as we do. But there are some basics that should not be negotiable, such as saving for the future and for emergencies (assuming income allows you to do that and still eat and have shelter). I think you may need to discuss this with your DH further to understand why he doesn't feel you should be saving for retirement or for emergencies. Does he just expect to work till he's 80? Even then, what about emergencies? What would he expect to happen if you suddenly had a large unexpected financial burden. If you can find someone to see for counseling (on money, and also just on the communication about money) go for it! It's extremely important that you be able to communicate about these things. You can generally find free or low cost counseling if you can't afford to pay for it, so don't take cost as an excuse to not do it. And as Dear Abby says - if he won't go with you, go without him for now and you'll learn better how to communicate your needs in this area.
Once you can talk better and agree on what makes sense for your family in terms of savings you can then move on to the spending part. Certainly you need to set aside money first for the basics like rent/mortgage, car payments, food, etc. Beyond that, if you're fortunate enough to have high enough income to have "play money" many couples find that it works to set up a separate account, or just a certain amount, for each of them to spend however they like, no questions asked. You want to spend $100+ getting your hair cut and dyed? Fine - save your "allowance" till you have enough, and your DH can't complain about the frivolity of it. He wants an outrageously expensive fishing rod? Fine - same deal, and you can't complain. The catch is that you have to agree on an amount up front.
I also agree that I simply would not be willing to agree to not having access to the family money. I don't care who earns it - it's not his. It belongs to both of you, and I would not stand for being cut off from it. I also don't care what the laws say on the subject. The state can make whatever laws they want on who technically has the right to control things, but in my marriage I would insist that we be partners with equal input.
I don't think I'm being overly-simplistic about this, though I know it doesn't work this way in a good many marriages. But if I were you I'd work really hard to open up the communication about money and insist on more equality in this aspect of your relationship. It's worth fighting for!