happy?

[byfaith]

are you happy singing and palyfull AL the time with your children? just curious. i feel so guilty idf I am having a bad day.

[loftmama]

no, i am definitely not happy singing and playful all the time. i get really irritated and frustrated sometimes. i snap at my kids. sometimes it takes a while before I realize what i'm doing and that i need to get out of the house or down on the floor or something. i'm very happy and contented deep inside; i do get frustrated sometimes.

[TiredX2]

NO. I am not. And, honestly, I don't consider it "better" to be so. I think there can be a lot said for showing your child that everyone has a range of emotions and how to constructively (though I often don't) handle them. Everyone has bad days, everyone fights, everyone doesn't feel peppy sometimes.

[sohj]

It is impossible to always be all sunshine and light.

I just try to be honest with my little one. If I am happy, I tell him I am happy. If I am sad, I tell him I am sad. And I try to tell him why. I also tell him that he hasn't made me sad. (Unless, of course, he has just hit me -- which happened recently -- and I DID tell him he had made me sad and that I needed an apology and for him to kiss the spot and make it feel better. He apologised. And kissed.)

I always did this. Even when he was very, very small and I thought he wouldn't understand. But, little babies understand more than we think they do.

I also say, if he looks a little down, "You look sad. Are you?" and try and listen to the response. And ask him questions about it.

This is all a LOT easier now that he is talking up a storm since last august (he'll be 3 in April)...but I did it before. And he did come up with one or two word replies a lot of the time.

Feelings, of happiness or saddness or frustration or joy or anger, are important and valid and people have to know that it is alright to feel them. So, part of my way of teaching this is to act like that.

I just don't make other people responsible for my feelings, including my son.

[TiredX2]

Feelings, of happiness or saddness or frustration or joy or anger, are important and valid and people have to know that it is alright to feel them. So, part of my way of teaching this is to act like that.

Well said

[sagira]

When I'm having a bad day (I don't have many, I'm generally what you consider a sunny, happy, optimistic, easygoing person) I notice that when I throw myself into playing with my child it really helps with whatever I'm dealing with and I realize that my baby is the most important.

However, when I get angry he gets to see it (not yet directed at him, I have yet to get angry at him, he's 17 mos) and I'm working on showing him that I take time to cool off and feel better before jumping to solve the problem or simply forget about it.

Children learn by example and I agree it's not wise to bury all your negative emotions. They are part of the human experience and you are your child's role model on how to deal with them. I'm not afraid to cry in front of him or tell him I'm sad. I tell dh too, that if needs to cry to let it out in front of him too so ds can see it's alright for men to cry.

That said, I'm a kid at heart and love to play and be silly with my toddler (I think a secret reason I have a child is to play in playgrounds again, and play ball, trucks, cars, pools, amusement parks -- woohoo!)

Cheers,

[kamilla626]

If I'm in a "neutral mood" I'm likely to be singing or playing anyway. But there have been plenty of times when I've told Taryn, "I feel angry right now because you're yelling a lot and I don't like to play with you when you yell". or "Something sad happened today and Mommy just wants to cry for a few minutes".

Like some of the pp's said, I want her to see and understand that ALL emotions can be expressed in a positive way. I also want her to understand that it's not my "job" as her mother to make her feel happy 100% of the time.

[eminer]

Definitely not happy all the time, and I agree that being honest about it is a great idea. (For one thing, when I'm not, I get bitter and take it out on my dd and others.) This also helps your dc learn to talk about his/her own emotional life. It is so cool to have a 2yo who says to you, "I am very annoyed because I don't want you to brush my hair ANY MORE!" (Or frustrated or angry or stressed or...)

[mamaduck]

Heck no. And honestly, I think my kids would feel *irritated* if I was! I've noticed them both feeling drawn to people who are honest and down to earth, and put off by adults who try to be constantly bubbly and sweet with kids. My little one especially will just back way far up and look at such a person as if he is thinking, "Give me a break already." No, my kids get to live with the real me, moods and all. Heh-heh-heh. Poor them!!!

[UnschoolnMa]

It's not always wonderful and perfect. I'm human, and I have the occasional freak out. We get angry and snap at each other sometimes, but we always chill out and come around and apologize. It's just how life works.

But I will say that we are a happy family. We joke around alot, play, and just generally enjoy each others company.