Please help me cope

[LylasMom]

DD is almost 20 months, she has always been a "high needs nurser", however once we nightweaned at 16 months she was down to only 2x a day. I was really happy with that and started to think about weaning completely. Well, at 18-19 months she decided to start night waking and night nursing again (she was sick and teething). The past week, the nights are better, she sometimes sleep through but if she wakes she comes in my bed and nurses 1-2x until morning. She will go on for an hour if I let her, but I have to say "no" after 15 or 20 minutes and tell her that it's time to sleep again. She usually cries (why does she have to cry after I gave her what she wants??) but then gives up and goes to sleep.

The last couple of weeks she has become obsessed with nursing more during the day. She starts asking by noon (she used to go from 7am until 4pm), and asks for "mitties" and tells me to sit in the chair where we nurse (I tried to teach her "milkies") constantly, like every hour. It came out of nowhere, and I don't know how to deal with it. Personally, I am not comfortable nursing in public at all, thank God she's only 20 lbs and if I need to I can hold her standing up in a bathroom stall to nurse!

I'm also very touched out and resentful. I know I have to change my attitude, since she is obviously not ready to stop. All of my friends weaned around 1 year and it was so easy for them. I don't want to go to a LLL mtg for support, b/c the last time I went, none of the moms were into weaning this young and most were into CLW. We're also TTC, but not sure if I will get preggo while nursing.

I guess I just need to accept how DD is and hopefully she will reduce her nursings again soon. Is there anyone else out there who feels like this just part of motherhood but not really enjoying it anymore? I really had no idea that nursing had so many dimensions to it.

[Mama2ABCD]

Hey, you are a great mom!
Your dd really needs you right now. I swear at times, mothering a baby is much easier than mothering a toddler.
Just know that you are not the only one that gets worn out with nursing from time to time. It's natural. But, it gets better, then much better, and then another little slump, and better again. Hang in there.
Do you really thing moms that aren't nursing their toddlers have it any easier?
I know many sleep deprieved parents who's toddlers are teething, but aren't nursing! And teething doesn't happen overnight!

You are a wonderful mom!

[LylasMom]

Thanks for you kind words, but I don't feel like a good mom since I'm mostly resentful and resisting nursing DD everytime she asks, especially when it's every hour and half and at times when it's not that easy (we're out a lot and like I said I'm not comfortable nursing in front of people I don't know). We have a few playgroups and DD is the only nursing toddler. All of the others are playing on the floor and running around, and DD keeps coming back to me every half hour to nurse! She's very much like my friend's 4 week old baby, however my friend has to wake the baby up to nurse and doesn't seem to ask for it! I understand that maybe these are her needs right now, but I can't do it anymore. I also kind of feel like maybe this isn't the place to post about this b/c most moms on MDC make nursing sound so easy.

[Mama2ABCD]

Niha, it isn't that nursing is so easy, it's just that it is such a big part of our lives. we all have bad periods, but try to stay focus on the positve to get through it.
Try searching thru the threads and you'll see other moms in the identical boat as you right now. I think some might also be on the breastfeeding forum (before beyond infancy came along). Please search, and read those threads

[norasmom]

I understand what you mean about being touched out and needing a break. My DD is 18 mos and somedays it feels like she nurses more than she did as an infant. I've found that sometimes when she wants to nurse she is really hungry or thirsty and offering her a snack or a drink will satisfiy her needs at that time.

I've also had people tell me that they set nursing milestones for themselves. They would say "OK, I'm going to nurse one more day, week, or month." and then they would evaluate and decide if they were going to nurse longer at the end of that period. Sometimes if you imagine nursing for another month it doesn't seem as unmanageable as nursing far as long as the baby wants.

Another thing that helped me was to think of all the benefits of nursing an older child. Like being able to calm them down instantly, keep them quite while you were on an important phone call, knowing that they are getting good nutrition even when they won't eat anything except white food, stoping a full on tantrum in public in a second... The list goes on.

Remember: You are the best mom for your baby and you are going to do what is right for your family!

Good luck and please don't be afraid to post here. Lots of moms have these same feelings even if we believe 100% in breastfeeding our older baby. It is very normal.

[Hollycrand]

Lylasmom,

I feel like I'm in the same boat! Dd is now almost 19 months, and it seems as if she's nursing more now than before! All of my friends weaned at one year (with out problems, it seems), and I can't even talk about my feelings or frustrations with them, because they then give me the 'well, that's what you get for breastfeeding so long...).
Dd was always high needs, and now that she's older she DOES play by herself very well. As long as 'beebees' are nearby so that she can 'stop in' for a buffet.
I don't like to breastfeed in public anymore, and before last week dd didn't mind waiting until we got home. But now, she's going through a phase where she refuses to wait and lifts up my shirt to nurse anywhere, everywhere we happen to be. I am active in the local LLL group (and regularly go to the toddler group they now have) but only 2 other moms come to it, and one of them is already pregnant. The other one is trying and has already had several cycles.
Dh and I have been TTCing for about 2 months now, but I visited the doctor today and I'm no where close to ovulating. I'm trying to be 'Zen' and let my body get pregnant when it's ready, but peer pressure is sinking in. This is the time when many of my friends are trying to get pregnant again. Sometimes I'm a bit frustrated that weaning, getting pregnant work so 'easily' for others and not for me. I know I'm doing what's right for DD, but sometimes I'm asking myself if she's going to be used to getting her way too much.
Sorry, I needed to vent.

-Holly, mama to Catarina (7/20/03), wife to R since 6/24/2000 and TTC #2 :

[foreverinbluejeans]

Sometimes putting too many restrictions on a nursing toddler makes things much worse. I'm not talking about nursing behavior (pinching, ect) but about when and where nursing will be allowed and for how long. Remember, nursing is about more than feeding. Why does she cry when you give her what she wants? She probably wants to nurse to sleep and may want to sleep with you.

Imagine how you would feel if someone put so many restrictions on you. You would be stressed out and you are an adult. Our stress hormones are also passed to the child in the milk. Try to think of your child as being stressed out rather than having behavior that is irritating. It's normal for a child under 2 or even under 3 to nurse at night.

You might try letting go of restrictions and see what happens. What do you have to loose? You may end up with a happier toddler and be happier yourself!

[TiredX2]

I agree with foreverinbluejeans but it can be *VERY* hard to do to let go of that control (even when you realize it is making it harder).

Just wanted to give AND say that most children go through a high nursing needs stage somewhere between 17-22 months where they are once again nursing like an infant. Usually it falls back down (to their previous level) once they are closer to two. I'm not sure why, but it probably has to do with rapid language development & they are about to get into the independence thing big time.

I am not going to say that you *have* to NIP, but I encourage you to think about what you are going to do with #2. Because you will be out with DD also, you will be more limited in your ability to excuse yourself (where would DD go). Also, she will be old enough at that time to internalize the fact you think nursing should not be done in public. I really am not trying to be down on you, but please do consider it.

Is there anyway you could just set aside a "nursing week" and go for it? Let her nurse all she wants and see how it goes? Perhaps she will be ready to cut down a bit after that, or perhaps you will feel better about putting limits.

Good luck!

[setalora]

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