Let me describe a situation that comes up occasionally with my son. He's 5 now. He readily learned how to use the toilet without pressure or even much suggestion, just decided one weekend at about 2 1/2 that he was going to do it, and was running off to the bathroom every couple of hours saying "I have to pee!". Pooping in the toilet went about the same (he wanted to do it in a diaper for a few weeks, but then he was done with that). But here we are, 3 years later, having a wee bit of a problem because he seems to have this thing about controlling his bodily functions. You can see him squirming, doing the potty dance, but he just won't go. Diplomatic inquiries as to whether he needs to use the toilet are met with stonewalling. And he will sometimes engage in this behavior which to me seems odd, when he needs to poop, he'll sit on the toilet and try hard to not let it come out. He'll also hold it until it's almost too late, not sitting on the toilet, same deal as with needing to pee, he's squirming, etc. The other night, my husband was getting him ready for bed, they were in the shower and our son was doing this odd, butt-squirming-clenching movement, hubby asked what was the matter, son answered "nothing", hubby checked son's butt and there was (sorry to be so indelicate) a small turd in there sticking it together. My husband asked him to please get out and get on the toilet, son threw a hissy fit. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued, hubby insisted, eventually picked him up and set him on the toilet. He did his business, and of course by this time snot was streaming out of his nose as well (he has a mild cold, plus crying on top of that). So another battle was carried out about blowing his nose, with son insisting he didn't need to and didn't want to try, hubby insisting no children with snot all over their faces in the family bed (more tantruming at this point). Finally, he blew his nose sufficiently, and fell asleep wimpering. This is the most dramatic example, but similar scenes occur now and then. I don't believe there's any physical pain or discomfort complicating things.
What I'm looking for is tactics for defusing situations like this. I don't want to force him (son) to do things with his body he doesn't want to do, but I also don't want him pooping in the shower or snorking the snot back up into his nose all the time or wiping it on his arm. It seems very much to me like a control issue. We're not the type of parents that are constantly asking "do you need to go to the bathroom?" or chasing him around with a tissue to wipe his nose, most of the time it's not a problem. Hubby was raised in an authoritarian household, and he tends to fall back on that kind of interaction if he's frustrated or tired; I was raised very differently, treated much more respectfully by my mother, but I also find this behavior confounding and frustrating. I've tried explaining that it's best to go use the toilet as soon as you feel even just a little bit like you need to. I've tried offering choices, like "which bathroom would you like to use?" or "would you like me to wipe your nose, or do you want to do it yourself?", which worked when he was younger but not now. Any suggestions?
ETA: He also does not want to wipe his own butt. Won't try. Acts like it grosses him out. We've always been matter-of-fact about it, never said anything like "yuck, look at that poopy butt!", I'm not sure where this hang-up came from.
What I'm looking for is tactics for defusing situations like this. I don't want to force him (son) to do things with his body he doesn't want to do, but I also don't want him pooping in the shower or snorking the snot back up into his nose all the time or wiping it on his arm. It seems very much to me like a control issue. We're not the type of parents that are constantly asking "do you need to go to the bathroom?" or chasing him around with a tissue to wipe his nose, most of the time it's not a problem. Hubby was raised in an authoritarian household, and he tends to fall back on that kind of interaction if he's frustrated or tired; I was raised very differently, treated much more respectfully by my mother, but I also find this behavior confounding and frustrating. I've tried explaining that it's best to go use the toilet as soon as you feel even just a little bit like you need to. I've tried offering choices, like "which bathroom would you like to use?" or "would you like me to wipe your nose, or do you want to do it yourself?", which worked when he was younger but not now. Any suggestions?
ETA: He also does not want to wipe his own butt. Won't try. Acts like it grosses him out. We've always been matter-of-fact about it, never said anything like "yuck, look at that poopy butt!", I'm not sure where this hang-up came from.
to talk about it, but will try to be as *biological* as possible, and hopefully give a few suggestions.
), but as my mom has described my temperment/personality, "Stephanie was an only child who happend to have three siblings." I craved and needed one on one attention and was able to get it by the control I was having over my body. Talking about it as adults and understanding it better in hindsight, I've likened it to having an eating disorder (I hope that doesn't offend anyone who has gone through that, but I would think that the control aspect is similar) I got attention from mom (sitting on the tub while I tried to go-helping me relax and concentrate, etc.) and I'm sure that that's the reason that my struggle with it lasted so long.
: This is only my second post at MDC, and I sure don't want to be remembered as that chick with the bathroom issues. :LOL
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