Toddler won't stop hurting newborn - what to do???

[Pam_and_Abigail]

dd1 is almost 2 1/2 and dd2 is 2 weeks. dh and i do not know what to do with dd1, she is constantly hitting, kicking, oulling and twisting her arm, picking up by her legs, and otherwise hurting the baby. We can't put her down, she's not safe anywhere, and a lot of this happens when babe is in our arms anyway.
we've started resorting to punishments, timeouts, and there has been a lot of yelling "no!", all of which I said I'd never do.

How can we teach dd1 not to hurt the baby? Our household is falling apart, and soon dh has to go back to work. We're tandem nursing, too, which I thought would help...

Very desperate here!

[Lisalee2]

Wow, mama, that is tough. Since your new baby is just 2 weeks, hopefully, your older dd will adjust more as time goes on. Your best bet for now is to just keep a watchful eye (which I'm sure you're doing) and give your older dd lots of love.

Maybe she's feeling resentful or jealous of the new babe. I don't know, does she do it when the baby is quiet or when she's crying? My ds often gets upset when dd cries and will squeeze her or push her gently.

Hopefully other mamas can give a little more insight on the situation

[AngelBee]

First off...I would wear your baby as much as you possible can! Keep her out of dd1 reach at all times! This is just a stage. It will pass in time. Keep baby safe for now.

Second, EVERYDAY spend at least 30 mins of uninterrupted mom and dd1/daddy and dd1 time. Make "dates" with her. Even if they are at home such as "Cookie Making Date" or "Finger paint date" This will help her feel special and loved.

Slowly try to incorporate her into "big sister" care for the baby. Let her help change dipes, Hold your shirt up while you nurse, etc. Also you can buy her a sling for her baby and you both can be mamas together.

These things have really helped me in making the baby a welcome addition to our family. It takes some of the focus off of "baby" and puts it on big sister!

I hope that helps!!!s

[Pam_and_Abigail]

ok, I just posted and lost it. :-(

a lot of these things we've been doing, she loves to help with diaper changes and baby care, she kisses the baby, the baby "gave" her a doll sling. As far as babywearing, dd2 only likes the sling when we're out, she's alseep, and in her snowsuit. I can't watch the video again till dh gets the laptop from work, so I don't know what other positions might work (it's a maya wrap).
we've been trying to do more dates, that's a good idea.
I think it's mostly when she's sleeping, sometimes while nursing.

[AngelBee]

During nursing, she probably things it is her territory. Maybe have her nurse her baby doll when you are nursing the baby. I would wear baby while she sleeps for now. Or use a crib for her naps to make it more difficult for dd1 to access the baby.

I am sorry you are going through this. I know that it is very frustrating. Looking into other positions is a great idea.

[gret the great]

My DS was like this too & honestly a lot of it came from curiosity- "what will this baby do if I...?" I wore my ds a lot & child proofed the door of the room I had her nap in. Othewise DS would be on top of her in time it took me to pee. It did pass, and I am sure once your older child gets more used to the bay's presence it will improve. Hang in there...