Negative comment on new AAP bf policy

[callmemama]

I was excited to see this article in USAToday about the new AAP bf policy.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/...ing-moms_x.htm

It was very positive right down to the end where it stated the opinion of some "family historian". Why did they have to ruin it with her comments?! Think we should boycott her book?!

"But family historian Stephanie Coontz says pediatricians are doing no favors for stressed-out, modern families by making a blanket recommendation that couples keep babies near them overnight.

"These experts are piling higher and higher expectations on mothers," Coontz says. "Half of American women go back to work before their babies are a year old. A woman might need a good night's sleep or to bond with her husband, and that's good for the baby.

"We have whole generations of well-adjusted, healthy people who didn't sleep near their parents as babies," says Coontz, author of Marriage, A History, which arrives in May from Viking Press."

[Elphaba]

...

[amyjeans]

hummm... cuz its all about the marriage and not about the newborn right? Some parents sacrifice a lot, including those "romantic moments" with one another for the health and well being of their children. Some of us are clever enough to know it doesn't always need to happen in bed either!
Who is this "Coontz"? What makes her an authority? Sheesh... Next thing you know she'll publically support corporal punishment because so many of us who were spanked as a child and are better well rounded individuals because of it.
What a nut!

[hallesmom]

Originally Posted by Elphaba

Yeah, we are ALL so well-adjusted and healthy. That's why so many of us have chronic health problems, require therapists, and have strained familial relationships.

Exactly-has this lady looked around??? sheeesh!

[kofduke]

As a working mom I needed that night-time to bond with my babe!

[AmandaBL]

It seems to me that almost anything pro breastfeeding has to attach some "excuse clause" It just gives the moms who don't want to another excuse. I understand that there really are SOME women who can not breastfeed, but it's nowhere near the ammount of women who go around saying "I couldn't breastfeed because....." The AAP juse gave them another reason to fill in that blank with.

[Hoopin' Mama]

Happy to see that article out there, too bad it had to end on a negative note. Partners can have the most wonderful bonding moments watching their baby coo, smile, giggle, etc. The mornings we lay in bed with ds between us doing all these things are so tender and memorable. Besides, what new mom is quite ready for romantic evenings? Surely not me.

I do feel for women who have to work and are dealing with sleep deprivation. But I think so many women don't know how co-sleeping and breastfeeding can sometimes lead to a better night's sleep.

There is nothing convenient about having an infant. The problem seems to stem from our society that believes life should be back to normal after the first six weeks. I can't believe how many people have asked me if ds sleeps through the night yet. As if.

[lauraess]

this is funny since just yesterday my dh and I were talking about the positive aspects of ap in our life and how the sacrifices have been hard at times but well worth it. we are making it through. Not easily, but Whoever said it should be easy??? One point we discussed in length was the co-sleeping which we began almost 7 yrs ago with our son. We recalled how difficult it was in the beginning but because we were convinced it was the way for our family and the best way to actually get sleep we learned how to do it. The point is that while we all grow up with warped ideas of sleeping together: sleep alone... one day become attracted to the glamourized idea of 'sleeping' with someone..... Get in a relationship, sleep together.. learn you need your own blanket and wonder if that's 'acceptable' since gosh, we love eachother and SHOULDNT we share a blanket?!..... I mean just that whole circle of events is twisted. Now, tell me what is Adjusted then? Going on this ridiculous ride of should, could, cant, and gosh life should be easier on us poor stressed out parents!???? huh?? I am really sick of the Blanket term "well-adjusted" . ADJUSTED to WHAT??? society's really warped idea of normal???

~L

[chersolly]

So she believes the husband's needs are placed before an infant's needs? Not in my house.

[ShadowMom]

I had to make a snarky comment about that in the Family Bed forum, too.

I thought overall it was a big step forward for the AAP.

I think hell will freeze over before they see the light and extend their minimum breastfeeding recommendation to 2 years, though.

[velcromom]

My random thoughts on the matter -
Yuck, another, "nevermind what's right for the baby; lets make sure mom doesn't feel guilty" load of horsepucky. Blech. What the heck is a family historian (a title anyone can bestow upon themselves, isn't it?) doing handing out parenting advice in a major newspaper? Why on earth would they print the new AAP policy and then tear it down with the opinion of a person not even educated on the topic? Ugh, anyone can give parenting advice these days, apparently it is not even a big deal to publish your name as directly opposing the recommendations of the AAP in the same article!!! How bizarre. But I bet if she came out opposing the AAP recommendations for something people take seriously, she'd get raked over the coals.

[Leilalu]

What I find sad is that, once again, our society is excused to have sex and thus children-without bearing the full load which comes with it.

I'm sorry, but the relationship between a child-bearing couple should be strong enough to pull them through AP parenting untarnished, and only made stronger. We as adults should be mature enough to sacrifice for someone who has bigger needs. And, I agree- who says that the relationship evolves around the "bed"And why are they suppossing that all co-sleepers sleep the ENTIRE night in the SAME bed with everybody. We stay up late around here and my kids go to bed anywhere from 9:30-11:30 and I don't go to bed then. But i put them to sleep on me, then move them if I feel like getting up and doing some stuff. Then later, bring em to bed with us.Sometimes, we all cuddle together and I take a quick nap and then get up and do stuff, sometimes i read or knit til I fall asleep. The point:co-sleeping is different for every family.
And her claims are completely weird. I know if I was a working mom- I would want time to cuddle with my babe by my side all night! Story~~~dd slept more soundly than she has in a long time the past two nights(her back molars are coming in) and I really missed her cuddleing me and rubbing on my back all night!Granted, soem nights it drives me batty but I still love it and wouldn't trade it for the world.Sorry, I will stop rambling now.:LOL

[annettemarie]

Loved this:

"We have whole generations of well-adjusted, healthy people who didn't sleep near their parents as babies," says Coontz, author of Marriage, A History, which arrives in May from Viking Press.

Yeah.... really well-adjusted, healthy people.

I sleep better with baby nearby than if I had to get up and get him.

Crazy lady.

Annette

[PapayaMom]

ugh I made the mistake of reading comments on this story. With such highlights as:

* The bedroom is for mom and dad not the baby

* Is it so bad that a baby cry for a minute so the mom can ge tout of bed, use the bathroom and then go nurse?

* as a mother you need a break

[~Nikki~]

These experts are piling higher and higher expectations on mothers," Coontz says. "Half of American women go back to work before their babies are a year old. A woman might need a good night's sleep or to bond with her husband, and that's good for the baby.

I've never understood this point of view. I know that I sleep MUCH better when I can just roll over and let the baby latch on when she's crying, instead of having to listen for her cries, hop out of bed, nurse her, rock her back to sleep, put her back down, and listen to her cry some more. :P

Or is this woman suggesting that you plop baby into the crib, close the doors, turn off the baby monitor, and stick cotton in your ears?

[Ruthla]

One more point- are these people so unimaginative that they think a couple can't have a sex life outside of bed?

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by PapayaMom

ugh I made the mistake of reading comments on this story. With such highlights as:

* The bedroom is for mom and dad not the baby

* Is it so bad that a baby cry for a minute so the mom can ge tout of bed, use the bathroom and then go nurse?

* as a mother you need a break

I read those too. You know, I had my ds right next to me as a newborn and when I heard him stirring, I had a minute to get up and use the bathroom and come back and nurse him before he had to cry for me. I had to wonder at that statement, I mean if you CAN respond to him before he cries, why WOULDN'T you???

It did seem though, that the vast majority of responses were positive comments.

[katja]

The bonding with husband part reminds me of an Op-ed in the NY times yesterday called "I love them, I love him not," about how family bed and extended breastfeeding are ruining marriages. Whatever. I was kind of mad about it the whole day. Marriages are ruined by a lot of things, I think, before they are ruined by cosleeping and bfing.

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by katja

The bonding with husband part reminds me of an Op-ed in the NY times yesterday called "I love them, I love him not," about how family bed and extended breastfeeding are ruining marriages. Whatever. I was kind of mad about it the whole day. Marriages are ruined by a lot of things, I think, before they are ruined by cosleeping and bfing.

Uh-oh, I feel a letter coming on...


Ok read the article and find it to be a load of horsepucky. Children once again get the dubious honor of scapegoat for their parent's problems. But don't want to hijack so maybe it needs its own post.

[Jennisee]

Originally Posted by velcromom

Children once again get the dubious honor of scapegoat for their parent's problems.

OMG, yes! I find this attitude to be rampant any time people are trashing anything AP.

Originally Posted by Elphaba

Yeah, we are ALL so well-adjusted and healthy. That's why so many of us have chronic health problems, require therapists, and have strained familial relationships.

Amen!