So much for ever having a homebirth - Page 2

[Mommy2ZaGirls]

I can't rest in a hospital. Between the nurses, techs, doctors, food service guy, newspaper lady, housekeeping, chaplain, etc. there is no rest! And it is just noisy anyway!

[candiland]

I just wanted to add that my DH was totally against homebirth. I scheduled a time for the homebirth midwife to come meet us and talk to us, anyway. She answered all his questions and eased his fears; they're good at that kind of thing. He still wanted a hospital or birth center birth, but I said, "It is my vagina. My sexuality does not belong to you, nor does it belong to any institution" and that was that.
I homebirthed my first, and, in May, my second. My hubby has done a complete 180. He thinks that hospital birth is totally useless and insane. My friends who have home birthed have all said the same thing. All of their hubbies were against it on some level. Now they all praise home birth and do not understand how anyone wants it any other way!

[Chi-Chi Mama]

Chloe, are you still here?

i just wanted to see how things are going for you...

had any talks with your dh? made any decisions?

it's easy to give advise to someone w/o walking in their shoes... so i hope you're not offended by all the "how can you let him say that to you" replies...

hope all is well with you... (and still hoping your dh will 'see the light')

[lilyka]

Hi Chloe-

My dh also decided he didn't want me to do a homebirth this time. Well he said if I could find a different midwife he would consider it but there is only one and our last birth wasn't exactly a convincing modle of homebirth so his fears were and uncomfortableness were justified.

Regaudless of your dh irrational reasons I respect your descission to consider his feelings. That is a big thing when it means giving up so much of what is important to you.

You said you have an excellent midwife. Perhaps she could be the one to "kick you out" of the hospital. I really see no reason for you to stay for 24 but 12 is a nice compromise. Even 18 can go by quickly. If you do have to stay 24 (you never know there might be a good reason nd it might not be so bad after all) Your Dh should be well primed on his roll of protecting you from the nurses. Be sure you midwife knows what *your* preferces are and will be respectful of them. Definitely have constant rooming in and don't let the nurses in, bringyour own food and the stay could be quite plesent

[Chloe]

Hey- thanks for all the responses!!! I forgot to come and look here! I have been so busy.

I TOTALLY agree with all of you! But first off, this isn't an excuse, but it nay answer some questions you all have. I think it may have to do with dh's profession, and he is very stubborn. I am too!!!

We have been married 7 years, together for 9 years on Sept. 27th-omg! And we've had some ups and downs. Maybe when I told him I wanted a homebirth, it was the wrong time. Right now, we have alot of things going on. A new baby due in 8 weeks- trying to sell a house in one city, while he goes to work in another! So we are temporarily separated by force right now. So we don't have much time together. Actually, I haven't brought up the homebirth, because when I mentioned about leaving the hospital, it was...you're staying 24 hrs, end of discussion" : ok, so at that point, I just decided to drop it. Funny thing is, he gets made because I made all the decisions about whether or not to vax, circumcise, and homeschool....which- I will not vax, did not circumcise and will homeschool... and I put my foot down on that.

i haven't thought of a good way or time to approach him- he's so cranky! about the homebirth issue. I persuaded him to meet the midwives I will have for this baby's birth. He wasn't agreeable to the midwife thing at first, but he agreed that I should change doctors, so I took that oppurtunity to get into the midwives!!! I wanted one for the first birth, but was already seing my ob, and didn't want to switch- I now realize that was a mistake on my part. Though I am proud of myself- despite doing everything wrong I got the baby out just fine! (it was my choice- I laid down..big mistake) But I got him out because I am stubborn, and wasn't abput to have a section- not that anyone told me I was going to!

Anyway, maybe this birth in the hospital with the midwives will be the turning point. I am hoping that he will realize that I can birth my babies without the interventions and the needles and stuff. And then I can use the years between the next baby to convince him that homebirth is safe . I have a birth plan...and my previous birth went pretty close to how I wanted, except that I caved in to myself and got nubain, which I didn't really need!


Oh- I am not sure what the argument about miscarriages and me staying in the hospital have to do with anything! It struck me funny too!!! It actually sounded like an argument I'd make. His mother had a stillborn baby before he was born, so maybe he fears about that happening...but I know if I was at home, and had a midwife, she'd get me to the hospital if something was wrong.

I really do agree- it is my body...and I agree with what you all said. Like I said, with him under so much stress, and living in a different city, I think starting a fight right now would be a bad idea... I am not giving up- I swear!!!!

Hopefully, in a few years, I will be on the Mothering boards proudly telling my awesome birth story!!!! I have actually tried to start collecting homebirth stories off of here. (need to get a new printer ink cartridge! LOL) so I can have references and proof that it is safe.

I love that you all responded. With this second baby, I am going to stay at home to labor as long as possible. And I have been thinking about meditating once I get there- put myself in a place where I am comfortable, think about being at home, visualize the baby coming down the birth canal, me opening like a flower, etc. I have confidence in myself this time. I need him there physically, as my husband, but I don't need him to "help" me birth. I can do that on my own.

I know I need him to support me, and I will tell him that. I was going to tell him that I wouldn't just decide to DO something like homebirthing without researching first! And it's funny- I think I mentioned homebirth even before we were married... I didn't realize how important it was to me, or how inherent to my personal philosophies it is!!!! But it makes so much sense to me! And I have slowly persuaded him over the years to my "alternative" ways of life.

I think he is conflicted on doctors and healthcare and stuff too- he waits to go to the dr until he's practically dying- then they give him an antibiotic, zithromax, which doesn't really help, and causes an allergic reaction ( a weird one too!) He took almost the whole dose, until I asked my dad, and he said he should stop taking it! I told him to not take it anymore, but he took it anyway! Well, he didn't take the last dose, and his problem went away! duh- men! But then he tells people how great breastfeeding is, and how there's this colostrum stuff you can get in healthfood stores to help increase your milk supply, and help your health! He's funny.

Anyway- sorry so LOOOOOOONG winded, but I wanted to try to get everything in. I might have missed something... I hope I addressed most everything!

Francine

[Chloe]

I had Keiran room in too... I just couldn't sleep in the hospital...I kept thinking someone was going to take the baby!

But this time I know alot better!!

I will present my birth plan to him... the midwives are already pretty in sync with my ideas... without me even saying what I want!!!

i am hoping he will see the light too!

I really appreciate everyone's responses- I am stuck between giving in and "comprimising" and just putting my foot down and saying, "this is my body, I am giving birth, and it's SAFE!" I KNOW all that is true!

At this point, if he agreed to a birth center for #3, it really would be a step closer. I think I could be happy about that.

Like I said though, even though it will be hard to swallow my wishes now, I am going to try to enjoy my birthing experience no matter what, because you only have a few chances to give birth. It is an amazing experience.

[grisandole]

I understand where you're coming from. I make most of our decisions, some that dh isn't happy with. Usually he comes around on everything; at first he thought I was a nut for wanting a homebirth, and was very against the idea; now he's a homebirth advocate and tells anyone who will listen my birth story Anyway, because I do get "my way" most of the time, I do compromise or "let" him have his way also.....there does need to be give and take. So easing your dh into the homebirth process is totally understandable.....you want a stress free birth and it sounds like you can have one at the hospital, providing they leave you alone Good luck!

[Chloe]

Thanks- that's encouraging! (that your dh was initially opposed, then now he's a homebirth advocate!)

Like I said, maybe this won't be the time I get a homebirth, but hopefully next time!

I guess the hospital I am going to this time is pretty nice about birth plans and stuff. They have a birthing ball, at least! I still need to go visit!

[Chloe]

I will take it one step at a time...maybe right now isn't the time to change his mind... he's mainstream- but he's changed alot in the 9 years I have known him. I love him, and even though he's being dictator like- his grandma says that!!! I will comprimise right now. I don't mean to make him out as a "BAD" guy! He is pretty cool about things usually.

I think more research can be done on my part, and I will somehow figure out a way to approach this matter!

Thank you for all your encouragement.

[USAmma]

I agree with the others, it's YOUR birth experience and you should decide. I also understand about how hard it is to do something without your dh's blessing. If it makes you feel better, I had a wonderful birth experience at the hospital. No one ever questioned my birth plan and the nurses were so very supportive and encouraging.

It was after the birth that I had major problems with the nursery nurses pressuring me to give bottles, have my dd's stomach suctioned out "to make her hungry so she'll nurse", and not providing the bfing support I needed. I feel that it totally ruined my changes of bfing and I am still angry about that. Just make a birth plan and several copies of it. Have a friend or doula there who can be your advocate and can make sure your birth plan is followed to the letter so you can concentrate on having your baby. And after the birth have that same friend go to the nursery with your baby to make sure that your wishes are followed while they weigh it and check the hearing and all that. Keep the baby close to you at all times otherwise.

I hop you are able to find peace with your decision so you can have no regrets afterwards. I really do.

Darshani

[Chloe]

Well- I can't say my hospital experience was all that bad. Really- it was nice having people bring you food, and all that. And they were very supportive of breastfeeding. It was just hard for me, having all those people in and out to check you all the time. I think I can handle 24 hrs in the hospital- it won't kill me. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do... I really sound like I am copping out, but I'm really not. I am way more informed than I was before... and now, being a mom a second time, it WILL be different.

The baby will be rooming in, and I will just have my husband go with them when they want to weigh the baby and do all the checking they feel they need to do! Or, it will be done in our presence.

Like I said, it may not be MY ideal experience right now, but hopefully I can get there someday- maybe by the next baby! Maybe dh will feel more relaxed after this one! I will just continue to think positively and "pray" that he sees it my way! (It worked with him agreeing to the midwife!) I am not a particularly religious person, but I tried it, and it worked.

[lilyka]

I don't think your dh sounds like a bad guy. He sounds like a scared guy who loves his wife and wants her and his child to be safe. Hospital birth is not the end of the world. Especially if you have no grand phobia of the hospital. In the end you got your way for all the other big stuff. The stuff your kids will have to grow up with like vaccines, circ and homeschool. in the end giving birth at a friendy hospital wqith a loving caring midwife really isn't a complete loss Good luck with your birth.

Sandra

[Chloe]

Thanks, Sandra...I agree with that too.