I want to BURN this dress!

[mommyofshmoo]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I don't know what to do about my dd's attachment to her dress.

She is 2.5 and gets attached to clothes, often wearing them for days and days on end (even through the night.)

The problem is that right now she is insanely attached to this one sun dress (her 'wa-eeee dress) and it's February.

In the past I've dealt with this by offering leggings to wear with her dress and a sweater, or other options. However she's getting more and more extreme in her insistance on wearing just the dress, a necklace and her sandals.

We've had tantrums every time we've left the house for the last few days. I hate having to force her into clothes.

The other thing is she had a cold over the weekend and it made me feel guilty for letting her go to school and go outside in not so much clothing sometimes. I know getting cold is not why people "catch a cold" but i can't help feeling like her preschool teachers are going to think I'm a bad mom, and that parents would judge me if they saw my kid running around in a sundress with her nose running all over the place.

In her defense, she did get over her cold very quickly. Maybe all the exposure to cold has booster her immune system?

Ugh. What have you other moms done about this?

First- about clothing attachment, and second about wanting to wear clothes that are unseasonable. (And what if they'll be inside anyway?)

Thanks!
Jennifer

[cmb123]

My youngest is like this too (and as soon as it's hot enought to wear the dress, she'll become attached to her snowsuit..coincidence? I think not)!
I usually do about the same thing you do, with the added leggings, or a long sleve shirt under etc..but now it's just tooooo cold, and lately she's been able to change clothes if I make sure to tell her when she can put the item back on, like we have to go out to the store and its very cold, you can put it on as soon as we get home. I have had to use some "threatening" occasionally like "your choice is to take it off, and put it on when we get home, or Mommy is going to take it away" which I've had to do when the outfit is so completely out of season I worry about frostbite and the like.
My oldest daughter did this too, and I swore i would remember to put away the out of season clothes so it wouldn't be an issue. I always forget, and end up with a child wearing snow boots to the beach in August.
I've really let go of some of my annoyance over it. The importance of these items to them really has become clear ( not what the heck the importance is, just that it IS important to them to their core!).
The good news is too, that most teachers have been through this a million times. They KNOW you're not a bad parent, they know you didn't pick the outfit, they get it.

[onthemove]

we going through this too. just wanted to see how others have handled it. Our 'dress' is an old skating dress of mine everyone tells her how pretty she looks, she spins, ppl continue to tell her she looks pretty, increasing the obsession with the dress...

[mommyofshmoo]

Originally Posted by cmb123

I usually do about the same thing you do, with the added leggings, or a long sleve shirt under etc..but now it's just tooooo cold, and lately she's been able to change clothes if I make sure to tell her when she can put the
The good news is too, that most teachers have been through this a million times. They KNOW you're not a bad parent, they know you didn't pick the outfit, they get it.

I feel very guilty because I got all worked up once about a little kid at my dd's old daycare in a tank top in January. I thought her mom was just awful (not like I complained or anything, but I did think it.)

Well, here's karma comming to bite me in the butt.

[mommyofshmoo]

Originally Posted by onthemove

we going through this too. just wanted to see how others have handled it. Our 'dress' is an old skating dress of mine everyone tells her how pretty she looks, she spins, ppl continue to tell her she looks pretty, increasing the obsession with the dress...

Hmmm.... Her daddy is planning a long trip to hawaii soon (he's a photographer and working on a book there.) We'll be going for part of the time, but not all by a long shot. I wonder if there is a connection here to her wearing her "Hawaii dress" that daddy got her last time we were all in Hawaii together.

She also keeps saying she's going to wear the dress to Alaska. Alaska is the place she always says daddy is when he's out of town.

Hmmm... very interesting these little tiny brains.

[cmb123]

oooooohhh!! What goes around comes around :LOL

[Irishmommy]

Dd can wear what she wants in the house (used to be her birthday suit!!), but when we go outside she has to be dressed appropriately. I keep reminding her that she can change as soon as she gets home. Seems to work most of the time.

[Maggie Mae]

DD was like that too when she was littler, and it was *always* drastically inappropriate dresses in the middle of winter. (what is the deal with that???)

I tried not to ever say anything negative about the outfit, but provided info about the weather outside, and the activities she'd be participating in. DD never said, "Oh! You say its cold? I'll put on pants and sweater!" but head's-up helped when she *did* get cold and needed something else to wear.

I always brought along warm/appropriate clothes, and if DD protested that I told her I was bringing the clothes because *I* wanted to - it didn't have anything to do with her. But she knew the clothes were available and sometimes asked for them, or else accepted them when I offered after seeing that DD was really cold.

But it took letting DD get cold. REALLY cold. In the end, she's not a dumb kid (and I'm sure your DD isn't either!) and she didn't really want to be so cold, so she eventually got to the point where she'd accept the warm stuff.

Good luck! (And do your best to ignore anyone who gives you a hard time! I used to tell people, "We're only running out for a second!" or "DD is VERY warm-blooded!")

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I can relate. No answers though.

[inthesnow]

Both of my dds have gone through this stage. dd2 is still very much like this. And some days it is this purple skirt that she LOVES. Many days she also REFUSES to wear her coat. It is very cold where we are and I just cringe at her going outside without a coat.

SO, my approach is to dress her in as many layers as she'll let me and then I always bring the coat and a hat and she will now finally tell me that she's cold once we're out and about. SO then I can put it on her without major power struggles. She didn't always tell me that she was cold. It took quite a while. But, I really think that once I took the power thing out of it, she felt comfortable telling me that yes, indeed, she is cold and she does want her coat.

And, just a little aside, she hasn't been sick at all this winter!! So , don't let other's looks or comments bother you. You don't catch colds/flus from wearing a sundress or not wearing a coat!!

And actually, it has made me realize how often I forget or don't bother with a coat for myself. Eeekk!! Bad example!

[carolsly]

A few thoughts..

when you stop making a big deal out of it..so will she.

Don't sweat the small stuff.and everything is small stuff..

I feel you though. My older dd when she was that age..loved this one red shirt. I washed it every night so she could wear it the next day. It made her happy and it wasn't that hard.

I save the power struggles for things that will hurt her or others.

My older dd has gone to school in some very funky stuff..but it's clean. That's the most you can ask.

Just another way to look at it. Not to say what you are doing is wrong..just some thoughts.

[mommyofshmoo]

Originally Posted by carolsly

A few thoughts..

when you stop making a big deal out of it..so will she.

Don't sweat the small stuff.and everything is small stuff..


Just another way to look at it. Not to say what you are doing is wrong..just some thoughts.

I think one aspect of this is that I am ALWAYS COLD lately. I'm no sure why. I've increased my thyroid med dose a bit and i don't thnk I'm anemic- but I am freezing. I think i may be projecting on her a bit.

Our heat was broken for a while and the house got to like 64 degrees during the day. She still walked around nude. I was wearing a hat.

[famousmockngbrd]

We have this same problem - DS always wants to wear t-shirts. My solution is to let him, lol. I do what other posters here have suggested, bring extra clothes in case (when) he gets cold. I have faith that eventually he will be able to dress himself sensibly, or else he'll be one of those guys you see at the grocery store, wearing shorts in January.

[famousmockngbrd]

One other thought - what you said about her being nude while you were wearing a hat reminded me - DS does not seem to mind the cold like I do. He'll walk around the house in a t-shirt and diaper while I am wearing a sweater and thick socks, it doesn't faze him. He could put on warm clothes if he wanted to. I think little kids are warmer blooded than we are.

[mommyofshmoo]

I went out and got my dd some leggings today- pink and black.

We'd lost the one pair we had, which was one of the big problems with leaving the house in a sundress.

so hopefully this will diffuse the situation a bit. Plus, leggings are darned useful.

[ameliabedelia]

My DD1 is really into summer dresses as well. I think little girls just like the way dresses feel when they twirl around.

I let her wear them, but the the rule is she has to wear pants underneath when we go outside. She got used to it pretty quickly, when we go out, we put on pants and shoes and socks. Sometimes, if we can I will put a long-sleeved t-shirt underneath the dress, or she wears a sweater over it. If she doesn't want to wear the sweater or her coat, I dont' have a problem just carrying it, and putting them on when we get outside and she can feel the cold. However, she has to wear pants before we go out because it is too much hassle to take shoes off, put pants on and put shoes back on while standing outside in the cold.

Plus, I am too worried about someone calling CPS on me because they see my daughter dressed unappropriately for the cold. So, she may be unfashionable with jeans underneath her dress, but at least she won't be cold and no one can call it child neglect.

[thistle]

We struggled with this during the summer when dd wanted to wear her fleece sweater in the car in 100 degree weather, and our A/C was hardly working in the car! We compromized that she could bring it along, and she could put it on when we got to (whererever). She never decided to put it on.

This winter dd has been pretty amenable to another shirt under her shirt of the day. She is particularly fond of a black cat halloween t-shirt right now. Then again, it rarely gets super cold here.

[Stacymom]

Oh! Oh! Oh! I thought I was the only one in the world that had a dd this obsessive! I'm so glad its not just us!

My mom made my 3 1/2 year old dd a yellow dress last Easter- its one with a chiffon over-skirt, and when she spins around, it spins around up to her waist, and to her, its the best thing in the world. She has worn it every day since the day after Christmas- and I don't even know what started the obsession, because up until then, it was just another dress in her closet. I think I hear "Mama, I want to spin around like a princess" at least 15 times a day. She even went through a phase where, for about two weeks, she would wake up at random times of the night (anywhere between midnight and 5 am,) and turn on all the lights in the house, looking for her "pretty dress" and then refusing to go back to bed because she wanted to spin around. It also set us back a huge amount in potty training, because there was too much fabric for her to get the hang of lifting it up to sit down on the potty, and she refused to take the dress off even the few seconds that it would take to go. As soon as we get home from going somewhere, as soon as my back is turned, she's thrown her clothes off and is begging me to put on her dress. We change clothes more times in a day than I can count...

We have issues getting out of the house too, because like the op, she only wants to wear it with just sandals. Tantrums sometimes ensue when we have to leave to go somewhere and she doesn't want to take the dress off. Honestly, the dress is starting to get really ratty looking, (we wash it about three times a week, but even on delicate and air drying- its still starting to wear out!) and I'm really trying to let myself relax about letting her wear it places as long as its not filthy, which it is most of the time.

My dd has always been one to obsess about certaing things for a time, and then forget about them. The one before the dress was "My Little Ponies." But nothing has lasted this long or been this intense. Its gotten to the point where when I finally get her in real clothes, I'm surprised at how different she looks! :LOL

I can truly, truly see this being one of those things that she loves until it gets too small, then we have to cut it up into lovies that she takes with her everywhere, even to college. I guess if it makes her happy...

[onlyzombiecat]

I would let my dd wear the sundress at home but insist on things like leggings/tights and sweaters if she wants to go outside or to the store.

My dd has gotten attached to certain clothing items. One time it was a leopard print sleeper with a hood with ears on it. She lived in it for a long time. It was summer and super hot so I let her wear it in the air conditioning.
If clothes are clean she can wear them wherever. If they are really unseasonable I'll likely say only at home or with the addition of sweater, etc.
I also try to put away the clothes that are not in season. That seems to help.

If this is ongoing with being very particular about clothing and other things you might take a look at something like SID.

[Greaseball]

Short answer: I let her wear whatever she wants. I will bring along something more appropriate in case she changes her mind, but she never does.

If she were the type to want to wear the same thing for days, I'd buy extras of that item so she would always be wearing a clean one.

Sometimes I'm afraid people are judging me when I go out in a nice down jacket and dd is wearing a t-shirt, but they never say anything to me. (However, if dh is the one taking the girls out, he gets all sorts of comments about how they should be wearing a hat...) I just tell myself: we are right and everyone else is wrong.