Discriminated Against and Kicked out of Playgroup! - Page 4

[Midwesternmomma]

At this point, I think I would look at it like, would you really want to go back after all this anyway? I wouldn't if I were you. You have discovered that people you liked and trusted are IDIOTS, and that hurts. For that.... I give you HUGE hugs. But when the hurt stops a little you might think about finding a group of people that is more racially diverse and definately more open-minded. It might be hard to do where you live, it isn't easy where I live, but your son would be the brunt of more than just "the disease factor" with these people in the future. They are nasty, horrid people.... forcget about them ... does mothering have a tribe in your area?

[dharmamama]

Thanks again, everyone. My friend who told me about this playgroup decision promptly sent out an email to the rest of the group, basically telling them that if they were the type of people who thought it was ok to exclude people because of their (perceived) differences, she didn't want to be part of the group.

Now she's getting nasty emails from the other members, who are telling her she is intolerant and cleary doesn't care about the health of her children.

So, on top of the fact that my "friends" kicked me out, now I feel responsible for my friend being villified.

On the bright side, we went to an activity held by my kids' homeschool group yesterday, and everyone there was appalled by what had happened, and I felt like much less of a social pariah.

My husband and I sponsor a little girl in Ethiopia who lives in an orphange for kids who are HIV+. We visited her when we were in Ethiopia, and we have decided that if Ethiopia ever lifts their ban on adopting kids who have HIV, we will adopt her. I guess this is just a taste of what our life would be like after that.

Namaste!

[Jish]

I wonder if these parents ever let their children play in the sand or dirt. Do you suppose they know that there are all sorts of wormy things that their children can pick of from that seemingly harmless activity?

And as far as ringworm goes, it has absolutely nothing to do with a worm. It is a fungal infection that gets its name from the ring shaped patches on the skin. I'm guessing that your former friends probably don't know that. BTW, ringworm is about as "unexotic" as it gets.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Jish

I wonder if these parents ever let their children play in the sand or dirt. Do you suppose they know that there are all sorts of wormy things that their children can pick of from that seemingly harmless activity?

And as far as ringworm goes, it has absolutely nothing to do with a worm. It is a fungal infection that gets its name from the ring shaped patches on the skin. I'm guessing that your former friends probably don't know that. BTW, ringworm is about as "unexotic" as it gets.

The year before last my sister had ringworm, and she was 21 years old. My nieces and another friend of the family got it, too, and noone knows where they got it from.

I have a nephew who had worms, because his mother unthinkingly bought a new puppy while he was just getting good at crawling. I won't go into the whole nastiness, but suffice it to say I learned a lot about worms. Neither of them is an exotic disease; like the OP said, it's incredible that that's all he came home with.

But again, I don't think that's the sort of "disease" they were thinking of when they decided to exclude her. :

[Cheshire]

Even though you founded the group it has been hijacked and for that I'm sorry.

After reading through the op and all the responses if I were in your situation I'd start a new group and send out an invitation to the old group members and explain:
-that you understand a few members are not comfortable being around your son even though you've explained his health situation these members feel their medical knowledge and internet searches still trump the opinions of 4 M.D.s
-that you understand that not all of the members might feel the same
-that you're starting a new group that will be devoid of all the politics and showboating and will be filled with lots of fun, love and support for all the little ones and parents involved
-everyone is invited and your group will be meeting at the same time and day (just a different place) as the original group
-Keep it positive and don't feel like you have to explain his situation again.

Then sit back and see who shows up. I bet you will be surprised that quite a few are looking to get away from all the politics and just haven't taken the time or found an opportunity to do so.

Why can women be so catty? I'm sorry they've taken pot shots at your friend and I'm sorry they've made a mountain out of a molehill. I wish you all the best!

[frand]

I have two thoughts:

1. when I was taking my daughter to a parent/child program, one of the children came one day with a reddish tinge to her eye one day. Her mother explained that she had scratched it and it was nothing contagious. But the little girl kept rubbing her eye and it got red and weepy. Two women started talking over in the corner and within a few minutes, both left with their children. They later called the school and complained that the child clearly had pinkeye and said that the teacher was incompetent because she should have insisted that the child with the red eye leave. It turned into a totally irrational situation all around. Everyone was white, it had nothing to do with race.

2. When my daughter was an infant, a close coworker told me she was taking three weeks off to go to see her father in Uganda. Her father was a doctor, an immunologist no less. At that time Uganda was in the news as the site of the highest number of Ebola virus cases. Does anyone remember the stories about what a mystery Ebola was and what an agonizing, rapid death it brought--bleeding from the eyes, etc? I worried like crazy. I was a new mom who had taken years to get pregnant and I had a healthy baby and I became irrational. In the end, she cancelled her trip, not because of me (I never told her about my worries because I felt guilty) but because her father was too busy.

Fear brings out the worst in us. It's pretty much the history of the human race.

[USAmma]

First of all congrats on the arrival of your ds!!!

As far as the playgroup, they sound so ignorant and close-minded. That is just horrible! Anyone can get a tropical disease just by going out in public. Our world is so globalized. How do they know if the money they handle was just coughed on by someone with TB?

So what are you going to do? (I haven't read through it all if you answered that already).

[Ponoma]

Dharmamama,

To think such ignorance and stupidity is so close to home.
stunning just stunning ignorance and discrimination.
Does dd realize that something is amiss? I truly hope not -
keep on doing your best to keep those bad vibes and women away from your babies.

[Kirsten]

I really think Frand may be on to something. Fear of your child (especially when you are talking the firstborn) getting a disease/illness/malady of whatever variety can be very upsetting and put some into extreme worry mode!

I agree it should have been handled better (more discussion and none of the vote her out stuff - maybe a compromise that they didn't attend playgroup for a short period of time? to make sure anything had been dealt with and was over). I know that prejudice still exists in our country but I'm just not convinced that was the case here. The fear of their kids getting worms could explain it. If it really was prejudice, then you are obviously better off without them. Even if it wasn't, they don't sound (except for the one woman who stood up for you) very supportive or friendly.

Good luck finding/forming a new playgroup.

[whatever]

Regardless of the motive for their actions( IMO racism and xenophobia), Dharmamama should not have been excluded like that. I agree that if she is a founding member it is they who should leave the group.

I wonder if it's occurred to any of the other moms that the same thing could easily happen to them since they seem to be able to abandon each other so lightly.

I'm just outraged, and that's not a state that I reach easily!

[Still_Snarky]

What is wrong with people? :

[duckat]

That's just ridiculous. I don't know what else to say.

[boricuaqueen327]

AW! I'm sorry that happened to you. Ignorance makes people do mean things.

[atomicmama]

I'm appalled. I'm very sorry they're so ignorant. Honestly, you and your children are better off without them. But I'm sure you know that!