Downshifting career for more family time - how?

[dharmama]

i'm a sahm (work very part-time teaching yoga and freelance writing) while dh works crazy long hours an hour from our house. he's gone at *least* 12 hours a day and basically we just really miss him.

he and i have been talking about the idea of him stepping off his career track and looking for a significantly less demanding job that would allow him to be more part of our family life. this might mean that i would have to pick up more teaching hours or do more writing from home but i think overall could create a much healthier household for us.

i just saw a job at the university 10 min. from our house that would be perfect for him but he is WAY overqualified.

so my question is...how do you downshift? has anyone done this (or has your partner)? do you acknowledge in the cover letter that you are applying for a job that is a step back (or a few steps back) from the kind of work you've been doing and why?

like basically how do you say...up 'til now, my job has been my life...and ummm...now i just want to have a job and come home at the end of the day and have a life.

thanks for any advice or links to resources.

~Erin

[philomom]

Our big thing was the overtime. Does he really have to or is he just in the habit? Once, dh had kids to come home to, he chose to work just eight hours a day. He chooses to work with others that have families and love them. They pull an "all-nighter" only once or twice a year when a project is going out.


Having seen the kids at breakfest and at dinner for years now, he highly recommends it.

Are you all thinking of working even less than a 40 hour week? If so, read Your Money or Your Life. It has a lot of good ideas about working "just enough".

[dharmama]

Are you all thinking of working even less than a 40 hour week?

i don't think that's an option at this point. honestly...i'd be psyched just to have him only working 40 hours at this point.

[kofduke]

Well...I just had an interview today, where I was asked, in so many words "with a resume like yours, why exactly do you want to come work here in this job?" It's something I've thought about lots, so I had a good answer.

I think the hardest part is getting employers to look at you...they assume you're too good to be true when they see the resume. Compelling cover letters help (although not too helpful at universities where you usually apply through a computer system and can't attach a letter).

I'll be following the thread for some ideas for me!

[McTel]

I'm not sure how much advice I can offer . . .

But I wanted to let you know that it CAN be done. My dh downshifted while I was pregnant, because the 80+ hours/week he was working just weren't going to allow him to be an active, involved father. For him he stayed in the same line of work, but moved to a smaller firm outside of the big city, where the expectations aren't as crazy. This actually meant we were able to move back to our hometown, so for us it was a win-win, although the salary reduction means that I will also be heading back to work in a few weeks.

Anyway, he made no mention of it in the cover letter, and it was only an issue when asked in the interview why he was giving up so much for what seemed like a "backwards" move. He explained that he was looking for a career that allowed him more control over his schedule and more time with his family, although he tried to say it in a way that didn't sound like he just wanted to loaf!

When he announced his resignation at the old place, they tried to get him to stay with offers of flex-time and so-on - is that a possibility in your dh's line of work? Perhaps he could work something out with his current employer?

Good luck. Many around us thought we were crazy, but we know it was the best decision we ever made.

C, S, and sweet baby O.

[ShadowMom]

Both my DH and my mom are workaholics, and I think it's important to ask the question - is he working that many hours because he's really required to, or is part of it his personality?

Has he always worked a ton of hours at his jobs? Because if so, then I think he will really need to be determined and committed to working less hours whether he stays at his current job or finds a new one.

My mom kept saying how she was going to find a new job with less hours. Well, she found a new one and guess what? She still worked the same number of hours.

it can be really hard to get up and leave at 5 p.m. when everyone else is still working.

You might just want to bounce those things off your partner and make sure he's thought of them. Changing jobs will sometimes resolve the problem, but you really have to have a committment to work less hours and get up and get out of there at 5.

Just some thoughts. I have no advice on the cover letter thing, sorry.

[Linda KS]

My DH asked for a demotion a 4 years ago because his job was wreaking our marriage. It really helped for awhile, but things are completly out of control again. He is now changing companies. He just had his interview last week and he starts his new job in 3 weeks! Yeah!

While searching and interviewing he focased on what he wanted different BESIDES fewer hours -- what about this job would be fun and exciting for him.

Also, the best way to find a job is networking. Who do you know who knows someone who has a connection where your DH wants to work?

[LiamnEmma]

My dh did this three years ago. Our dd had just been born and it suddenly became clear that his employers were not at all family friendly. He was working 50-60 hours weekly, including a call from his employer the day of dd's birth asking when he was returning to work which earned a yell (well within employer's earshot) from me of, "He's not f'ing coming back I just had major surgery!" (c-section, and duh! he shouldn't have been asked that anyway!) Anyway, a series of events occurred (two hospitalizations of wee dd with no one to care for ds while I stayed with dd) and dh quit his job and became a teacher. He went back to school and in the last three years got two credentials and a master's degree. It was hell in a different way--he was at school and studying all the time, halved his salary while our debits obviously increased significantly since I'm also a WOHM--but it was worth the end result. This year he's tenured in his position, he's home in the afternoons and on the weekends, not to mention during the summers. It is the best thing he's ever done for our family.

I suppose he could have stayed at his job and I could have become a SAHM. But our kids wouldn't have known him in the way they know him now, and although I fancy that I'm a fairly good parent, I don't think I make up for him...so it's all good now. It can be done! Is your dh interested in something else or does he want to stay in his field? Mine completely changed his field--he'd been involved in quality control and production for a door manufacturing company and now he teaches science in a jr. high... Go for it!

I do think others have really valid points about the workaholic thing though. Even though our lives have improved considerably, dh is still prone to working at home at night in a perfectionistic way. But it no longer impacts our children, so again, it's all good.