Would you trade in my life for this? - Page 2

[annethcz]

I'm coming in waaayyy late to this thread. (OT- did they move this forum??? I know it's new, but I thought it was in a different place before....??)

Anyway, I'm in a pretty similar situation, and I found it very interesting to read the dialog. There are a couple of things you wrote that stuck out to me, probably because it mirrors my own feelings regarding my living situation.

I think in the end I just want it all and maybe cannot have it all.

I am so afraid of giving up this house as it has become my home despite all its quirks. I have buried my DDs placenta in the yard and all sorts of things have happened here.

And my favorite:

I do know that not all situations aren't perfect. I am always unhappy with something.

You just sound so much like me!!!

My dilema is that I would really love to move out further into the country. We live in suburbia, and are close enough to the action to feel like we're still in civilization, but too far away from everything to feel like a sustainable life is even possible. Our house is okay, but not great. We've got the typical quarter acre and neighbors that can watch us whenever we're in our yard. Oh, how I long for a little more room to roam and the area to have a really good gardens, and maybe even some chickens.

But, my parents are here. DH's parents are here. Our friends our here. My girls were born in this house. DH's job is a few miles away. As it is, he has close to an hour commute to work every day (13 miles away). If we were to move farther out, I'd miss my family & friends and our gasoline consumption would skyrocket. The only way we'd be able to afford a couple of acres in the country would be to move another hour away from here. How sustainable would that be???

I still go back & forth about what I would really like out of this life, because there are no ideal solutions. I don't want to lose my support system, but I'm not sure I want to stay here, either. But I've mostly resigned myself to stay where I am and make the best of what I have. I've made plans to enlarge my garden significantly this year. We're slowly remodelling the house, trying to be as sustainable & earth friendly as possible.

It's also nice to know that the longer we stay in our home, the more equity we build... which hopefully will enable us to move onto an acreage someday... (???) We've been in our current home for 3.5 years, and it's already increased in value by at least $80,000.

[boysrus]

well, I have to say that I feel that you made the right choice. I have lived in a tent with my little tribe twice, for months at a stretch.
You say your land has no trees, and the first thing I thought of was: YIKES!! That bus is going to get hot in the summer!! Also, it may be a sustainable lifestyle, but how much more time would you end up without dh there, bc so much of his time would be spent building.
ANd having a home in Taos is only going to go up and up!! yes, you are making citibank rich, but you are also going to make you richer in the end

[stretchmark]

Oh my gosh, I loved what you last two posters had to say.

annethcz: We really do sound alike! We too are trying to remodel our house more sustainably. I also came to the realization just two days ago to make the best of what is here already. Our bathroom may be super tiny and now I am excited to take on the challenge of making it work for all of us. I really kicked myself into home-improvement gear that day also and just went crazy making things nicer. DH is finally closing in our old wall with south-ish facing glass for more solar gain and we are making the house how we want it once and for all. I look around and for some reason, while I have had no trouble ever making a decision to move in my life, I just cannot bring myself to move. There is nothing obvious saying we chould take off and get out. While coming up with the mortgage is hard sometimes, DHs raise should alleviate that stress a bit. All the reasons I was coming up with are issues that could happen anywhere, money, neighbors, etc. I look at my house and see my daughter's growth chart carved into the post in the kitchen, and look at the tree-house my kids will play in when they are bigger, and I see so much of my own blood, sweat and tears in the mud plaster or the new wood floor. I have made this my home so deeply that now it is a part of me.

I am however trying to be non attached so that if one day we HAVE to move, I will be able to do it knowing that my family and myself are intact.

borsrus:You bring up the point DH always brings up about how much more time would I have with him if we did change our lives. He brings it up in a slightly different way saying that he would be driving an extra half-hour a day to get to work and back. So he would be out the door earlier and home later. He wouldn't be able to stop by for lunch or if he forgot a tool. I think your comment of we will be richer in the end is true in more ways than one.

Thanks.

[mamma31337]

I Live Off Grid!!!!(here are my thoughts)

HI! I live off grid outside of Seattle, WA. We live about 30 miles east of Seattle in the foot hills of the Cascade Mountains. I have a 6yr old son, 3 yr old son, and 10m old son, and a husband. I would like to share a few thoughts with you about our experience.

We sold our nice, medium size, comfortable home in a neighborhood not too far from where we currently live 1.5 years ago. I was pregnant with our third, going to school (midwife) full time, and ended up needing spinal surgery 1wk before we moved out of our house while I was 12 weeks pregnant. We came away with a healthy amount of cash that we used to buy our land with, and to build our cabin. We moved to a crappy little upscale apartment in a neighboring city, and started surveying our land.

So let me just stop right here and say that just the part where we needed to figure out where to build the cabin took at least three weekends in the rain and snow, while pregnant and recovering from spine surgery to find. Then my husband had to survey the property(on a mountain side in the snow) to make sure that our cabin would be on our land. Doing this with little ones in tow is a GIANT pain in the butt.

While I was pregnant we hauled lumber, dug post holes for our foundation, put down the floorng, had a baby, got mad at each other a lot, tried to deal with the kids being cold and wet all the time, built a set of stone steps to make hauling lumber up the hillside easier, forked out a ton of cash to repair a driveway problem, bought a lot of books and tools and expensive stuff like a generator.

Alright so fast forward through the really hard work of building the place. Now I have five people living in a 650sq ft cabin on a mountain with no running water, power, shower, you name it. I haul five gallon jugs of water up the mountainside a number of times per week, and we shower at a relatives house or at my husbands work. I shower about 3 times a week and my feet are perpetually dirty. So along with this not having power we needed some kind of light at night, so we have lanterns that we fill with liquid parafin. For heat we are using an indoor kerosene heater because we didn't have time to install the woodstove before the rain and wind started this winter. For my birthday I got a propane range, so I was able to retire the camp stove that I had used for four months in the begining. For a toilet we use a sawdust toilet (picture a frame and seat over a five gallon bucket. after each use you throw in some peat, sawdust, or popcorn to keep the smell down. when it is full my hudband takes it out to the humanure compost pile in the woods.) Someday I will have an alternative grey water system, shower, kitchen sink,etc.... but for now we make do. Just doing the dishes is a huge endeavor. First I have to make sure I have enough water to do the dishes, then heat the water, fill the basins, do the dishes and keep watch on the children. The water gets really gross and I have to take it outside and start the process over again if there are a lot of dishes.

Now as for the whole digging a well thing, we are going to use cisterns. We feel that tapping the water table isn't a good idea if you can help it, and we do get more than 90 inches of rain a year. The problem with wells is that you can go to a lot of trouble to get one, then they have to dig deeper than expected, or the water isn't potable. All in all it is expensive.

The notion of saving money is pretty much a farse here in the Seattle area. My husband makes really good money (he is a senior computer engineer with a large company, but not microsoft), and we still struggle at times. Everything is more expensive than you think it is going to be. A LOT MORE EXPENSIVE. You will be using more convenience items in the begining because everything is so much harder. We are cheap or frugal, but we still manage to spend all of our money. If it isn't one thing it is another.

The last thing I would say is that you shouldn't even consider this if your marriage isn't rock solid. If you have ANY problems AT ALL in your relationship, DO NOT do this. My husband and I have known each other since middle school, we have been through some of the most stressful situations two people can endure at such a young age, and we still have our moments where we are just plain mad at each other. There are days when I hate that we did this, and I am frustrated beyond belief. However, I wouldn't trade it, and I am happy that I am living this way.


Sincerley,
Natalie

[stretchmark]

I hear ya. We've been remodelling for 2 1/2 years and that almost collapsed the marriage when i almost rented a place of my own until it was done.

Luckily, DH is a contractor whos business owns a backhoe, a grater, bobcats, etc. I know things can get expensive and that is what the turnoff is for me, well part of the turnoff.

We have decided to stay in town on our beautiful piece of land with trees and grass and an irrigation ditch. If we do decide to move, it will only be to land that has life in it. Unless of course we go broke and have to move into a schoolbus.

We're going to stay for now and re-evaluate in a couple years. We just put in south-facing glass and our place is feeling so much better. I am really feeling like we are putting ourselves into it so much that it is starting to fit us.

Previous Poster: THat sounds so hard to go through even not pregnant. I'm glad you are happy now with what you have.

Thanks for responding