Here's a dilemma

[Wilhemina]

Last fall as a gift to my dd I cleaned her room by myself. I did not allow her in while I was working. I told her I wanted her to see what her room could be like if she was willing to part with some things and re-organize a little. I told her I would help her put back anything she wanted to when I was done and that I would not throw anything away.

I moved 2 lawn sized trashbags full of - well let's go with stuff - to the garage.

She loved her "new" room. She hasn't asked for anything back.

Now what do I do with the stuff? I told her I wouldn't throw it away, but I want to clean it out of the garage now. I'm afraid if she looks in the bag she will want some or all of the stuff now ("Oh, I love that, I was wondering where it was!" - I can hear her now).

My best idea is to tell her I'm ready to throw those bags away and when she asks to look at them first, suggest that for everything she takes out, she put something else in. That sounds like a half a day project, though. Plus, I can see her little sister deciding "I want that!" and the cr#P, pardon me, I mean stuff, is back in the house.

WWYD?

[Irishmommy]

Go through the bags alone, take out all the undeniable crap/broken stuff, etc. and then let her go through the rest.

[jeniferm]

And do it when her little sister is off somewhere else and can't see said stuff.

[MsMoMpls]

I also suggest doing just one small bag at a time... give her some time with some of the stuff and then do another bag a week later. I allow the kids one give junk carton for keeping "trinkets" and as it gets full, they throw stuff out and add new stuff.

[boysrus]

well, i guess i am mean. I would go through it by myself, throw out real junk, and give the rest to goodwill. She hasnt had any of it in months and hasnt missed it. I think you would be doing her a favor

[Simplicity]

I would probably tell her you're ready to toss the garbage bags. If she says she wants to see what is in them make plans to do so. I know it's not a favorite answer but the best way to get her to let go of it all. if she wants to look at the items say ok but remind her why they can't go back into her room. I agree do not do it when anyone else is around and each item she wants to keep you ask her questions on why, and you tell her why you think it should be put into the trash. Give your child a choice and you'll find if you really talk to them they will understand the importance of getting rid of things that are no longer needed. Maybe give her a choice of what to do with the items. Does she want to donate those in good shape? She might find that exciting and interesting to do! I wouldn't take out the broken items before going through it all because those items are easy, just tell the child.. Hey it's broken, This is what we do with broken items that can't be fixed. We toss them.

Look at this as a learning experience for your DD. You'll also get quality time with her and get to talk to her about what's important to her and why! If she wants to keep any items make a rule.. you can only keep 3 items etc. That's if she really throws a fit about what she wants to keep.

I wish you much luck!

[AngelBee]

I would allow her to go through it.

Bring only a little in at a time so she is not overwhelmed. Also have a dialoge about getting rid of things and donating to charity. Make it informative, not a lecture.

Do not throw stuff out w/o her consent. That could cause trust issues. Plus they are her belonging. It helps her become more responsible if she can make these choices for herself.

[Wilhemina]

Thanks everyone!

Boysrus, I wanted to hear that!

However, Angelbee (et al.), I think in this instance you are right. I decidedly told her I would not throw the stuff away. Sure that was 5 months ago, but my word is my word.

I will casually mention to her that I am taking some stuff to Goodwill and want to take those toys too. We'll see what she says and go from there.