frusterated beyond belief with 15 y/o

[Baby Rose]

Sorry this is so long... It's a big problem
Alright, don't know if this topic has been discussed much, but my 15 year old was homeschooled until the beginning of last school year (10th grade). Then she came to me, telling me she'd really love to just "be normal" and go to school. I let her go, since I believe she is old enough to make her own decisions. Within a month, she was back at home again, swearing that LHS was "horrible". Now, it's February, and over the months since that happened, it's become very clear she misses school a whole bunch. She swears that leaving LHS was the 'worst thing' she ever did. My daughter is a very social person. If she's not surrounded by people and out having fun, she becomes very depressed. She's a very 'typical' teenager and at times, it's almost unbearable to be around her.

I'm into unschooling myself. She was unschooled all her life besides that four week stint in public school. Therefore, I never registered my kids with the school district, and when she went to school, we talked to the counselor the best way to still achieve the right amount of credits in order for her to graduate and we settled on summer and night school, which, since she left, we never did.

Now we're moving to a different neighborhood, where there'll be a different high school. She sees this as her big opportunity to go back to school. She's been studying like crazy since she's been sort of lax since she quit in the fall. I really don't know what to do about that. I gave her the chance to go to school and she didn't do it, or fulfill her promise of staying for at least one semester.

The other problem is, she knows she can't go in as a junior with no credits and she wants me to make a transcript for her studying she did, so she won't have to do any night or summer school. I admit, she has done the work, and it would be a big blow to her self confidence if she had to complete her 9th and 10th years all over again. However I don't know the legalities of homeschool transcripts and transferring to public schools since we didn't do this at LHS. Can anyone clue me in?

It's a big mess but I can tell that she really does want to go to school and I know I shouldn't stop her from doing the best for her education as she sees it, but after she was only in LHS for such a short while, I'm afraid to see it might happen again. She insists that it won't, and the only reason she quit was because it was such a drastic switch from the type of schooling she was used to. I don't know what to do. I think she'll be going to school no matter what, but how do I get through to her things don't always go her way? I've given up a lot for my kids education but what is one step too far?

Thanks to anyone who can help me with the transcript problem, and any advice on the personal problem.

[mandib50]

i'm sorry mama, what a difficult time for you. i don't have much advice to offer about anything really. i'm just wondering though how she would possibly feel about joining something that would offer her lots of socialization but she could still school at home? you didn't mention if she was in any extra-curricular activities.
just a thought, all the best
mandi

[Baby Rose]

Originally Posted by mandib50

i'm sorry mama, what a difficult time for you. i don't have much advice to offer about anything really. i'm just wondering though how she would possibly feel about joining something that would offer her lots of socialization but she could still school at home? you didn't mention if she was in any extra-curricular activities.
just a thought, all the best
mandi

She's into a lot of different things. She isn't interested in any HS groups and we don't go to church but she does a LOT of volunteer and belongs to a lot of different things. I don't know. I think wanting to go to school is maybe her own personal issue. Apparently a lot of people have given her crap about not being in school, and because she DOES have a lot of friends who go to PS, it makes her want it too. I think she may have unrealistic ideals about what school is like. The school in our new neighborhood, WHS is where many of her friends attend. She didn't know anybody at LHS and that's partly why it was so difficult.

[Dar]

What state are you in? That can make a difference, as far as the transcript. If you're in California I would suggest contacting Wes Beach, and he should be able to fix you up. The problem is that your homeschool is not an accredited school, so credits aren't there don't have to be accepted by the high school - but they can be. Or the HS might be able to text her to verify that she's mastered the material, and give her credit by examination.

Rather than high school, has she looked into going to community college at all? Less hassle, more freedom, cool people close to her age, if not exactly her age...

Dar

[Baby Rose]

We're from Oregon...

I have pushed the community college agenda on her since she quit LHS. Sometimes she'll say she wants to do it, but then she'll go off on to how she'll never get to graduate from high school and just go on to 4 year university like kids her age. Honestly the stuff she says hurts, but we DO have a close relationship and I try to understand her inner motivation as well as I can, because I try to remember it's about her, and not me.

[lazra]

If you're talking about the schools I think you're talking about (I went to LHS for two years and hated it, so I can definitely understand your daughter's haste to escape!), here's something from WHS' website that may help you get what you & your daughter want from the WHS experience:
"A broad range of electives is offered; students may choose further electives and specialized offerings by enrolling in part-time cooperative programs available through high schools, colleges and universities."

Now, the way I read that, it sounds like the students may be "allowed" to attend other schools (e.g. JHS?) that have special programs not available at WHS, so that sort of implies that they are used to accommodating students who attend WHS on a quasi-part-time basis. Maybe your daughter could choose a few classes (ones in the morning or ones in a block in the afternoon, for example) and attend on a part-time basis. That may satisfy her need to be a part of the typical HS experience, yet still give her the greater freedom to pursue other interests.
Hope that helps!

[anythingelse]

"she wants me to make a transcript for her studying she did"
I did this for my ds as he turned 15 and graduated our homeschool. I have no idea how leaalities are in oregon but if you decide this is what you want to do, you can email me and I will send you some stuff I have how to put one together or a sample copy of his. You can look at the donnayoung website too http://forms.donnayoung.org/planners/hischl.htm

I don't think there is that much harm in letting her choose her path & then her changin her mind to come back home. I feel for you two. That is a tough spot to be in and if it was one of my kids- i think I would let them decide and then be supportive of their choice which ever it is. Not really flip flopping IMO to withdraw a couple times if it is from dif schools and maybe she would wonder about how it could have been if she chose not to go.
I wish you the best as you sort this out

[Baby Rose]

thank you Vanna's Mom!
I'll have to search around to find the legalities. Do you think a public city high school would accept that?
Thanks to everyone else too.

[anythingelse]

I think that it depends on the staff you run into & the admissions guidance counselour she is assigned to.
I found that even though the school rules are one thing, that a sympathetic staff member can really sway and have a dif in the outcome when you are transferring back and forth from homeschool to public school. You can have her take the ACT or PSAT and have her scores sent to you as parent/teacher of her home privateschool, there is a code to fill in on the application for the test specifically for this now and have them mailed to you. Then they are still 'official' scores that can be used for college and perhaps to gain entrance into senior courses at a public school and if she doesn't do very well, that can also give you an idea of what areas she needs help in & also if she shows an aptitude for something you were not aware of. The ACT is offered throughout the year at tsting centers and you can retake it easily. The colleges she will apply to will only get from the ACT people her highest scores, the rest are not shown. You can coach her to the test taking method for this & also do practice tests online Has she done any skill tests like the ASVAB??

http://www.baseops.net/militarybooks/asvab/ that might help her decide what to do in the fall too The local community college prob offers a short 1 unit guidance counseling class, in those kids take the myers brigss and things like that, she is old enough.

[meowee]

Have you contacted the high school directly and asked what their policy is for the placement of homeschoolers coming into school? They may require placement tests of some sort.

I also think it might be a good idea for her to take the PSAT or the ACT. I'm sure she's at or ahead of many of the other jrs in the high school. I mean, there are kids these days graduating from high school unable to read or do basic math.

As far as her vaccilating back and forth, that's normal teenage stuff, and the more patience you can show her at this point, the better it will be for your future relationship. You probably know this already, but it could be a lot worse, than indecision about school over homeschool!