When my current 4-year relationship got very close to ending, we decided to enter into therapy. Due to insurance restrictions, we could not go as a couple. A therapist suggested seeing each of us individually and, on occasion, seeing us together (for which we would pay).
During my first visit, I learned that this arrangement was going to be far more effective than traditional couple’s counseling (which we had tried about a year prior).
Of course, we discussed my history and, like with too many women, I endured many (6) years of sexual abuse as a child. Our therapist, whom I’ll call Lyn, gently suggested that, until I heal from that trauma, I would not be fully able to have an intimate relationship with my current partner or anybody else. She helped me to see that much of how I operate is a direct result of that period of my life.
When Lyn told me there was help and hope in lessening the thoughts, flashbacks, memories and triggers, I was (as always) skeptical and asked “You mean, the thoughts could really go away?” She said “Probably not completely, but you can certainly get to a point where they are not in the driver’s seat so much.” “How?” I asked wide-eyed? For some reason, for the first time ever, I kinda believed that that was even possible; and I opened up a little bit to the possibility of “going there” – to a place I have avoided like the plague for 26 years.
Enter EMDR. One of my first homework assignments from Lyn was to look it up and gather information for myself. So, on five or six occasions over the past eight weeks, I have been perusing the Net to see what I could find. I have found many articles relating to studies; I have read most of what is on the EMDR site; I have found bits and pieces here and there; and, finally, today I find this site.
I am so happy to see this has been discussed here. I am even happier to see that the conversations are recent. I am thankful to finally find what I have been looking for; real individuals who have experienced EMDR and who can describe their experiences – both positive and negative.
Did I mention I am a skeptic? To the core. I want to believe EMDR will help me to be a happier, more fulfilled, loving, less critical and perfectionistic person. And, I am scared to death of it. I am afraid to feel. I am afraid to go there. I am afraid and feel UNABLE to talk about those experiences in any other way besides intellectually and matter-of-factly. I am terrified for anybody – even myself – to see me FEEL ANYthing about those experiences. I’m so terrified to intentionally recall those events. Those were ugly, horrible days and the brief recurring thoughts all make me wish for brain erasure of those six years. I’m afraid I will fail—that I won’t be able to do EMDR. I’m afraid when she asks me to describe what is in my body, I will not have an answer because I can’t get that in touch with my body. I’m afraid of feeling like a dumb-dumb because I can’t get in touch with it. I’m scared I can’t do it!!! And what if it doesn’t work?
Can any of you relate to these feelings? Would you be willing to expand on your descriptions of your experiences with EMDR? I would be so appreciative. For me, I think that if I’m going to jump into this, I’m going to have to make a decision soon. Thanks so much.
During my first visit, I learned that this arrangement was going to be far more effective than traditional couple’s counseling (which we had tried about a year prior).
Of course, we discussed my history and, like with too many women, I endured many (6) years of sexual abuse as a child. Our therapist, whom I’ll call Lyn, gently suggested that, until I heal from that trauma, I would not be fully able to have an intimate relationship with my current partner or anybody else. She helped me to see that much of how I operate is a direct result of that period of my life.
When Lyn told me there was help and hope in lessening the thoughts, flashbacks, memories and triggers, I was (as always) skeptical and asked “You mean, the thoughts could really go away?” She said “Probably not completely, but you can certainly get to a point where they are not in the driver’s seat so much.” “How?” I asked wide-eyed? For some reason, for the first time ever, I kinda believed that that was even possible; and I opened up a little bit to the possibility of “going there” – to a place I have avoided like the plague for 26 years.
Enter EMDR. One of my first homework assignments from Lyn was to look it up and gather information for myself. So, on five or six occasions over the past eight weeks, I have been perusing the Net to see what I could find. I have found many articles relating to studies; I have read most of what is on the EMDR site; I have found bits and pieces here and there; and, finally, today I find this site.
I am so happy to see this has been discussed here. I am even happier to see that the conversations are recent. I am thankful to finally find what I have been looking for; real individuals who have experienced EMDR and who can describe their experiences – both positive and negative.
Did I mention I am a skeptic? To the core. I want to believe EMDR will help me to be a happier, more fulfilled, loving, less critical and perfectionistic person. And, I am scared to death of it. I am afraid to feel. I am afraid to go there. I am afraid and feel UNABLE to talk about those experiences in any other way besides intellectually and matter-of-factly. I am terrified for anybody – even myself – to see me FEEL ANYthing about those experiences. I’m so terrified to intentionally recall those events. Those were ugly, horrible days and the brief recurring thoughts all make me wish for brain erasure of those six years. I’m afraid I will fail—that I won’t be able to do EMDR. I’m afraid when she asks me to describe what is in my body, I will not have an answer because I can’t get that in touch with my body. I’m afraid of feeling like a dumb-dumb because I can’t get in touch with it. I’m scared I can’t do it!!! And what if it doesn’t work?
Can any of you relate to these feelings? Would you be willing to expand on your descriptions of your experiences with EMDR? I would be so appreciative. For me, I think that if I’m going to jump into this, I’m going to have to make a decision soon. Thanks so much.
Gosh, it's crazy, isn't it? I can intellecualize it to death. Talk about it till the cows come home. But, feel almost no emotion around it. But then, do I intentionally not feel or is it involuntary? I don't know anymore.
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