feeling desperate...

[hawkfeather]

I am really reaching out for some support here, which feels a bit weird as i haven't been here very long, and don't really know anyone.
I am 33 weeks with baby number 5.. I am not sure if anyone reading this read y previous post about listening to your *inner* voice.. but I was having some issues with what was my fear and what was implanted.. i felt great this whole pregnancy abotu having an unassited birth, it honeslty just feels like the way this baby needs to be born, hard to explain...
But the baby has shifted, and i am very much thinking it has turned breech..all my children were head down by 26 weeks and stayed there, engaging perfectly...this bay was able to engage being my fifth could come rigth down to my cervix, where i have more than once touched it's little head and felt the suture lines and known all was well.. I am not sure f all these fears creeping in affected me more than I should have let them, i am not sure what to think at all...but i feel very sure the baby is now breech, i am pretty sure i even know when it flipped.. I know we still ahve time for baby to flip back.. but this feels very intense to me..I am not sure at what point to start trying to encrouage baby to turn, I have been doing visualizations like crazee.. but I am also not feeling very grounded..early in this pregnancy I conciously stopped associating with my friends, I realized after much soul searching that they just are un-healthy for me, and my priorities need to be on my children and family.. but third trimester is here and I am really missing having sisters around...I was feeling a lack of sacredness with the birth coming..and I try and try to create what i need..
Where i live breech babies are not even delivered in hospital, you are air lifted to Vancouver, midwives do not attend obviously.. I know I need to think positive.. but the circumstance seems so crappy!!!
I am lookgin for anythign here really.. advice or feedback or anything..thankx for letting me vent anyways..

[Ruthla]

Awww hugs!!!

Personally, if I had a breech baby, I wouldn't want ANYBODY to touch me during the birth unless it was somebody who really knew what she was doing. Few midwives (and even fewer doctors) today know how to handle breech "deliveries" and I would rather do it on my own, following my instincts. Hopefuly somebody can find the links, or you can do your own websearch on breech birth and breech UC- I know there are some wonderful breech UC stories out there, I've read them before, but I don't have them bookmarked.

It's normal to have some doubts and do some soul-searching while pg- it doesn't necesarily mean that you need to change any of the choices you've made. My own biggest support system when I was pg with my ds was online (though not here, I hadn't yet discovered MDC.)

[majazama]

Hawkfeather... I had my UC in Mission, which isn't too far from Vancouver. I don't live there any more, though, but I thought I'd let you know that UC's have been done in the area There are lots of things that you can do to turn the baby if it is in fact breech... go swimming at the pool upside down, talking to the baby, homeopathy, accupuncture... and I've heard of breech UC birth stories too.... one that I can think of off the top of my head is laura shanleys.... www.laurashanley.com .... if it's your 5th baby, you should be stretched out enough from previous deliveries to deliver the baby safely, even if he/she is upside down.



ETA: here's lauras footling breech story http://www.laurashanley.com/willie.htm

[hawkfeather]

thanx for the feedback mamas.. i live on the Sunshine coast, so it is only accessibale via boat or air, we have one OB, all breech births, twins etc are air lifted to Vancouver.. we alos do have two great midwives, one great birth attendant, lots of doulas, and still mamas who go UC like we are planning....
We will try everything we can think of, i doubt i would try any medical manipulations of babies position...but herbs, homeopathics, bach flower massage talking, we will try it all, and than go from there..
I am just sad how this is affecting my menta/emotional state, i am wishing i had a bit more grounding so i could do the focussing i need..

[lizzie]

No experience, no clue, but s just the same!!

Maybe when you're connecting with the baby, instead of thinking about what you're dealing with now, think back to the last time everything felt strong, sure, and ideal (at least with this pg :LOL) and try to just climb back inside that moment... get in touch with that strength? Remember when you were certain about everything?

That helps me cope (find a happy place!! ) when I'm flailing about anything... maybe once you're a little more centered, you'll be better able to explore the stress and fear you're feeling, and really sort of hash it out and deal with it more effectively? But I've never been just where you are, so a grain of salt may be necessary.

s again!
lizzie

[spsmom]

i just wanted share what i have experienced. and i know that you have mentioned where you live, access to certain things just isn't available. maybe you can ask your midwife if she knows anything about the webster technique. it's a chiropractic technique that my chiro used on me during pregnancy #1. it is designed specifically for pregant women to not only help keep things open and in place but to assist in creating a favorable environment to turn a breech baby.

hugs to you.

[bionicsquirrel]

Hugs to you. I hope you can look at the mothers of MDC as a source of support, at times this is all I have. I know what you feel like, needing some woman energy around you.

Here is a link that I read often about breech birth. I am not pregnant right now, but getting ready to become a doula. I look forward to going UC next time around and I feel so strongly about breech birth being natural. It saddens me that docs and midwives are rarely trained to attend breech births, if they were, then the fear associated with them would be lessoned.

I hope the link is valuable to you and I hope you find some peace before the birth.

Also, this birth story is about breech twins.

And I love this story. Even if it isn't about a breech birth, I still think it is valuable to read about beautiful births as preparation for your own.

[KateSt.]

Hawkfeather, I feel the same way bionicsquirrel does -- that a breech birth can be just as natural as a "regular" birth. And I have no personal experience with this -- it's just something I feel intuitively, that our babies know the perfect position for their own personal birth experience. I have heard many, many stories of successful u/c breech births -- in fact, it seems u/c breech births go A LOT smoother than breech births that are attended. I've heard that standing and being on all fours are good positions to deliver breech babies, but most likely your instincts will tell you which position to be in.
I'm pretty sure my baby is head down (I'm almost 39 weeks) but I've stopped guessing if he's in the "perfect" position or not. I believe my baby knows much more than I do about how he should be born.
I hope you find some peace and comfort...

[harmonymama]

I had a breech baby

For the birth of my first son, David, I was planning a homebirth with a very empowered midwife. From about 34 weeks, we knew he was breech. We tried everything- homeopathy, pelvic tilts, bodywork, cold peas, external version (not in hospital), acupuncture. But he never turned at all. He knew how he needed to be born. Two years later, as a very verbal two year old, he told me with no prompting, his memories from in the womb. He told me that he kept trying to turn, but the cord kept jumping him up. He was fighting with it, and it was tight around his neck. It was scary. What a lot of pressure I put on my unborn babe. Try everything that feels right to you, but do it gently. In the end trust your unborn babe as much or more than yourself. Don't let your fear get in the way of his wisdom.

Somehow I think breech babies come to teach us something about fear. I know I certainly went through mine. I drew black and red pictures of babies getting stuck. Do what you need to do. Face the fear. It will release you. When my labor finally came I felt practically no fear.

I was planning a homebirth up to the very end, until the licensing board threatened my MW. By then it was too late to take off to the Farm in Tennessee. Besides, I wanted to be as close to home as possible. We briefly mentioned unassisted birth, but at that time we weren't ready for an unassisted breech birth. Now I think I might be. I birthed by baby in the hospital with a radical doctor and nurse who were on call for me in a virtually intervention free birth. My dear friend and midwife was there looking into my eyes. I will post my whole birth story soon, but in brief, I dilated to 9 1/2 cm in 2 hours. Then went to hospital and stopped dilating for 5 hours. I had one little lip of cervix that wouldn't disappear. My attendants rightly or wrontly believed that it was unsafe to push out a breech baby with any cervix left (because the head could get stuck inside). So I panted through every contraction for 5 hours trying to resist my very strong urge to push. Talk about agony. In fact my labor was virtually painless otherwise. I think people who say breech babies are less painful are right. After 5 hours, my attendants started talking about cesarean. Even though I was not fatigued, I probably would not have resisted, in fear for my baby, but my empowered MW knew how to listen to her inner voice and helped me listen to mine. She went to the chapel and prayed. She heard her mentor midwife say, "Massage it."

She came back, and as a last ditch effort, the doctor allowed my midwife who had no hospital privileges to massage my cervix (behind closed doors). He, who was a good doctor and had many years of experience with breech birth, had tried three times to push on that lip of cervix. It had been excruciating, and hadn't helped at all. During two contractions, my MW massaged my cervix, and said, "Feel your cervix melting away." It hurt, but nothing like the unbearable pain of the doctor pushing. I knew it was melting. After the second contraction, she looked at the doctor and said, "It's gone." They then told me to start pushing, and I've never done anything so exhilarating my entire life. My beautiful breech babe was born in 20 minutes. A doctor with 20 years experience with breech birth had no idea what to do at the critical moment. But my midwife listened to her inner voice and tuned in with me and we made it through. All that said and done, there's no way to know what might have happened if I had stayed home, but my guess is that baby would have been born smoothly and beautifully 5 hours earlier.

Before David was born, I spoke to a woman who gave birth to a footling breech unassisted. My midwife got me in touch with her. Her water had been broken a whole week and her baby was settled into a foot-down position ( the most dangerous from a medical stand-point). But she decided to trust the process NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME. She told me her story and how she visualized birthing like a mountain lion. Her courage inspired me, even though at that time, I chose not to go the unassisted route. She helped me face my fear, and find my inner courage. You can do this.

p.s. If you want a little instruction on the mechanics of breech birth, get a hold of the video The Farm puts out with Ina May. I watched it over and over and it helped me to visualize and feel very confident about the safe physical process of breech birth.

[amyjeans]

I have never experienced a breech- but read about how to handle it (very matter of factly) from Dr White's, Emergency Childbirth, a Manual.
Please read this book if you haven't already. It helped me to anticipate any problems and how to handle them without any emotional stress.
Like the other posters said, there are lots of ways to visualize your baby turning, and how to overcome the fears, though sometimes it can be very hard to do that.
I worked through some of my fears by constantly reminding myself, "This baby will come out. No matter what direction, it will be born. And there is nothing I can do to stop it. This baby has a job to do, and I better get out of the way."
Mama, you have lots of friends here who will hang out with you, listen to you, laugh and cry with you, and support you any way you need. Even if it is cyberspace, we're all real people with real experiences and are more than happy to help.
I think UC is a journey. You learn more about yourself every day. You discover what you are really afraid of, where your true strength lies and your awesome power as a woman is balatantly evident in your efforts you take on this journey.
But hey, its just giving birth right?

Warm Regards

[hawkfeather]

thanx mamas
I went to see our local midwives today, they couldn't tell what position baby was in, but both agreed they *think* it is head down..
I dunno i did a lot of soul searching, i thought about the techniques and I guess today what i came up with was leaving baby alone, that for some reason it has chosen this position and that i should trust that.. I am not sure what the midwives thought when i said i would rather not have the baby manually moved.. i have no issue with encouraging baby with thought herbs, homeopathics and even the webster technique.. but to me moving a baby seems some how wrong.. well at least moving this baby at this point seems wrong...i like to think that the baby wouldn't go into a position it couldn't be born from..
I am thankful for the feedback!!!

[KateSt.]

Hawkfeather --I'm so glad you've reached peace with your decision! And I'm sure your baby is very happy about that too. I love this forum because the mamas seem to be so in tune with their babes in a way that I've found no where else.

Harmonymama -- I LOVED reading about your dh's memories from within the womb. Stories like that fascinate me. Yours gave me chills (the good kind) and I just wanted to thank you for sharing...

[harmonymama]

wishing you a peaceful blissful birth

Hawkfeather,
Your newfound peace radiated from your words. I know your journey is not done, but I am so glad to hear that you and your baby are learning to trust each other already. Peace for your journey.
Warmly,
Harmonymama

Kate St.,
Thanks. I'm new to this forum, and loving it. I'm so convinced now that babies bring awareness and memories from the womb. When we are trusting and fearless, we allow them to be (as they already are) as well.

[Aurora]

mama!

I have never delivered a breech baby either, but I would still UC a breech baby if I felt that things were right. I truely believe that trusting your instincts and believing in yourself and your baby is the safest way to go.