How Do I Keep Doing This?

[lotusdebi]

My son is about 31 months old. He's still nursing all the time! I feel like I'm losing my mind! I'm all touched out. My son is a rough nurser. Every time he latches on, I have to remind him to be gentle. He sucks too hard, he pinches, he scratches, he pushes, he pulls. I feel beat up by the time he's done.
I night-weaned him when he turned two. He got a toddler bed, and was very happy to move into it. However, when the weather got cold, he started climbing back into my bed. And nursing. Lately, he hasn't even started in his bed. He's just in my bed the whole night. He finally seems to understand that he has to roll over and go to sleep after just a few seconds of nursing. But, even that few seconds wakes me up. I'm exhausted! I have always had problems sleeping while my son nurses. When I have been able to sleep through it, I've had nightmares about being sexually assaulted (I have quite a history with that).
I wish I loved nursing. I really do! I loved it when my son was a baby. But now it just drives me nuts! It's like nails on a chalkboard to me.
I love the idea of child-led weaning. I just don't know how much longer I can do this. My son isn't ready to wean. And I wouldn't know where to start anyway. Plus, I think that nursing is keeping me mentally stable. I haven't had bipolar issues since DS was born. So, I'm still here. What can I do to accept it and not hate nursing?

[rachdoll]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I am having several of the same issues as you. While I do think clw is the only option for me and my daughter, there are moments just about everyday where I wish she would wean already! We are working on setting up some boundaries, because she doesn't need to nurse as often as she is, kwim? But she is super stubborn (which I really will appreciate someday, I keep telling myself!), so it is hard.

For over night, have you tried telling ds that the nursies need to rest? Sometimes that works with dd, I will tell her no more nursies until the sun comes up. My poor nipples really appreciate that 8 hour break.

When he is rough, can you tell him that he needs to be gentle or the nursing will stop (for that session)?

It is so important that the nursing relationship be mutual, and if you are having a dreadful time with it, maybe there are some things you could do to gently encourage him to nurse less frequently. Can he be distracted into reading a book, or playing with playdough, or something like that? The times that he can't be distracted from nursing, you would know that he must really need to nurse.

[Mama2ABCD]

[lotusdebi]

Originally Posted by rachdoll

For over night, have you tried telling ds that the nursies need to rest?

My son is stubborn and strong-willed, too. I hope it helps him in the future, but it is very trying now!
I've tried the "milkies need to sleep" and "milkies need a break" and "milkies have ouchies". Doesn't work. He insists. He will crawl over me, push me over if I'm on my belly - whatever it takes. He has a meltdown if he doesn't get milkies right away.

When he is rough, can you tell him that he needs to be gentle or the nursing will stop (for that session)?

I do that. Mixed results. Sometimes he becomes more gentle. Sometimes I have to pry him off of me and walk away.

It is so important that the nursing relationship be mutual, and if you are having a dreadful time with it, maybe there are some things you could do to gently encourage him to nurse less frequently. Can he be distracted into reading a book, or playing with playdough, or something like that? The times that he can't be distracted from nursing, you would know that he must really need to nurse.

I guess he almost ALWAYS really needs to nurse! He won't be distracted 9 out of 10 times! I've tried everything! DS is incredibly persistent.
For a while, just getting out of the house and staying busy helped. But now he's frequently asking for milkies when we're out. He has juice and water. I give him lots of hugs and kisses. But, he wants milkies. Usually I can convince him to wait until we're in the van (not so I can be discreet, but so I can at least sit down somewhere other than a dirty floor). But then he'll want to nurse for a long time before we can drive anywhere.

[Forevermama]

No advice, just wanted to tell you that I hear ya. Going through it myself right now with my little guy. Hang in there, Mama!

[Wugmama]

Oh sweetie, I can relate. I wish I had some good advice! My dd is 37 months old and still comes into my bed to nurse at night. It is exhausting not to get a solid night sleep, night after night, I know. And I also know that not getting enough sleep can really affect ones mental health.

Is there any chance he is nursing because he is nursing so frequently because he is hungry? I doubt that is the case, but I only bring it up because sometimes when my dd asks to nurse during the day, if I tell her she can after she eats a snack, then get her a snack and something to drink, she will eat and drink well and forget about nursing so I think maybe she was hungry. I also try to get her to eat a high calorie bedtime snack if I can. Mostly at this age though I think they nurse for other reasons.

Try to take care of you!

[Sandrine]

I'm sorry you are going thru this. I don't have advice, dd is not like that. Do take care of yourself.

[Leilalu]

I can relate-somewhat
dd weaned too early, when I was pregnant with ds, about 15 months.I think my supply was really low and it tasted weird to her.Anyway-I feel like I pretty much tandem nurse because she has always got her hand down my shirt tryng to rub me.Like, my upper chest.It just brings her comfort.Some days I feel like I am going to go insane:LOLSeriously!:LOLAnd if she is sick, it's more. I still put her to sleep, nurse ds on demand~right now we are all in a big armchair, both fast asleep on me.
I am always correcting her about not being mean to mommies body and that she needs to respect my body,how I share it with her, how we can't do wehatever we want to people anytime we want,take out anger on them,etc etc etc And you know, sometimes I don't want to pick her up because I kniw she won't be gentle.:
Having said that- I love her like nothing else in this world.And I always try to make sure she knows how much I love her.But some days it gets hard.She still sleeps with us too.Sme days she listens so well, others not so good.Ok, I am officially rambling.
I suggest, and this is what I do when it gets hard-take a deep breath-get up and walk around-put on some upbeat music,and dance! Or do something you and your son enjoy.Just try to change the scenery for a bit.Dd loves dancing with me.Make him smile.I find if we do something and dd gets really happy I kind of forget for a min. how hard life can be and really start to appreciate her again.HTH
Oh, praying helps too!