Mama-Led Weaning Support Thread - Page 2

[nym]

is not going well, I dont know what to do. He never wanted to nurse in the morning hours, and now he does. So when I refuse because I am tired and he just wants to nurse and nurse, he starts crying instead. For a long time. Even though he is dead tire, rubbing his eyes, he won't sleep.. So now we get up very early. And Im tired and hate it.

[lexbeach]

Originally Posted by nym

is not going well, I dont know what to do. He never wanted to nurse in the morning hours, and now he does. So when I refuse because I am tired and he just wants to nurse and nurse, he starts crying instead. For a long time. Even though he is dead tire, rubbing his eyes, he won't sleep.. So now we get up very early. And Im tired and hate it.

Hugs, mama. We had a really hard night last night too. I felt like Jasper was screaming in my ear to nurse all night long, although in the morning Dw said it was only about 20 minutes around 11:30 and then again at 2:30. When my boys wake up earlier than I'd like to wake up, and I'm done with nursing, I often take them (or just one of them, if the other is sleeping) into the bath with me. That way I still get to be half-asleep, and it's a much less harsh reality to go from asleep in bed to soaking in a hot tub than it is to go from asleep to up and about playing. For my boys, the water is enough of a distraction that they no longer need to nurse, but I could see how it might not work for some kids (seeing as you'll be naked in the tub).

Today is our second day of no nursing after the initial wake-up until nap time. I got hit a few times, but was mostly able to distract them without too much upset. We were at the local Family Center, and a friend said that when she was weaning her son from the daytime nursings, she would just be really silly about it. Whenever he'd ask to nurse, she'd just keep it really funny and try to make a joke out of it. It seems to work for my boys too. When I get all serious and try to explain that we're not nursing right now, they protest it more. But if I smile and giggle and say, "how silly to nurse right now when we could play instead!" they are much more likely to go along happily.

Still feeling committed and determined, hoping to reach my initial goal of nursing 4x a day by the end of the week.

[indie]

I'm trying to wean my 22 month old. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and nursing is driving me crazy. I want a little break before I have to start up all over again with number 2. I started by night weaning a couple weeks ago and it is going fairly well but now she wants to get up earlier which really sucks with how tired and sick I am. The "don't sit down" strategy is not very helpful. Everytime I move I have to throw up. Sometimes she even tries to nurse when I'm throwing up. Ugh.

[mraven721]

Hi mamas! I have an 18M old and I'm sorta torn between CLW and MLW, depends on the day...
Thanks for this thread, it's nice to get some balance on this subject.

[chrysgee]

Thank you for starting this!

I have so wished for a sensitive weaning thread!!! Here's what's going on at our house:

My daughter will be 3 in May and is nursing 2-3 times a day, which I am usually fine with. I'm often at work during bedtime, so a midnight nursing checkin is understandable and usually welcomed by me. I also have problems with insomnia, and usually the nursing will help me sleep. Sometimes we nurse in the AM, especially if we sleep through the night. And sometimes we nurse if we fall off the bed or something like that. Of our circle of friends, I'm the last to still be nursing by 6-12 months. Sigh.

Meanwhile I have destabilized the ligaments in my pelvis from pregnancy, falling, yoga, and maybe nursing. Sometimes I can barely walk and I am often in a lot of pain. When I can't care for my child the way I want, I know that we can still lay down together and nurse. Sometimes she has actually nursed me down for a nap (for me) in the middle of the day and gone to play in her room for an hour (her idea). There is so much medical doctor / change / unknown in out life right now I don't want to stop until she's ready. And I don't think that now is the right time for her. But I also recognize that she's been really lucky and has gotten to nurse for a really long time.

I don't want to mess up our sleeping. I couldn't handle that right now. But at the same time, I am currently taking medication for my pelvis. Its all in the safest category of drugs and I don't detect any changes in her, but it can't be good for her.

And my (new and otherwise likeable) doctor wants me to wean, as its the only thing short of fusing my pelvis together that might help that I haven't tried yet. I want to be open to this suggestion, but I feel so trapped by the immediate needs of my child.

Please, please, please remind me that being able to carry and play with your child is MORE important that nursing.

Okay rant over... Good luck to you all!

[Ellien C]

Hooray for this! I thought this was one of those taboo subjects, esp after the CLW forum came into existence. There's almost no information "out there" on weaning an older child. It's like all or nothing. There's tons of stuff on weaning to a bottle or weaning to formula and a surprising amount on CLW if you look for it. But nothing middle of the road. A few times I've offered some advice along those lines, but it wasn't taken well here (I wouldn't say I was flamed, but there were plenty of counter arguments). So I'd just taken to telling people to PM me if they wanted advice.

I night weaned somewhere around 8-10 months. Working full-time I was exhausted and couldn't take it.

I'm nursing my almost 2 year old twice a day, but I plan on completely weaning this spring. I really started cutting nursing sessions out around 15-18 months. But I've always thought of it as very, very gradual. Not like the books where they tell you to cut out one session every 2-3 days. I was on the one session every 2-3 months plan.

[bunny's mama]

Originally Posted by chrysgee

Please, please, please remind me that being able to carry and play with your child is MORE important that nursing.

chrysgee, it's not that cuddling, play, etc. is MORE important than nursing...it's JUST AS IMPORTANT but in a different way. i know that when you're nursing your first child and that's all she and you have known since birth as a way to feel close, nurture, heal hurts, fall asleep...etc etc ETC! it's really hard to even imagine what life would look like without nursing, or that ANYTHING you could substitute for nursing would be as good. but that's nnot true!

nursing is wonderful, and it serves lots of purposes, but we're not meant to nurse our babies forever (also, we're not meant to nurse our children while we're pregnant with another child, we're not meant to nurse more than one at a time unless it's twins or multiples, and we're not meant to nurse them past a certain age, but that's just my opinion). nursing is part of infancy and for some, early childhood, but then our babies grow up and the end of nursing is part of that. and THAT'S A GOOD & POSITIVE NATURAL THING!!!

in time, you and your child will find new behaviors and activities to replace nursing, and though they may certainly feel "less than" in the beginning, sooner than you think, these new things will be just as nursing was in your lives. it is in this way that we grow as parents, and our children make the natural transition from being solely mama-connected to being more connected with others in their world.

so, certainly we must allow ourselves to grieve the loss of the nursing relationship, but let's also spread out our arms and embrace the next stage of our relationship with our growing children!

hope this makes sense.

[mommyoftwo]

Think I'm ready too but conflicted

My dd self weaned at 16 months when I was pregnant. Now my son is 22 months and initially I thought that he is my last one so why not CLW. I go back and forth. He is big, heavy and squirmy and wants to nurse/snack often. I am getting tired of it and part of me just wants my body back.

Perfectly reasonable so why do I feel so guilty-nursing until two is pretty darn good. I guess because everyone around me is tandem nursing a preschooler and baby. I feel a bit like a bad mom for not just following his lead.

He gets so mad if I don't let him nurse. Seems that distracting isn't working so well. I tend to give in if he insists enough-not a good strategy. He is doing great at night finally-sleeping from 9 until 4or 5 but then he wants to nurse constantly from that point on. Literally hanging on for two hours.

[Ragana]

I'm starting to wonder whether a "plan" will work at all, i.e., the drop-a-feeding-every-so-often plan, or whatever. Right now I have no set end goal for weaning, although by default that may be April 28 when I go away for a 3-day conference (I'm nervous! First time away that long!) What I am doing is just distracting and feeding snacks/milk when I can and then nursing if the protests are too great. I think nighttime/early morning will be last to go.

Anyway, just wanted to express my support to you all!

[late-night nan]

I'm also torn between MLW and CLW, depending on my energy level. Thanks for this thread. DS will be 22 months next week, and I still haven't managed to night-wean. During the day we're down to about 3 times. It's hard to stay hydrated at night with a night nurser, and that's exhausting.

[Emilie]

Oh- I am so glad for this thread.
I am contemplating weaning my ds- or at least cutting back- alot. He is 20 months old and nurses- all of the time.
Sometimes it does not bother me- sometimes I like it- and other times- I just want to scream!
Thank you for the book reccomendations. I really need some support!
My main concern is that I have really reaped the benefits of a healthy child- will this stop once we wean all the way?
Emilie

[majazama]

I needed to find this thread. How do I go about weaning? My toddler is driving me s. She wants to nurse something like 20-30 times per day, and if I don't nurse her she cries like I've done the worst thing possible to her. I'm also nursing a 7 month old, who I obviously DON'T want to wean, so the toddler will get all jealous, I'm guessing, cause the baby will still be nursing. AAAAAAAHHHHH... I don't have much time to type right now, but want to join this thread. It's not good when you have more resentment then lovey feelings when you nurse your kid.

[bethwl]

Originally Posted by chrysgee

Meanwhile I have destabilized the ligaments in my pelvis from pregnancy, falling, yoga, and maybe nursing.
And my (new and otherwise likeable) doctor wants me to wean, as its the only thing short of fusing my pelvis together that might help that I haven't tried yet.

Can I ask how the nursing contributes to your pelvic problems? Is it the way that you have to lie a bit contorted when nursing in bed? I wonder because sometimes I wake up in the morning and my lower back is killing me after she's nursed all night.

-Beth

[bunny's mama]

well ya'll...as of now, we are down to once a day. tonight was the last night i will ever nurse a child at bedtime. starting tomorrow it's nap time only for maybe another month (we'll see how it goes).

i'm sad and happy. wanting to move on to a new phase in my life and my mothering, but also a little teary about my babies growin up.

[hottmama]

Lexbeach:
Your boys sound like my boy, and they're very close in age (Julian 1/31/03). He nurses ALL THE TIME! Every 15-20 minutes at home, less often when we're out. I night-weaned him at 13 mos. due to a very bad back that was just killing me after nursing continuously for 8+ hours straight (if I tried to unlatch him he would wake up screaming). I do not want to wean but I definitely want to get down to only nursing once an hour. I have been thinking about setting our kitchen timer when he nurses and telling him he could nurse again when it goes off, but I feel like that's too arbitrary and I don't want to rely on this stupid timer for years to come. I also want to ban nursing in bed because for some reason it drives me especially nuts. He had stopped nursing to sleep but has started doing so again, and every morning it is "Mommy! Momeeee! Please nurse! Nurse Julian pleeeeeeeze!" I am also a single mom and my roommate is also nursing her 2 yr old and whenever J sees him nursing he has to nurse too. Ughh. It's not really that bad and I KNOW he is not ready to wean... I just had such different expectations. All the books said babies nurse once every 2-3 hours... I soon realized that wasn't true, yet kept hoping it was true when they said 2 yr olds only nurse a few times a day. Nope, not true either! My two year old nurses more than any newborn I've ever seen (excluding himself).

[Piglet68]

Oh Bunny's Mama thank you for this thread! That last post you wrote above brought tears to my eyes. I really, really needed to read that today. DD had a total meltdown and wanted to nurse. Nothing would distract her. I'd given in a few times during the day lately and now I feel she is asking more and more. This always happens when I give in and nurse during the day; she starts asking ALL the time. But when she is in total meltdown mode my heart breaks for her. I know nursing helps her get herself together. I try hugging her but she tries to squirm into a nursing position, yanks at my shirt, begging for "milkies! Milkies!!!". I need to hear that somehow she WILL find a way to calm down without nursing, and yet I feel like such a horrible mother for denying her like that.

Someone please tell me how you rationalize stopping nursing when Baby Brother nurses all the time? The whole 'milkies are broken' thing just ain't gonna fly. And I am also really uncomfortable with the whole "big kids don't need it' or "milkies are just for babies" stuff.

Anyways, I'll be following this thread with interest.

[majazama]

well, I can totally sympathize with piglets post... i'm in the same boat. Two babies nursing...

Well, I've decided to nurse Haeven 4 times per day. Once when she wakes up (8ish) once at lunch time (12ish), once in the afternoon(4ish), and once when she goes to bed (8ish). Hopefully this will work!

[sugarmoon]

Oh, it is good to read this thread. I have been so fried with nursing lately. I have a 2.5 yo and a 9 mo, so I'm in the same boat with piglet and mamajaza and the others who are tandeming. I've been at a loss as well -- all the normal weaning advice (don't sit down, don't do things that remind your toddler of nursing etc) are pretty much impossible w/ a nursing baby around, yk?

But, I am getting very *angry* and resentful during nursing sessions, which is obviously not good. To nurse to him to sleep, I grit my teeth and count to 100, over and over again. Right now, I'm working on getting him to go to sleep w/out nursing, and getting him to accept dh putting him to bed. Then we'll see.

I'm very conflicted about mlw vs clw, and have a lot of guilt about the idea of not clw. I also don't think i'm really totally done yet -- I still enjoy nursing a lot of the time. I think that if I didn't have to nurse him to sleep when I don't want to, and if I stop nursing them at the same time, I might feel better. So, I guess those are my goals for now!

[bunny's mama]

well piglet, i was thinking of you in the shower this morning. it's where i do my best thinking these days and i came up with a creative little story for your dd as to why baby bro can nurse and she can't:

when you pour the last cup of milk (or juice or water) from the container, make a point of showing emily "look, we drank all of the juice. now there's no more in the container, we did such a good job of drinking it all. YUM!" then later after she has nursed, you can say that you had a talk with the boobies and they said they are almost empty of emily's milk, just like the empty juice container this morning. shall we have a big party to celebrate you drinking all of your wonderful mama milky? we could bake a cake and drink lots of water or milk or juice in a cup, just like mama and papa do! won' that be fun?

"and why, mama, is there still milk in the boobies for baby brother?"
"well, because emily did such a good job of drinking all of her milky that she drank it all up, baby brother is still working on drinking up HIS milky. and one day he will drink his all up too, just like you did"

it's not entirely honest, but i like it because it CELEBRATES her moving on to a new phase of her life, and it also allows baby brother to drink "his" milk without making any specific judgements about babies nursing and big kids not nursing. plus, i think it would make sense to a child her age. if you want to wean her gradually, you might suggest she only nurse at nap time & bedtime (or whenever) so she can make her milky last longer, then you can every so often talk about how emily's milky is almost gone, soon it will be all gone, etc.

just a thought...

also for those who's children seem to grab and scream when you try to cut out certain nursing sessions, i think it has a lot to do with COMPLETE consistency. that is if you are committed to only nursing at bedtime and your child falls down and gets hurt, and you choose to nurse him/her then, you are actually confusing them by nursing then, IMO. it's a perfect opportunity to practice new parenting skills (those that don't involve nursing as The method of comfort), and if you are always consistent, your child will learn that nursing is something that is only done at certain times of the day. THIS IS NOT A TERRIBLE THING TO DO!!!! i don't know why we feel so guilty about it. i don't think for a second that any mama here would not be offerring comfort to a child who is hurt. there are so many other ways to offer comfort other than nursing! nursing may be the currently preferred way, and it may be the way you are used to, but if you gradually intorduce new ways, these will be just as accepted to yoru child. i know, i've BTDT with my 1st.

[Piglet68]

bunny'smama, thank you for thinking of me! and thanks for your wonderful suggestion.

I'm not going to do it.

but what was so nice is when I read it, I realized i'm not ready to wean completely. and that alone is a huge step for me in terms of getting me off the fence. so now i just have to figure out how i can apply limits that are fair to my daughter, and that i can live with too. thank you!