Mama-Led Weaning Support Thread - Page 5

[Mommy To Baby Roni]

My pediatrician (who is also a homeopath) suggested giving her a treatment of pulsatilla 30C mixed with water every 3-4 hours and I think that this has helped her transition.

Kikimama, can you tell me exactly what this remedy is supposed to do?

[OTMomma]

Rosebuds- I know what you mean about the nausea. For me I have found that certain times of the month make it worse, being dehydrated, and being hungry. So I personally get more sick in the AM since she's nursed during the night and I haven't had food in hours. I used to have it a lot and often, then I put on some weight and started making it a point to drink lots more liquid, that helped. I have no clue what it must be like to deal with having a 5 y.o. tell you to do CLW, I'm sure it would make me nuts. I too, have a child who feels strongly about wanting to continue nursing. When things became really tense for us with weaning, I ended up backing down, much like you did. I put weaning on hold for a few weeks while dd chilled out. And then I started trying different tactics. The one I most like currently is that when she starts to nurse I count to 5, and when I get to 5 she has to stop nursing. She usually switches sides and has the other one for a count of 5 too. But I can control how quickly I count and it ended the super long sessions that were more likely to make me feel ill.

My personal weaning goal is July, btw. But I'm not telling dd that, I'm trying to make it something that just fades away.

Anyway, after she got used to the count to 5 thing, I started phasing out more nursing sessions, asking her to wait until bedtime or whatever. Its working. Slowly. Good luck to you!

[mom2emerson]

Reading the last couple posts has me all the more anxious (probably not the right word) about wanting to wean off the night nursing pre-preg. Thanks to those of you who sent me the link on Dr. Jay Gordon. I printed the info off, read it a couple times and am trying to build up the courage (?)...resolve (?)... whatever...to give it a go. I know I have to be committed to it before starting.

I had actually cut all milk products (yogurt, cottage cheese, etc) out of her diet yesterday because I read somewhere to try that. It may have been a complete coincidence but last night was actually the first night in a while that we only had two wakings (10:30pm and 3:00ish am). I left for work at 5 am but my older DD who takes care of her the 2 days I WOH said she slept til 6:30!!! hmmmm...maybe baby DD is secretely sneaking onto the computer and reading these posting and thinking to herself "oh, I better stop waking Mommy up so much or she is going to cut me off!" :LOL No milk products again today and so far tonight DD still hasn't stirred.

I'll keep you all posted.

[marieangela]

Originally Posted by mariag

mom2emerson
For nap, I really thought it was going to be tough, but it was really actually pretty painless. The first day I just said "we're not going to "nurse (his word here)" today, just sleep" That day he cried for about 3-5 min MAX and I just kept holding him and rocking him and comforting him and he stopped crying and was asleep before I knew it. For the next couple days he would ask, I would say, "not now, before bed" and he would put his head down and I would rock him to sleep, no more tears after the first day.

Then for before bed, for about three nights I would just let him nurse for a few minutes, then say " ok, no more" and just continue rocking him to sleep. Then the fourth night I just said ok, were just sleeping tonight"...like nap, the first night was annoyed, but cried for maybe 1 min, then relaxed in my arms and eventually drifted off. He asked for maybe one or two nights after that, and that was it. Now instead on "nursing" I tell him a story (lights off) then rock him to sleep...anywhere from 10-30 min...

I should add that I waited like 7-10 days after I had ended one " session" before I took away another. Now a little after a week of no nursing I am very happy with how things went and don't see any negative effects on him or me, also I never got engorged at all, I think because I went so slow, or maybe b/c I'm also pregnant...

anyway, good luck to everyone!
Maria

It's great that things worked out for you, Maria. I wish that would work for ds. I've been going crazy wondering how to get ds to sleep without nursing. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and I can't stand nursing anymore. I have no milk and I just get so frustrated with nursing ds to sleep. Whenever I try to tell him we're not nursing now or try to comfort him in some other way he just cries and gets upset for long periods of time. We're mostly just down to nursing before bedtime. I tend to take him out before his afternoon nap and let him fall asleep in the car on the way home (sometimes I have to take the long way). My dad reads him books before naps on the three days that I work and mil was able to get him to sleep for a nap when she was visiting over the weekend. Unfortunately, he gets extremely upset when dh tries to get him to sleep and he will have nothing to do with anything but nursing when he's with me. We've just bought him a 'big boy' bed and as soon as we get new carpet in what will be his new room, I'd like to start a transition. I'm hoping having the new room and new bed will assist in having a new sleep routine. I know I need more than just that, though. Any ideas anyone?

[mariag]

Goodness...this is such a hard decision isn't it?

Rosebuds
I guess I would say just know that you are doing what is best for you and her, and mom's needs are important too. Also remember that the tearing at your clothes and feet digging into you are normal behaviors of a three year old that doesn't like something. That doesn't necessarily mean its wrong, just she doesn't like it, and it makes sense b/c its something she is so used to as part of her routine. If you know this is the right time for you, I would just press on and know that she will accept the change once she sees it is consistant and I bet she'll forget it sooner than you will...

hang in there...


maria

[mariag]

Marie...

my heart goes out to you! I know it was lucky in that ds didn't cry for long periods. I think the best advice I have is to be consistant. If you decide to stop one "session" and say that, then stick to it. I'm not sure how old your little one is, but pretty early they know when you are serious. For my son I know one reason it worked is that he knew crying wasn't going to change anything, but he is almost two and so developmentally that is something he understands. I think also just remember that nursing has up to now been such a big part of their routine, and so it will take a little time to replace the routine with something else, whether its driving home, or someone else putting them to sleep...just know eventually they will accept the change, and they will be ok. Routines are just so important to little ones, and so any changes, especially in such a "key" area, is going to be tough. And I feel for you, I agree that nursing into pregnancy is not fun. Some nights I could almost scream it hurt so bad, and thats why for me there were no questions it was time for us....

fyi-the first few times dh put ds down he really screamed and cried...but because we knew with a new baby coming we needed him to be able to fall asleep with someone else we pushed through, and I wore headphones...now he LOVES for daddy to put him to sleep....we started with nap, and now he has done bedtime twice....its a slow road, but it works out...

hope you find a way, I'll be thinking of you
Maria

[marieangela]

Thanks for the reply, Maria. I'm thinking that once we have ds's new room set up, I'll get really serious about a new routine and really try to stick to it. Unfortunately, dh is often still at work when ds goes to bed, so it's hit or miss with that. So far when we have tried to have dh comfort ds in the night, I end up nursing him to sleep in the end. That's why I haven't persisted with trying to do that more. Someone mentioned not being in the house when dh tries to get ds to sleep and we may have to try that or at least pretend that that is the case.

[rosebuds]

I agree that consistency is extremely important when you are trying to make a change. I know that right now I lack that (consistency) for a couple of reasons...it is emotionally draining on me to deprive Ashlin of her milk, physically I am ready to stop, and about 60% emotionally ready to stop. So I feel so guilty when she wants milk and I dont give it to her and then start to question why I would not give it to her and then next thing you know I am giving it to her. Secondly it is hard for me to be consistent when 50% of the time I am on my own getting both kids to bed. Dh works evenings sometimes so bedtime needs to include both girls and they have a sibling bed so it is quite difficult to have Ashlin in such a state while the older sib has to go through the motions with us.

I guess right now things are on hold for us until it can be easier for Ashlin to let go or I can be more consistent. I will watch this thread closely and post anything interesting that comes up for us in the future.

[newmainer]

subscribing...

too tired to post now, but will later. happy to have found the thread!

this- weaning- is on our horizon...

[rosebuds]

Something to think about...

A dear and wise friend recently phrased something to me that I will share with you all...

Perhaps the thought of weaning at this point is the toddler equivalent of wanting to formula feed infants when things get tough.

perhaps, still sucks tho.

[clothcrazymom]

I think it takes both consistancy and the child being willing. I also think it takes being really aware and on your toes. I've found that it definitely has taken thinking ahead on my part. I think you have to really be ready and that's when the consistency comes in.

We are down to morning and bedtime now. Alexander is now 23 months. I'm very consistent about it and he's typically willing to be distracted. It's very similar to how things went with my other children. We just stopped the nap time nursing last week and it wass the hardest....and we too have done the driving thing. While we are in the weaning process, I'm not willing to have him crying for nursing. If we go for a drive he goes to sleep and doesn't even ask about nursing.

There are other times that he may ask to nurse every so often. I usually find that if I either find him something to eat/drink or change tracks with him then he stops asking. Often times he asks when he really wants something else but may not know how to ask.

The plan is to then drop the morning nursing and then the bedtime last.

I think that if a child is not willing then it's a very difficult task and maybe it's best to wait and try a bit later. Sometimes just a couple of weeks can make a huge difference. I know for some this may not be possible...but it sounds like for many of us it would be.

[bunny's mama]

Originally Posted by rosebuds

Perhaps the thought of weaning at this point is the toddler equivalent of wanting to formula feed infants when things get tough.

sorry rosebuds, but i have to totally disagree with your friend here. i'm not weaning my ds simply because things are tough. things actually aren't tough for me at all, i'm just feeling like i'm done nursing and i'm ready to move onto the next phase of mothering my children without nursing.

IMO, wanting to quit nursing a baby before 12 months (i use this as my cut-off because before a year, they are not eating a lot of solids and you'd still need to give them formula to make up for nutrients) because things are tough, or because you're feeling done or whatever (barring medical needs of the mama) i think is not the same thing as giving a child 12 months or more of nursing and having a child who is eating a lot of solids, naturally gaining independence, etc. and then feeling for whatever reason that you, the mama, want to end the nursing relationship.

i've said this before on this thread, but i'll say it again. there should be no shame at all in a mama deciding to wean after 12 months or more or nursing. we should be proud of the beautiful gift we have given our children and ourselves. i HATE how it seems the pro-longerterm nursing culture that exists here at MDC can be so non-supportive and shaming of mamas who chose to wean on their own time table. we should be applauding mamas who make it to a year (heck, with the dismal nursing rate in the US, we should be applauding mamas who make it to 3 months! ) instead of calling weaning after 30 months "premature." sheesh...

BTW, our update: ds will be 2 y.o. in 2 weeks, and each time we nurse, i'm counting down. only 14 more times and i'll be done nursing babies forever. what a thought! he is doing great with once a day, doesn't even ask in between. and i can see him growing closer to his papa, too, and more independent, too.

[mom2emerson]

Thank you so much Bunny's Mama for saying exactly what I was thinking as I was reading that post. of course my brain just didn't put the words together as well as you did!!!!!

[Yummymummy74]

Hi

Poking my head in here, not sure if I belong here.. I have kind of been forced to wean my toddler by pregnancy I would not have if my milk had not dried up.. : she will still nurse willingly but she bites me and she does acrobatics while latched on.. and since there is no milk this is unbeleivably painful! shes 16 months and I am 5 months pregnant now and weaning has just commenced this week. She eats lots of food of her own will in the last 2 months but is still demanding some kind of milk anyone else having this issue with a young toddler? I have resorted to giving her some bottles with goats milk and she seems happy about that.

I went through this with my son who is now almost 3 (june) when I was pregnant with her! he took up nursing again here and there after she was born. ( I was fine with that)

Anyhow thats where we are at.

[mariag]

I too agree with Bunny's Mama and am glad she had the time to give such a complete and well written response. I think the comparison to giving formula to an infant because things are "tough" to weaning children over a year is a bit offensive.

Bunny's Mama- I had a similer experience to yours and am not two weeks post my "last time" nursing ds. He too did great as it sounds like yours is. Good luck and thanks for the well written post.

Marsupialmama-I think if you are weaning and feel like this thread can help then why wouldn't you belong! I can relate to nursing while pregnant being just too painful to bear. I am not clear on you question about milk. Is the issue that cow's milk is not a choice and you are looking for other types of milk or the issue that she wants a bottle? Have you tried milk in a cup rather than a bottle? My son doesn't like milk unless its with cereal so I can't offer much help there. Good luck and I hope someone has some hints for you.

Maria

[Yummymummy74]

Oh I just mean in general "milk" whatever that means to you.. :LOL yes she won't touch anything that appears whitish out of a sippy cup.. she associates those with juice and water only! shes a very particular child.. I just hope I am not damaging her somehow buy not letting her nurse my barren breasts. I should also add I loathe the idea of being out somewhere with her and the looks she will get with a bottle KWIM? most nursing mamas are not too tolerant of that I find..and I just feel annoyed about it because I consider myself so militant about breastfeeding..

[ajsgirl]

Marsupialmuma,

This may be against your beliefs, but have you considered changing the color of the stuff in the cup, to say, brown? The ONLY way my ds (almost 25 mos) will take any sort of milk is if it's chocolate flavored. I add a little bit of chocolate soy milk to regular cow's milk and he drinks it up. Sometimes he likes it warm. You could then gradually lessen the amount of chocolate in the mixture over time until there's none. The other ways I get milk into ds are in his cereal, oatmeal or fruit smoothies, so if you're against the chocolate idea, you could always try one of those. I'm sorry you're going through this. I think it must be tough, with no milk of your own to give, but that she won't drink any other milk on top of that.

I wanted to add that I NEVER thought I'd give my ds chocolate milk. But now I feel like, "whatever works for us", you know?

Also, can you get a sippy cup that's opaque instead of transparent, so she doesn't see the color of what's inside?

[Yummymummy74]

LOL actually I tried the chocolate trick and she just threw it across the room :LOL shes really smart, as for opaque cups I am really picky about what plastics I will use.. and currently I am using the Bfree system of bottles from the UK with her because they are Bisphenol free.. thats the crap in all the polycarbonate and #7 plastics that is so bad for us! The only other bottles we have are Adiri but shes not fond of them really and thinks they are more a toy.

Its a very difficult spot to be in...she definately still needs some kind of milk though and is now associating it with a bottle as opposed to the cup, oh man the best laid plans...lol I suppose I should not complain because a short while ago she would not drinik any milk period EVEN breastmilk in a cup!

[mom2emerson]

Marsupialmuma: try giving it to her in a cup with a straw. My dd would only take water from a sippy cup, refused milk from it. It took a couple tries with the straw cup (one sip once, couple more the next time), but then she took to it like a pro!

[crysmomofthree]

hello, I just wanted to subscribe and offer my support to the mamas (and toddlers) who are going through weaning or considering it.
I nursed my first two children until 18 months and then weaned them, I don't remember it as being hard or difficult neither took a bottle and my oldest wasn't really a very good eater (well still isn't)
with my third I was going to nurse until he was two (clw was never really my goal, although wonderful for those that want to ) we started ttc when ds was 15 months, thinking it would take 6 months like it always did to get pg, well two weeks later I was pg with baby #4 (a little quick, but it was planned) I continued nursing (I worked out of the house two days a week) my little one still loved it so much but he was nursing continuously probably because there was less milk. I felt really guilty here at mdc knowing I was not going to continue much longer (its nice there is a support thread now) I wanted to wait until the stress of christmas had passed but I wanted to stop early enough that when the new baby was born ds wouldn't be jealous and want to start again. so I aimed for january, I cut down the nursing sessions to waking up, down for nap, up for nap and bedtime (although we often needed one around dinner) I made sure we were out doing things together for distraction and that I always had a shirt on. This transition went well and we kept it up for a month, in february I had dh get up in the morning and feed Lucas breakfast and give him a : bottle, so when I got up he wasn't hungry, that's how we dropped the morning session then I dropped the after nap, and a week later the before nap.
I have to say he was a little sad, but the milk was really low and he didn't like dry nursing so it was probably a good time to quit, finally at the end of february we dropped night time nursing, dh put him to bed with a bottle. he wanted to nurse a few times after that (like in the tub) but he latched on and then let go and laughed because there was no milk. He hasn't tried to nurse in a month (yeah) I wish you all the best of luck on your weaning journey.
crystal