What are you doing to prepare yourself mentally for your homebirth?

[famousmockngbrd]

I am worried about my ability to surrender to the process. I have never been comfortable feeling out of control and I think I need to work on being able to really let go of my conscious, thinking self. I'm worried that I may get caught up in the fear-tension-pain cycle because I am unable to relax and give myself over to the labor process.

I'm not sure what to do. I am reading a lot, I have Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Birthing From Within, but I can't tell if they are really helping or not. I guess there's no way to know if they helped until I am actually in labor.

On one hand, I feel a need to study and read and meditate and prepare, but on the other hand this may just be another manifestation of my need for control and I might just be fooling myself by taking this approach. Does that make sense? What (if anything) are you doing to get your mind ready to give birth?

[WriterMama]

I understand that need for control! I don't like to be out of control of myself and my environment, and yet, with birthing you have to give a measure of control to your body and nature. One thing that helped me in feeling good about that is to realize that *I* am making the conscious decision to give up that control. It's not being taken away by a hospital, by an epidural or anything else. I am choosing to let my body do what it instinctively knows how to do, and in that way, I am in control of the situation.

Birthing From Within really helped me. I even did some of the art and writing projects (which I thought were hokey, but actually helped!). I took Hypnobirthing, too, which I didn't love, but the principles are sound (as far as the fear-tension-pain cycle). I watched tons of birth videos to see other women successfully allowing (as opposed to "succumbing") their bodies to work.

My suggestion would be not to pressure yourself too much. You have time to work out your fears and come to terms with the issue of control. I don't think it can be rushed really.

Good luck!

[annakiss]

I am journaling, exploring emotions that might get in the way of surrendering and trying to release myself from expectation. Finding a way to have faith in our bodies is, IMO, key. Perhaps meditating on how your body will work would help. I know that with my first labor, I was just sort of bowled over, so I'm not sure if it mattered much, but I was there, not thinking, surrendering. Prenatal yoga helped me a lot, I think, as well as being surrounded by people who believed whole-heartedly in the process with our childbirth classes and all my midwife friends. I'm a believer too now, I guess.

[orangebird]

For my first homebirth I prepared by reading birthing from within, I didn't do the exercises but I really gained alot from the second half of the book. I read other books too but I really think Birthing from Within was the best and most helpful. This time I have a little more to worry about so I am trying to get past that. My midwife from my first homebirth was "legal". The one I am using this time is not "legal" (my last MW isn't doing births anymore, she is a Naturopathic Physician so was technically legal to do homebirths, midwifes are not legal in this state. Even though my midwife is licensed in another state, here she is not). I am fearful that if we have to transfer me to the hospital she will get in trouble. Either that or we not tell the people admitting me about why we are there and how we know it, if they knew she was taking my BP's or listening to FHT's she could be in trouble for practicing medicine witout a license. SO do we tell them why we are there and risk her getting in trouble or don't tell them but then risk the baby's health or mine while we let them spend time trying to figure out what we already know. Sticky. So this time I am trying to figure out how to relax about that. I don't want to be tense during labor about what if, what if, what if, and stress myself into needing to be transfered!

[grian]

For my last birth, and first homebirth, we were in the middle of a cross-country move. We closed on our house, moved in and four days later dd was born. I credit this craziness with my ability to let go of my control issues and surrender to the process. I didn't even have her baby clothes unpacked, she was early, so I wasn't at all engaged in the cerebrial process.

With my first birth center-hospital transfer, I thought I was very prepared and very focused on how it was all going to happen. As soon as problems arose, my sense of control felt threatened, l I lost focus, and went into that "scared zone". 48 hours of posterior labor with med-wives, no dialation past 4 on my own, a transfer, an epidural, and finally forcepts.

This time we're planning another homebirth and I really am trying not to think about much at all. I may do some meditating on opening and relaxing as the birth gets closer, but no technical reading, no list making, no birth plan writting for me. I want to be so busy with life that the birth really takes me by suprise again. Carpe Diem

[famousmockngbrd]

Mara, that is a tough situation. It is illegal to practice midwifery outside a hospital in my state, so I was in the same boat. I was extremely worried about what would happen in case of a transfer. Fortunately I was able to find a CNM who is supportive of homebirth and is willing to be my backup should a transfer be necessary.

[ebethmom]

Hey! You are in a great position - you have an extremely capable midwife AND reliable backup! Do you also have a "hand holder" who will be there? Our midwife's assistant is a naturally empathetic person, and I had kind of expected her to be my support. She ended up delivering Lila, and that worked out well for me. I really just needed someone there to guide me through pushing, and her calm manner was exactly what I needed.

Keep on reading! That is actually one of my favorite things about being pregnant - reading everything I can find about pregnancy and childbirth. Have you read Peggy Vincent's "Babycatcher"?

I was never really sure if Birthing from Within helped me much.

Actually, I have a whole stack of books. (Peggy O'Mara's "Having a Baby Naturally" is out of pocket) I'll be in town for rehearsals/concert this Friday and Saturday. If you want to borrow them, let me know and we can meet up.

[famousmockngbrd]

Thanks, Elizabeth - I'll PM you.

[~Quse~]

I'm in the middle of reading Birthing from Within and I really like it. I also go to yoga classes 3-4 times a week and use that time to improve my concentration, awareness of my body, ability to let go and accept pain, etc.. I've started watching birth videos and I've been imagining different birth scenarios. I don't know if any of this will work since I didn't do any of it for my first pregnancy (well I did do yoga but it wasn't such a mental thing as it is now).

Direct entry midwifery is not legal in my state as well. But my midwife has lots of experience and seems very capable. I'm getting concurrent care at a birth center just in case, so I won't have to explain myself if I do have to transfer. But that may end when my dh changes jobs soon, depending on the new employer's insurance policies. I was more worried about what would happen if I transfer at first but I've gotten over it. Your midwife should be well aware of the risks she is taking by practicing w/o a liscense.

[our veggie baby]

I am meeting with my midwife for the first time on Monday and I think this homebirth is going to be a reality! She seems really nice and helpful, having answered a lot of my questions promptly and friendly via email already!
Anyway, I am about 26 weeks and one thing I am doing to prepare myself mentally and emotionally is doing a ton of reading, about everything that could possibly go wrong and then explaining them away with logic and common sense...I know it sounds weird, but just an example...
I will say to myself...what if I need an emergency C-section? Then I will take a couple of deep breaths and say, okay here are the facts. only this percent of women need c-sections, which is unlikely, a c-section takes 20 minutes to prep for even in an emergency situation, and we are only less than a mile from the hospital. 9 times out of 10, the midwife will know well in advance if anything is wrong etc....

I do that with my fears..I put them out there, usually write them down, then go over ALL the ways that they won't come to pass, all the logistics of them, and then they don't bother me anymore...or very little...

I have also been visualizing the birth A LOT...since this is our first child, I really don't know the exact way it will be or feel etc, but as much as possible I try to visualize everything, the lighting, music, the way it might feel, how I will work through the pain, what I want my hubby to say to me ( I am even making a list of helpful things--seriously) and most of all, envisioning when our newborn daughter is put on my chest and how I will feel...that usually gets the tears going (in a good way!) lol...

What also helps, weird as it may sound, is de-programming myself about hospitals and starting to look at them in a negative way (in terms of birth) than in the positive way most of us were raised with---sort of like, they are fine for sick people but birthing is not a sickness and then going over in my head how much more freedom and comfort I will have at home being able to do whatever I want, eat, drink, walk, get in the birthing tub, squat, listen to music, anything I want within reason....without intervention and sterile lighting and white walls and people in masks *blech*

I guess the thing that I have an advantage over a lot of people in terms of the *what ifs* is that we are literally less than a mile from the hospital--I can practically see it from my doorstep so that takes a lot of the fear out of it---not saying you should be scared at all if you live further, but I think that is the basis of a lot of fear, the *what ifs* etc...

I have always heard everything is like 90% mental, so I am really going to work on that in the next 3 months!! Good luck to everyone!!

[sarajane]

This will be my first baby so I also do not know what to expect as far as pain goes. I have heard others descriptions but ya never really know till you do it yourself.

First thing is I read tons. And I mean tons. I read every birth story I can get my hands on. I read books on what happens during labor, what is typical for all natural births as far as the mother's reactions go.

One thing that helps alot is I have started paying really close attention to where on my body I tense up when in pain or stressed. I focus on those places and relaxing them whenever possible. I mostly try to relax them when I am in actual pain like from a headache or stomach cramps. I hear that if you are having Braxton Hicks that is a good time to "practice" relaxation techniques.

I even am "training" my hubby! LOL

I'm showing him where the best places to rub are. What relaxes me where and I told him to keep reminding me to relax my shoulder, relax my neck, my arms, etc. I tend to not always notice when I get tense and think it will help to have him remind me to release the tension. Hopefully the water will help alot with that though.

I think that looking back on times where you were in extreme pain helps if you have any such memories. I always look back on my foot surgery. The pain was awful and I couldn't do anything about it. I had a cast on by the time the pain kicked in and I couldn't touch my foot or leg at all. I just had to sit and take it for over an hour without rest. It was by far the worst pain I have been in ever.

I try to remember how I dealt with that. I am hoping childbirth isn't that horrible! At least there is a nice reward at the end either way; at least birth is working toward something wonderful!

Oh, I've also tried all those suggested "birthing positions" and do stretches and such to make sure I can stay in them as long as I need to.

Hmmm, I think that is pretty much what I have done to prepare. I hope that helps. .....I hope it will help me when the time comes....

[Messac888]

The first thing I did when deciding on a homebirth was tell everyone I knew how worried I was about the pain. As the pregnancy went on and on (and on and on ) my fears slooooooowly began to resolve. I found that admitting my fears allowed me to deal with them in a productive manner rather than save it all up until I was in labor.

As far as pain goes, it DOES hurt. But everyone thinks it's delivery that hurts. For me, for the births of both my kids, the delivery felt WONDERFUL! It stung, but it didn't HURT in the way people think of pain. Labor hurt, but not delivery. And you know what? As soon as that baby is out, the pain stops almost completely. When I was stuck at 9cm for a couple hours, I just kept reminding myself that I was almost finished and then I wouldn't feel so achey anymore. It helped that I was surrounded by people that I love and that love me (my best friend, my toddler son, and my husband) and by people who knew how to take care of me (the midwife and her assistant).

As we all seem to know on MDC, knowledge is the key to everything! Arm yourself with a batallion of books, read as much as humanly possible, and lastly, try your best not to talk too much with people who think homebirthing isn't worthwhile. Of course, when you ARE talking to people who think labor and delivery is unsafe and needs routine medical interventions, talk to them as though you are 100% convinced that you will do well, that you can mentally handle it (since it IS all mental and not much physical). "Fake it 'till you make it," I've heard said.

GOOD LUCK!!!

[KariM]

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[Boof]

This is my first too :-)

I don't know what to expect as far as pain goes, but I know that pain is a tool, an indicator. That's why I never take any kind of medication for pain. It's there for a reason and triggers the body's natural responses to treat the pain. Already living by that philosophy, I feel like I'm ahead of the game lol

For the control freak in me, I'm working on hypnobirthing, not so much for pain management, but for fear/stress management.

I didn't really dig Birthing From Within. It was definitely useful in some ways, but not the magnificent tome I had expected.

Good Luck!

Beth

[applejuice]

Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd

I am worried about my ability to surrender to the process.

Educate yourself. That is the key.

I know, I am thinking academically, but on a very basic level you need to really know that you and your body can do it.

Childbirth will hit you square between the eyes of your basic confidence in yourself and your body. I was shocked by the intensity and unrelentlessness of the pain, yet I knew intellectually it would be very painful.

Good luck. I am looking forward to reading about the birth of your dear child.

G-d be with you!

[muse]

For me, reading has always been limited. it only reaches art of my brain. Birthing from Within is by far my favourite pregnancy book, but it didn't mean much to me in my first pregnancy. This time around I "get it" more, and it is all about getting out of trying to approach pregnancy from an intellectual angle, and moving into the physical/emotional realm instead. For me, I do that best with yoga, meditation, singing, drawing, and walking. It helps me to get fully in touch with my body and my ultimate trust in it, and to give space to untouched emotions that are lurking. I had a lot more fear this pregnancy, based on (smallish) complications in the last birth, but I feel I've largely worked through those by this point by doing all the things I've listed and giving less time to reading/analyzing.

Having said all that, one book that really inspired me was Sheila Kitzinger's rediscovering Birth. She gives a historical overview of how pregnancy and birth have been/are approached by different cultures. Somehow that gave me a good reminder of how natural a process birth is and how women succesfully give birth all the time all over the world, and got me out of my own little insular experience.

[LoveChild421]

I know this is going to sound radically weird- but I have found that reading books on psychedelic experiences by authors such as Timothy Leary, Aldous Huxley, R. Gordon Wasson, William S. Moxley, etc has helped me get in the groove of surrender and birth more! In "The Doors of Perception" Huxley talks of "gratuitous Grace" and that has become my mantra of sorts. I think Leary's writings on "Set and Setting" of psychedelic experiences is useful too- as well as his advice on why some people "freak out" in a psychedelic situation and how to help them.

I have always thought of birth as the most psychedelic experience one can ever have- and it's totally organic- not a product of drugs opening the consciousness, but of the body opening the consciousness.

I can honestly say I have no fear or tension about the birth process- I can't wait to experience it and take it for whatever it is and whatever it wants to teach me.

[famousmockngbrd]

LoveChild, that's really funny that you said that because everything I have read about labor and birth reminds me a lot of when I used to take LSD, about 10 - 15 years ago. There is definitely a comparison to be made. Ironically, while on one hand it's kind of nice to have had some practice in this area, on the other hand one of the reasons I stopped taking acid is because I didn't like being out of control anymore, it was becoming harder and harder to surrender to the experience and I wasn't having a good time anymore. Now, obviously you take acid for a whole different set of reasons than you undergo labor and birth, and the goals are completely different. Also the last time I took acid was quite a while ago and I have changed a lot since then. Which may be a good thing, or may be a bad thing - my doors of perception may have rusted shut, lol. Just kidding - there are lots of different ways to open those doors but they haven't been opened with *that* particular key in a long time.

Anyway - I hope nobody thinks this is all too weird. It's just something I've noticed and been thinking about.

[jetsmom]

LoveChild
I've been to about 20 births and they always remind me of tripping (didnt like those drugs, but I love birth) i dont always tell the couple that, but sometimes i do.
i was worried for my first homebirth that my labor would be slow and i would have to make decisions, that i wouldnt be able to let go.
luckily i was blessed with a 9 hour labor and didnt have time to think or make decisions - now, if i could have one of those orgasmic labors......