I think we are having a homebirth! (thoughts and questions)

[our veggie baby]

Well, I am excited, because I think we are having a homebirth (midwife assisted). I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable about having a hospital birth, but I was on the fence due to societal brainwashing, my own hang-ups and fears, etc...but I took the step to look into a mobile midwifery in my area and the one good thing is that they ACCEPT MEDICAID...I couldn't believe it because that was one of the big things dissuading me, part of it was kind of an excuse, the other part was reading the thread about the costs--we really don't have a couple thousand (or more) to spend etc...
Anyway, I am seriously leaning towards a homebirth, I emailed the midwife with a few questions and she wrote back the same day--she was very nice and informative! I am a low risk pregnancy and so far my pregnancy has been textbook, except that I was pretty overweight pre-pregnancy and that might be a bit or a problem (or so I've heard)...other than that, the only thing I want to do is the gestational diabetes test which I have in a week, and if that is clear---then I think we are going to go ahead and do it!!!


Okay, which brings me to my fears and questions!

Well my first thing is that this is our first baby, so of course the normal nervousness, fear, excitement, general wonderful weirdness (lol) that goes along with that....how many of you had your first baby at home and how was it? Be honest!

Secondly, I was planning on an unmedicated birth anyway, however it was some comfort to know the pain relief was there, should I need it---with the HB it is pretty much not available and I am seriously wondering if I can handle it---maybe I don't have enough faith in myself---is the pain that bad?? I know every woman is different, and I have a pretty high pain threshold, but I am kind of worried about that...

They provide all the supplies, however I will need sheets, towels etc, what else would you reccommend?

Also, has anyone had a HB in an apartment? These apartments are single story, and no one is attached to us in the living area, however, we do share a common wall in our bedroom--I am scared that the police will be called if I am screaming like I am being killed....how loud do you get seriously? A lot of birth videos I have seen, it is more moaning etc, but hey, I know there are screamers too....

I guess I am just rambling, I really want to do this, I guess I need some support and cheerleaders because I know my mom is gonna flip when I tell her....though my sister was suprisingly cool about it....

Thanks for any words of support or info!

[homemademomma]

i had my son at home. it was great!!!!!!!!!! i will be honest, it hurt like HELL but it was soooooo worth it. and remember, just because midwives dont have pain meds, doesnt mean they dont have ways to relieve pain. things like eating, moving around, getting in the tub, changing positions, holding onto your partner, massage, acupressure, and herbs are all things that midwives have at their disposal that hospitals do not use.
IMO, if you dont want to use pain medication, it is better to not have it on hand, because when you hit transition, you are gonna be hurting and it will be a huge temptation to ask for it, and you may regret it later.
as far as having a HB in an apartment, it shouldnt be an issue, but maybe you want to put a sign on the door saying "please come back later, we are having a baby!" or something, so people know what is going on if they come to check up on you.

i just want to say that homebirth is great. you just need to remember that YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!! each of us comes from an endless line of mothers and grandmothers who gave birth succesfully. in essence, we have evolved to be the best birthers we can be. just trust yourself.


as far as supplies, bendy straws are great (to drink out of during labor), smoothie stuff (smoothies are great during labor) your fav foods for after the baby is born, a squirt bottle to use for rinsing your bottom postpartum, herbs for sitz baths, and a supply of chux pads for postpartum.

yay!!!!!! you can do it!!

[our veggie baby]

I see you are in FL...me too! We are in the Orlando area...
Thanks for the support! I am nervous but I really feel this is what I want to and should do, I am just freaked by societal brainwashing of me dying in a pool of my own blood on the floor and becoming one of those stories people tell you to scare the bejesus out of you so you won't have a homebirth (you know the "stories")...

I am not being insensitive to people who have passed during birth or lost their children I am just speaking of the scare stories people love to tell you when you are pregnant

[rainbowmoon]

congrats! I think I read in another post about your apprehension and the hospital birth so good for you!

I don't have any real advice as my 1st was a birth center transfer born in the hospital via c/s I am convinced had I stayed home it never would have happened, just too many interventions leading to another and another..

we are not going that route this time however!

as for the noise...I am kind of worried about the police showing up here too(we have a new neighbor pretty closeby in a new house) I was not verbal at all with ds and have a feeling it will be very different this time! I have decided to print up a sign we can stick on the front door just in case someone calls 911 as to what's going on. (and most importantly PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB UNLESS WE CALL!) can you possibly talk to your neighbors ahead of time and give them the heads up?

[WriterMama]

I had a hb with my first (and second ), and it was great! Seriously, it was a great experience that I could never have achieved in a hospital.

About pain--I have a pretty LOW pain threshold, but to me, birth pain isn't the same as slamming your finger in a door or something. It comes and goes--it's not like hours and hours of constant agony--and it increases gradually (for most people) so you're able to build up a tolerance for it. Read this article about pain--it helped me a lot! http://www.mothering.com/articles/pr.../ecstatic.html

Like a pp said, mws (and doulas) have lots of ways to manage pain. Read Birthing From Within for suggestions, too. Most everyone, when they hit transition, begins to doubt their abilities. I remember saying, "I can't do this" or "I don't ever want to do that again." It's transition talking! Because before long, that moment passes and you DO do it, and you have the biggest post-labor endorphin rush.

I wouldn't worry about the noise. I moaned throughout labor but had a couple good screams during pushing. Granted, we weren't in an apt. but we lived in a small house that was really close to the neighbor's house.

About supplies, most mws have a list, so I'd ask for one of those.

Good luck--you really CAN do it!!

[kavamamakava]

Congratulations!!
I had my first at home in our apartment. I had a very long early labor and about 6 hours of active labor. During early labor, I went for lots of walks around the apartment complex and the management office and my neighbors saw me and we chatted and talked about how I was in labor. So they all pretty much knew what was going on. Yeah, I screamed when I was pushing him out. More like roared. No one called the cops. Apartments are bigger than hospitals too :P
But there's more to pain relief than medication. I sat on my birthing ball in the shower and almost couldn't feel my contractions. I'm sure your midwife will have other tricks to help you out if you're feeling pain.
Other ways to manage pain are to have a doula help you, read Birthing From Within for ways to search within yourself, practice relaxing and finding a focal point. Having a focal point really helped. And there was this funny thing I did that a friend of mine calls horse lips. I blew air heavily out through loose lips so they flapped. It helped me relax my mouth which in turn helped me relax my bottom (That's from Ina May's books - Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth).
Honestly, it didn't hurt that bad. Fear causes you to tense and being tense fights against the work your body is doing and makes you hurt. Usually, when you get to the point where it feels really intense and crazy and you wonder if you're going to be able to do it, that means you're in transition and just about done.

Also, if it's evening or night time, remember to rest when labor starts. Seriously. Contractions usually start out around 15 mins apart. You can rest through them. If it's night time, take a bath and GET SOME SLEEP. If you don't, you run the risk of becoming very exhausted toward the end and not being able to cope. This could slow labor and land you in the hospital because you just need a little relief so you can rest before pushing the baby out. My friends laugh at me because they know that when I realize I'm in labor, I go to sleep. Labor only builds and contractions get closer. Those are harder to sleep through. So I do my best to get the sleep when I can.

[Artisan]

Everyone else has given you good advice. Just wanted to chime in with the a "will I be able to handle the pain" perspective. My first birth was in the hospital with a midwife. I thought the pain was terrible and got an epidural ASAP.

My second birth was at a birth center. I prepared myself ahead of time with hypnobirth practice. (I would recommend this as part of the practice is releasing fears you might have of birth. ) I started labor with no fear of being able to do it, which I think is an important place to be.

When meds are not available, you do not think about meds. You think about getting through this one contraction. (At least that's the way it was for me.) There was a point during transition where I felt like I wished I could have something take the pain away, like an epidural. But would I have been willing to get in the car, drive to the hospital, sit through 20 minutes of monitoring, a bag of IV fluid, be checked by several nurses, sign a bunch of forms, etc., before being able to get the epi? No. Transition was over very quickly.

Once I felt the urge to push, I had nice long breaks between contractions where I didn't feel any pain. Which was awesome. I felt like I had made it through the hardest part and it was just going to be a few more minutes and the whole thing would be over.

I think it takes preparation and a change of mindset. I kept telling myself, "SOMEHOW, millions -- billions -- of other women have been able to birth without epidurals. There is nothing that makes them more special than me -- I can do it too."

[orangebird]

I think it would be wonderful to have your first baby at home, there is no good reason nowadays not to. Congratulations!! Here is my first bit of advice to you- hurry and have that glucose test ASAP!!! The longer you wait the more likely you won't pass. It is a stupid test, you need to play it right.

That is so great Medicaid is paying for it, do you mind if I ask what state you are in? I think that is wonderful!

I had my first homebirth ina teeny tiny apartment. At first I was really worried about it. I think it was the one thing I worried about most, I worried the midwife would see it and how small and cluttered it was and say NO WAY! But it wasn't a problem at all. I moved our coffee table out to make room for the horse trough and we had him right there in the tiny front room, it is probably a 10' by 10' room I am not even kidding. Mention it to your MW that you are worried about it and they will probably tell you they've seen it all before. Besides, if they take medicaid most of their medicaid clients probably don't live in 4000 square foot houses IYKWIM. We had an apartment that was right in the middle of a 6 apartment building. I was worried about the same thing as you, if I am screaming is someone going to call the police? I think we ended up taping a little note on the door about "homebirth in progress" so if anyone came to see if we were OK they would see it and leave us alone.

As for the pain, yeah, it hurts but I think you will hurt less at home than at the hospital to begin with. There are so many things at the hospital to make the pain worse being in strange cold surroundings with strange cold peole constantly violating your privacy and telling you things to be scared about. At home it will be warm and encouraging. You will have many more resources to handle the pain in your own home. Mostly because you are free to just do what you need to do and not have to get permission to get in the bath, you can crawl around on your hands and knees not worrying about how gross the floor is, you can make whatever wierd noises you need to, you are basically uninhibited. You midwife should know things to suggest or help you with too. And at any time there is no one saying you can't go to the hospital. People have transported to the hospital during labor for pain relief. You probably won't want to, but if it helps you relax just remember that staying home doesn't mean you absolutely can't change your mind.

I think you are making a great decision. I am so glad you found a midwife. It will hurt (probably) but it will hurt more in the hospital. Staying home is the safest thing you can do. I am so excited for you!

[LianneM]

how many of you had your first baby at home and how was it? Be honest!

I just had my first baby, at home, at 1:49am Thursday. I was more afraid of a hospital than anything, so my desire to be at home for this brought me through it in the end. I would do it the same way again in a second. My labor ended up at 21hrs with 2.5 hrs of pushing. I was stuck at 9cm for a very long time - I'm positive I'd have had a c-section had I been in a hospital. I can't imagine a Dr being as patient and willing to help me finish dilating as my midwife.

is the pain that bad?? I know every woman is different, and I have a pretty high pain threshold, but I am kind of worried about that...

It hurts a lot. But - it stops hurting too. During my labor, I kept saying that I couldn't imagine going through it without breaks. It's amazing - labor is designed so well. A ctrx is intense for a minute, and then you get a few minutes to rest in between. Those breaks were essential to me. I don't think I would have lasted long had I had pitocin where there is no break between ctrx. As long as it was normal, for me, I thought it was totally tolerable without medication. BTW I would not say I have a high pain threshold at all.

They provide all the supplies, however I will need sheets, towels etc, what else would you reccommend?

They should give you a list of things. We had a list of things like towels, washcloths, sheets, plastic covers for the bed (didn't use this for the birth but I feel good knowing my mattress is protected during this PP bleeding time) Olive oil is great for a million things, especially oiling baby's bottom so the meconium doesn't stick to it. There are lists posted in this forum also, for more ideas.

Also, has anyone had a HB in an apartment? .how loud do you get seriously? A lot of birth videos I have seen, it is more moaning etc, but hey, I know there are screamers too....

I live in a townhome - we have neighbors on both sides of us. I thought about talking to them beforehand but never did. No one came over and I delivered at like 2am so it was quiet in the neighborhood. :LOL I wasn't as loud as I thought I might be. Lots and lots of breathing through was all I needed. What was amazing to me was that it went along in such a way that I was totally able to assimilate the contractions, so that when I hit the "next level" each time, it wasn't THAT much worse. By the time I was complete and pushing, I was still able to breathe through most of the pain. I only called out a few times and I thought I was much louder than I actually was, seeing the video.

HTH You can do it if you want it!

[famousmockngbrd]

OVB, I just wanted to let you know I am right there with you! This is my second baby but the first was born in a hospital and I had an epidural. So I too am wondering if I can handle it this time! I think the only advantage I have is that being a second time mom, I will be more relaxed during *early* labor than I was before, kind of like "Oh yeah, this again, I remember this," lol. But once we get past that stage, it's all new to me too! Plus last time I had a vacuum extractor assisted birth. Probably due at least in part to the epidural, but still, there's that little part of me that wonders, can I really do this all by myself? I'm working on trusting my body and allowing myself to be engulfed by the process, embracing it so to speak. Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth has been really inspirational to me, I suggest you read it if you haven't already. I also think having labor support is so important, and you don't really get that in a hospital unless you hire a doula. You might want to check with your midwife and see what her philosophy of supporting a laboring mother is - some midwives really hang out in the background unless their expertise is needed, and others are more involved. Personally I wanted a more involved one because I know I will need someone to lean on emotionally who has been through it all a million times, seen it all before, etc. That will be very reassuring to me, I know. Your DH may be a rock of support but in my experience you really need a woman to help you through giving birth.

anyway - when is your due date? Just know that there is someone else out there who will be going through the same thing! (Where is that "pushing out a baby" smilie??)

[homemademomma]

our veggie baby- i am in the gainesville area, maybe 2 hours north of orlando! if you don't mind me asking, what midwife are you using? i am a midwifery student up here so i know lots of the midwives in florida. just curious!

[JanetF]

Check out my website for loads of cool links about HB. Enjoy! This could be one of most empowering experiences of your life. You are in charge now!
Best wishes!

http://www.joyousbirth.org

[our veggie baby]

Thank you So much for your replies mamas! I am not entirely sure we are doing the HB yet, but we are seriously leaning towards it and if/when I pass the Gs test, everything will be a go after I meet with the midwife and she determines me "low risk" (being overweight may be a slight concern)

I told my Mom about it and of course she F R E A K E D...she is very, I dunno, I think she has this idea of a midwife as some weirdo "hippy" who is going to run in last minute boiling water and tearing up sheets LOL...I mean, I tried to tell her that midwives have the necessary equipment and all that etc, but she wasn't really having it. I think she is scared because when she had my sister, both she and my sister almost died and I know it comes from a place of fear.

I will be honest, I am scared too. I am a natrual "worrier" though I have gotten much better--throw in it being my first child, the horror stories from everyone else (love those)...society blah blah....as well as of course being scared about my health and the baby's....however, we are less than a mile from the hospital---literally, I can almost see it from my front door so I mean, what kind of emergency could be prevented knowing we are SO close?? so that calms my fears a bit....

I think I can make it through the pain. I mean, I am not a "medication" person anyway and have suffered through H O R R I B L E menstral cramps (usually the first day or 2) with only things like a heating pad and chamomille tea etc....so even though labor is more intense obviously, I think I can do it, as I don't really rely on medication in any other aspect of my life yk?

So we are excited, hoping it all goes well, praying the GD test comes back good, hoping the midwife has room in May (when I am due), etc...

I truly feel that things happen for a reason and if things are meant to be, they happen ya know? Of course they don't just happen, we have to help them along, but I feel that if a homebirth is meant to happen, everything will fall into place...

Thank you SO much for all your support and understanding...other than my DH and 2 close friends (who don't have children yet) I have little support in the homebirthing thing!