Help with my MIL

[Potty Diva]

My MIL have had plenty of ups and downs and knock out dragged down fights, but after speaking to my mom (who is super sane) she brought my attention to the idea that my MIL may be mentally unstable.

She comes across as a hard hitter, an in-your-face kinda gal who takes no crap from anyone, and she claims to be a Christian, though aside from her gifts (with strongs, not just us) she shows no signs of faithfulness to her maker.

What is bothering me is her inconsistent and contradicting behavior. It's as if she lives in an alternate reality.

Examples:

"I just hate eating out (at restaurants)."
Yet she eats out at least twice a week.

"I don't believe in abortion, it's just wrong."
She mentioned that if we were to get pregnant we should have an abortion (we be poor).

She also thinks people are stealing things from her home. She calls us and accuses of of stealing things from her. Little things like spices, or dish rags, or deodorant.
9 times out of 10 if she keeps looking for it, the item turns up.

If we don't answer the phone (when we are out) she will leave a meanie type message accusing us of ignoring her calls. One time saying, "I don't know how you people live, but I am washing my hands of you..."

We went out to dinner right after work, and she didn't know where we were. The day before we were all happy with each other.

My mom says I should look up these symptoms on the internet to see if they corrwlate to some illness, but I can't find anything, can anyone here point me in the right direction?

Thanks...

[Jane]

true alternative reality = borderline personality disorder

people stealing from her = paranoid

you are ignoring her calls when you are really living your life = narcissitic

Now, abnormality comes out of normality, so every person will have some traits of any mental illness. So, don't go diagnosing someone. I just wanted to give you some words to google to get your research moving.

[Potty Diva]

Thanks for your response. I do understand that we all have a little pathology in our history, but hers coupled with stopping and starting antidepressants (she works for a neurologist and has easy access to sample packs) really concerns me.

Not to diagnos her but perhaps approach these happenings with a little more understanding.

I just am bothered by our up and down relationship (going on 5 yrs). Everything has been really nice for the past year and I hate to think it's going to take a downhill spiral


It's really stressful and makes me physically ill. Ok, enough rambling Thanks again for your googable words

[AdinaL]

I don't have anything to add really... I just wanted to say and I am so sorry you are still dealing with this.

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

...stopping and starting antidepressants (she works for a neurologist and has easy access to sample packs) really concerns me.

ACK! Ack ack ack! Um. SO not good. Even in someone whose default is to be stable, "starting and stopping" antidepressants without physician supervision (which is what it sounds like) can cause all kinds of screwy behaviour!

Anyways. As for trying to diagnose her, that's probably not a good idea. Maybe, if it's important to you and you're willing to jeopardize your relationship, you can tell her that you don't think she's, say, as healthy as she has been before, and you'd be happy to help her get help, if she were willing. But don't, please please please don't, think you can change her, even if you do get a pretty definative diagnosis. I've lived with people in various states of sick all my life (I've been in various stages of sick most of my life!), and the best lesson I've learned is that I can never control or change anyone other than myself.

So, if learning a probable diagnosis for her helps you accept and deal with her better, great! And if she allows you to help her get better, even better! But don't become too attached to any particular outcome of finding out she does have a particular diagnosable mental illness.

[SleeplessMommy]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

She also thinks people are stealing things from her home. She calls us and accuses of of stealing things from her. Little things like spices, or dish rags, or deodorant.
9 times out of 10 if she keeps looking for it, the item turns up.

Could be dementia. This is a classic sign. Talk to her Dr, if possible. Sometimes they can help.