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Would you let your child play with an HIV+ child? - Page 5

post #81 of 184
Also...doesn't HIV die very quickly when exposed to air? Perhaps the scab-eating kids are safe after all. Gross, but safe.
Yup, it is very fragile outside of the human body and dies with contact to air.
post #82 of 184
Originally Posted by monkaha
For those of you who said no, do you pre-test all potential playmates for your kids?

I posted a tentative/split vote earlier so I'm not sure if my response is one sought here, or even if the question is rhetorical, but I'll bite (so to speak).

No, I don't test but I do survey parents extensively as to their children's and family's health. And, more often than not, we have our playdates here at home where I can be at least reasonably sure as to the health and hygiene.

And now I have a question of my own. So many of us here at MDC are guarded at best when it comes to establishment/mainstream scientific research as it applies to vaccines, nutrition, pregnancy and birth, etc. Why are so many so quick to support it when it comes to HIV/AIDS? I'm ready to admit that there's so much we don't know about how vaccines work in the body and I'm ready to admit that there's so much we don't know about HIV/AIDS.

I'm asking this question in earnest, not to be snarky. And please, if you haven't read all the replies, don't assume this means I said I would not allow my child/ren to have an HIV+ playmate.
post #83 of 184
without a doubt....

I would not even think twice about it.

a bit I was reading somewhere in a mainstream mag, 20% of preschoolers are not up to date on vaxing which compromises the health of others...wonder why people are misinformed about things like this? thanks to crappy journalism and the people who believe everything they read.
post #84 of 184
Two more thoughts:

If it were my child, I certainly hope people would let their kids play with him.

And every single day, I am sure a lot of us are around HIV+ people without even knowing it. I live in a big city, take public transportation all the time, play at the park and I never think about something like this. It is not a fear for me. I certainly do not question the health issues of all my son's friends...
post #85 of 184
Thread Starter 
I forgot to add last night that there is no excuse for comparing a child with an illness to an instrument of war/death, and I think that was completely uncalled for and insensitive. I hope that the person who did that will reconsider using such outrageous language in the future. What a terrible thing to say about a person!

post #86 of 184
as far as the concern about biting and scratching goes...

I teach dc that those behaviors are unsafe, always. I'd leave a playgroup if there was biting and scratching going on, in any situation. Play safe for everyone!
post #87 of 184
I spent my uni years working in an AIDS hospice and I can, without a doubt, say yes I would alow my child to play with anyone (adult, child, teen, baby) with HIV+ status. And he probably already has - how would I know? I'm not going to ask, that's the whole point behind universal precautions. Assuming everyone could be or is HIV+ ensures safety and creates a climate of acceptance rather than discrimmination for those who are +. And the fact of the matter is not everyone even knows their own status or that of thier child, and some lie about it. My brother's girlfriend didn't know she was + for most of their relationship - with universal precautions her status wouldn't matter as far as their sexual relationship went.

And I wouldn't worry about biting, scratching, eating scabs. The risk of these is theoretical at most. The virus is very weak - it's not easy to transmit or contract; even with unprotected sex it's not guaranteed to be transmitted.

As for my (long off) teen dating a HIV+ person I'd have to leave it up to him. My parents weren't so keen on my hospice work at first but once educated supported me 100%, and my work there was often much more intimate than teen sex (cleaning up vomit, blood, cleaning bed sores, changing soiled sheets and bedding, and a tonne more). If you know the risks and you raise your child knowing the risks you can eliminate it. Biting, etc is not a risk so it wouldn't concern me.

But what do I know? In the 90s I was answering calls from hysterical parents because Frankie spit in Johnny's eye and what if Frankie has HIV or AIDS? Now my son has to get tested and I just know it'll be positive.

I guess I would just stress everyone educate themselves now about risk and risk reduction, universal precautions etc before they (knowingly) have soe one around them who is HIV+. chances are it's already occurred and your child is fine.
post #88 of 184
Of course I would. It's a non-issue for me.
post #89 of 184

I am very sorry for your recent experiences. It sounds like a group of ignorant parents.

As far as letting my child play with an HIV+ child, I am sure he has on occasion. We live in NYC and we frequent many playgrounds and museums throughout the city. He probably comes in contact with many viruses. Whenever a parent puts their child in a group setting, there is a chance that a child in that group has a virus. That's life.

When I was a preschool teacher in a social service program, where parents were former drug users, prostitutes etc. I knew there were kids in the program who were HIV+. I did not know who they were... universal precautions were taken whenever someone was cut. And, as a preschool teacher in an upper middle class school, universal precautions are taken whenever someone gets a cut.

post #90 of 184
Of course I would! Without a doubt. Like ACT-UP used to say, "Silence = Death, Ignorance = Death."

Btw, my partner has operated (meaning, blood, guts, etc.) on HIV + patients before and it doesn't concern him at all b/c he is protected (as has just about everyone who has ever done a surgical residency and he said he's never heard of anyone getting HIV that way- it's just not possible).

I know I've worked with HIV+ people, my mom has (kids she works with) too, my best friend's mom has fostered TONS of HIV+ kids....it could never occur to me to be worried beyond percautions I take with everyone (like no biting- but that's about respect to me, not germs/viruses)

D'M, I read your original thread about your new babe and I'm APPALLED at how those people treated you....all I could think of was 1)racism and 2)HIV/AIDS and it's disgusting that people are still so ignorant

ETA: That last comment was directed at the parents in D'M's playgroup, not anyone posting here, I realized it might have been misleading.......
post #91 of 184
Yes yes yes, I would and I will, for all the reasons the other "yes" posters have stated.

I just read the whole thread and want to point out that everyone who has personal experience and knowledge of HIV/AIDS - whether through career/work experience or family/friends - said "yes." No one with specialized knowledge said "no."
post #92 of 184
Originally Posted by chalupamom

And now I have a question of my own. So many of us here at MDC are guarded at best when it comes to establishment/mainstream scientific research as it applies to vaccines, nutrition, pregnancy and birth, etc. Why are so many so quick to support it when it comes to HIV/AIDS? I'm ready to admit that there's so much we don't know about how vaccines work in the body and I'm ready to admit that there's so much we don't know about HIV/AIDS.
I'm quick to support because I live in queer community, used to work at the local AIDS service agency, and have many friends who are poz. I know the history of HIV/AIDS in our area of the world and how people were left isolated to die without human contact or caring. I know Reagon didn't even say the words until a HUGE number of people died (maybe someone else remembers the exact number) because it was "only" fags and Haitian refugees. I have heard the theoretical pondering by people who do not have HIV or love anyone with HIV about how "those people" should be put on an island somewhere. I kid you not.

We are hysterical about the possibility of transmission. I know gay men who have slept with literally hundreds of people, many of whom must have been +, and have not contracted the virus. I know gay men who have unprotected oral sex with men they know to have HIV and they have not contracted it. If you have intercourse without a condom or share a needle or engage in other high risk activity, yes you are putting yourself at risk. But HIV is not spread from child to child, from saliva or possible trace amounts of blood in poop that another child may or may not ingest. Some of the fears people have expressed are bizarre. And I KNOW firsthand that they are not true because not only have I read the extensive studies but I would have HIV if it were passed that easily! And so would you!

And as soon as we start talking about not "letting" our kids play with someone who has HIV, we are assuming our kids don't *already* play with positive kids, and we are willing to make + kids other and isolate them. A logical extension of saying our kids can't play with + kids is to say that + kids shouldn't be allowed to play with - kids. Reminiscent of the "put them all on the island" theory.

So I see that the intent of people who have said "no" is simply to take no risks and protect their own children. But what I don't think people are seeing is that it is not just harmless to ignore all the evidence about how HIV is transmitted and keep your kids away from HIV+ kids. That decision has an impact, and that impact is cold and cruel and isolating to HIV+ children.

Didn't we learn anything from Ryan White?
post #93 of 184
Originally Posted by kavamamakava
Flame me if you will, but I would also breastfeed if I were HIV+
Why would anyone flame you? Studies have shown that as long as a baby is exclusively BF, she will not contract HIV from breastmilk. It isn't until other substances are introduced--solids, formula, etc.--that transmission becomes an issue.
post #94 of 184
post #95 of 184
Yes, I would let my children play with an HIV+ child.

If for no other reason (although actually for several other reasons) I would because it could happen to me, and no child should have to live the heartbreak of feeling unwanted.

post #96 of 184
Yes I would...I wouldn't even ask anyone if they or there their child were HIV+ I figure they will be responsible enough to take necessary percautions (such as covering open sores etc.) I don't really think it is my business to ask anyone their health status (just as schools, preschools and daycares are not allowed to ask if a child has HIV)
post #97 of 184
thismom.. that was well said!

it shocks me that even in a community like "mothering" there is so much ignorance and hatred. no one deserves to be shunned..

i grew up with a brother with downs syndrome.. sometimes i felt like people thought he was contagious.. another poster said something to this extent too.. at school the teacher would lock him in a closet if he was misbehaving.. did she do that to the other kids NO! she would come get me and say "talk to your brother" i was 2 years younger. grade 1.. in the school yard other kids would throw stuff at him and tease him and call him names. and i would walk with him and tell him that i loved him and that those kids didnt know what they were talking about. no child should live this.. as a sibling or friend or disabled/sick kid..

those days are over or us.. he has a community or friends that love him. but i cant help but wonder if its still that way, or if hopefully, there is more education and a bit more acceptance in our world.
post #98 of 184
I would let my children play with an HIV+ child. Just because they have HIV or AIDS, is no reason not to let them play together, IMO. They need friends too.
post #99 of 184
I was going to type up a sarcastic response, but remembered that sarcasm doesn't always read right...so...

Yes. Without a doubt, I would let my kids play with someone that was HIV+

My 9 year old and I have talked about such things to some extent--about there being illnesses that pass through blood and it is always best to be careful when dealing with such things--meaning notify an adult if there is an accident, and at his age right now, let an adult take care of and clean up a wound and its associated mess

I always do my best to notify parents when my kids are sick to avoid spreading illnesses--so meeting a family that has to be careful wouldn't change anything, ya know? It is just basic consideration for others....

And I think it is a bigger concern for me that so many people seem to assume that if you don't see or have visible evidence that a person has a medical issue, that they must be okay....from disabilities to illnesses...isn't it better to just treat everyone with courteousy and extend the same care and concern to/for everyone?
I hold the door open for everyone nearby me, not just people who display handicaps and I discourage my kids from playing with all bodily fluids--not just those from a kid that has been tested postive for HIV....kwim?
post #100 of 184
I have direct personal experience with AIDS.

And to be honest with you, while I don't really think about who has what disease, the possibility of my kid getting it DOES frighten me.

Now, you can call me an ignorant B if you want, and I'm glad that some of you are so enlightened that the horror of AIDS and the risks of HIV (what if you don't have insurance and can't get the drugs? What if you get booted off your insurance plan? What happens when our govt. starts tracking people?) don't scare you when you think about it.

But they do scare me.

I don't want my kid to get ALL. I don't want them to become HIV+. I don't want them to get Hep in any of its forms. I don't want them to grow a brain tumor. If they do, I'll deal with it. I'm not afraid of anyone who suffers from any of those things.

But sorry, I'll be honest. I would feel some fear. I'd probably swallow it and move on. But I would still feel it, and deal with it. I don't think it's wise for me to say "oh, no reservations" when I would have them. But I've had reservations about a lot of things and sometimes I act on them but most of the time I just see what happens.

It is mean and ignorant to assume that EVERYONE who has fear acts on it, or that everyone who doesn't react the same way that you do is wrong. I'm frankly amazed that so many people said "I wouldn't worry at all" about this, when they worry about vax, exposing their kids to mean mainstream people, ect. Maybe these people don't worry about it because THEY'VE never seen what can be the end result of an HIV infection.


It doesn't stop me from having contact with people with HIV or supporting the research and treatments that have kept it from being the horrendous death sentance it once was. But do NOT call me ignorant because the thought of my child contracting HIV and developing AIDS makes me feel sad and afraid and powerless.

You ever seen a Children's Hospital telethon, where they talk about little babies that die of leukemia? You ever cry when you see it? You ever hug your children a little tighter when you hear about it? Good. You're just as ignorant as me.

Please don't make assumptions about how people will act just because they're concerned, or their experiences when they are concerned.
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