Help me overcome my fears...

[AngelBee]

I am not pg, but I want to have a homebirth the next time around.

I am afraid though. What if something were to happen?

How do you overcome these fears? Do you think it is lack of education on my part?

Thank you mamas for your insight.

[sarajane]

Educating yourself is a must that is for sure! The fear of the unknown will get to anybody.

I would thus first suggest reading, reading, and more reading. Read homebirth stories (this is what first made me decide to go with home water birth), read books on all natural birth, read articles and facts on the safety of homebirth.

Homebirth really is safe. I doubt so many would do it if it weren't. Mid-wives are pretty good at educating you and keeping you healthy. I know I felt even better and more exited about my choice when I met my mid-wife Holly. She has kept me in optimal health and there is definately no fear when I go for my prenatals.

I read lots of articles here: http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/index.asp
Here is a good one on waterbirths: http://waterbirth.org/spa/index.php

I'm sure everyone has many article suggestions for you. There is alot out there. You could probably just search google and find many.

You asked what if something happens. Well, I haven't been through labor yet. I can tell you our "plan". It really isn't much of a plan. If I stay healthy and well till the end we will go ahead with our "plan" of having the home water birth. If for any reason Holly thinks I am too high-risk to have a homebirth she would transfer me to a doctor or simply suggest I give birth in the hospital and not at home. She can treat most problems that arise on her own before and during labor.

If you find a good mid-wife chances are she will have very good prevenentative ways of doing things. Doctors tend to treat after a problem arises (seems more risky to me). I have yet to hear of one who does things anywhere near the way my mid-wife does things.

My mid-wife has a back up plan for the chance anything really unexpected and dangerous goes wrong but like I said, as long as I stay in the health I am in now the chances are very, very slim she can't handle it on her own. The chances are slim there will be anything to handle in the first place.

If anything really bad happens I would be taken by her to the hospital. If we have no time, it would be the ER.

I don't expect birth to go exactly as I picture it but I don't forsee any real trouble. I have taken care of myself (exercise, eating right, taking lots of good vitamins and herbs), I feel strong and ready and am really looking foward to the experience. Birth will be painful but I'm so happy I have the chance to experience in the comfort of my own home.

I don't know if my thoughts are of much help. I hope they help some. Oh, and this is one of my fave articles at that site: http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articl...ogyinbirth.asp

It is long but it is worth the time it takes to read IMO.

[AngelBee]

Thank you for your suggestions. I think that it is just sometimes hard to put aside what I have been taught all of my life about medicine and our dependance on it.

My birth of ds2 was an hour and a half. Each babay the birth time has cut in half. That would put me at 45min with the next one. I guess my biggest fear is that I will deliver alone (doesn't scare me) and that something will be wrong (that part freaks me out) I guess I am afraid I will not have enough time if something were to go wrong.

My last birth was in a hospital with a midwife and it was great! But I did not need to be there. My midwifwe was FABULOUS!!! I could have just as easily been at home. Would have been a lot more comfy amd had better food. Also my other kids were there for the delivery but were unable to come back up to visit. I missed them horribly. I felt like we weren't really a family until I got home and had all of my babies with me.

Sorry I am rambling.

Congrats on your upcoming arrivial!!!

[Maprilynne]

I have often heard it said that it is the babies who don't want to come that have problems, not the babies that come "too" quickly. If you labor that fast I would say you are an excellent candidate for homebirth. Good Luck!!
Aprilynne

[annethcz]

Most birth complications that occur can be successfully managed someone who is prepared to deal with them (be that a midwife or a well-read mama).

What are you afraid of? I'd suggest identifying your fears, and then reading up on how those complications are usually managed, both in the hospital and home setting. Educating yourself as to what to expect from a homebirth will be key.

Although there are a few complications which are better managed in a hospital setting, those issues occur infrequently. Most women who are well-educated as to the real risks and benefits of homebirth will choose to birth at home.

To combat your fear, you need to know what you are up against, and how those challenges can be managed/overcome.

[AngelBee]

To be honest I am afraid of still birth. I don't know anyone in real life who it has happened to. Reading here though in grief forum I think is tramatising me. I feel so for those mamas. I am scared if something happened I would blame myself because of having a homebirth.

I know logically that is silly, but that is what I really fear.

[famousmockngbrd]

I'm afraid of stillbirth, too. I don't know anyone IRL it has happened to, either. My midwife has delivered over 300 babies and she has never had one die. But I still worry about it.

The thing is, a lot more babies die in hospitals than at home. There are very few situations that can not be handled by an experienced, qualified midwife. The key is shifting away from a medical perspective of birth. Birth is a natural function of your body, like breathing or pooping, lol. Would you go to the hospital every time you had to poop, in case you got a bowel impaction? Or have an EMT standing by every time you had to eat, in case you choked? I know these are ridiculous examples, but you get the idea. Things do happen, but usually, they don't. Nine times out of ten, you get a healthy baby. And in the case of that tenth time, most often there are plenty of warning signs that something is wrong, plenty of time to get to the hospital. Very rarely do you just end up with a dead baby out of the blue.

For me, the statistics speak for themselves. My midwife has a 6% hospital transfer rate, with a 4% caesarean rate, and a 0% mortality rate. What hospital can say that? At the hospital, interventions are their specialty, that's what they are there for, and that's when you get into trouble. Labor inducing drugs can cause utering rupture, epidurals can give you a spinal headache lasting for weeks, if your labor doesn't "progress" according to their timetable you can end up with a caesarean and all the complications that go along with that, not to mention the problems all these things can cause in the newborn, i.e. breathing difficulty, lethargy, inability to nurse effectively, etc. etc. And all this is just the tip of the iceberg. When you go to the hospital, you are opening the door to all these things. Why stack the deck against yourself? Hospitals are for emergencies, not for normal labor and deliveries. Wouldn't it be nicer to have your baby in the comfort of your own house, where you can eat and drink what you want, when you want, labor in any position you choose, have the people you want to have there, and not have to deal with a parade of strangers coming in to poke and prod at you? Then after the baby is born you get to call all the shots, nobody comes to take your baby away, nobody comes into your room just as you've finally fallen asleep to check your blood pressure, you don't have to worry about some nurse sneaking your baby some formula or a pacifier...

OK, I'm rambling, but these are all the reasons I am choosing a homebirth. Good luck with your decision, whatever it is.

[famousmockngbrd]

One more thing - try to read some positive homebirth stories. There are lots of them out there. Ina May Gaskin's book (Guide to Childbirth) has a whole section of homebirth stories, they are fun to read. Stay out of the Grief and Loss forum! If you are reading nothing but tragic stories of loss, then yeah you are going to be afraid. The VAST majority of homebirths have a happy ending, go read some of those!

[sarajane]

I wanted to say that a mid-wife will not deliver you at home if she thinks anything will arise that she cannot handle there in your home. A mid-wife simply will not put you or your baby in that kind of danger. It is important to find someone you trust and are comfortable with. Talk to other women that have used her services. Find out about her track record. Chances are it is a great one.

My mid-wife would transfer me to the care of a doctor if anything came up that she couldn't fix or if she thought it unsafe for me to deliver at home. Their goal is for you to have a safe birth at home and they will do everything in their power to get that for you.

You do have to do your part. Do the things they say to do to take care of yourself. And it is of the utmost importance you be honest about everything so they can give you the best care possible.

I have to say that as far as prenatal care goes a mid-wife will always be the better choice in my opinion. They spend so much time with you. They WILL notice if anything out of the ordinary is going on in your pregnancy. And they are there for you all the time. I know I have emailed my mid-wife many times with questions and if anything urgent comes up I can call her at any time.