Boys & dresses/pink/long hair etc - Page 2

[NoraJadesMama]

nak

thanks everyone
great stories!

mamas of boys who've had long hair:
i'd love to hear descriptions of the hair style/cut. my son wants long hair with bangs, like his sister used to have. i'm trying to steer him toward growing it all out so his very haircut doesn't scream "GIRL" to everyone.

[oldcrunchymom]

Originally Posted by NoraJadesMama

mamas of boys who've had long hair:
i'd love to hear descriptions of the hair style/cut. my son wants long hair with bangs, like his sister used to have. i'm trying to steer him toward growing it all out so his very haircut doesn't scream "GIRL" to everyone.

You can see my son's hair here:

http://www.ghosts.org/annika/

It's longer than that in the back now but he does keep his bangs trimmed to just above his eyes because he doesn't like his hair in his face. It doesn't look girly at all, to me anyway. I think as long as it's "shaggy" it won't look that girlish.

[guest^]

There are far more important battles to pick with our dc then appearances!!

mp

(dh is a former punk-rocker...in highschool he would dress in pink,dye his hair orange,etc..he graduated #3 at the top of a class of 522 poeple. 4.0 in College. Professional cyclist for 13 years, now Art Director of an AD firm. He is good at everything he does,and is true to himself. He has worn pants only 5-10 times in the 18 yrs we've been together. Birks everyday. Never has worn a tie-except to our wedding-AND IT WAS A BRIGHT PINK BOWTIE!!!! :LOL )

[Embee]

Originally Posted by NoraJadesMama

mamas of boys who've had long hair:
i'd love to hear descriptions of the hair style/cut. my son wants long hair with bangs, like his sister used to have. i'm trying to steer him toward growing it all out so his very haircut doesn't scream "GIRL" to everyone.

I hear ya. DS's hair was an odessy from the start--started out long and just got longer. I was in the habit when he was a babe of keeping the bangs and the rest trimmed up (just easier) and then at about 18 months--2 years, it just started growing out. At that age, he wasn't about to let me cut more than I had to, but he wasn't thrilled with hair in his eyes so I kept the bangs trimmed and trimmed around the rest only once and awhile. It was definitely dutch boyish and CUTE, but then he was 2 so I think we got away with it. He was called a girl often however, and while now at the role play stage, I think he'd LOVE that, he was confused and maybe a little upset by it then. He asked me to cut his hair somewhere before 3 and now it grows out to varying degrees (we only manage to cut it a couple of times a year). He was actually planning on growing it long the last time (bangs and all) until I came home having had my long hair cut short. He then decided it was time for him to get a cut as well. As far as bangs vs. no bangs, I'm with you... and I know several boys who LOOK like boys who have their hair this way and they look darned adorable! If DS changes his mind back, I'd say more power to him. At least he's got beautiful hair. My just got long and well, stringy. :

Regards,
Em

[TiredX2]

mamas of boys who've had long hair:
i'd love to hear descriptions of the hair style/cut. my son wants long hair with bangs, like his sister used to have. i'm trying to steer him toward growing it all out so his very haircut doesn't scream "GIRL" to everyone.

DS had one length hair. He is currently growing it out again but since it is only about 1" long it will be a really long time!

That said, in some ways the bangs cut makes it more "boyish" because in that growing out stage you have to keep it off their face and how do you do that?.... well, clips and scrunchies of course, lol, which definately screams "girl"

[Alkenny]

My oldest DS used to dress up in dresses, had an Easy Bake oven, a Little Mermaid Barbie, asked for a dustbuster for Christmas one year, has grown his hair out (and then shaved it...and is growing it out again now)...oh! And he just LOVED his sister's Pocahontas jammies and wore them until they were holey.

He's almost 10, and though he doesn't dress in dresses anymore (he's what would be labeled a "jock")...he still loves to cook and run his dustbuster!

[Doodlebugsmom]

He's almost 10, and though he doesn't dress in dresses anymore (he's what would be labeled a "jock")...he still loves to cook and run his dustbuster!

That is so funny, and wonderful! :LOL

I also hate how girls are allowed, and often encouraged to be masculine. But somehow allowing our boys to be feminine "turns them gay". So sad. I think that allowing them to express themselves in that way will make them confident and successful.

[kathipaul]

I am going to answer this from a teacher's point of view and experience. It depends on where you live, who your son hangs out with, how good his self esteem his, who his friends are, etc. I used to teach in a school with mostly African American kids. There was one little white boy who had long curly hair, like to dress in girl's clothes and wear things like beaded necklaces and feather boas. African American boys tend to place a high value on masculinity and some of them teased this boy a lot. Some of the other white boys did, too. These were all fourth and fifth graders. His mom was in the office regularly to defend him and the teasers were constantly being reprimanded and had to do some lessons in respect. It did not really help. The mom eventually moved him to an alternative school in our city that is more arts oriented. I hear he is much happier and is around kids who also like to dress against the grain.

It would have been nice if the other boys had just let this little guy be himself but peer pressure is a nasty thing. It was better for the boy to be in an environment that promoted and supported acting artistically than in the more sports oriented environment in which I taught. On the other hand, I recently ran across a little person at the playground wearing pink pants, a yellow sweatshirt and having really great, long, blond curly hair with bangs. I told my dd to let the other girl go first and was told by the little guy that she was a he. We had a nice little talk about how my dd has short hair and was wearing navy at the time and gets mistaken for a boy sometimes. The little guy was about five and seemed quite used to this mistake and was really great about it. So, it really depends on the situation and the kid. However, as boys get older, especially as they approach middle school, peer pressure starts to set in and they get really nervous about their own masculinity. They show it, at times, by defending what they think is right and teasing anyone different. It is all a way of boosting their own self esteem. Mostly, they are not intending to be mean but they can be.

So, my advice is to just take it one day at a time and keep communicating with your little guy and just figure it out as you go. But, there will be teasing, especially as he gets older, so prep him for it and talk to his teachers and other parents and try to keep him in an environment that is supportive.

[NoraJadesMama]

hmm, interesting to hear the different perspectives on bangs.

lckrause: I agree that your boy looks like a boy with bangs. Do you sort of taper the cut as you move from the forehead to the ears, sort of like a curve? What my dd had was the straight bangs cut and then long hair going down on the sides; that seems avoidable.

As for how he keeps the hair out of his eyes, for now he sort of swoops it out of the way. He loves barrettes and hairbands but they don't stay in for long.

kathipaul: thank you for your stories. For now he's homeschooling and everyone's supportive. If he went to public school I'd live in fear; not sure what I'd do. Even so, there will still be times when he gets flack, I have no doubt. For now he seems pretty strong about it; the risks seem to be in balance with his ability to cope with them.

It's funny, he's "all boy" in so many ways. He is rough and tumble, loves trains, etc. But he has a fashion flair, what can he say? :LOL My dad calls him a linebacker in a dress.

btw there's a great mothering article on this topic:
http://www.mothering.com/articles/gr...blue_tutu.html
The author started a group called support our sons:
http://www.supportingoursons.org/misc/jobs.cfm

Not sure what road we're on but I'm along for the ride. Parenting is such an adventure.

[warriorprincess]

My sons- 2 1/2 and 8- tend to keeo their hair long. We just keep it one length- their rare haircuts ( once or twice a year) are with the neighbor's Flowbee. Since they tend to wear lots of Ren dress up, it works and still looks masculine enough for my dh. While it doesn't matter to me, dh is really strict on them not wearing girly stuff- they know there clothes they can only wear when dad's not home. The 2 yo actually loves his sister's dance wear, and plans to take ballet when he is 3 AND potty trained. (But, he will be in the "boy uniform" so dh is not complaining).

[oldcrunchymom]

Originally Posted by NoraJadesMama

lckrause: I agree that your boy looks like a boy with bangs. Do you sort of taper the cut as you move from the forehead to the ears, sort of like a curve?

Yup, that's exactly what I did. He hasn't let me cut his hair in almost a year though... decided the hairdresser was better at it. Imagine that! :LOL

[ktmama]

I'm just curious to think if any of you mama's dh's (if you're partnered with a man) would react/think differently than you. My dh is definitely more homophobic than me and can't help reacting (albeit quietly) when witnessing something homosexual. He would definitely label a boy dressing in "girl" clothes as homosexual. In theory he's not a homophobe (for example, he's pro gay marraige), but when it's "in his face" it's a different thing. Not to hijack the thread, but how much of this "accepting and supporting our sons" has to do with dealing with and confronting homophobia in their dads?

[Alkenny]

Kate, in our situation it's a little backwards from that. DH IS homophobic but it never bothered him when DS played dressup or carried his sister's purse or anything.

[terrarose]

Just checking in as another mama whose boy LOVES dresses. My 3 and a half year has wild blond curls, big blue eyes and loves wearing dresses, nylons, hair elastics and nail polish. He's gotten comments(mainly because he is so pretty, like, "See that beautiful little girl?) but he just laughs and says, "I'm a BOY!" and they don't know what to say! The only ones who really annoy me i my family(my folks and brother) but that's another story. I love that you bought him his own dress! So far dd's old ones have sufficed here but if he asked I buy him one too. This thread has me thinking, I wonder how many little "girls" in the grocery store actually aren't!

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by ktmama

I'm just curious to think if any of you mama's dh's (if you're partnered with a man) would react/think differently than you.

Dh has no problem with it. Neither of us sees this as an indication of homosexuality, although we're certainly aware of the fact that our kids could be gay, straight or bi. It wouldn't matter.

My parents have said some stuff to the boys about certain things being "for girls" or that they look like girls, but I think we've done okay at counteracting that.

[shanleysmama]

My DS turned 4 last week and has long hair. It's cut in a mullet that has grown out (he hates to get his hair cut but I needed it out of his eyes). Here's a pic from last week:

http://pic3.picturetrail.com/VOL18/6...0/86696064.jpg

and here he is before Christmas:

http://pic3.picturetrail.com/VOL18/6...0/84208389.jpg

DS gets called a girl all the time, no matter what he's wearing. He replies "no I'm a boy with lots of hair!" It's past his shoulder blades in back and was longer but once he experimented with scissors and cut about 4" off.

He doesn't care about the colors of his shoes or clothes and will confiscate DD's roller skates and galoshes with Barbie on them (hey, I got them cheap at a thrift, LOL). He has worn DD's princess play-dresses and fairy wings, but he loves Buzz Lightyear too. He wanted a doll for Christmas and we got him one but now he won't play with it. He insists on getting his toenails polished when DD and I do ours. He loves to wear playsilks, and now I have one with flowers on it so he puts it on and calls himself "Flower Boy". DH freaks out that DS will "turn gay" if I don't cut his hair soon and keep him out of the flower cape. I told DH to get a grip on himself and get over it, LOL. He says I'll have to cut DS's hair before he goes to school, I say "only if he goes to private school and they insist on it. Otherwise no way." DH hates it everytime someone calls DS a girl, I say it's not my fault they judge him solely on his hair length. Same thing happened to DD when she was a bald baby for 2 years - everyone called her a boy, even when she was dressed all in pink!

[youngermom]

Hi,
My ds is only 6 mo. so I havn't had to deal with any of these issues, but my 7 yr old nephew definetly exibits many of the traits we are discussing. He is not into dresses, but loves to wear bright colors & cute tops, shorts, & pants. His hair is longer than most girls. He says he wants to grow it to his waist, & I think it will get there within a year. My sister has taken a very supportive approach. She lets him dress very unisex, but lets him know when he has crossed the line. Actually it really doesn't matter what he wears because he is so cute, & with his long hair (with rounded bangs) he is ALWAYS mistaken for a girl. It doesn't bother him, he just smiles. My only real concern is his hair. He seems to be obsessed with it. It is a beautiful blonde with waves & some curl at his ends. He spends hours a day just brushing & playing with it. I worry about him because he doesn't have any other interests. He says he wants to become a stylist. Oh well, it could be worse. He is a great kid; maybe he'll grow out of it. Thanks for listening.

Deb

[Embee]

Originally Posted by NoraJadesMama

It's funny, he's "all boy" in so many ways. He is rough and tumble, loves trains, etc. But he has a fashion flair, what can he say? :LOL My dad calls him a linebacker in a dress.

This is our little guy as well. Loves his trucks, trains, but is not at all uncomfortable in a dress and wide brim hat. He adores dinosaur encyclodedias, but also loves Madeline story books. Well rounded at age 4. One can only hope it becomes a way of life for him. For now, by allowing him to be who he is in the moment he's in, I'm reasonably certain he's at least 50% more better off emotionally than I was growing up.

The best,
Em

[jennifera]

My 6 year old Boy/Girl Twins get

mistaken for identical twin sisters almost all the time, It does not matter if my son is dressed in boys clothes, As i said in my original post, My sons hair is the same length and color, And their voices are very simular, If i am doing something and not looking at them and one of them says something to me, I actually have to turn around to see which one was talking to me.

It was chilly out this past Sunday, The kids were bored because they were stuck in the house, So they decided to play dressup, (Some of the clothes that i have for both my son and daughter are doubles, Because when we go out and they get dirty, I can change their clothes and no one else knows that i changed their clothes) They both came out of my daughters room dressed identically, they were in a pink sweater and pink pants, They both had on a pair of white tights and black mary janes, My daughter put my sons hair in pigtails held in place with pink ribbons with 2 barrettes with pink bows in his hair, He looked so cute, My daughters hair was done the same way, When i saw them, I have to admit that they did look like identical twin sisters.

I forgot that we had to go to my neices 6 year old sons birthday party at a local duckpin (small balls) bowling alley, When i saw the time, I told my son to go get changed into his own clothes,(we really did not know any of the other kids that were going to be there) What he said next surprised me, He said that since he looked just like his sister, He wanted to switch places with his sister, he would go as her and she would go as her brother, My daughter did not mind that, So my daughter got changed into her brothers clothes and before we left, I reminded them that since they were going as each other, They would have to answer to each others names, They said ok.

When we got there, I took their coats (Like alot of girls these days, My daughter has a pink winter jacket, Which means my son was wearing his sisters winter jacket) from them and hung them up and they both started playing with the other kids including bowling, We were there for a little over 2 hours and to my knowledge no one including my neice and sister knew that my son and daughter were wearing each others clothes.

When it was time for the kids to go to bed, I started putting one of my daughters nitegowns on who i thought was my daughter, But come to find out it was my son, I even forgot that it was my son wearing his sisters clothes since he looks exactly like his sister.

[TiredX2]

:

How funny.

Sometimes DS dresses up as "Little DD" (wears a 3/4 length shirt of hers, pants she has outgrown and her socks and panties). :LOL We went skating and I mentioned that and my friend said, "Oh I thought he just liked Strawberry Shortcake." We've really broken them in on non gender based appearance.