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Boys & dresses/pink/long hair etc - Page 3

post #41 of 99
As many of you know, my boys are older but they have always loved their long hair (shoulder length and growing LOOOONGER!). They also have always enjoyed wearing so-called "girly" things: make-up, fingernail polish, toenail polish, lipstick, earrings etc. They have shown NO signs of outgrowing this, I am happy to say, and my bf and I encourage it. They are both ALL BOY in their behavior....they just love girl things. We let them shop in the girl sections of stores and they love to get pink blouses, bell bottom jeans with flowers, etc. They wear boy things as well, but they have NO PROBLEM with wearing girls' things alot. I had a new baby in February (also a boy) and we have decided that he is going to grow up from the start not having to worry about gender issues, so we bought him both boy and girl baby clothes and plan to keep doing so as he grows up. He will be in dresses some of the time, he will have long hair, panties, earrings, frilly shirts, and PINK, PINK, PINK !!! We won't limit him in what he wants at all. Our goal is that he grow up being completely comfortable in girls' clothing as well as boys' stuff.
post #42 of 99
CONGRATULATIONS SHANN!!!!!!!!!

post #43 of 99
MamaFern, I am courious, When you dress your son in pink, do you also put either pink barrettes or pink bows in his hair, With his hair the way it is, I think he would look cute with pink bows in his hair. Also when you take your son out in public dressed in girls clothes, What kind of clothes you do put on him.[/QUOTE]

:LOL

he doesnt uaually like anything in his hair except a ponytail or pigtails sometimes..

i put him in whatever he feels like wearing. a pink t shirt and yellow pants, or a dress with flowers, or shorts and a t-shirt and whatever. some days he picks boyish stuff, other days not.

if you look on the link you can see what stuff he wears. there are lots of everyday dress pics in there.. and one dress up one
post #44 of 99
Mamafern - little Elwynn is beautiful! Wow!

Also, how did you make those nifty wooly striped pants? Those are wicked!
post #45 of 99
I am so impressed with how open you mamas all are! I have 3 boys. My oldest used to like to wear anything silky. He loved to wear my silky night gowns around. He has since grown out of this, and now says things about pink being a girls color or dolls being girls stuff . (thankfully he still likes to go clothes shopping wiht me and pick out my clothes, since he has much better fashion sense than I do!) I hate this. Neither my husband or I feel or act this way. He started it when he went to school. Now his 4 year old brother says similar things! Growing up, my mom was a real feminist and I learned about all the ways girls are pressaured into being things they are not, but now that I have 3 boys I realize how difficult and pressured boys are as well! For goodness sake, it is costumary to cut off part of boys sexual organs! (none of my boys are circumcized!)
post #46 of 99
Ds has been raised with as little gender role stereotyping as possible. His first exposure to things being "for girls" and "for boys" was from the neighbor kids last summer he's still really confused over it, I think.

I'm curious what "all boy" means and why it's such an important qualifier when little boys dress in traditionally feminine ways.
post #47 of 99
Well, as some of you know, my son is a total flamer nd wants to wear pink dresses and necklaces and is at the same time very aggressive and "masculine" to many people. We are totally cool with it. Ilet him pick out his own new clothes at x-mas (2.5 yo) and he went right for the 'girls' clothing and got rainbow stripped pants and a pair of hot pink cords with rhinestone buttons.

I will not be an agent of gender oppression in my child's life even if I know others will do it. Protecting them from it seems misguided. I would not protect them from other things by becoming the oppressor.

PS. On the hair thing some of you might remember my quest for 'boy barettes'. I am into a more genderqueer look for my ds - I like to get him to pair the girly hings he is into with less traditionally girly things and heighten he challenge to everyone else's gender issues. So, I couldn't find any but I made some and they are SO cool! They are little clips with frogs and cars and basketballs and dinos and a wrench, etc on them.
post #48 of 99
I usually let my dc wear whatever they want and my son sometimes wears "fem" clothes and generally has his toe nails painted. I don't think he tells the kids at school about his nail polish because he has caught a lot of flack from adults on that even though I have made it clear that he is my son and can do that if he wants. I don't mind when he wears "fem" clothes in public and I don't mind when he goes to the supermarket in full superhero regalia (makeup and everything) but it really bugs me when he wears his shirts tucked in. He has it drilled into his head that shirts should be tucked in (has to wear button collar shirts and khakis to school-tucked in) and gets upset when I suggest he be more casual. I am trying to get over this now, maybe I need to join a "let them be who they are" support group with the homophobe parents.
post #49 of 99
Kids are wonderful at expressing themselves through clothing. Its refreshing to see other moms who respect and support their childrens fashion choices.
post #50 of 99
Girlndocs, what I meant by "all boy" was that they are into the "more traditional" (a term I hate) boy roles of rough housing, etc. I didn't mean it in any negative or gender defining way.
post #51 of 99
I'm late to this thread but wanted to just chime in that my son went through this too - dresses, I mean. He has also had long hair a LOT over the years, up until he was about 8 (??) It's been short since then but often not his natural color. Right now it's buzzed except for bangs. Anyway... the dresses were hard in public. Between that and long hair, he definitely looked like a girl to people. I remember one little girl at a playground who wouldn't believe us or him that he was actually a boy - like she'd know better! That's how firmly planted the gender cues are...

also, there is an article about this from the Wears The Baby "Feminist Mama" column - here: http://www.wearsthebaby.com/articles...tingissues.htm

well shoot, editing to say - I can't find the article! I'll email and see where it went.
post #52 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by benjalo
Between that and long hair, he definitely looked like a girl to people. I remember one little girl at a playground who wouldn't believe us or him that he was actually a boy - like she'd know better! That's how firmly planted the gender cues are...


We were on a field trip w/DD's preschool class and a little boy said, "Look, that little girl has a penis," because of DS's long hair. :LOL He just COULD NOT get it (even though he, himself had long hair as a toddler according to his mother).
post #53 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by swimmin_mama
Mamafern - little Elwynn is beautiful! Wow!

Also, how did you make those nifty wooly striped pants? Those are wicked!
yep! they are made of a sweater they dont fit anymore though! im saving them for the next baby now

i have also had people who dont believe me that elwynn is a boy, but really, who cares.. its not my problem what other people want to believe or think...
post #54 of 99
My boy loved pink, and flouncy dresses, and colorful stockings with the crotch cut out. His hair had never been cut and was down to his behind. He even wanted to wear his pink, flowery dress to the playground in Central Park sometimes- and, though I was privately worried about teasing, it was fine. Once, when he was running through the fountains naked, a teenage girl came up and asked if he was a girl! (long hair). He also made a tie and liked to wear that sometimes. At 3, he told me he loved pink because, when he was inside me, everything was pink.

Then, at six, he wanted short hair. We cut it. Now he wears button up shirts (insists on ironing) and ties and a tuxedo jacket. He accepted a beautiful, formal dress someone offered him eagerly, but does not put it on (though it may be because its not comftarble without a slip).
post #55 of 99
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post #56 of 99
When my ds was 2 he was in love with a purple sequined dress at his school. He wore it for months. He loves to play with his sisters dress up clothes. I used to put nail polish on him if he asked and hair clips in his hair when he wanted. He took *gasp* ballet from ages 3-5 and he would love to start taking it again (I am trying to find a class that fits with our schedule). He loves to make neckalce and wear them.

He is 7 now and quite mortified when I tell the purple dress story. He still loves making jewelry and playing with his sisters' dress up on occasion.

I don't care what he wears so long as he is happy. I will talk about what other people may do or say if he dresses a certain way out of the house and he can make his own decisions.
post #57 of 99
Thread Starter 
It's fun to see this thread revived.

My update is that my son has had long hair for a while (he got it cut this summer on a whim and is now growing it long once again), and occasionally goes out in one of his dresses, and when picking out a new sweatshirt for him this summer I took a deep breath and bought the one I knew he would fall in love with (hot pink). And his sister gave him her red sparkly shoes, and he likes to show them off (they match his red spiderman t-shirt! :LOL )

So we're definitely going with his flow. But the interesting thing is that it's been a remarkably uneventful few months. Hardly anyone has said anything. Some people definitely assume he's a girl, but they're polite if I correct them, and he doesn't mind, he is not insulted by being associated with femaleness (never having been exposed to sexism).

It helps a lot that we're homeschooling, so he's not exposed to 100 kids a day. But even the kids who think boys should never wear dresses have figured out that he does (and is unapologetic about it!) and so they hardly seem to notice any more. Ha! I'm so pleased to see it become a non-event, at least so far.

One girl was grinning about how he likes clothes from the girl section, and I pointed out that the girl section has more pretty colors, that he likes, and she said, yeah, she has to go to the boy's section if she wants a dragon on her shirt, because those are never available in the girls' section. EXACTLY.

Has anyone's boy suffered negative consequences for wearing girl-designated stuff?
post #58 of 99
You have just described my oldest. His favorite color for years was pink. I was so sad when he changed it to red. (He was only 3 at the time but very conscious of others and had been getting a lot of comments.) He's had pink shoes, a leotard and a tutu. Nothing like seeing a guy pushing a dump truck in a princess dress :LOL! My husband will paint my son's nails and tie on the playsilks to make him a princess. All my inlaws are horrified - and they don't know half of what he does. He slings his stuffed animals. We've bought a play kitchen, slings, strollers, trucks, and balls. I hate when toys are classified as "boys" or "girls" - toys are toys. Kids play with them. When he isn't pretending to be a princess, he's pretending to be a pirate.


I think it's sad that girls can now play soccer, climb trees, wear blue, dress in pants (well I think all of that is great actually) but that boys - and men - aren't given the same flexibility or ability to explore. Girls can wear blue but boys are made fun of for pink (or pastels in general). Girls can play soccer or hockey, but it's still seen as strange by many for boys to dance ballet.

We have always worried because our son is so sensitive. We wanted him to be able to do what he wanted, play and explore but we didn't want to see him crushed. When he was 4 we started telling him that he could do X but to be prepared because that wasn't usually done and people might say something. I like the "some people are that way" - we haven't emphasized that it's their problem, not his, strongly enough.
post #59 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthroMama
Well, as some of you know, my son is a total flamer nd wants to wear pink dresses and necklaces and is at the same time very aggressive and "masculine" to many people. We are totally cool with it. Ilet him pick out his own new clothes at x-mas (2.5 yo) and he went right for the 'girls' clothing and got rainbow stripped pants and a pair of hot pink cords with rhinestone buttons.

I will not be an agent of gender oppression in my child's life even if I know others will do it. Protecting them from it seems misguided. I would not protect them from other things by becoming the oppressor.

PS. On the hair thing some of you might remember my quest for 'boy barettes'. I am into a more genderqueer look for my ds - I like to get him to pair the girly hings he is into with less traditionally girly things and heighten he challenge to everyone else's gender issues. So, I couldn't find any but I made some and they are SO cool! They are little clips with frogs and cars and basketballs and dinos and a wrench, etc on them.
(My son has pink bellbottoms with embroidered flowers he picked out himself! ) Got photos of the barettes? They sound fabulous.
post #60 of 99
Hey all,

I too was happy to see the thread revived! Still living a pretty balanced life over here. DS continues tol adore his trains and dinosaurs, but he also spends a great deal of time dressed as Pippi Longstocking--braids, stockings, dress and all. He's determined to grow out the hair and its getting pretty long. He's back to being called a girl about 50% of the time by strangers, and usually appreciates it because that who he is pretending to be.

Here's a thing I wonder about. DS likes to pretend to be people he knows. In particular girls he's quite taken with ("Mom, I have a crush on Robin"). He falls for them and before I know it, he BECOMES them. This week its a friend's daughter who is sweet, sweet sweet (she's 7 going on 8--he's got a thing for 7 year olds)! I can always tell when he has "a crush." He loses the dinosaur persona, becomes quiet, sullen even and all cuddly with me, and shy. At any rate, he followed this deary all around the beach and when we got home sure enough, he asked me to find him a red striped shirt and some "girl undies" which is what she was wearing at the shore. So he has "a crush" and then a need to also BE them. He's like this with everything though, its how he learns about something... he BECOMES whatever *it* is. Today, he's been a bunny, a kangaroo, an opossom... and those are just the ones I remember. Everyday, its one thing after another and most nights, he even sleeps "in constume." Its adorable, but exhausting!

Anyone out there have a round the clock role player, cassanova combo?

The best,
Em
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