Dh and Homebirth questions

[Anguschick1]

So before dh will even think about going to a seminar about homebirth (put on by the practice that would be at the homebirth) he has "serious reservations." :

His two major reservations? We have two dogs (german shepard and black lab) hence dog hair all over the house - "That can't be good for the baby." I think as long as I don't roll the baby in the dog hair it wouldn't be an issue.

Our bath tub is too hard to get out of and we don't have room for a birthtub. (We do.)

So - how big are birth tubs?

Any links regarding how home germs are better than hospital germs?

Any big pans I can borrow to hit him on the head? He's being such a DORK about this. All I'm asking is for him to go to the seminar w/an open mind. Then we'll talk about a homebirth.

[crayon]

Wow- we have dog hair and cat hair and no working bath tub :LOL and a homebirth waiting to happen any time! My DH is way more into homebirth than even I- if one can imagine. He even talked about being a MW but thought no one would hire a man! I dont know of any stats, but I will put DH on it- he loves stats! I love the idea of a HB seminar- my MW and I have been trying to figure something out to do, and I think that would be perfect! Great idea!

I know I am no help... Maybe he needs to talk to dads that are really supportive of HB and find out why..

[mommyto2]

Is he seriously concerned or just finding excuses? Is he afraid of homebirth? The baby will be around dog hair as soon as s/he comes home anyway, so why the concern? And what about the pool? You don't need a birth tub to have a homebirth. It isn't mandatory. We are setting up a pool in case we want to use it, but not all homebirths are in water!! He sounds like he is just scared.
There have to be men around he can talk to... He can always call my dh. He thinks there is no other way!!!

[alegna]

Sometimes those DHs can be so silly.... We don't have dog fur, but we have cat hair and ferret fur out the wazoo And we made room in the living room for a pool. No biggie. If you think talking to a pro-homebirth male will help I'm glad to offer up my dh too

-Angela

[Anguschick1]

I thought his reasons were pretty goofy/silly/stupid too (but OF COURSE I didn't say that in tone or words). I asked him if he had any other concerns and he mentioned that he didn't think we'd like the hospital we'd transfer to. We'd find out the practice's transfer rate at this seminar, so for right now I'm just looking to getting him to attend that w/the ultimate goal of a homebirth.

Would your husbands mind writing a paragraph or something that just explains how they felt prior to the birth and then after? Dh isn't big on talking w/"strangers" but I think if he "heard" from them first, then he might be more likely to call somebody up or talk to me about his real fears. Thank you.

Ds's birth was highly medicalized and intervention-laden and I think him sitting down and talking to someone/going to this seminar will put him on the path towards homebirth excitement/agreement.

Thanks again for all your help!

[amyjeans]

my dh would be more than happy to discuss it also.
As far as the tub is concerned? Who says you will be in there anyway giving birth? You may wind up on your bed, or leaning over your sink, or sitting on the edge of a recliner!
I gave birth in a regular tub, without any water- just because I was there at the time she was born. We thought she would be born in bed! (ha ha)
And oh, btw- I am a biiiiig girl. So getting into the tub for me was a feat unto itself!

What I think is that if he was truly against it- he would just shut you down and not even discuss it. He probably wouldn't even express any concerns.

Congratulations on getting this far!

Just keep cool and know you feel what you are going to do is the right thing for you and your baby.

keep us posted mama!

[amyjeans]

http://www.gentlebirth.org/format/myths.html
here's a great place for you i think!

[KariM]

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[SharonAnne]

I had never even considered a homebirth; didn't even know it was still an option; till my best friend told me she was having one. My immediate reaction was to spin around and tell my husband, "OMG Lianne's having a HOME BIRTH!" with this shocked look on my face that made it perfectly clear that I thought the best and proper place to give birth was strapped to a bed in Somerset Medical Center. Period.

Well, Lianne is not a moron, and I know this. If she were, we wouldn't be friends. She's also a compulsive researcher. So, I researched some myself; talked to her a ton; and borrowed A Thinking Woman's Guide to Birth from her. As I learned more things, I shared them with DH. When I read something particularly striking, I'd CALL HIM at WORK and tell him, "OMG did you know that...." :LOL

So, he did none of the research and got all of the facts. And when I said "I think I'd like a homebirth", he didn't even blink. He still had some questions, and we addressed them together. And then, we met with a MW practice here, and he was totally sold. In fact, he wants to deliver the baby (Under MW supervision )

Facts, facts, facts. Beat him over the head with FACTS, not pans :LOL (Although I have a great cast iron skillet that works wonders if you do wanna borrow it)

I found a ton of the facts that convinced me and my husband in A Thinking Woman's Guide to Birth. (or Giving Birth? can't remember now; maybe someone else can back me up with the author's name and REAL title of the book :LOL)

HTH!! GL!!

[jraohc]

I think you already have lots of great answers, but I'll add mine as well.

Regarding the dog hair - it'll still be there when the baby gets home from a non-home-birth, therefore why would it be a problem?

Regarding the tub - a tub isn't a birthing requirement. Also, maybe you could get one of those inflatable pools and tell him that baby will be able to use it next summer!

[Boof]

Um.... he wants questions answered *before* he goes to a HB seminar? Wouldn't his questions be answered there?


Good Luck!


Beth

[sarajane]

The dog thing.....silly.....I mean you are around the dogs now right? And the baby will be around them when yall get home. And not having room for a tub? Well, you can make room. Move somthing out of the way. They aren't that big. I'm just using a kiddie pool and we don't have much room around here at all! "serious reservations" When I read that I thought you were gonna say he was worried about the baby dying or something drastic like that, if those are his "major" reservations.......

I think hitting him with facts will do alot for him. There are plenty of facts out there that show how safe and wonderful homebirth is. My DH was convinced years ago when I was reading birth stories of women who had home and hospital births. Just their comparisons of the two convinced him. He didn't even need facts, LOL. He has only become more and more convinced since then. Sounds kinda like he just doesn't like the idea for some reason....I say drag him to the seminar.

[theelfqueen]

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer (the book Sharon Anne referenced but couldn't think of the details on)

[FrumDoula]

Ya know, I'm not sure if it's all about bombarding a man with facts, although that certainly helps for some men.

Sometimes it's about addressing a man's deepest fear about childbirth, which is that his wife will die. Culturally, we come from a place where our society used to lost women frequently after childbirth from infection, etc, and that ingrained itself heavily in our collective memories.

Even my husband, who is a respiratory therapist, has seen tons of birth, believes in my ability to birth, buys into homebirth, the whole nine yards, is still scared that I will be hurt in childbirth. It's a normal and natural fear, given where our culture is on this whole issue.

It's not easy being a man and watching your wife/partner/lady go through this stuff. You can feel so powerless ....

Alison