How do I wean him?

[nym]

My toddler is 18 months old. I am 29 weeks pregnant and am not physically, emotionally, or mentally able to tandem nurse. My toddler nurses to sleep, for naps, when he wakes up, an sometimes during the night to go back to sleep. For quite a while he didn't need to nurse to go back to sleep in the middle of the night, but since I have started placing restrictions on nursing (for a count to ten or until I feel wigged out) he has been nursing more.
I have no milk, just colostrum, he won't even swallow that. He just does the comfort sucking, which drives me nuts.
He eats a ton, a lot, but is really small.

I have been trying to cut out nursing (not that he nurses much) but it seems to make him very upset, and he cries. Usually he would sleep through to the morning, but has now been waking up at 5 (when 8 is usual) and wanting to nurse and nurse and nurse. When I take the boob away he will cry and nothing will satisfy him. Except getting up. I'm a single mama, I'm freaking tired!

So, I think just plain going cold turkey is the way to do it. I can't deal with this anymore. I feel so badly for him, but this is the best for both of us. I don't know how to do it though..

Does anyone have any advice? (Other than telling me not to wean, because that isn't what I want, thanks)

[cmb123]

Cold turkey might be hard on the little guy. Would you be open to dropping a few here and there until they are all gone over a period of a few weeks or a month? That may feel more gentle to him.
That early morning nursing might get you some more sleep, but then give up a few during the day (distraction, substitution etc...) ?
Also, I know for my kids talking to them about it really helps. I know he's little, but he will understand some of it. One of the keys to this is to talk about it at times OTHER than when your in the middle of saying "no". For instance at lunch time you can talk about how you will be reading a book at naptime then going to sleep, not nursing ( just an example obviously, I don't know what your routine is...).

[nym]

He only nurses to sleep for a nap, at bedtime, and sometimes in the morning. He doesn't nurse during the day. I have been trying to slowely cut back, mostly the length of time he nurses. It is just making him want to nurse more.

[cmb123]

Hmm, not much to cut out slowly then eh?
Is there any kind of replacement that works with him?

Do you have a partner? Women I know who have had to do this for whatever reason have enlisted their partners to take over at the usual nursing times for a period of weeks or months. One Mom I know would go "out" every night before bedtime (she really just went out the front door, then back in through the downstairs). Dad had to deal with bed time, and overnight wakings for a while but it worked. Another Mom slept on the couch for a month ( they were doing family bed, wanted to wean from nursing, but not from co-sleeping so she wanted her ds to learn to be able to be in bed with them but not nurse). Takes definate cooperation on the partners part, but hey...

[OTMomma]

I did agressive weaning with dd a couple of times due to medical issues- we ended up returning to nursing after my issues passed. So here are some of the things I did that worked for us, try whatever sounds good to you.

First I explained to dd that my boobs just couldn't nurse so much anymore. I then decided on my plan- mine was to cut out the night and morning nurse first, so I would nurse dd briefly to sleep, and when she woke I just refused to nurse and told her the boobs were asleep. She cried a lot, I held her and comforted her, rocked her, and gave her a drink of water- we never let her get up or play or watch TV to distract her- she eventually went back to sleep. The morning nurse was cut by me getting up promptly in the AM and fixing dd breakfast immediately. After a couple of days of that I went to cutting day time nursing and telling dd we only nursed to sleep. I then cut nursing to sleep by starting a new bed time ritual (we didn't really have a ritual aside from nursing before then)- so her routine was to put on PJs, brush teeth, pee (we were ec at the time) and lie down with us. I then would make up a nice story with lots of details and talk until she fell asleep while she laid in my arms. Actually, my dh had to help some with all of this, and I feel for you doing it on your own. Anyway, I weaned her twice in about a week each time. One other thing that helped was traveling during one of the weanings, because we were in a different place, she didn't assosciate nursing with a chair I would sit in or anything like that.

I will also share that after the second time I did this, dd started asking for bottles (she would never take one as an infant). Anyway, I did allow her to have one when she asked, as I figured it may give her the sucking she needed. My personal rule was she could only have milk (cow or soy) in the bottle, because milk is all I would have given her in it as a baby. And I felt like she needed the extra protien. I know I'm going against almost everyone out there on this- but I don't see a bottle as a big deal. And there were times we offered her one during times she had previously nursed, because she was acting stressed. It seemed to help her. We didn't make it a habbit, and its not a big deal at our house.

Good luck to you. I hope some of this give you some ideas. Being a mom is hard work, we all just do the best we can.

[bethwl]

My question is how to do you cut out the nursings when not nursing produces tantrum-quality results? If I refuse to nurse when dd (also 18 mos) wants to she cries, arches her back, pulls violently at my shirt. If I offer a cup, she swats it away hard. So it's very hard for me to hold her and try to to soothe her in this state. I don't even need to wean her fast. But I would like to wean her by age 2. We want to ttc the second next winter and I want have my boobs to myself for a while before getting pregnant, and I, too, do not wish to tandem nurse.

I'm just frustrated about how to say no without her being so miserable about it.

[OTMomma]

Personally, I always nursed dd if she cried for it, except for under extreem conditions (my medical issues). I always felt that if she was crying, then she really felt she needed to nurse and I wanted to meet her needs. The trick to cutting back, and avoiding times when she thought she was supposed to nurse. So I had to recognize that she thought 2PM every day was nurse break time, and I would plan to give her a snack at 1:50, I wouldn't sit in our nursing chair and I often tried to be out of the house.

Bethwl, your dd is just 18 months and you have 6 months before your weaning goal. Your dd may naturally loose interest in nursing over the next 6 months. I would just work from the "don't offer, don't refuse" position for a while. And like I said, you can try to aviod things that make her want to nurse more. You can always be more agressive 5 months from now.

[bethwl]

Yes, I guess a lot can change in six months. We may try to nightwean, because I think that would go a long way to making daytime nursing more pleasant for me. I might nurse her once at night and then go sleep in another room for the rest of the night and then eventually not nurse after she is asleep at all. We also cosleep most of the night, so it's been very hard to try to decrease the night nursing.

[marieangela]

I am interested in replies to this thread, too. My ds is just over two and I'm 11 weeks pregnant. I'm a bit iffy on the whole thing, but I'm leaning towards having him wean before the baby comes rather than tandem nursing. Mostly, though, I've just been wishing rather than doing anything. He also just nurses to sleep, when he wakes up in the morning and before and after his nap (and sometimes to get back to sleep during the night). I've managed to avoid the nursing down for a nap by being at work three days a week and trying to be out and have him fall asleep in the car when I can. Every once in a while I can distract him when he wakes up to avoid nursing. Usually though, I'm just waking up when he is and I'm too tired to be creative or motivated enough. A lot of it comes down to being tired. He wants his "meh!" to fall asleep and when he wakes up and it is often just too much for me to not give it to him. My dh works late and a lot and has no luck getting ds to sleep. My dad gets him to sleep for naps while I work, but I can't ask him to come over every night around 10pm to help out! I can certainly see how tough it would be without a partner, as mine is not around much at all. I'm hoping my supply/taste will change soon if hasn't already and that ds will care! I'm afraid it won't phase him. Sorry to hijack this thread a bit, but had to get that out.