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should women unwilling to breastfeed rather not have children? - Page 5

Poll Results: should a woman totally unwilling to breastfeed rather not have children?

 
  • 19% (53)
    yes, she shouldn't
  • 44% (120)
    no, I don't think so
  • 35% (95)
    don't know,depends on her reasons
268 Total Votes  
post #81 of 228
ewwwww! THAT was in your browser? Time to clean that computer up!


(ok, now someone jump in to defend it. I know it's coming.)
post #82 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelBee

And what is all this bull about lack of support and lack of education. Talk about pointing fingers! I DID NOT have support when I was a single mom to ds1. I still bf. I educated MYSELF about my choices. That is my responsibility as a mother.

What support do you really need??? You want someone to hold your shirt up for you and sing kumbya around the booby! We are adults. We shouldn't need others to constantly comfort us about our choices.
I have to respectfully disagree.

I think a lack of support is a HUGE reason why most women don't bf, and why those who do don't go very long. When doctors are woefully uneducated and unsupportive, hospitals keep babies from mommas, give formula without consent, when mothers who need pumps can't afford to rent or buy them, then yes, a lack of support is a problem.

My baby is bf today, going strong at 14 mos because I had a lc who loan me a hospital grade pump for free when dh lost his job, and a total stranger sent me a PIS by mail. We had abosutely ZERO money to pay for a PIS, and rental. WIC wasn't willing to give me one, and my health insurance wouldn't pay.

My mom kept trying to give her formula.

My ped wanted me to give her formula.

The hospital insisted on giving her formula.

I'm damned stubborn, but without the support of my very bf positive dh and friends, I don't know if we'd do as well as we did.

Our society insists that breasts are sexual, that nip is shameful, dirty, and wrong. We insist that women not pump, that they don't get adwquate leave from work.

We set women up to fail as a society. It's a wonder more don't.

To thank those people who reached out and helped me, I am taking a bf counselor course so I can help other mothers. I think that may go a long way towards helping.
post #83 of 228
There is a difference between being selfish and being a selfless martyr. No, one decision does not make somebody a bad parent, but that wasn't the original question.

I just don't understand how it is okay to make a decision that increases the baby's risk of leukemia and female cancers, asthma, obesity, allergies, ear infections, etc. No one answered my earlier question if it is okay for parents to do other things that dramatically raise the risk of these potentially serious illnesses. Yes, some risks are unavoidable, but shouldn't we as parents keep our children as safe as possible and give them the best?
post #84 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa
There is a difference between being selfish and being a selfless martyr. No, one decision does not make somebody a bad parent, but that wasn't the original question.

I just don't understand how it is okay to make a decision that increases the baby's risk of leukemia and female cancers, asthma, obesity, allergies, ear infections, etc. No one answered my earlier question if it is okay for parents to do other things that dramatically raise the risk of these potentially serious illnesses. Yes, some risks are unavoidable, but shouldn't we as parents keep our children as safe as possible and give them the best?
post #85 of 228
I am the mother to three wonderful children. I did not breastfeed the first two at all. I knew the facts, I had family and friends that would have gladly supported me, there was no medical or emotional reason not to, I just chose not to.

With my third I chose to breastfeed, thanks in part to a friend from here (Hi Keri!). I'm so glad that I breastfed her, and if Mr. Right comes into my life and I have more babies, I would definitely breastfeed them as well.

I don't know if I can explain this clearly, but I don't regret not breastfeeding the first two - I made the decision that was right for me at that time, and I have no regrets - but I do wish I had breastfed them. Does that make any sense at all?

I DO NOT believe that not breastfeeding makes me a bad mom to those two kids, or a better mom to the third - I am a great mom to all three!
post #86 of 228
"Should women unwilling to breastfeed rather not have children?"

This was the original question, correct?

I couldn't possibly vote yes - what if the Mother unwilling to breastfeed changes her mind? What if she decides to breastfeed after the birth of her child? What if like mmace and others she doesn't with the first, maybe not the second but the third or fourth?

These are the problems with trying to tell others what they should do, even with something as important as how you feed your baby. Of course we should try and do what is best for OUR children. I just don't think it's wise to start dictating what others do with THEIR children.

You can teach much better with patience and compassion.
post #87 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
I am not saying ALL women that don't breastfeed do this, it's the attitude that bothers me.
That's exactly how I feel. If you don't want to take the time to raise a child in a loving and caring manor and give them the best possible, then why have kids? If you can't be bothered to put in some effort I don't think you should have kids because it takes a lot of effort to raise them up right. I chose #3.
post #88 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by my~hearts~light
Here is the problem with this thread! That is not what you asked originally or what you polled on. This is baiting and very much against what MDC stands for. Breast is best. Period.

Now, should a woman refrain from concieving a child she has no intention to feed? Yes, absolutely.

You forget so easily that FF is not a second choice but according to the WHO it is the 4th best choice. 4th!

This my be the norm and certainly an option in the US but look at primitive cultures and ask this question again.

Without the use of formula, as a 4th choice, it goes like this;

"should women who will choose not to feed their babies refrain from having children at all?"

That does sound a bit stupid now doesn't it?

The answer is crystal clear.

You are not asking if it's ok not to breastfeed, your asking if it's ok to just give the kid a bottle of formula if you don't want to breastfeed. IMO, it's certainly not.

It serves no one but enfamil and similac to just ok that as a 2nd choice and a great alternative.

I totally agree with loving-my-babies, if you are going to have children, you have to be willing to feed them.

Is that to say that you can't be a good mother without breastfeeding? No! It's saying that you dhould breastfeed. If you are going to concieve a child, you should plan on breastfeeding that child. If some freak occurance prevents you from doing so, you'll still likely be a great mother.

And get a grip, no one said adults who were FF should have never been born.

What has happened to this place?
post #89 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
thank you!! as I responded to all the questions above.. I had to double check on my browser to see if I mistakenly hit on "babycenter" instead of "mothering"...
I just want to jump in and say I agree with you guys. I think there's a major lack of personal responsibility going on with a lot of people in many aspects of life, and this is just another one of those things that no one looks into very much. Just like with the law, ignorance is no excuse. Ten years ago, I thought childbirth was icky and babies got fed with bottles, and I'd probably never have any but if I did I'd want a c-section so none of that screaming bloody stuff had to happen. But then when I grew up and decided I did want kids, I read about it! And I learned things, here and from books and from other boards. And I made the most logical choices with the information that was available. But no one hit me over the head with a Sears book or anything, I went out and found it myself because I care about finding the truth.

And even though I find myself whining to my husband "I don't waaant to do this, can't we get some formula" I know, and he knows, that I don't mean it at all. It's just the thrush and the exhaustion talking. I don't have a ton of support, but how could I look at my baby and think of doing that to her? So I keep going, and if I encounter another problem, I'll research the heck out of it and do what I have to to fix it.
post #90 of 228
IMHO alot of this conversation has not been about the OP, but...

I can tell you I'm here today because I'm weary of IRL debates about whether formula is just as good as breastmilk! Or advice on why I don't need to work so hard to BF my special-needs baby!

I knew at MDC I wouldn't have to hear that it doesn't matter how a baby is fed!

I knew at MDC, everybody understands that breast is best, for all babies, and its just not up for debate!

What a shock this thread has been : .
post #91 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyV
I have to respectfully disagree.

I think a lack of support is a HUGE reason why most women don't bf, and why those who do don't go very long. When doctors are woefully uneducated and unsupportive, hospitals keep babies from mommas, give formula without consent, when mothers who need pumps can't afford to rent or buy them, then yes, a lack of support is a problem.

My baby is bf today, going strong at 14 mos because I had a lc who loan me a hospital grade pump for free when dh lost his job, and a total stranger sent me a PIS by mail. We had abosutely ZERO money to pay for a PIS, and rental. WIC wasn't willing to give me one, and my health insurance wouldn't pay.

My mom kept trying to give her formula.

My ped wanted me to give her formula.

The hospital insisted on giving her formula.

I'm damned stubborn, but without the support of my very bf positive dh and friends, I don't know if we'd do as well as we did.

Our society insists that breasts are sexual, that nip is shameful, dirty, and wrong. We insist that women not pump, that they don't get adwquate leave from work.

We set women up to fail as a society. It's a wonder more don't.

To thank those people who reached out and helped me, I am taking a bf counselor course so I can help other mothers. I think that may go a long way towards helping.
I understand how great it is to have supportive people around you. My point is as string educated woman we need to take the bull by the horns.

They are our babies. They are our breasts.

We need to take accountability. So frequently I hear people push off their choice to formula feed....as though someone else is making them. We need to stand up for our babies!
post #92 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by paquerette
I don't have a ton of support, but how could I look at my baby and think of doing that to her?
post #93 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by townmouse
IMHO alot of this conversation has not been about the OP, but...

I can tell you I'm here today because I'm weary of IRL debates about whether formula is just as good as breastmilk! Or advice on why I don't need to work so hard to BF my special-needs baby!

I knew at MDC I wouldn't have to hear that it doesn't matter how a baby is fed!

I knew at MDC, everybody understands that breast is best, for all babies, and its just not up for debate!

What a shock this thread has been : .
I TOTALLY AGREE!!!

I coundn't believe what I was reading!
post #94 of 228
Back to the orginal question. If an individual or her partner has such "ick" issues with the concept of nursing it would behoove them should think long and hard about why before concieving. It indicates to me deep discomfort with the human body in general that can't be healthy. However,the liberatian in me finds the idea of attempting to legistlate such a thing ludrucious.
post #95 of 228
you know, I can't stand to see how so many people blame others and society... we need to be responsible and take accountability, like Angela said. I mean... my feeling is that if you want to surround yourself with like-minded people, especially if you live in the US, it's possible now, if you wanna sit next to Aunt Ruth and wean your baby because she made a negative comment about breastfeeding.. don't blame her, blame yourself. At least everyone in my family knows that I will show them the door of my house 2 seconds after they criticise my parenting... and that has taken a few discussions. I will not tolerate any unsupportive comments. I won't.
post #96 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
you know, I can't stand to see how so many people blame others and society... we need to be responsible and take accountability, like Angela said. I mean... my feeling is that if you want to surround yourself with like-minded people, especially if you live in the US, it's possible now, if you wanna sit next to Aunt Ruth and wean your baby because she made a negative comment about breastfeeding.. don't blame her, blame yourself. At least everyone in my family knows that I will show them the door of my house 2 seconds after they criticise my parenting... and that has taken a few discussions. I will not tolerate any unsupportive comments. I won't.
These kind of debates make woman look weak minded and that pisses me off! :
post #97 of 228
I put that it depends. I think that there are just some women out there who aren't meant to be mothers, whether they choose to breastfeed or not. I mean, yes, the breastfeeding avocate in me wants to scream "hell no, don't have kids", but like the other posters have said, that would be very judgemental and counterproductive. Yes, I feel for the babies who are getting yucky formula, but the reality is that I'm not that child's mother and I don't know the situation. Making blanket assumptions is very dangerous. I think this government and society is trying to put enough requirements on us as is, let's not do it to each other as well.
post #98 of 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
you know, I can't stand to see how so many people blame others and society... we need to be responsible and take accountability, like Angela said. I mean... my feeling is that if you want to surround yourself with like-minded people, especially if you live in the US, it's possible now, if you wanna sit next to Aunt Ruth and wean your baby because she made a negative comment about breastfeeding.. don't blame her, blame yourself. At least everyone in my family knows that I will show them the door of my house 2 seconds after they criticise my parenting... and that has taken a few discussions. I will not tolerate any unsupportive comments. I won't.
I COMPLETELY disagree. I feel the problem is no with individuals at all, the problem, and what we should be focused on, is our culture and a medical system that does NOT encourage or understand the benefits of breastfeeding.

When everyone around you, including several medical professionals who are supposed to know better, seems to feel that formula is just fine, what opinion are most people going to form?

When women are STILL told on a daily basis myths about their bodies and about their milk, and they have to buck the system and be EXTREMELY confident in their knowledge to be able to do that, what kind of results can we expect?

I really feel sorry for most women who think breastfeeding is gross or wrong and won't even try it, because I personally feel that is driven out of personal issues that they have and will have to work through at some point.

So, hey, personal responsibility sounds great. But our entire culture and medical system just DOES NOT support breastfeeding. It's better than it was in the 70's, but it's far from where it should be.

And, for that matter, SO MANY THINGS relating to women's health are steeped in this same IGNORANCE, misinformation and mystery! Why did I have to learn the basics of fertility at 30 years of age by taking the initiative and reading a book about it? Why did I have to read book after book after book on breastfeeding (and still be left feeling there's so much we don't know about it)?

Why did I learn more about childbirth from The Red Tent than from ANY doctor or medical professional I've talked to?

Our whole medical establishment and culture is so male dominated that women's health, bodies and needs have been misunderstood and devalued for TOOO long. Instead of blaming women for this, could we please place the blame squarely where it belongs, where we have a chance of changing things.

/rant
post #99 of 228
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by my~hearts~light

And get a grip, no one said adults who were FF should have never been born.

What has happened to this place?
Do you mean me? I did not say that anyone said that, FYI.
post #100 of 228
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mnnice
Back to the orginal question. If an individual or her partner has such "ick" issues with the concept of nursing it would behoove them should think long and hard about why before concieving. It indicates to me deep discomfort with the human body in general that can't be healthy. However,the liberatian in me finds the idea of attempting to legistlate such a thing ludrucious.
I think the "ick" issue is not that common, I've heard many other reasons for not breastfeeding.
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