Introduce Yourself (please don't be afraid to join us) - Page 16

[Mammy Julie]

Hi Im Julie and still nursing my ds who will be 3 in a couple of months. I started out thinking I'd give it a try but it took him 36 hours to latch on and I was considering giving him a bottle when he finally got the hang of it. I was so relieved and it made me realise how important bf actually was to me. Even then though I hadnt intended to bf long and said I'd do it as long as it felt comfortable assuming the issue would be had I done it long enough and expecting to maybe only get to 6 months. 6 months came and went and soon his first birthday was approaching and everyone was asking when I would stop. i began to read more about it and also saw a programme about ebf which made me re-think my whole attitude to weaning. Even then though I couldnt foresee myself doing it for more then 2 years. But here we are and still Adam shows no signs of wanting to wean and whilst I do have days where I feel frustrated Im dedicated to allowing him to wean when hes ready. I had originally hoped he'd wean before we started ttc but since the plan is to do that afterhis birthday I dont think that will be happening so I may become a tandem nurser. I do impose some limits - when he wakes in the night he tends to not suck properly and just latch onto the end which is uncomfortable for me. When that happens I tell him he needs to stop after the count of 10. Usually thats fine by him but occasionally he protests and I explain that mammy needs her rest too.

The biggest issue is that dps family dont know. After they came to visit me when Adam was born and stared at my early attempts to get him latched on it put me off bf around them so I would go into another room to do it when they visited me or I visited them. we never saw them really for long periods of time so as ds got older and could wait till we got home to nurse we didnt need to do it around them so I think they assumed we'd stopped. All their children were ff and although they were supportive in that they bought me a breast pump they also bought me all the bottle making stuff too and his mam commented when he was teething that I'd 'have to stop bf soon' which made me feel they werent that supportive about it after all.

I never set out to hide it from them but the situation just got out of control and whilst my own family have learned to accept it gradually as time went on, since they think I stopped around his first birthday I feel it will be a bit more difficult for them to take onboard. The situation has just got out of control and it feels like we have a dirty little secret. Thats so silly because I'm so passionate about ebf and 100% confident its the right thing to do. Its just I dont have the relationship with them where I can broach the subject and explain it to them and I worry theyll be judgemental about it. Dp doesnt think there isnt an issue and I'm worrying over nothing but its really getting me down - I feel like I'm living a double life. Its not fair on ds either because when Grandmas around and he wants to nurse i distract him or take him to another room - he must be so confused as I nurse freely in front of most other important people in our lives but i dont know how to put the situation right - I've never nursed around them since he was a day old how do I start when hes almost 3?

Sorry this was supposed to be an introduction and I got carried away lol.

[mother_sunshine]

Hi Julie,
I understand your situation completely. But you shouldn't feel guilty or that you are hiding something from them. Breastfeeding is between mother and child, not the relatives, so you should trust your instincts on whether they should know or not. You've gotten some clear messages that they are not used to breastfeeding so you're probably right that they might be unsupportive or uncomfortable with the idea. But, no matter how much you love them, it's not their business. You should not feel the need to include them. They aren't the ones breastfeeding. They aren't the ones with the strong mama instincts. They aren't the ones who have researched the topic and know that it's a wonderful thing. They aren't the one who knows intuitively what's best for your child.

IMO your ds is old enough to understand that we don't breastfeed around certain people because certain people might make you feel uncomfortable.....or even just to simply tell him that when grandma's around, we nurse in the other room.

[Mammy Julie]

Originally Posted by mother_sunshine

Hi Julie,
I understand your situation completely. But you shouldn't feel guilty or that you are hiding something from them. Breastfeeding is between mother and child, not the relatives, so you should trust your instincts on whether they should know or not. You've gotten some clear messages that they are not used to breastfeeding so you're probably right that they might be unsupportive or uncomfortable with the idea. But, no matter how much you love them, it's not their business. You should not feel the need to include them. They aren't the ones breastfeeding. They aren't the ones with the strong mama instincts. They aren't the ones who have researched the topic and know that it's a wonderful thing. They aren't the one who knows intuitively what's best for your child.

IMO your ds is old enough to understand that we don't breastfeed around certain people because certain people might make you feel uncomfortable.....or even just to simply tell him that when grandma's around, we nurse in the other room.

Thank you so much for that Michelle it made me look at the situation in a whole new light. I've been feeling like I'm being dishonest with them which is silly as its not like I've ever told them we stopped. Thank you

[pixilixi]

Hi everyone,

I'm Brooke, mummy to 18 mo Toby. I have been lurking at the CLW forum for ages, enjoying your words of wisdom. I felt a strong urge to post today because after having such strong breastfeeding support from a group of local mums with other dc's of 18 months, I suddenly find that I'm the only one who is continuuing.

Unfortunately, I believe that at least some of these toddlers were weaned because of societal pressures and instilled prejudices about breastfeeding toddlers, and that makes me quite sad.

Toby and I have been very lucky to have had quite a smooth nursing relationship from the start. Although he was an unsettled newborn, who turned into a frustrated and demanding infant, breastfeeding was one thing that nearly always went well. He still loves his "milkie", and I've gradually come to realise that I am really comfortable with him leading the way on our nursing relationship.

Not to say that there aren't times when I feel burnt out, or discouraged at all the advice I get from all and sundry about weaning/feeding/sleeping etc. That's when I really need to come onto this forum for support! Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! Hopefully I may be able to contribute something too.

[blissfish]

Hi!

I'm Rebekah, WOHM to Milo (3.99) and Zel (8 months). We're tandem nursing at our house, which has been and continues to be a real challenge. I'm lurking in this forum to find some help.

When I got pregnant with my daughter, my son (then 2.5 years) was still nursing 2-3x/day. He slept through the night but nursed first thing in the morning and once or twice before bed. It seemed healthy and positive for both of us to continue, particularly as I work full time and wanted that extra bond with him. Up until my daughter was born, he was still nursing a little, and I thought he'd be gradually weaning over the next few months, since by then he was a little over 3.

When my daughter was born, my son went through a regression where he wanted to nurse 10-15x/day. He stopped eating most solids when at home and began waking in the night more frequently than the new baby.

Now, 9 months after she was born, I'm still nursing my son more than my daughter. Whenever I nurse her, he wants to nurse, plus many times on his own (although down from the 15/day high). My body feels exhausted and drained and I am REALLY tired of nursing so frequently. When I get home from work, I might nurse them for about 6 hours of my at-home time, taking into account the amount of nursing they do at night.

In theory, I think extended tandem breastfeeding maintains a bond with my son that would have been shocking to both of us to break when the new baby was here, plus the baby gets to watch her brother nurse and share time with both of us in a cuddling, loving way.

In my case, however, I now have an almost-4-year-old who has a really strong attachment to nursing. He's at a difficult age and has many tantrums if I refuse to nurse on demand. I feel like I've created an emotional mountain for us and that if I'd helped him wean earlier, he would have been easier to deal with than now, when his sibling jealousy has been transfered into a lot of tension over who gets the most milk (aka mom's attention).

I'd love some advice from mamas who have been here about how to help my older child return to his previous state of short/infrequent nursing.

I don't want to force him to wean, but nursing him 4-5 times a night, AND nursing the baby 3-4 times a night, plus daytime nursing/pumping feels destructive to my health. I'm so tired all the time I feel completely wiped out. So much so that I can't cope effectively when I've got 2 kids screaming to nurse. So I find creating and maintaining boundaries about breastfeeding very difficult.

I'd love help from mamas with answers.

[raelize]

hi, my name is rachel, my dd is now 22 months and will nurse as long as she wants. my mom was a LLL leader and tandemed all of us (5 kids) as well as homebirthed us all. so, i always knew that i would do the same with my kids. i am currently TTC #2. i firmly believe in homebirthing, child led weaning, cloth diapering and ec'ing. i am sure there are other natural child isms that i do that i can't remember right now. when i look at my dd i am amazed that she is such a big girl now, almost 2! and then i think, she is still so little and i really couldn't imagine the hell she would go through if i tried to wean her, even to just back off a little and wean slowly. i look forward to tandem nursing when i have more children. dd really wants a sib and tells me all the time that one nurser is for her and the other will be for a baby.
rachel

[lalaura]

Hallo!

I subscribed after lurking this part of the forum, so I think I should introduce myself here first!

I'm Laura, from Italy, proud breastfeeding mom of a (terrible!) 2 years old
And for the Italian average, I have long passed the limit after which people stop saying "oh, you nurse him, good girl!" and start saying "what? Still nursing him?". Add to this that my DS is exceptionally tall (around the 105th percentile) and speaks extremely well for his age. BUT WE DON'T CARE!

Anyway, I'd really like to read your experiences and use them to go on with this experience. I can't imagine that there's a specific point or age where the demand for nursing is no more related to a "need". So the idea is to let DS nurse as long as he wants. BUT I also want to make sure that nursing doesn't become a "quick way" for me to satisfy needs that a kid should learn other ways to satisfy. I'm not sure this is clear, it's not so clear in my head either

But we can talk about this (and much more!) later... I go back to reading you!

[harpertrance]

Nursing my 8 month old and nursing/working on weaning my 3 year old. Well maybe not wean, but cut back :/ I cant function with 2 little boobaholics on me all the time. There is laundry to do! :P

[mirpmama]

hi everyone!!!

hi there - i am not sure if i introduced myself ages ago or not - i have been so busy lately and have not checked mdc in a while and honestly just checking in feels great - i love all the mamas here who think like i do!!!!
anyway - i am karin - mama to martin age 5 (still nursing at bed time and morning time and the occasional afternoon) and ivy rose - 21 months, and also still nursing -
i totally support CLW and do my best with it - tandeming has been great - especially at the beginning - my dd has hypotonia (really low muscle tone) and she could not latch well enough to get let down - i nursed the kids at the same time at that point and so she benifited from his let down - now we are talking about ttc #3 after the holidays - i am excited but feeling like i did before we ttc #2 - what will happen to ivy if my milk dissapears - she will be so sad and developmentally she is not where i thought she would be - anyway - she loves babies so she will be fine - right????

sorry for blabbing on and on......

hi!!!

[harpertrance]

hey hun, maybe your milk wont dissapear? Keep pumping to keep the supply up?

[SereneBabe]

Originally Posted by pixilixi

Not to say that there aren't times when I feel burnt out, or discouraged at all the advice I get from all and sundry about weaning/feeding/sleeping etc. That's when I really need to come onto this forum for support! Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! Hopefully I may be able to contribute something too.

Just a note to say that you already have contributed. :-) Thank you.

[liqzierda]

I'm Liz and I'm nursing two -- my DD is 4 years and 9 months old and my DS is 26 months old. I can't imagine when DD is going to decide she doesn't want to nurse anymore. She goes weeks without wanting to and then when she's upset she's adamant that she wants to nurse again. DS nurses more times a day than I can count -- at least 20. We co-sleep and he still night-nurses, too.

[Squinkymom]

A Lurker Speaks!

Hello all! I've been lurking on these boards for a long time now. I can't tell you how much comfort you all have brought me! I'm proud mama to my 4.5 y/o DD who is still going strong! My key challenge at the moment is to have the courage to let her lead the process and not be pressured by everyone around me freaking out that she's not weaned. :

It's inspiring to see that so many are trucking along just like us!

[peacefulmama]

Uncharted territory

Hi there mothering mamas. I've been reading these boards for a LONG time but am limited poster. However, finding myself in uncharted territory with very few friends who've nursed this long...well, I'm looking for some support, thoughts and idea regarding our daughter who will be four in March.

I was unable to nurse our first child. Lactation consultants told me I didn't have enough mammary tissue. I used a supplemental nurser and pumped like mad for months and months before giving up. We later learned that I had cancer and think that contributed to my inability to produce enough milk.

When I became pregnant again, our mdwife asked me what concerned me most about this pregnancy and labor and my answer to that question was alway nursing. Homebirthing and labor and all of that paled in comparison to my anxiety regarding being able to nurse our baby.

We decided to make a plan. I used Goat's Rue immediately after our daughter was born and continued using it for a few weeks. Here we are nearly four years later and still nursing. I promised myself that if I was able to nurse that I would nurse as long as our wee one wanted to.....

I'm wavering on that committment to myself a bit. Anwen has been a very dedicated nurser and whenever I suggest that mama's body needs a break and that mama needs to sleep we run into behavioral issues. This week, she decided to stop using the potty in protest.

I have no more milk but I'm also quite happy to continue nursing her to sleep but I am seriously in need of uninterrupted sleep. She sleeps in her own bed but usually pops in bed with us between 4 and 6 am.

Any insight you could lend would be SO helpful. It is likely a matter of me adjusting my attitude and understanding what is going on , emotionally, with the three year old child.

Thanks for reading my ramble

Kimmy

[Mona]

hi kimmy
after my dd turned four (she is about to turn 5 and occassionally nurses for 5 second stints), we started having dh put her to bed once a week while i went out at night to "meetings."
this led to him putting her to bed periodically during the week while i was working or whatnot.
eventually he started reading really cool books to her and put her to bed every night. now they are reading the hobbit, for the second time. it makes her look forward to bed time, most of the time.

what really helped w/ the sleep was her transitioning off of nursing to sleep. we called it bed time weaning. when i was going to be going out at night for various reasons, i explained that dh couldn't nurse her to sleep so to prepare how about trying to get to sleep w/o nursing. naturally it was a slow process and was consentual. i would suggest a certain number of seconds- like 30 or whatever. i was patient but consistant, and never refused so that she felt like her power was intact. ( ie, if she just needed to nurse for longer, i stopped the counting thing.)
before too long she was going to bed w/o nursing, just with snuggling and back rubs and messages.

i hope some of that is helpful!!!!!!

[peacefulmama]

Mona thanks for the ideas. I think I'll talk to her about counting to 30 or singing a song and trying for short periods of time.

We already know she can fall asleep without breastfeeding. I work three nights a week and papa is very capable of getting her to sleep. However, if I'm home, she'll have nothing to do with him. He even tells me that some nights she asks him to leave her room and she falls asleep by herself!

So I know she can do it...she just doesn't prefer it ...which makes sense I guess.

Thanks so much for replying !!

Kimmy

[punakat]

Hi, I'm Katherine, currently nursing my 21 month old dd Kaya. I nursed/tandem nursed my first 2 ds for 3.5 yrs total, and I'm thrilled that dd is still going strong!
I love mdc and am happy to join this thread!
Aloha

[bsanchez45]

Hello

Hi everyone,

I'm Beatrice and I live in Pasadena, California. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I work full time out of the home and I nurse her every chance we have. She still wakes up a lot at night to nurse but doesn't spend much time on my breast. She likes to take "sips" most of the time.

I started out saying I at least want to nurse 6 months. Then I said, I want to make it a year. After that, I just didn't see a reason to stop. I am tired though from waking up a lot at night but most of the time I fall right back to sleep because she still sleeps with me.

I'm not sure what we'll do at this point. I'd like for her to wean herself but my doctor tells me I need to get some rest. Because of my lack of sleep, my health has suffered. He thinks it's time I night wean her but we haven't had any luck. I also feel guilty trying to get her to wean before she feels she's ready. I'm going to try again after the cold and flu season.

I'm just really proud that we at least made it this far. She's a very happy and healthy child.

[narcheska]

Hi I'm Simone and my LO is 7 months. Even before she was born I knew that I would bf til she was at least a year, and at 7 months we are still going strong; her interest in solids is less than average, to say the least. At 2 months she was diagnosed with colitis (allergic to cows milk) and so we cut that out of my diet and in the months to follow found out that she is allergic to a whole pile of other things.

So because she has such a sensitive digestive system it strengthened my resolve to bf for at least a year, then see how we go from there. She has tastes of solid food every day, but after a few mouthfuls she gets bored, and we don't push the issue (much to my health care professionals utter disgust!).

Thankfully my husband completely supports my decision to keep bf'ing for a year, and to just give LO tastes of solid food along the way.

[DoubleBirdies]

I dont' think I introduced myself before, so sorry if I did already.

I am Ruth Anne, and I have a grown son who I nursed for 7 months, until he went on a nursing strike when I started college. I was 20 at the time (1980...wow) and didn't realize he would most likely have started again with my help. I was very sad, and then a few months later he got very sick and almost died because a digestive issue I know wouldn't come up if he had bf longer. He is fine now, but when I realized how all of that didn't have to happen and that I was lacking info back then I made sure to learn all I could.

Fast forward to 2004, when we had our 33 wk preemie twin girls, Amanda and Annie. I had to insist they were ready to bf 3 days after birth even at the NICU that was rated so highly, but they took to it with a practice session or two. We never looked back and they were ebf despite peds along the way telling us they needed formula since I could never make enough for twins (um I fed them constantly and pumped 32 oz a day at one point) up until we started making their foods about 7-8 months. One dd had breathing issues and had to be held certain ways to nurse, which made it a challenge with two little ones to take care of, but we knew that was the way we were going to do it, so we kept on. They can't have any dairy products, so with reflux and before we figured out the dairy issue it was pretty rough.

They will be 4 in February, and they pretty much night-weaned themselves when they were ready (one at 5 months and one at 14 months), but still nurse 3-4 times a day, occasionally 2 times now. We will nurse until they are ready to stop, and I see it slowly coming along (very slowly since they love their nanny very much). I personally have no idea how people make it with twins without bf, since they are so healthy and happy with it, since it has fed them physically, emotionally, and mentally all this time.

I am so glad to be here, have dropped in a few times and been relieved to see so many other moms who know how important bf is and how wonderful it is to naturally let them slow down and move on without being forced. Nice to be here, and I hope to get in here more often to read all the great posts you ladies write