or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Welcome to Mothering! › Site Help › Where should we go?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Where should we go? - Page 2

post #21 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoMJM
And I too add my heartfelt thanks to you! You do not know what this meas to those of us who have had this humiliation happen to us in our life!!!! I sooooo desperately have needed this and am so incredibly happy to have a safe place to fall!!!!
post #22 of 273
I would love to participate.....asap I would love a safe, supportive place to turn to on bad days w/o being told to just "change my behavior."

Thank you so much for doing this! I loved Peggy's editorial once where she wrote that she realized Intellectually that non-GD wasn't right, but Emotionally, it was much harder to do.....I cling to the fact *even* Peggy struggled.
post #23 of 273
Thread Starter 
That editorial meant a lot to me as well
post #24 of 273
Maybe you could start a thread in Personal Growth while waiting for the new forum to be set up?
post #25 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarrieBeary77
Help me.... plz? I need help. Where do I go for this forum?Screaming is programmed into me. I want to be deprogrammed.

Thanks.
Hi Honey-

Cynthia is doing her best to get it set up for us. I would prefer to not start a thread until then just because it won't be private, but I am online all the time usnless I am asleep of out (rarely happens) Please, please, any of you, feel free to pm, im or email me if you need to talk. I have soooo been there and will be there for you. In fact, I was just there last week! Hugs!!!!! I will PM you this too.
post #26 of 273
I just found this thread and I would like to say thank you to Cynthia and Peggy as well.

Lately I have felt like a complete failure to my daughter due to recent issues with my DH.... I'll be so happy once this forum is up, so I don't feel like I will be treated as a failure. I have hurdles, and I know I will not succeed every time.




... just...

Thank you.
post #27 of 273
Count me in. What a great idea. I grew up in a home w/no volume control and the belt was a means of discipline....yuk. I swore I'd never be like my parents...but after the last 2 years of rough times, my volume is too loud and I could use a good chat.
post #28 of 273
We need a name for the forum. Any suggestions?
post #29 of 273
Also, how will it be determined who can join the group? What would the criteria be?
post #30 of 273
I guess criteria would include adult survivors of abuse of some kind (mental, physical, sexual, neglect). I don't know if putting something about being a member for a certain length of time (to prevent trolling) is good or not...It seems wrong to exclude anyone, and yet at the same time this is such a sensitive issue.

That's all I got for now...
post #31 of 273
I agree that it does seem wrong to exclude someone. But at the same time we regard this forum as a service to MDC members for a specific purpose so we do feel the need and the right to restrict access in keeping with the purpose. Otherwise if we admit any member the forum might as well be open for anyone to read.
post #32 of 273
Oh, Ladies. I have tears in my eyes. I know this probably isn't the right place for this, but I can't help myself.

My parents definitely weren't GD. My mother was a gentle woman at heart who allowed herself to get overwhelmed with a house FULL of foster kids. My father was 45 when I was born, was sick of having kids, wanted to be done (He had four when I was born, there are 5 younger than me, 4 of whom they adopted.)

My father was not physically abusive. But OH could he yell. Hmm, wait, he WAS physically abusive. I guess that's why I chose to write this hear. I've just come out of the closet. I have denied this uuntil today. My father smacked my younger sister around for years, but never me.

The point of this wasn't for me to come out. It was to tell each of you that you're holding yourselves to a very high standard. That's a good thing. Except that you don't realize just HOW high a sstandard you are holding yourselves to, and you berate yourselves when you fail.

I am always suspicious of those mothers I read about here, or see in my very alternative town, who claim to use GD and AP and all the rest. Come on! Everyone must yell, dont' they? Even those gentle, loving, whispering-reminders-in-the-kids-ear, mothers. Don't you suppose they go home and lose it from time to time? Or throw a pot? Or maybe they take all that frustration out on their hubby?

Honestly, I live in a town that should be renamed after our favorite magazine (Mothering, silly!). MOst of the mothers wear long skirts and big boots (What's up with that?), Mothering is sold at the local tiny store, should the one room library have loaned out its' copy, CHildren nurse on the Common at our OLd Home Day until they are 5 or so without ever raising an eyebrow.

But every one of those families whose kids are grown, now that I think about it, are either divorced, have decided they are lesbians, (I swear, not knocking gay parenting, fine with me. But I think it's rather awkward once you have a few teen age sons. ) or have kids that you wouldn't let in your house for fear of what they'd take. THe kids have no sense of social responsibility, are often getting arrested, and aren't the people I'd like to admit responsibility for.

My point is not that GD is bad, or that we shouldn't strive to be better parents. I have tried to adopt as much of the GD info as I can. But WHO DO YOU KNOW, IRL, who has raised their kids as perfectly as you wish you were? ANd what was the outcome? Are their kids fantastic people? Did they, maybe when you weren't there, occasionally yell, "What is wrong with you?!" or worse?

I think the problem with an online commmunity is that I can SAY I've never yelled, or hit, or freaked out. ANd I can say, Man, my kids rock, you'd all love 'em. And what do you know? Maybe I do have stellar kids who are fantastic people. Maybe their little jail birds. In fact, they could all just be figments of MY imagination.

I think we should all strive to be good parents and to raise healthy, loving adults. I also think we should cut ourselves some slack. If you scream and throw a fit, oh well. After you calm down, go to the kids. Tell them you're sorry you freaked, and that you just had all this...frustration boiling up inside you, and you exploded. Tell them you'll try harder , starting now. THen remember, they love you, they'll forgive you. Forgive yourself. Know that the mothers who never raise their voices or lose their cool do not necs. have perfect children.

Here's a to doing our best, and forgiviing ourselves.
Now back to your regularly scheduled topic.
post #33 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia Mosher
We need a name for the forum. Any suggestions?
Hmmmm.... I'm just writing everything that comes to mind, so some of them might be pretty bad!

First Generation AP/GD?
Breaking the Chain/Cycle?
AP Works in Progress?
Knowing Better~Doing Better?
Abused Parents Learning Attachment?

...okay if I keep going they'll start to get silly...
post #34 of 273
I really like breaking the chain That just seems so eloquent and powerful and has a ring of pride to it too.

I agree Cynthia about the requirements. I guess I just don't know how to go about it...perhaps others have ideas.
post #35 of 273
A place like that would mean so much to me! I was severely emotionally abused growing up and am still working on so many of those issues in pretty much every part of my life. Just reading this thread has made me feel so much less alone.
post #36 of 273
It will be good to have support.
post #37 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by babybugmama
I agree Cynthia about the requirements. I guess I just don't know how to go about it...perhaps others have ideas.
Yeah, I'm wondering about that myself. I also agree that a private forum necessitates requirements, but I fear any sort of test that one must pass by having their "abuse cred" (for lack of a better term) reviewed and judged by someone else. I do look forward to the forum, though, and feel that its creation can't come soon enough.
post #38 of 273
I like Breaking the Chain too!
post #39 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia Mosher
Also, how will it be determined who can join the group? What would the criteria be?
I too feel like I would like in include those who need to be included, but also that we need to be careful of trolls not getting in, that is after all the point of it being private soo ppl can't read, judge, condemn, etc.... I am thinking that maybe post count shouldn't have anything to do with it, but perhaps a questionairre could be sent out as sort of asn application for membership asking about specific issues ppl are having and how they were abused?
post #40 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by riotkrrn
Yeah, I'm wondering about that myself. I also agree that a private forum necessitates requirements, but I fear any sort of test that one must pass by having their "abuse cred" (for lack of a better term) reviewed and judged by someone else.
Me too. I think that could intimidate some of us who might need the forum.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Site Help
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Welcome to Mothering! › Site Help › Where should we go?